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Which drug addiction made you most functional in a normal life

For about 6 months I had a rather moderate-heavy benzo addiction (12-14 mg of alprazolam and 2-4mg of clonazepam/day) along with suboxone. I actually really succeeded well in school, got incredible grades and so on, but I don't remember shit, except for the times that I woke up from my black out when I'd shoot cocaine.
 
I was most functional when I was on ~100mg diazepam and sniffing half a bundle of dope everyday. I held the same job for over a year (very rare for me), and even became a supervisor. I was never broke, had an awesome sex life and social life, and was able to balance work and play perfectly. I went way out of control with drugs after I lost that job though, and caused major physical, mental, social, and economic problems for myself.

I was also a pretty functional alcoholic back in my bartending days too. Until I caught a bullet for my second DWI.:\
 
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DrinksWithEvil said:
Heroin allowed me to be who i was supposed to be. For a very very short time. Then it turned me into something words cannot describe.
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Me too. Heroin got me through high school and high enough marks to get into uni. It also made it easier to chat up girls, have fun with friends etc. But it turned me into a beast of a criminal... You live, you learn. Now I am finding useful alternatives to "allow me to be who i was supposed to be"
 
Kratom - Best thing I have ever found.
Amphetamines - adderall helps me out with social situation and overall energy and motivation, thing is that ive only been taking it for a little over a month, hope i can keep it under control :/
 
If we're counting legal drugs here, probably nicotine, because it doesn't even produce a high once you've been using for like a 3 weeks.

Otherwise, I dunno.

After about 8 years of drug use and at least 4 separate addictions, I've come to the conclusion that all drugs, even the ones that supposedly improve performance or whatever, come with a price they just ain't worth.

I'll say this though: there was a period in my life when I was deeply in debt, depressed, socially isolated, etc. During the period when I pulled myself out of that rut, I was prescribed ritalin and snorting it. No, I don't give the ritalin credit for my rebound, but it didn't exactly ruin my life. That said, there was a reason I stopped getting those prescriptions refilled.

Anyway, with regard to psychoactive drugs that supposedly improve performance, I think that the performance enhancing properties are generally overstated. Like, there are definitely drugs that improve focus and shit, but you mega-focus can be directed toward a videogame just as much as your homework or whatever... right?

Here's what I think of the 'functional' drugs that I've tried:

Methylphenidate (Ritalin) - The improved focus and motivation is definitely there, but its effects are too short lived to make a positive difference over the long term--even if you ingest it orally. Also, ritalin creates a very strong compulsion to re-dose, if you're prescribed it, it's easy to get locked into a binge where you keep doing it for days and days on end. And the drug changes considerably after about 5 or 6 re-doses, you just start feeling really spaced out and numb. At that point, productivity suffers.

Meth - I've only done meth once, but the sense I get is that you'd be pretty productive after the rush wore off and were still stimulated, but you'd likely be unproductive after you'd been up for 30+ hours.

Adderral (Dextro and Levo amphetamine) - I'll admit this stuff definitely makes it a lot easier to focus on just about anything, and unlike ritalin, it does help you 'choose' what to focus on instead of just going all in on whatever you'd be doing anyway. The thing is, it just keeps you up way too long; after a while that takes its toll.

Cocaine - No dice. Too short lived and you're too miserable during the comedown to do anything.
 
Cocaine for sure!! Allowed me to think more and work harder -- I was promoted several times during my last coke habit. I loved it... Made me feel like a super version of myself... Or who I wanted everybody to think I was
 
Benzo and amp combo helps me most at work

No drugs I was doing when I was in school ever helped me, though maybe the benzo amp combo would have worked back then too, I don't know
 
Clonazepam made life awesome (for me) for like a month until my friend with the script got thrown in jail. Hard few weeks after that.

I smoke weed nearly every day, but I would hardly say it helps me function. It makes the normal stuff I do more entertaining and helps me relax, but I'm god-awful with people and social settings in general when I'm high.

Also, does caffeine count? If so then this more than anything.
 
I've long tried to convince myself otherwise, but recent events have forced me to admit that, while I can function as an addict, I can never be be truly alive--which to me is to live honestly, with purpose; to create something that leaves the Earth better than I found it; to love wildly and experience the full range of human emotions naturally, not chemically induced.


This thought mostly pertains to IV heroin and meth abuse. On both of these, provided I remembered to take care of myself physically (sleep, food, water, etc.), I can function quite well; nobody can tell I'm on a drug, and everything I need to do gets done--sometimes even more, as I used the "extreme productivity!" excuse to justify my use. BUT I'm not focused on living well, on self-improvement and self-spirituality and my connection to others; my real life is reduced to a litany of tasks that must happen in order for me to experience my one fulfilling purpose: getting high. Adding needles to the equation, I learned, was a step too far; I was constantly chasing, living for a ten-second rush, and nothing else mattered--not money for rent and food, not the concern of my friends and family, not the health of my veins or body or mind.

After being diagnosed bipolar, and accepting that I have a chronic condition that will require lifelong care and more restrictions on my lifestyle than everyone else's, I got clean in January and enjoyed it, but four months later, in May, my circumstances changed and, falling to temptation, I picked up right where I left off. The last month has been a blur of meth and heroin, and I'm kinda impressed how royally I can fuck myself over in such a short time--overdrawn my bank account twice, resorted to gray-area theft for cash, trashed my arms again, aroused fear and suspicion in my roommates and family, lost complete control of my bipolar and induced rapid-cycling of emotional extremes and a psychotic episode.

Anyway. I'm 5 days clean now, from those two drugs and the needle at least, and already I'm remembering what I learned during my four-month sobriety: patience and stability, finding joy in small things, caring about things and people and even my own well-being instead of solely getting high. I'm transitioning from functioning back to living. But I still can't find it in me to say goodbye forever. One great motivating factor in this period of self-care is that I will heal and strengthen my willpower, so that I can slowly introduce my two chemical romances back into my life, safely and responsibly: still IVing (the love of the rush never leaves you), but only for a short period of use and followed by a long abstinence--a month or more, enough to eliminate tolerance and forget the precise feeling of the high, and thus make that next first hit that much sweeter. I'm hoping like hell I can make it work.


Besides that--which is probably obvious given the thread topic--I've had extended flings with psychedelics, ketamine, and MXE, and while the consequences were much less extreme, I still found them ultimately incompatible with living rather than functioning when used with any kind of regularity, even weekly, because the anticipation and expectation of the high keeps it in the front of my mind, and once again my life is consumed by thoughts of using.


The only drugs I see as sustainable and fully compatible with my future goals, even used daily and lifelong, are:
  • Cannabis. I'd been a daily toker for years until hard drugs kicked it out of the picture, and only rarely did I feel like my thoughts were consumed by weed. It's one of the only substances where I naturally moderate my use, going slow and savoring and taking breaks instead of binging. It's amazingly versatile; depending on mindset and intent, cannabis can be mild enough to not interfere with daily activities (and often slightly enhance them), or intense enough for a satisfying "true" high. In fact, what I love most about it is that, even when I'm stoned off my ass, my innermost self is still sober; I remain in control of my mind, which is imperative for managing my conditions. I consider my light daily use medicinal, on the same level as my Seroquel and Lamictal; cannabis stabilizes my mood from states of anxiety, depression, mania, and counteracts the side effects of my traditional medications by helping me to eat and sleep.
  • Clonazepam. It's one of my prescribed meds, and a godsend at that; I don't dare abuse it for fear it'll stop working.
  • Alcohol--but only for the taste; not more than two drinks a night, or more than twice a week, as it's not safe to drink much on my meds. Not that I mind; I've already had my alcoholic phase, and am left with enough bad memories that I now hate being drunk.
  • Caffeine. I love the taste of a good espresso like I savor the herbal aroma of vaped cannabis. I appreciate the mild stimulation in the morning, or the energy boost needed to complete a task--but it's nowhere near as fun as amps like meth, so abuse is pointless.
 
I'm surprised I'm the only one who said cocaine. BTW this quote of the op is so spot onI'.
I long tried to convince myself otherwise, but recent events have forced me to admit that, while I can function as an addict, I can never be be truly alive
 
Oxycodone I was doing better than I have in 20 years,took the edge of my pain and let me have quality of life,I got shit done.I also functioned very well during about a seven year cocaine habit,had my shit together all the way around.
 
I would say opiates until the money ran out... Kept a job, made friends(besides druggy friends) just made me a happier person in general. I've kinda done em' all. I went through a big weed stage but that made my anxiety worse(realy why I started using opiates daily), also made me kinda lazy, and I didn't do anything. Then Dexmethyphenitdate(Focalin) and Adderall for six months or so., made me do good in school a super euphoric but I would binge then couldn't take the comedowns, uppers weren't my thing, though at a low dose I could see myself being more productive everyday(like 30mg a day).I wanted to go out and do things while on opiatees. Now on Subs, which is an okay replacement but really doesn't take care of the cravings 100: percent, need weed and benzo's to help that. As long as you don't go overboard with the benzo's like I did and I would only smoke a bowl a night, which I do for a week outta the month after my docs appt.,lol. But ya, opiates...But Suboxone and low dose benzo's (2-3mg Klonopin/Xanax) makes me the most functional withough feeing like I've been blasted off into happy land but makes me normal.
 
Stimulants!

Without em, I couldn't even hold down a minimum wage service industry job. Now, I have a 3.5 GPA in college, studying higher level math and physics, and I'm about to be promoted from team member to supervisor at my current job :D

My stimulant of choice is R-Modafinil. You gotta use stims responsibly tho, they can absolutely bite you in the butt if you're not careful.

EDIT: I also think that responsible weed and/or benzo use can have a positive effect on somebody's life, but I'm sure lots would disagree with me there.
 
That's easy for me, don't have to think about, infact, I'll just come out and say it...TRAMADOL
 
Oh god, Tramadol,lol. that defineatley made me functional. yesterday I was flying around cleaning and talking like I was on an acutal opiate, which Subs NEVER do, just Subs along make me unable for me to get high off of other opiates(minus trams and fent) and MIGHT give a litte glow, really I like having a few klonopin(2-3mg) a day with my Subs, because it actually helps cravings(and takes care of my anxiety which makes me use in the first place.) But no, if I could have a script for 4mg of Klonopin a day/8mg of Suboxone a day/ and 300mg of Tram a day I would be highly functional/normal in life,lol. Well honestly I felt high yesterday after the trams, but bythemselves they never did ANYTHING for me, but they work with Subs???? I can't get over that.
 
Don't have an addiction. I've remained "somewhat" sane for several decades with Ativan and Zoloft. :( I've no doubt my body is dependent, but my dosage has not increased in 25+, 17+ years, respectively. I cannot function without either.

I am at a crossroads...I am prescribed Oxycodone, but fear addiction. I have tried Tramadol for pain, but only found it to make me chatty(er). I'm trying Kratom as suggested, but haven't yet adjusted dose. I suffer with moderate pain daily, which ramps to severe more often than most could tolerate. I need to be sharp-minded, functionally competitive every day. I can't afford to sedate myself for pain relief.

Depression destroys me when I don't produce and create. Right now, I'm toast.
 
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