I'm not going to bother trying to answer the ultimate question of why we, human beings, are here on earth or simply why we are living in this shared reality because that question is simply too massive and complex for me to even understand let alone try and explain.
On the other hand the question of why I am here on bluelight is perhaps within my realm. I would say I came here initially in years back before I even registered to seek out answers regarding substance usage. Sometimes more specific questions could be answered by clicking on a link to bluelight from a google search than by digging through Erowid Experience reports one by until I found a report that adequately answered my question. I'd say I also wound up here more often than perhaps say drug-forums because their usage of the "SWIM" acronym made understanding what was written just that more complicated and impersonal. Recently, I've started coming here because I have down time and I'd like to give back to the community. That being said I also have a significant amount of experience with substances and my ability to answer questions is valuable. Back in the day they used to called me "The Pharmacist" or "The Chemist" in high school and college or even in certain circles of the drug trade in Central and Northern New Jersey. Back then acquaintances from high school and college used to call me and ask whether something they were thinking about trying would be safe, and I'd provide them with a straight up answer. The truth is that I would give them an honest answer biased towards being safe. As time passed I fell out of contact with those circles and the calls stopped except for a few close friends who would occasionally call trying to acquire information about a drug that wasn't available from a google search, I mean google is pretty comprehensive so I did't have too much beyond that to give them but I usually had a few tricks up my sleeve. When I wound up in treatment back in 2012 people would come ask me about medications and I would be able to give them the down and dirty about what to expect with medications; all the stuff the doctors wouldn't tell them. So I was sort of notorious for that and eventually I was forced into a private meeting with the Owner, Director, My Therapist, and one other important therapist where I was told to bite my tongue because I wasn't a doctor and shouldn't be pretending to be one, however they liked me and wanted me to stay. So I bit my tongue when it came to people I couldn't trust, and even though people would still ask for my knowledge, I might give some vague advice bust nothing that would bite me in the ass. Eventually I moved out on my own and the only people who would ask for advice were trusted friends. Eventually I ended up in rehab for drinking in a no drinking allowed outpatient program, fucking apartment-mate ratted on me, pathetic-little-man. Oh well, in that rehab there was one doctor who was a patient there than knew way more than me, but he also wouldn't talk with most people and there were several people who claimed to know more than everyone else about everything related to substances. Most of them knew little about little related to most things and part my knowledge was in Pharma which was more relevant to people in sobriety. So once everyone was finished bragging about how much they knew about drugs and started having questions about the medications they were being put on then I started to have a role again, but I avoided answering questions for most people because I didn't want any trouble at this rehab. Well it didn't matter anyway, trouble came and I survived it by moving back home with my parents where I would utilize some of my knowledge.. especially about vitamins and supplements. But now that I was home I needed something to do and so I poked my head onto bluelight, a place I'd had an account for I awhile but hadn't used. So I figured I may as well give back to the community, not to mention I really do know a lot about a lot of things and it's always nice to put that to good use. I'm not in school these days and I don't have a job so I don't really get to use my brain as much, but with bullfight I find my brain gets most if not all the workout that it needs. Not to mention people are always talking about a wide variety of things that I wouldn't have ventured into on my own anyways. So it provides me with some purpose, so stimulation, some connection, and some community.
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