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Where is the line between dependency and recreational use?

^Haha I think that's very true...acid can open a person up to many things to later integrate or it can be purely recreational. I've used MDMA quite frequently and even though often I had no intention whatsover of having any time of therapeutic experience, it still turned out to be so in many cases. So I'm not really sure what determines the nature of the experience anymore...it has not always been intention in my case. Unless I'm just not aware of my actual intentions :\

I also feel it's beneficial to not get caught up in analyzing the experiences to death. Let them be what they be and learn what I can. Not all things can be fully understood through intellect.
 
Reposting this from the thread I wrote yesterday when I took crack:

This is annoying. Since reading the above posts I began to feel 'cheated' that I didn't get good hits.

This in itself I have marked as a dangerous thought loop because who is awarded the title of best hit technique but those with most experience- i.e. the full blown/regular user/'crackhead'. The same thought followed to its logical conclusion could lead one into full fledged dependence. Similar to how reaching the heights in any skill requires commitment to the cause from the individual.

I don't want to take it again though but my mind is trying to niggle me that it wasn't a good experiment. I know this is not good form, how do I quell this?

I did get some good hits by the end of the session from the bulb, they count right? I would burn the bulb for ages maybe 30 seconds or slow and then the rock would smoke and I found drawing in slowly was the way to allow me to get longer hits. I also got the numb mouth and throat on the bigger hits.

After a run of these good hits too I got a high such that I was stupefied for a few seconds so took to laying on the floor (as I have done in the past when I get a big hit of euphoria) I then got the urge to take my clothes off and rushed to the computer to masturbate.

I really don't want to make this excuse be a rationale for trying it again. I am quite OCD though so I find things like this can niggle at me. How can I rectify this issue?
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There are any number of reasons that you or I can come up with in order to convince ourselves to get high. I guess we have to figure out which of these reasons are acceptable to listen to, and which ones are better off ignored.

I think that disappointment is an inherent aspect of drug use. At some point it wears off, or it wasn't as strong as had been hoped, or it isn't available, etc. As with other ares of life a certain amount of acceptance is helpful.
 
Ye, I think it's partly my perfectionist streak and also that when I start something I like to complete it properly, but in terms of taking crack, like you say, that one might be one which would be better left ignored :D.

Acceptance is a nice way to put it actually.
 
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Do you honestly believe that?
I don't want to come across wrong, but legerty nailed that. It's not your "perfectionist streak", it's standard "junkie logic" (can't think of a better term). We both know you're not trying crack again to "perfect your hits", you're doing (or not - w/o knowing you I'd have no clue) it to smoke crack.

The mental gymnastics that occur once dependent are astounding, truly a phenomenon IMO.
 
I imagined it could've been by the way you phrased it ;P
/there's *always* an excuse, whether it's speed to get you through a day w/o sleep, or opiates so you're not too sick to go to work, etc, there's ALWAYS a way to justify it if you want to do it, addiction (and even physical dependence) is a *biatch*!!
 
So coming full circle somewhat...

How do you decipher your thoughts to recognize what is drug addled/craving 'rationalization' versus good rational judgment?

My guess would be you take those 'excuses' and rather than act on them immediately weigh them up against other opinions on your mind taking time to make an 'informed opinion'.
 
Actually it seems a pretty immediate thing - you need to make the distinction between responsible usage and dependence/addiction. Generally speaking, a good rule of thumb is to simply stop if you think you have a problem; I don't mean to necessarily stop forever, but if you're concerned w/ your usage, just stop it asap and see if you can / how long you can / etc, and you'll see whether you were in trouble or not. Justifying anything else is typically just "rationaliozation/excuses", and trust me you'll NEVER run out of those.

Oh and further on the "immediacey" thing, I'd say it's important to know where you stand and stick w/ it. It seems, anecdotally speaking, that if you "leave it to decide" you're usually going to do it, just leaving the decision "on the table" is the 1st step towards rationalizing something you clearly had concern w/ (otherwise it wouldn't occur to put it on the table ;P )

Definitely one of those "simple but not easy" things, far easier said than done!!
 
If you set up some general rules to follow (frequency, dosage, etc.) during a period of time that you are sober, you will have some basic guidelines to follow. If you are able to set up a system that works for you and that prevents your use from causing problems, then whenever you have the thought/urge you just have to determine whether or not it fits in to the plan that you have already decided.
 
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