augustaB said:
It's all part of the great wheel of life. In time you will come to understand why. You will look back at yourself when you asked this question and smile.
In the meantime just accept it as a fact of life.
Certainly, you're right here, I wouldn't have asked this question if I were in a happy relationship and it didn't bother me. It's not you all who is weird but me. I wouldn't be happy with a girl jumping at me shouting about her needs either. I would feel as if I couldn't notice her needs myself...
Honestly speaking, there's a much more trivial reason why this came to my mind I realized after I started the thread. I always thought of my needs as troublesome to any girl, most probably because of my parents' marriage. In addition most girls I was with really were shy about intimacy so it didn't help my way of thinking. But let's face the truth, men are expected to initialize relationship and not women, men are constantly said to be not enough emotional, men are expected to express interest in sex and we're also doomed to be criticized for doing so. Maybe the society keeps this stereotype as some kind of a joke, but that's what played a huge role in my life, unfortunately. There are many men ranting about their wives never initializing sex and in turn men are perceived as more needy. As I feared of hurting a girl, I was stopping myself a lot in my teenage. I started feeling attracted intimately to girls much earlier than my peers did, and the problems arising from this progressed into my later life when my peers finally began thinking of love and sex in a similar way to me. When one girl didn't bring up the topic, I got confused, and failed when I met another girl who was 6 years older than me and openly talked about sex. But still it wasn't enough for me to change my attitude and I was distrustful of her although I knew it made no sense and at some point all we did was making love. Eventually I ruined this relationship though, because I was too shy to express my needs having been with girls who made me think it's something wrong. She's mistaken my actions and she figured that SHE had more need for intimacy and that it bothered me... The truth was quite the contrary and I was left alone feeling guilty both for needing her and not meeting her needs at the same time. And I'm still embittered when I realize we could both be happy because our needs were very similar in intenseness.
Pagey said:
I still don't understand what you mean OP. Neediness is an individual trait and has nothing to do with gender. Although if we're talking about which gender demonstrates it most, my personal experience has been contrary to yours since IME men have much more trouble admitting it than women - which just goes to show it's coincidental and really has nothing to do with that at all.
All right then, needy women express their needs much less often than needy men do. Both men and women may feel ashamed. But how can you not feel ashamed and confused when you're supposed both to be the one who starts kissing, cuddling etc. and at the same time you're told you do that too often? Don't women say that men only think about one thing? Isn't it that promiscuous women are perceived as emancipated nowadays and promiscuous men are perceived as scumbags? It's not a rule as a lot of insults are often thrown at sexually-liberated women and men having more than one partner are seen as successful too. But a man loving one woman is more probable to be called too needy than a woman devoted to her one and only man.
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I'm filled with anger because the stereotype of a man seeing sex as a way of satisfying his physical needs caught up with my life much more than for other men. When I was in my early teenage, I was fully aware of the fact that I started growing up emotionally faster than others, I truly needed love, but it was simply seen as a physical need by people having poor sex life (just like people are jealous of intelligence, in this case I was just too loving for some, but it didn't mean I needed no physical intimacy...). I guess we will never come to an agreement about all these needs, because I'm sad and lonely and you guys are either now happy in a relationship or see your lives as complete or at least don't hold as much regret as I do. I'm 23 and I realized I'm feeling that I lost something, I will never have a chance to make up for the time lost and I'm fulfilled neither as a man nor as a human being.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
EDIT: Yeah, stereotypes ruined my life and I'm just looking for a deeper sense of my suffering. I just couldn't see it a few days ago.
