Why is this such a big deal?

[QuasiModo]

My gf is really mad at me right now. A few days ago she was going through the history on the laptop and I had opened up an image from 420chan of a womans breasts. They were in a bra, or bikini, or whatever and I hadn't masturbated to them or anything. I glanced at them, probably less than 50 seconds. Since then she has brought it up a few times. I brought it up just now and asked her why it was such a big deal, I just opened up a tab on the browser and quite literally glanced.

She said it makes her feel awful, like she isn't enough for me and that her body is ugly or something. And I'm like.. Why? I'm always telling her how beautiful she is (she is really truly beautiful) and how much I love her, which I really really do. I don't know why I opened the damn tab. I don't look at porn anymore. I haven't for a good while watched a video of people fucking, its become more of a turn off when masturbating to be honest. I don't get what I used to out of it and usually end up feeling disgusted, that and I know it bothers her when I look at porn. So I stopped. And now the most I'll do is click an image on 420chan.. Glance. I don't use visual stimuli ever anymore when masturbating..

So. Yeah. This makes her feel awful. I don't want to lie to her. Over the course of our relationship I have lied to her a handful of times (usually so I won't hurt her feelings, something like speaking with a female who happens to want to fuck me [but who I don't want to fuck, I bought LSD from her friend and it was AMAZING]) and she always seems to find out and it hurts her even more than if I had just told her. So I don't lie anymore! I've stopped trying to get away with anything, its all out in the open. I don't even know why I look at those kinds of things, I don't get anything out of it. But its just fucked that I should be made to feel guilty when I haven't done anything! I just *clicked* a fucking picture and took a gander. Why does that matter so much?

And now its this big circular argument. She left the room and isn't talking to me. I just want it to end.. But I'm not going to sugar coat it (done doing that, its a form of lying). I like the way female breasts look. Sometimes when I'm on the internet I happen to see them. Sometimes when I'm alone I happen to masturbate because it feels nice.

What do?

 

[Blanch]

uhhhh..... leave her?

seriously, im not trying to be a misogynistic pig here, but all men find other women attractive. If she cant cope with that then her best shot at not dying alone is you.

 

[Changed]

If she can't deal with you looking at boobs (or gasp, porn!), how does she deal when you check out chicks in public? Women are attractive, and if she's that insecure, there's no point in continuing the relationship, because it won't work in the long-run.

 

[QuasiModo]

You know that seems alpha and all but I have genuine feelings for her. I'm not going to leave just because she has insecurities, I have insecurities too. I want it to work, so yeah up and leaving because she's bothered by me checking out girls isn't an option.

 

[double ewe]

yikes. there's a certain amount of irrational/insecure behavior that's to be expected and tolerated in a relationship, but this is way off the scale. you weren't flirting w someone else, you didn't tell her that her friend was hot . . you just looked at boobs on the internet. i can't really tell you what to do, but just wanted to give another vote to the She Is In The Wrong And Also Kind Of Crazy side.

Edit: my advice is to start kissing ass immediately. A girl that insecure is never going to accept that your eyes may see other women than her, so standing your ground is a losing battle. Just accept that this is an area where you need to sugar-coat the shit out of things in the name of domestic tranquility.

 

[verso]

You guys are unbelievable sometimes. Don't leave the girl just because she's a little insecure and doesn't like finding pictures of other women, naked women, on the computer.

Listen, OP, you've learned a valuable lesson: Clear your fucking browsing history from now on!

You're probably thinking, "What? After each and every time I accidentally or intentionally come across pictures of naked women?" And the answer to your question is... YES!

It's simple... in Internet Explorer, it's Tools > Delete Browsing History and in Firefox, it's Tools > Clear Recent History

 

[Blanch]

I'm just speaking from a personal point of view. Putting up with something that ludicrous is just not worth it. Not trying to say what you and your girlfriend have isn't special, but trust me there are TONS of women literally right outside your door!

 

[Noodle]

It is a big deal because she is insecure. It doesn't get more simple than that.

 

[Blanch]

I'm just speaking from a personal point of view. Putting up with something that ludicrous is just not worth it. Not trying to say what you and your girlfriend have isn't special, but trust me there are TONS of women literally right outside your door!

You guys are unbelievable sometimes. Don't leave the girl just because she's a little insecure and doesn't like finding pictures of other women, naked women, on the computer.

Listen, OP, you've learned a valuable lesson: Clear your fucking browsing history from now on!

You're probably thinking, "What? After each and every time I accidentally or intentionally come across pictures of naked women?" And the answer to your question is... YES!

It's simple... in Internet Explorer, it's Tools > Delete Browsing History and in Firefox, it's Tools > Clear Recent History

That isin't going to solve the issue at all. This problem is not going to go away just by deleting your browsing history. Listen, im not a sex therapist or whatever, but one thing i can tell you is if your significant other has an idiosyncrasy that bothers you, GET USED TO IT. Finding your "true love" is finding a person who you love, even the shit that most people would find unacceptable

 

[Blanch]

This is "Blanch"'s girl friend...and he always gives guy advise as the exact opposite of everything he would do. Your girlfriend is either offended by women being objectified or is insecure about her own body. The best thing you can do is just be honest about the situation and talk to her about how looking at pictures alone is different than your relationship with her but does not detract from it. She's obvious still nervous about the relationship (possibly has been let down in the past?) make an extra point of letting her know you're not looking for the next conquest...especially when other women are around!

Also you can encourage her to try masturbating herself it's actually one of the best confidence building exercises they recommend for insecurity!

 

[llama112]

Okay, obviously we can conclude that your girlfriend is VERY insecure.
If you don't mind me asking, how old is she? How old are you? How long have you been dating?

A lot of people are insecure. It is unfortunate. That's very nice of you to not leave her because of this. I would advise trying to work around it though. Both of us have been insecure, jealous, etc. in past relationships. But with each other - it's all trust. She has to learn to trust you.
My boyfriend loves porn. He watches it by himself, he watches it with me. I don't mind.

In my opinion, porn only becomes a problem if it ruins your sex life. If I watched porn so much that I never wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, never wanted to spend time with him, okay that's a problem. But some porn viewing here and there? Ummm not a big deal aha

Maybe encourage her to check out some porn? Either with you or by herself. Perhaps she doesn't have much sexual experience??

 

[bagochina]

I personally would tell her to relax and take a step back to gain perspective. If that didn't work I would probably just elevate my voice slightly and say what the fuck are you talking about?!@!?

 

[queenbee1127]

I agree with others that your girlfriend is definitely insecure about her body - a majority of women are in one way or another - but it is also just something you're gonna have to get used to and figure out how to avoid in the future if you want to stay with her. Bringing it up and fighting about it isn't going to resolve anything, let me assure you.

In addition to being insecure about her body, she sounds immature to me. Has she watched porn? Have you watched it together? Whenever I see that my boyfriend has viewed porn in our On Demand history, I ask him about it, he admits it and we both shrug it off - NO BIG DEAL. I kind of get a giggle out of it actually.

While deleting your browsing history is probably the quick and dirty answer to this question, it sounds like your girlfriend needs to grow up and accept not only her body for what it is, but understand other people's sexual preferences and things they enjoy - including yours!

 

[GenericMind]

Is she worth ignoring something as petty as this? I'm assuming the answer is yes, so apologize and promise you won't do it again. It doesn't really matter if it's "right" or not.

 

[Tech Kinetics]

She is either:
- Insecure about her own body
- Hasn't been testing her sexuality to the fullest yet
- Has an inner desire for something and is holding back

Is this girl kinky or adventurous at all?
Have you taken any erotic photographs of her?

 

[kytnism]

allow me to put this into perspective for you.

if you explored your S/O's browser history and saw semi naked pictures of a man with a better physique than yours, or one where certain parts of him triggered insecurities within you and sparked a question internally if your S/O is seeking more than what you have to offer, would you be affected?

women try so hard to mask their deep emotions, but being the naturally emotional creatures they are; try and internalize their feelings (in fear of seeming irrational to their male counterparts); which in turn builds up, and eventually causes an outburst of expression. due to their embarrassment in being so emotional and candid in the moment, they then tend to retreat and distance themselves from the situation and parties involved to gather their thoughts and regain themselves. nine times out of ten, they are simply grateful that they released everything/the pain they were truly feeling and are content from that point onward to work to move forward with their partner and reestablish balance in the relationship.

give her the time and space she needs to heal, and she should be fine.

good luck

...kytnism...

 

[verso]

That isin't going to solve the issue at all. This problem is not going to go away just by deleting your browsing history.

I know that it's no real solution, as, ideally, this guy would sit down with his girlfriend, talk about it, and then come to some understanding; but I believe that, sometimes, a work-around, a quick and easy "fix," is all that one can hope for when all the alternatives are either unlikely/impossible or less desirable.

I mean, hell, guys are always going to look at naked women, and not all women will come to understand and accept it. If you've found someone really special, someone who means a lot to you, and this is the one thing, that one thing that sets you two apart, then what are your options? I suppose you could leave the relationship, but that's certainly not the most desirable outcome; I suppose you could talk to your significant other about it, try your best to reassure her that it's no big deal, but how likely is it that she will lose her insecurity and become OK with it? I'd imagine not likely... so then what do you do?

In this case, you simply delete your browsing history. I see it as just another one of those things that, if you're not going to come to some understanding over it anytime soon, it's not a deal-breaker, exactly, and it's not something truly wrong like cheating, then what she doesn't see and doesn't know won't hurt her. It's not the solution, no, but it's what you can do right now to avoid any further confrontation. I just can't imagine leaving an otherwise healthy relationship over something so small...

 

[Busty St Clare]

I guess I'm lucky in that my girlfriend will quite happy lie in bed with me and look at fully and half naked women on the ipad. believe it or not it isn't because she finds women attractive, or that I don't find her smoking hot, instead we laugh and critique and oooow and aaaah at certain poses and types of lingerie. It then inspires us to dress up and take photos for our own private enjoyment. we use professional models as a blueprint so to speak.

Are you allowed to masturbate? If so are you expected to only think about her when she isn't there? The thing is women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, just as there are some poses even a gorgeous women can't pull off. I think it was Seinfeld who coined the phrase "good naked, bad naked". You may see your girlfriend as beautiful but unless you guys censor your life together you will see her at her most vulnurabele, be it picking her teeth, blowing her nose, or squeezing zits. Just as you ignore all these, your girlfriend has to accept that real life is not airbrushed perfection and that just because you look at pretty women, you aren't comparing her to them.

At the end of the day though bitches be crazy, and if you are ever going to survive you are just going to either be a saint or cover your tracks and deny everything.

 

[rangrz]

50facepalmpost.jpg

allow me to put this into perspective for you.

if you explored your S/O's browser history and saw semi naked pictures of a man with a better physique than yours, or one where certain parts of him triggered insecurities within you and sparked a question internally if your S/O is seeking more than what you have to offer, would you be affected?

FUCK NO!

Holy shit, you looked a photograph of another human being (which by default means its also one of the animals which populates the Earth) without this person having been covered with a garment. I.E. simply the most fundamental picture with regards to this human as they appear without any change from that persons natural, intact, gross anatomy.

As well, you masturbate while watching porn. I'm going to hold that sexuality is one of the most universal acts and experiences of people, just behind shit like breathing and eating... ergo, the porn is nothing else than a depiction of this same basic and pervasive aspect of people. Masturbating is again, a pretty damn basic and common action.

I really have a hard time seeing where any particularly judgmental or any reason for someone to be upset that someone else looks at depictions of other people, esp as these depictions are not likely to have involved suffering or coercion of the persons depicted. Nor for exercising your fundamental right to the autonomy and liberty of your own body, vis a vis, doing a pleasurable act which involves no imposition on anyone else. Which again leaves me failing to see how she has any legitimate claim to be free of having her BF look at pictures and touch his own person, or how that would possibly outweigh people not arbitrarily interfering with matters relating to your body or person as your right. Further underpinned that by way of you masturbating or looking at porn, no actual harm was done to her, giving her no claim to the illegitimacy of your actions as they relate to her..

tl;dr She seems a bit whacky in my books and I fail to understand your distaste for something so harmless as jerking to porn. I would look at her at like so

and kindly ask her to GTFO.

 

[double ewe]

allow me to put this into perspective for you.

if you explored your S/O's browser history and saw semi naked pictures of a man with a better physique than yours, or one where certain parts of him triggered insecurities within you and sparked a question internally if your S/O is seeking more than what you have to offer, would you be affected?

i might go a little harder at the gym the next day? Otherwise, i would still find it absolutely absurd to emotionally blackmail my gf because of someone else's appearance. How would you feel if you put your SO in a position where they had to be completely dishonest about a basic fact of human nature in order to maintain your relationship?