Off and on for years I guess. I've come to the conclusion (I come to the same conclusion every time but forget it again over and over somehow) that this is a phase of mine each and every time that it's time for a new phase. I knew a guy, briefly, when I first went off to college, about a hundred years ago when I was eighteen and knew everything... this guy loved his music. It defined him, he defined art in his own way, and the things he wrote and sang about were so beautiful. He had a CD, only one thousand copies, and I still have mine. It hit me the other night when I was listening to my favorite song on the CD, and then I realized that this song used to hit me in the same way - right before I left college and graphic design - my first love.
"Every Thing I know is useless,
and Things are so hard to find.
I know a girl
She is praying for a way
To justify her mind.
And this is the last chance
It's the last chance to stay where you are.
Cause you seem to justify
With some reference to the dark,
Oh I'm dreaming.
And you know it's wrong,
Can't you see it's crazy.
When there's nothing left for you
There's nothing left to do."
Thanks Mike. Again. I had my last shot at salvaging my "old life." Or as Crow put it in an email, "Plugging myself back in to the machine." I didn't realize how hard it would be to make the decision for the second and final time, but here I am. And I love you guys. And I love myself - now that I know I really am strong enough to be Dagny.
"Every Thing I know is useless,
and Things are so hard to find.
I know a girl
She is praying for a way
To justify her mind.
And this is the last chance
It's the last chance to stay where you are.
Cause you seem to justify
With some reference to the dark,
Oh I'm dreaming.
And you know it's wrong,
Can't you see it's crazy.
When there's nothing left for you
There's nothing left to do."
Thanks Mike. Again. I had my last shot at salvaging my "old life." Or as Crow put it in an email, "Plugging myself back in to the machine." I didn't realize how hard it would be to make the decision for the second and final time, but here I am. And I love you guys. And I love myself - now that I know I really am strong enough to be Dagny.
