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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

where were you 1 year ago?

Exactly one year ago I was on a big heroin binge, swiping pills from my parents, and struggling with college. I'm happy to say that I haven't touched heroin for almost year, nor any drugs but what I'm prescribed and I've graduated college. I am on suboxone maintenance, which isn't ideal, but in my case it has been vital in gaining stability in my life. I'm pretty content with how things are going but there's a lot of room for improvement still.
 
A year ago I was recovering from surgery I had a ruptured appendictixs that got abscessed that took 4 more surgeries to correct. It started around a week before Thanksgiving and lasted way into & past Christmas and New Years. Lots of surgeries continued. And I must say Diluidid pain pump is amazin but my last surgery for 2012 was 2 days before Thanksgiving. 2012 was a tough, lonely sad year for me. And honestly my kids are my angels the only reason I keep going. I'm hoping for a better 2013 I really want to find a way to find hope in 2013 and find a way to learn to love again. I don't want to be always be the saddest girl to ever hold a martini. And I'm tired of being asked your so pretty why aren't you with someone is there something wrong with you? Umm yes, my hearts been broken I'm broken and I can't seem to find my way back. What I wouldn't give to be able to love again. I stay to myself and try to numb the pain with benzo's but it never works. The incredible pain in my heart is to much. :(
 
See my OP for info on where I was last year. Heroin addict, etc. Now that i'm off the smack, it seems like i'm watching myself sink slowly into meth addiction.
 
Well lets see, a year ago I was renting a bedroom ina house with 3 friends. Me and my buddy were sitting around on new years and bored so we made a gravity bong and watched red state. I remember getting insanely high and having a horrible panick attack, leaving me cooped up in my room afraid of dying. I had just got a nice full-time job and had no idea I would be fired a couple months later (due to heroin addiction). I didn't realize it would be only a month or 2 before I started back on the heroin and had everything crash down. Then I sobered up with AA, got 2 months, life started looking good, than I rellapsed and everything went to shit. I found myself back at home at 27, on suboxone, anti-depressants, and being forced to be sober or I would be immeditely kicked out and homeless. Anyways it's been a few months since my last relapse and I'm doing amazingly well. Im active in AA, my church, I exercise and eat well, sleep well, take good care of myself. And I'm slowly but surely clearing away the wreckage of my past and paying off all my debt. I'm soon going to go back and finish my senior year of college and have a new direction for a wonderful career. I also have a fantastic relationship with Jesus that gives me new hope and love and peace everyday. 2012 was a good year, but it was riddled with substance abuse, depression, and super euphoric high-highs. I was on my own with money in my pocket, blowing it on eating out and drinking nearly everyday. I wasn't able to make friends outside of my roomates and never did get a girlfriend despite a city filled to the brim with attractive young females (santa barbara). One thing I did do throughout 2012 was run to the high school nearby and run and do stairs. It would clear my head and fill me with encouragement and optimism about the future. 2012 paved the growth and process I needed to experience to get to where I am now. 2013 is looking to be COMPLETELY different and I couldn't be happier. Sobriety is wonderful.
 
This time last year I had no clue how much worse it could get. I am happy I can't foresee my future.

Also, I'm glad I don't write checks anymore. I used to forget to put the new number for the year all the time... it was frikkin february before I changed from 1989 to 1990 :-P

I just realized I'm old as dirt.

I have been helping my parents' this holiday season. I spent the New Year with my mom, who is trying to dry out, again, and my dad, who was born in 1929 and grew up during the Great Depression.

He and I danced tonight at the Elk's Lodge New Year's Party. I used to stand with my bare feet on top of his shoes and he would waltz with me...

I hope this is not the year I lose him. How I dread the thought.......:(
 
tripnotyzm said:
At times, yeah..
Family should be aware of physical damage.. But it would be cruel for them to learn of what caused it. :(
Click to expand...

Well whatever your decision is, I'm sure that they will love you all the same either way. I'm glad that you at least are close with your family. <3

ugly said:
This time last year I had no clue how much worse it could get. I am happy I can't foresee my future.

Also, I'm glad I don't write checks anymore. I used to forget to put the new number for the year all the time... it was frikkin february before I changed from 1989 to 1990 :-P

I just realized I'm old as dirt.

I have been helping my parents' this holiday season. I spent the New Year with my mom, who is trying to dry out, again, and my dad, who was born in 1929 and grew up during the Great Depression.

He and I danced tonight at the Elk's Lodge New Year's Party. I used to stand with my bare feet on top of his shoes and he would waltz with me...

I hope this is not the year I lose him. How I dread the thought.......:(
Click to expand...

You have such a big heart full of love ugly. <3
 
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Reply and thank you to Herbavore for her post it helped me to read it

<3Herbavore your post brought tears to my eyes and my heart aches for you. I lost my fiancé many years ago in a MVA. And I know how tough the pain of that was and still is. Losing a child is a million times harder. You are right that exercising fights depression so that is a really good thing to do. But ii know in my situation if I had to hear get over it or another person come up to me telling me it was Gods plan and time heals all wounds and you are going to be fine. I just wanted scream at each and everyone of them to shut the fuck up! I was young and in love with a charming good looking guy. We had our whole future planned and in a blink of an eye it was gone. He was the first man in my life except my granddaddy Tanner that ever loved me and now 22 years have gone by my granddaddy is 93 so I will have no male figures left that love sooner than I want to admit. The tears will always be fine never let anyone tell you otherwise. You seem to be a very positive strong person with a great outlook that is absolutely amazing! Thanks for writing and sharing that. I really needed to hear it right now.<3
 
ArtVandalay said:
Last year- lost my job, girlfriend, home, dogs, dignity, went through opiate wd, experienced amph/bath salt psychosis. Now, sober, working, family trust back, awesome new girlfriend, paying debts, money's good. Like night and day!
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Wow man, that's amazing,what a turn around in fortunes for you, pleased for you.
@Herbavore your post was so touching and really moved me. When my wife passed away i kept thinking i had seen her or if I saw a car like hers several times I went to wave at it thinking it was her.
This time last year I was still using heroin for my 11th or 12th year of being a daily user with no thought of being able to be clean.
Last night on New Years Eve was 4 months exactly since I last used heroin.
I am putting on weight and getting some colour back in my cheeks. I lost my job earlier this year due to redundancy but I will get another job I am determined to no matter how long it may take.
Here's to hoping everyone has a great new year.
 
All I remember was coming down from blow and oxy- the days and dates are blank. I was either completely awake or sleeping for 18 hours...one or the other. The time it's just blow and no downers which I'm kinda glad since the two where destroying me since I rarely ate.
 
I was a world away from where I am now in a real bad way, still living with my ex in the house we shared and desperately needing out, me in the midst of full-blown alcoholism, our relationship falling apart. I posted the only thread I've ever posted in TDS at the end of last January when things came to a head resulting in the end of the relationship though it took a couple more months being at each other's throats for us to extricate ourselves completely and pack the house up as we went our seperate ways. I was very angry for a time just raging at myself, a real danger to myself in full-on self-destruct mode. If I couldn't bring myself to actually kill myself I was half hoping the booze or a reckless drug / alcohol combo would do for me at some point if I hammered it hard enough, I was completely past caring.

Things are a lot better. Still got a long way to go yet but I'm [mostly] happy in my own place, I'm doing better at managing the responsibilities than I thought I would, my ex and I are best friends again and see each other pretty regularly, the drinking is finally under control, and I'm feeling pretty positive that 2013 will be a much better year. I'm looking forward to the future for once, instead of trying to hide from the prospect. :)
 
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^It's almost hard for me to believe it has only been a year, Sepher. I remember that thread so well. I had seen you post so much encouragement and strength directed at other people and it has been so inspiring to see you turn not only your honesty, but your compassion, inward to yourself. I'm so happy for you that you faced the holiday stress and triggers with both acceptance and vigilance, not to mention your signature humor. Here's to continued success in defeating the hold alcohol had on your life.<3
 
One year ago I was smoking lots of cannabis and preparing to take some College prep courses. I was also studying Methoxetamine theads and searching for vendors to order from.

Little did I know I'd find a vendor, a reliable and quality one, and would continue to abuse and buy mass amounts of Methoxetamine for personal use. Also, I had no idea I was about to enter an embarressing and emotionless relationships which only lasted a month.

Still happy I found that vendor though...he/she is the only one I've ever had to use, ever. And still use them to this day.
 
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