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Why are you here now??

I am here primarily to put my own problems into perspective. As a regular drinker, who is making progress in availing this behavior, being reminded of problems I have had in the past and those greater than problems I've ever had to face makes it easier to react to events in my own perspective rationally.

Also, in the rare event I have something to contribute this is a constructive forum to do such.


~Monk
 
im trying to get focus on my fucked up behaviour uk heroin as been shit for weeks been a drought so quality n price have been dire anyways shoot sum horrible shit on friday had to go to ER for anti -biotics for infection and possible got a dvt in right leg so then i think god i dont need this crazy shit plus my lifestyle is affecting my partner im on a methadone script 46ml so i say i just make do been ill all weekend with the shit a dug but mentally for me its torture i feel so empty need to change cell number too get a call one hour got mint gear in again from dealer im thinking omg thank god there is 1 meter of snow n ground and cant get there right now he say no probs i keep you a 1/16 for monday
now im thinking plz dont go for pick up as promised myself and others i give it a go
to stop my mind is in turmoil
 
scottyboy421 said:
you cant talk to people who have never used these drugs cause they label you as a piece of shit, or can never relate even if they do care. So you turn to the BLUELIGHT DARK SIDE for advice, pointers, and no bullshit realities from people who've been there, all the while maintaining some level of privacy. SHAAZAAMM!!!
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i agree, and even people who have only tried them , but havent been addicted or anythin still think like im nothin ...
 
Because I need to talk, and I can't or won't go back to AA, because for 20 years I have done that, and eventually I have stood up pushed my chair back and gone across the street to the nearest bar.

I want to be responsible for my thoughts and actions, and even if they are negative thoughts ideas feelings I want to be able to share them (even if it's just to myself, by writing them down) and not be told to ...say a prayer and write a gratitude list, like I have no right ot any of my feelings or thoughts. I much rather come on here and read other peoples thoughts and digest them and it seems to make me feel much better.
 
AA frustrates me because, i cant interject ;) or, someone may really be going off, and most of what they are saying is normal in here, or in my life. but they just spill it, then everyone says thank you...
ill be clenching my chair sometimes - haha.

AA isnt the only way, and i think its healthy to step back, and reevaluate yourself, maybe move on from drugs/alcohol, and its depressing state.
if it starts taking "willpower" and you are "trying",,, you may need to do the same evaluation of yourself/life, atm.

whyyy am i here having said all that,,, because it fun too??
&&& as a healthy diversion thb.
;)
 
Its great 2 see so many replies,

n yes panic with luck everyones agenda will be posted (needs an evil grin emoticon)

But seriously the more i read the more i find little bits in common with many of us.... If nothing i suppose its a comfort for me, I was kinda thinkin the other day that TDS just wasnt what it used to be..... This thread shows me that nothin much as changed as to my first kinda paraniod thoughts, and that this is still the most golden community.

I'm glad after all the help ive goten from here, i can maybe give something back:\

How many people with problems does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
...could be many but with many it can be done when theres support.
 
Hmm, well I have found myself hanging around TDS alot more for a few main reasons:

1. I come from a wild family and was raised with the mentality that drugs are fine if you don't get caught. I think this has contributed largely to my addictive personality.

2. I am also stubbornly independent. I hate asking for help from others, and take pride in doing something myself. I also hate burdening or bothering those I love with my problems, I only do so as a last resort.

3. I live alone right now. Only been in my own place for a month, but its the first time I have ever lived alone in my life. I love it. love it love it love it.

4. Just recently had a breakup after a four year relationship with a guy. We were engadged, and I thought we were really going to make it.

So combine these 4 elements, then add in the fact that I have also discovered MDPV, which is legal and relatively cheap, and I am pretty sure you get one strung out Neko.
 
I think this is a really great thread!

I'm here because I finally got to that inevitable place in my life where all my "experiments" with drugs turned into addictions, depression, friction, debt, desperation...... trouble.

Basically I finally had to deal with the consequences of the way I have been living for too long, it was all fun and games for a long time but I endured a terrible breakup which put me into a horrible depression which led to a car accident which led to some clarity and healing. This put me in my present predicament where I'm all too aware of my addictive tendencies and the fact that I love to get high, I'm also all too aware that it is a dead end, that I can't live the way I used to live and expect to.. well, live. At least not the way I want to live.

I feel grateful to have found TDS because here I feel I'm among many who are in a similar position. I feel free to share my experiences that I can't share with the majority of the people in my real life here. I can't tell most people I know about my struggles with opiate addiction or benzo dependence or depression...etc. I know that most people here have been there done that/still doing that, so it helps me to feel less isolated. Misery loves company, yes it's true. It's also true that I'm not always miserable. I used to only come here when I was depressed, but now I stop by just as often when I'm not depressed, I guess I just feel a connection with everyone here that I don't feel with most people in this world.

I feel I'm at a point now where I've had enough life experience to potentially help or at least give advice to people who are in the same predicament I've been in/am in. So it's a combination of being relieved that I'm not the only one who is struggling with these issues and also the possibility of being able to help others which brings me here.

In general I've always been attracted to the dark side of life, so it's not much of a surprise that I ended up here.
 
^ truly great words from you unsettled, can relate to experiments turning into nasty habits.
i enjoy ur posts throught TDS and wherever else ive come across them... I'm not quite there yet overcomeing dependance wise yet as in anwhere near clean as the life i fear i will live will be dull and unhappy, but still something i will have to face sooner or later (again).
its good to have people like u here :)
it makes my appreaction ot TDS stronger!
 
I've started using and I'm having problems stopping.

This place got me through a lot when I went through a long and very bad period of my life.... but it seems different now. I barely recognize anyone's screen name.
 
Great thread. I came back to TDS because when I left AA/NA this summer I didn't really have anywhere else to go for support. Just about everybody I knew was involved in AA/NA so it was important for me to be able to find some sort of network of people that I could relate to.

People often make posts that describe exactly how I feel or how I've felt at one point, so it's nice to be able to relate to others and to be able to be honest and share my own experiences.

It's also inspirational to see the changes that other people are able to make. Sometimes it makes me want to kick my own ass a bit more and start dealing with some of the things that I know I have to :)
 
blahman8000 said:
Cool thread.

I've been here since March 2009. When things get bad, I check in for a few weeks/months and communicate with people who are going through the same troubles as I am. When I'm struggling too much, I tend to become reclusive from those who are physically around me, and I drink and/or take too many drugs. This is a good place for people who understand how bad shit can get. That's what I need when I'm desperate.
Click to expand...

Agreed, well said.
Unfortunately, parts of bluelight are much less friendly and understanding.

I just cant see anyone in real life, Im too socially anxious and paranoid, or too depressed and hating.
 
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I don't feel truly connected to anyone.. I feel like I am living with no purpose, no real motivation other than to maintain the status quo and keep from getting hassled. I don't work hard at all in college and I often feel my lack of effort is a downward spiral that I can't escape.

I only feel okay when I'm high on opiates. I feel like there's something about me that keeps me at a distance from everyone. Maybe I'm adversarial or intimidating? I'm not sure..

But I do know that I want drive and purpose - to truly feel a sense of pride in my works whether they be academic or whatnot. I feel like everything I do, including my education, is just a meaningless game. To what end do I go through the same monotonous routine every day? To work a job that will almost assuredly provide a similar monotony?

I feel like I'm living my life waiting for an "Ah-ha!" moment..
 
I come here because, like someone already said, when life seems to just be absolute shit it's kinda nice to come to a place where you can see that you're not the only one who feels like crap. Plus there's sometimes useful advice here and there.

It kinda also serves as a reminder of the good things that you have when you hear about people who are really down on their luck and are in a way worse situation.
 
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hi S.M.F.G!!! its rather strange because i just got done introducing myself to tds, before comming across this thread!! im a newb to bluelight and tds is one of my favorites. before introducing myself here, i guess you can say i was a bit of a lurker, and as of about 10 mins. ago i was like fuck this im going to introduce myself and stop fucking lurking. i like it here, its comforting to know that theres other people out there who "get it", because alot of people have no idea what we go through, and they dont "get it". i usually always come to tds first before going and checking out the other stuff on bluelight.
 
*HEY MIA!!*

I'm here b/c I am in a mad depressed time in my life, deciding if I want to move back home or stay in the mountains. I just broke up with my shitty, abusive boyfriend and am just trying to pick up and dust myself off again...
 
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