I initially started using substances because I wanted an escape from the same every day feelings. Waking up, and not knowing how I was going to feel that day, was and still is a very scary thought. In a way, using substances allows me to control my emotions, and live out my day knowing "Today I will feel high", rather than "Today I may feel sad, or I may even feel suicidal".
Eventually it turned into my needing a fix. A fix, in that I needed something to do, something to occupy my mind, my thoughts. And again, eventually this turned into me needing something to do. I get bored, I get anxious, uncertain of the future, all these various emotions. Using substances helps me cope with day to day living. However, on the downside, this abuse also lends me to feeling helpless and stuck in the same old patterns of loops. Wake up, use substances, fall asleep. It's an endless cycle, one which started to escape reality, and now in essence is one I'm trying to escape from rather than to.
I guess, in essence, the reason I use and abuse is because I am bored with every day life. I have hobbies, I have friends, I have activities to do. But when it comes down to it...everything is better when you are high. And to be honest...this is a sad reality and perspective to have, but hey...that's life.