Why are women ashamed to admit they're needy?

[kytnism]

I'm 23 and I realized I'm feeling that I lost something, I will never have a chance to make up for the time lost and I'm fulfilled neither as a man nor as a human being.

EDIT: Yeah, stereotypes ruined my life and I'm just looking for a deeper sense of my suffering. I just couldn't see it a few days ago.

youre right. you cant make up for lost time. thankfully though; you ARE only 23.

while craving all of the desires you have mentioned; you have the time and independency to accomplish them all.

life and youth is not wasted is on you yet; and you are now of the age where you are able to make positive life decisions as to where your life is headed.

good luck OP. the future is what you make of it.

...kytnism...

 

[RobotRipping]

robotripping, its funny you should mention stereotypical gender roles in modern society, as i somewhat recently attended a seminar regarding this exact issue where it was discussed that following the womens sufferage movement and world war two; mens role in the household, workplace and relationships has now become so muddled that men no longer know who they are supposed to be and what is expected of their behavior and role as a man. once upon a time they were the breadwinner, the working class, the business mogul and figurehead of every home/relationship; whereas now during a time of gender "equality" (and women are able to do all of those things, and more); men have stopped feeding as much effort into their personal successes in fulfilling these roles, and are by nature, becoming more reliant on women and lazier in their personal/self achievements.

whether agreed with or not (as this is a very strong statement); i feel that women demanding equality of rights has lead to the de-masculinizing of men and ever increasing divorce rates. not to mention the unromantic lack of gentlemanly behavior that men in modern times display; and women hate (while unknowingly encourage in relationships and are very accepting of).

does this make either gender more needy than the other? you be the judge, and convict the guilty.

...kytnism...

that's really interesting, i never thought about gender equality and how it has transformed male identity or roles in society. I still find that in a stereotypical fashion, men go for math, sciences, philosophy, engineering much more so than women, whereas women go for psychology, sociology, other soft sciences or arts. In my philosophy classes, there were very few women and even fewer who actually majored in it. In my electronics program there are 0 females.

i still cling to that old ideal of a man, strong, hard working, emotionally detached, cold, calculating, and lazy around the house lol. I don't know why, maybe it was ingrained into me but it feels natural. I do see a lot of emasculated (seemingly lol) males around though, but i think that's always been the case, the beta, delta and theta males must have always been around.

I do get that whole confusion over who initiates sex and stuff and find it difficult to just go up to a woman and seduce her, not that i try anyway but i know i'd likely fail lol. I instead wait for a woman to approach me, which is the reverse of how things were in the past. Things have become confusing, for myself at least. I get confused when women talk to me because i'm not sure how i'm supposed to respond other than treating them like another person but i've definitely misinterpreted women by doing this in the past.

So in a way, i'm confused, and more so conflicted in my role as a male. I actually missed many sexual opportunities that were clearly there because i didn't want to be too forward or was confused by the woman's approach lol. I know better now but if i could go back in time i'd punch myself in the face.

I find similar issues in my relationship adder, and it's annoying, why can't both people just be direct and honest? why is it awkward? i truly feel it is awkward and strange just to go initiate sex or make the first move, sometimes i just dig deep, go back to my primitive roots and just go for it and forget about it all but i definitely know where you're coming from. I hate physical intimacy though, and hearing about feelings, emotions, i just don't care really. I guess i didn't develop emotionally at all in comparison to other people i know.

and hey you're only 23, there's still a lot of shit to come, as males age things get much better for us in comparison to females! sorry not to be sexist lol

i think most people don't want to be stereotypical, like the asian kid who is amazing at math or whatever else lol. I've noticed some people try to hide these traits so that they don't fit into the stereotype. SO why are women ashamed to admit they're needy? because they'd then fall into the stereotype of a woman who needs a man to be complete. Why are men ashamed to admit they're needy? cause it makes them sound like bitches, which is opposite to a stereotypical male.

 

[adder]

I'm only 23 and I managed to screw up my life properly. If it's all just a stereotype, then because of something only partially true I got through opioid addiction, did a substitute myself for over 2.5 yrs, now I am on a legit program, and still have benzodiazepine addiction. I've constantly used pills for anxiety to fight stress and too many emotions for the past 9 years daily. And as much as I move forward quitting all I can, I'm getting myself into other addictive stuff to fill this void inside me. I've stopped studying the third time recently, I'm on a 1-year leave, and it was a huge mistake. All my interests are long gone, I do nothing, and I stay home almost 24/7. I can't start my life anew, I have no idea how. And having lived so fast, I don't believe things will get better for me as a man with time. I feel as if I functioned like an engine without oil that has been sucked with all the chemicals I've put into myself, at times only to kill libido. And now I'm still bursting with it. I know 23 is young, I'm just feeling much older mentally having gone through all these years. Women "cost" me much more than they pleased me. And I'm sure I've lost interest in my hobbies and self-actualization because I devoted all my life to unsuccessful relationships.

I've been a lonely guy for some time now and I don't only mean "single", but I literally have no friends or even acquaintances, not a single one. I can't be that naive and expect life to get better if I only go out to drive downtown and back home, very rarely. I can't come up to anyone because I figured out nobody wants to make new friends having their long-known friends, I don't even fit into junkies' subculture. I'm slowly becoming an old fart as men do living a lonely life. :/

 

[RobotRipping]

i was in exactly the same position at 23. Spiraling in and out of poly addiction, didn't really come out of it until last year, when i was 25-26.

To save you some pain and misery, i got through it by going to therapy (while still on opiates), then got a shitty job, where i became addicted again to benzos and opiates at the same time, and also had to throw some stims in there to keep me productive. So that was a huge mess. I then went back to school and went through opiate PAWS during my first semester which made it shitty but kept my focus on getting better. Had a month or two where i went on a massive benzo binge, so ended up being stuck on etizolam after my sketchy clonazepam connection was too fucked up to deal with. Couldn't focus in school so ended up being scripted stims, while still taking etizolam but i'm not abusing them at least. The big thing is that i am functional now and doing well in school, and on track to getting a better life than i ever thought possible.

Therapy is what really made the change for me and quitting opiates really made me appreciate the things i stopped caring about for so long. I almost quit guitar while being an opiate addict and i fucking love music.

i've been a drug addict for almost all of my adult life, and still am, don't worry about relationships, don't devote yourself to having one, don't make it your goal. Regain your passion for your hobbies, start stepping out of your comfort zone, get off opiates if you're still on them and put all your effort into something, either studying, school, music, art, or a bunch of things but get focused. Fill that void with something sustainable and something you can put all of your effort into, because everyone has that void, some may not be aware of it but it's there.

I was lost with no direction for so long, i wish i would have just fucking did something instead of waste several years doing absolutely nothing. Once everything else is in place, a relationship will come to you, and it'll likely be a far better one than you'd have without your passions/hobbies/education in tact.

i have no friends either, i just don't get along with people, you sound almost exactly like me. I make acquaintances easy but that's only because i go to school or find them when i am working, once school or work is done, they are gone. It is kind of fucked up but i just can't relate to most people i meet.

If there was a city of all BLers with communities for each subculture, i'd probably have friends lol. my best advice is to seek therapy and make a plan and stick to it, follow through, that's the biggest thing that will change your life around. You can't expect to do the same thing every time and get a different result, it may happen but it's highly unlikely, so you have to switch things up. I started my life anew at 26, you can definitely do it at 23.

 

[adder]

Thanks for your post, RobotRipping. You're right about many things. It's not that I'm not aware of them, but I probably just keep pushing them to my subconsciousness. The only real addiction I've got now that's really a pain in the ass are benzodiazepines or GABAergics in general. I'm also at 1mg of Suboxone during taper-down. I started having flashbacks though, I guess it's because I realized that I started shooting up because I felt alone lacking love. Now I see the situation is the same and I remembered how I solved it last time. I fear that I relapse when I'm off Suboxone that's blocking morphine effects, because at times I use amphetamine to help my self-confidence and cannabis to kill obsessive thoughts. I never did that before stopping full agonist opioids. I wonder whether it wouldn't be better for my brain if I just kept using opioids and wasn't vulnerable to new addictions. I have a feeling a lot of time will pass before something changes.

Men generally always let me down, my father the most. I've always had a harder time to tell something personal to a guy than to a girl. So when loneliness hit me again and stronger than before, I long for a woman's heart and nothing else eases the pain, because it's enormous. Men having poor sex life made me believe women just do their duty in bed and man's life is mostly sad, because men go through terrible pain, so women love them back. I watched it, I knew it was just complaining of lazy asses, but in the end I didn't resist that influence and suffered, although I can't say any of the girls I was with really pretended. Almost all of my girlfriends actually were the ones to make the first move in some more pronounced way other than subtle feminine signs. I ran into my first girlfriend and she kind of stole my number, it was her who called 2 or 3 days later, and when we were to make love for the first time, I was really embarrassed until she said aloud she knew it all. She sometimes told me "I'm not worthy of you, you should find some other girl", I thought it was because of her addiction, but I got into morphine too, just was in it for a shorter time. About a month after she overdosed at the end of my despairing binge, a friend of ours told me she told her once in a secret she thought she wasn't good enough. Holy fuck... Since that time I was either in a relationship or in unrequited love almost all the time. I met my last girlfriend when I was 19, she's 6 years older, we broke up and got back together many times through "sex between friends". During one of our "friends" phase she got an offer to work abroad for her company, she asked me IF I WANT to go with her (not "TO go with her" or "IF I go with her"). We got separated, but every time she was on a business trip in Poland, we saw each other and ended up in bed, but never got together again. One day we met for the last time. I've been alone for almost 2 years and last time talked to a friend (also my ex-girlfriend...) over half a year ago. It seems like ages, I think I've completely lost skills to make friends. I feel as if I've waken up and for these 2 years of loneliness I kept the loneliness in subconscious.

There was always some girl almost throughout my whole life since I was 14. And love was always my fuel, it's like I always had not enough, desired for more and it urged me to stand up once more although I had been down too many times already. I had my hobbies, because I knew that the benefits were both for me and for my girl. I studied when I saw it all as future for me and someone else. When I was spending money, I never counted them as money spent for me and for my girl. Since I became alone, I've had a hard time getting myself to sit and study as the pointlessness of being alone has been stronger than the voice of reason. I visited numerous psychologists, tried hypnosis, but I couldn't give in to other person's suggestions, I tried both individual and group therapy, nothing worked, and only one person (with no degree in psychology) mentioned my father as part of my problems. I'm tired of the approach used by psychologist, I don't like the whole idea of one person being given money for listening about the other person's problems. I've always done such things free of charge. I know psychologists must live from something too, but it makes me unable to open to such a person. Besides I once fell for a therapist and I told her probably the most about myself. All psychiatrists stuffed me with antidepressants right off from the first visit at 14, until I decided to quit methadone and went again to the specialist at the addiction clinic, who I had always fought with. Even if I got to him before I had made my previous psychiatrist switch me to clonazepam, I'd probably drown in opioids, but maybe I wouldn't have got so deep into benzodiazepines as I abused them putting the seriousness of dependence out of my mind, I took them every day to numb emotions, so others don't see them, and so I can be active socially (feeling of "something going on"). Anyway, I want to leave the country and don't want to start life abroad with signing up to a rehab clinic.

Once during the visit my current doctor asked me about my sex life talking about opioids and benzodiazepines turning me off socially and lowering libido. My libido is fine and probably the only thing I tried calming down with drugs that still is skyrocketing, I "calmed down" a lot of things as a side effect instead. I want to be active socially, but I'm afraid, so maybe I am turned off socially, but definitely I didn't turn myself off It's not that being with someone for a short period of time would boost me, if that was the case, I'd go look for a one night stand waiting in front of some secondary school, a lot of guys living in the project around my age lure teens with money and respect. I can think of a few things I could start doing to re-gain respect, but I wouldn't be happy being with a teen unable to love being mistaken she'll conquer the world with her young perfect body to her disappointment. I wouldn't be headed anywhere, I would still be powerless. People find their sense of life in different ideas and things, love, religion, food, sex, money, power, being safe, being unsafe and so on. I find the sense of my life in love, I learned to value it the most in my childhood and adolescence, because only romantic love brought me the real peace inside and patience, not escaping into self-actualization or living with a group of people. I wouldn't have a problem living with just one beloved person. I don't think I'm much different from the others, but for me it takes much less time to be affected by loneliness. Maybe I value myself very low and that's why I need to love someone and someone to love me. But the main problem covering that need, which I would otherwise cultivate, live happily, and wouldn't even start this thread, is lack of any contacts augmented by chronic depression. Although it wouldn't hurt me to go to a group therapy, I know every session bored the shit out of me, so I don't want to go there. Everyone was either overly suggesting or overly not accepting advice. Why arrange human relations if they can be spontaneously started in every day life?

I'm sorry about this long rant.