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where were you 1 year ago?

Serotonin101

Serotonin101

Moderator: SIED
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the new year is rolling around quick. one week to go from now. just wanted to see how things have changed for everyone in the past year. are thing better or worse? for me things are a lot better. one year ago I was shooting dope and pretty much throwing my life away. I was broke, homeless, and pretty much on the verge of suicide. now I'm living with my family again, still somewhat broke, but I'm a lot happier :) this thread is to serve as somewhat of an inventory for the past year to see how things stand since often times we don't realize how much has changed until we look back.
 
Omg right? Have been doing a lot of reflecting. This time last year l was at the deepest point of my addiction. I am thankful l still have my life, a few people who love me, and for the most part escaped the death grip that opiates had on me for years...
 
I was in a similar situation to where I am now. The last four holiday seasons have been eerily similar. I can't say I am better off than I was last year because I'm not. I am far far better then I was on Christmas 4 years ago which was a true low point in my life. I was eating 60-75 15mg morphine at once -- literally a handful of pills every time I dosed for months on end. I kicked cold turkey on Christmas Eve 4 years ago. I will never forget that kick and even though I still use drugs I have stayed away from opiates (outside Ultram, which technically isn't an opiate).

My drug habits now aren't completely destroying my life and are relevetively "minor" drugs, but everytime I try to get "all the way sober" with no weed or anything I go nuts and can't deal with it. I am working on cessation of all drugs because I know if I continue to use they will eventually be my downfall. It is a slow process but I believe I am moving the right direction, even if I did get high today.
 
a year ago i was working a different job, struggling to stay sober on my own, and miserable. i didn't have a car of my own, hope, or a shred of dignity. i had been home for just a few months as i had spent the summer and fall in colorado, and was very unsure and anxiety stricken as to whether or not i had done the right thing by moving home. i tried to get involved with aa but failed in several occasions, little did i know that aa was the wrong fellowship for me.

now i'm 100% positive that i did the right thing by moving back, have a car, a different (and much more rewarding) job, and am dogsitting in exchange for rent and utilities in a house that i live by myself in. i am eight months and three days sober today (earth day is my clean date). i buy my own food, gas, clothes, and pay for my own car, car insurance, and phone bill. i owe my family quite a bit of money but am okay with that because i'm now more independent that i've ever been and i know that i'm paying my debt off in chunks that are manageable for me, and my family knows this as well. it beats the hell out of two years ago, when i was struggling to work a third shift job to pay for all of this, plus utilities in a house that my boyfriend at the time and i rented. he went to jail and i was left there alone all winter, with a puppy i couldn't afford to feed and my main source of drugs locked up. i depend on myself now.

i'm a part of my family now, and i have an na family as well. i've coached an equestrian team in the past year, seen fireworks on lake michigan on the fourth, and went to macinac island for the first time ever. i'm a part of two families outside of my biological and recovery ones, the families of the kids with disabilities whom i "aid" in their day-to-day living, one of which is sitting next to me right now.

it ain't all peaches and cream, i still think and dream about moving out of state to somewhere that suits me better culture and climate wise, but it sure is a hell of a lot better without wicked fucking withdrawls and being physically abused, let alone the spiritual hell that i was struggling to survive.

anyways, i'm rambling, great thread sero.

*edit, i am also able to afford now food for the two dogs that i dogsit for, and i must admit that they (two large dogs) eat a considerable amount more than the puppy (a small pitbull) ever did :)... carry on!
 
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One year ago I was up to my elbows in a horrible opiate addiction, today I am five months sober and loving life for the most parts I have reconnected with the best friends anyone could ask for and escaped my addiction without letting my family find out. Now I have money, a new motorcycle and a Beautiful loving fiance. I can truely say that I may not have been able to do it without all u darksiders and for that I thank u all.
 
one year ago i was 25 lbs overweight and depressed and lonely.... i had recently relapsed on heroin and all i wanted to do was shoot up more....

now i have that weight back on but i am 5 months pregnant... and i am clean ... and i have to write one more paper and then i am a college grad! (even if i have no fucking clue what do with said degree)
granted not everything is perfect but things are overall better i think....
it hasnt been the best actual xmas.... but THANK YOU seratonin for this thread
It helped put things in perspective for me!!!!
 
very very sick and "alone" judged labeled and set aside. desperately wishing/wanting to speak to someone, to feel the presence of another human as strange as it sounds. until, as now, to this day, i realized how the language of life lives in silence. and so my peace is captivating, eternal, i cannot ever feel alone knowing compassion and recognizing the love of my life as existent in all else.
 
Well I was living in a domestic violence transitional housing...... it hadn't even been two months yet. No Christmas tree in the house and just Christmas lights hanging by the window. I also had smoked crack for the first time ever that month, I think that was the month I started using heroin or maybe it was before then. I can't remember but either way starting heroin was never a good thing... Was working my new job and the first job I ever had in my life.. wasn't in school either and I was just getting high/doing stupid shit. I always was out late with my friend getting into trouble, tagging (spraypaint), stealing, getting robbed by people (gunpoint this one time), almost beating people into a pulp because of it and even held a brick to throw through someone's window... she ended up getting arrested though, thank you karma.. Ahhh, nothing good was going on at this time.

Now: I got to go up to Connecticut to see my family and this is the first good Christmas I had in awhile... it's so much better than doing heroin and being alone in Pennsylvania. I also am no longer working at the shitty job I had before and I am finally in college. I had took more than a year off of school... I also am a little more than two weeks clean from heroin. Things are going somewhat better than before, well more than somewhat. I am no longer living in transitional housing and in a two bedroom apartment =D best thing that has happened. However, a lot of negative shit has still been going on but I'm hoping to change this all, I may be going off on my own as well. I'm tired of holding back my life for others.
 
One year ago I was sitting right here imagining what it'd be like not sitting here
 
I was recovering from an accident I had while completely wasted on Xanax and Ambien. Was staggering across the street and got hit by a car. Don't remember it but that's what I was told in hospital.

No more Xanax or Ambien these days, but I'm taking lots of Hydrocodone. I'm sick of it and will stop after my current stash runs out.
 
I remember your posts as well stayfaded... I cried reading them knowing how great I had it but still wanted to end my life. I'm glad most of us are doing better. its incredible how much things can change in a year. I love each and every one of you. without my tds family I wouldn't be here today, thank you for probably the best year of my life. scratch that. thank you for the best year of my life. ill write a little poem for all of you.

finally free
now I look back upon this year
remembering my times in tears
sitting in a room I was alone
staring at the computer screen glow
as I "registered" and pushed off
realizing the dope was all I got
I made my will ready to end it all
I cried out to you as I began to fall
your kind words guided me through
did things that alone I could never do
sitting in treatment sick as a dog
your words echoing through my fog
I learned to stand and then to walk
you gave me the love I always sought
nearly a year later I can now run
away from my past where it all begun
I am better and growing each day
I love you all more than words can say
I got a smile and a heart in my chest
TDS is where I fit in best
so this goes out to each one of you
helping me, guiding me through
struggle we must with all our might
ironically the darkside is where I found light.

thank you once again to all of you. :) <3
 
I was just heading into a full blown opana addiction, and flew my girlfriend out from New York to live with me,. Good times. Haha.
 
Serotonin: Yeah, there is however a lot that still needs to be changed in my life but luckily soon it will be a new year and a chance for a new start :) I just remember this day back in February where I was high with my two friends.... three depressed people and drugs never mix. I remember coming to the conclusion that I probably wouldn't make it to my 21st birthday let alone my 19th birthday (lucky I did make it to my 19th). At the time it depressed me but then I realized I didn't care.... I wanted to die... that's all I wanted.

I so need to change that mindset... and that's why I hope to get into counseling. Luckily death is no longer the first thing on my list of wants anymore and thats why I need to get into counseling so I can figure out how to deal with things in a healthier manner. That is one of my major goals of 2013.... I should of been in counseling years ago but it never happened... so maybe it will help me out and I can move past a lot of the things I've gone through but for now I'm just happy that I have a place and I'm in college..... a good start to more positive things. I just want to build further upon all of this. I want the chance to and if I just kill myself I will never know what could of been... so I'm going to try everything I can before I throw in the cards. I'm only 19, I shouldn't quit now when my life has barely begun.. a yeat ago I wouldn't have been able to say that.

Anyways I'm glad you're doing better <3 I am thankful to have people like you who care and TDS is such an amazing place...... TDS has helped me out in so many ways and if it wasn't for all you guys then this forum wouldn't be as amazing or helpful as it is... We've all been through so much but we're going to make it. We will survive all this pain and all these struggles.

By the way your poem was really good. I know those words truly came from your heart and that's what makes it so special <3 I can relate to the poem and I hope one day I can truly stand up and be able to walk away from my past... to leave all the negativity behind and truly start over fresh.
 
Where was I one year ago?
Strung out and hiding my common coke and ice usage from my friends & partner.. Wishing for a way to reverse time and start over fresh.

Today, I am clean from hard drugs.. But I'm haunted by the physical damage my past habits have inflicted upon me.

Hope things get better in years to come.. :(
Wish there was a way to tell my family.
 
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