Where I'm At in Recovering from a Serious Psychotic Reaction to Psychedelics

[Missykins]

...I'd say downers like opioids and GHB will be fine for you, just go easy on them since they're addictive. Its good to have benzos to counteract GHBs dopamine rebound though. I'd say you'd like kava, its an anxiolytic/sedative that is non addictive...

and


Over the past few months I tested out various GABAergic drugs as sleep aids to counteract dexedrine induced insomnia. I was switching between phenibut and benzos to avoid addiction to either one of those class of drugs. Anyhow, I quit after taking around 45mg of vaium in the space of 3 days. That was 3 weeks ago and while I feel alright, I have this kind of nervous, anxious feeling all the time now. I can't take amphetamines or opiates anymore because they'll greatly amplify this nervous feeling. I've more or less quit everything, I want to completely detox and get back to normal but its weird that 3 weeks after stopping all GABAergics, I still don't feel normal. There was no acute withdrawal, I was able to 8 hours of sleep every night so far. Has anyone here had a similar experience? If so, how long did it take to get back to normal?

With all due respect, Mycotheologist, give your recent experience with GABAergics, I probably wouldn't recommend them to someone else.

 

[Beat It]

I've had a experience very similar to this that contributed to some sever mental issues throughout my late adolescence. I always had what I believed to be a normal level of anxiety as a kid. Just your normal ups and downs. Then I started smoking marijuana all the time which didn't really effect my life too much, except for the fact I was paranoid all the time when I was high (my mom is a nazi and would freak out whenever she caught me smoking.) Kinda silly to continue smoking, but it was what all my friends did, and I would enjoy it from time to time. This essential factor is what led to my break. The first few times I used psychedelics was at musical festivals. By far some of the most inspiring and amazing moments of my life. However, it soon became a habit and I decided to trip at home. If I used psychedelics without other drugs I would be fine, but it was as soon as I started smoking with my trip I would experience that paranoia that I always experienced from smoking pot. Let's just say I don't think the two should be mixed if your prone to paranoia while smoking. I had a serious pychotic episode that lasted for a year because I perpetuated it with pot. Lost contact with my friends and family and totally isolated myself from the world. It took time but eventually I realized I needed to stop smoking and I got better naturally. For me, it just took time and some hard work on my part. I basically had to relearn social skills and find out ways to take care of my physical and mental health. In the end, the experience has changed me but in many ways for the better.

Psychedelics need to be treated with great respect, too many people think their invincible to drugs.

 

[It's a baby!]

Yeah that's a great post Beat It. A good friend of mine in Buffalo had the same delusions I did because we were tripping together and reading and discussing the same books. He's treating himself by abstention of drugs, getting out in the woods, yoga and meditation. I hate to say it but I needed an antipsychotic, I wish I could say I was one of those people who can just ride shit out but I'm not.

I don't think I'm manic. I'm in a great mood and I love to write. I sleep every night. Manic people stay up for days. I mean I could pathologize this state of mind and call it hypomania. Or I could say I'm 20, I'm 1 credit hour away from a bachelor's degree, I have good family, good friends, good food, good books and good tobacco to keep me company, etc. I have a lot to be happy about!

I have a friend with legitimate Bipolar I (he had a psychotic break without using any drugs). When he was having his break, he'd stay up for days to the point that he fell asleep standing up in a shower and it looked like a suicide attempt. I might have this sort of "push" in me that tempts me to stay up all night reading, but it's easily pushed aside, I set a bedtime and stick to it. My state of mind now isn't that distinguishable from that of any other 20 year old. But I am still on abilify, we'll see what happens as my psychiatrist starts to ween me off that. His goal is to get me off psychiatric medication by the end of august, then I'll keep checking up with him and he'll see if I do need drugs or not, and if so what drugs I need. Though I'm pretty set on never taking psychiatric medication again unless I'm having serious thoughts of harm of self.

 

[Mycotheologist]

So you're in a good mood, you can read and you can sleep. I'd say you're real close to a full recovery then. I doubt it will take you until August to quit, I'd try stopping the antipsychotic now and see how that goes. Don't set yourself the goal of quitting it, just stop taking it temporarily to see how you feel. In my state now (recovering from quitting GABAergics and amphetamines), I only have 1 of those 3 things going for me. I can sleep. Then again my moods improving by the day. One of the upsides to all this is I've started exercising heavily everyday which I've never done before. I've started looking forward to doing it every day in the same way I used to look forward to getting high. I recplaced the urge to take drugs with the urge to exercise. If you're not already, I highly recommend exercising like mad, it will help with your akithisia for one but in the long run, it makes you way more resistant to anxiety and stress. Maybe even psychosis too.

 

[It's a baby!]

So you're in a good mood, you can read and you can sleep. I'd say you're real close to a full recovery then. I doubt it will take you until August to quit, I'd try stopping the antipsychotic now and see how that goes. Don't set yourself the goal of quitting it, just stop taking it temporarily to see how you feel. In my state now (recovering from quitting GABAergics and amphetamines), I only have 1 of those 3 things going for me. I can sleep. Then again my moods improving by the day. One of the upsides to all this is I've started exercising heavily everyday which I've never done before. I've started looking forward to doing it every day in the same way I used to look forward to getting high. I recplaced the urge to take drugs with the urge to exercise. If you're not already, I highly recommend exercising like mad, it will help with your akithisia for one but in the long run, it makes you way more resistant to anxiety and stress. Maybe even psychosis too.

Glad to hear you're feeling better! Yeah I think a key part of recovering from these sorts of issues is positive thinking. You have to have faith in the homestatisizing properties of your own brain, and just tell yourself that every day is better than the day before. Because that IS the general trend, even though there will be ups and downs along the way, and even though it may take several weeks or months before you truly feel "normal".

My anxiety about crowds is way down. My anxiety in general is low. When I first got out of the hospital it was extreme to the point that I'd have panic attacks about lying down in my own bed. So I'm getting better, and it sounds like you are too

My only concern is that I may, in fact, have Bipolar I. But we won't know that until I get off the abilify. I'm just not going to worry about it too much, good moods only turn into psychosis when you stop sleeping or do too many drugs (or both).

 

[Missykins]

I have bipolar disorder so I'm hip to the clinical signs.

I'd let your doctor tell you (through a dialogue between the two of you) let you know when it's best to d/c the Abilify, which has been a great addition to my treatment, rather than one of us.

 

[CtPaul]

OK, a lot of things in this discussion disturb me. (1) "I was floridly psychotic and it was a GOOD mushroom trip that set it off."
Really? Can you honestly be certain that the mushrooms were not laced with PCP? (It happened to me once.... totally unpleasant!)
Did other people with you ingest the same batch of mushrooms? What were their reactions?

#2) "fuck drugs".... Come on... you say this and then start talking up nicotine products as tho you worked as a salesman for Philip Morris! Most of the things that you put into your body, especially if they produce pleasure, either are a drug or a drug delivery system. Ex... a crack pipe and chore boy is a drug delivery system for crack cocaine, a cigarette is a drug delivery system for nicotine, Dunkin Donut's coffee is a drug delivery system for caffeine, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream is a drug delivery system for sugar... you can see where I'm going with this, right?

The only way a person can be totally free of drugs is to be dead. If you can believe the VEGANS, whom I try hard to ignore, eating meat on a regular basis alters your brain and affects your behavior one way, while eating only veggies will make you all sweetness and filled with light (like a goddamn Fairy in the Lord of the Rings)

Likewise I have seen people in recovery latch onto that good ole bible-thumping religion. You can shut down your brain then, cause all the answers you'll ever need are in "THE BOOK"... Soon you will shun all other people contact and hang out only with The Followers of THE BOOK.

You know, I'm sorry. I am not going to delete this post but I do understand that you are going thru a rough time. I stopped going to AA and NA ages ago because I couldn't stand to hear war stories anymore. I also came to hate hearing people in early recovery making the "all or nothing" speech.

Everyone's body chemistry is somewhat unique. I loathe opiates. I love psychedelics... but even that has to be taken with a grain of salt... and I don't mean these new fangled synthetics named "bath salts" either! And having said that, I should add this: marijuana turned on me about 25 years ago. Where-as I used to love being high on grass, and loved the belly laughs, one day there was no laughter... just unease.... "Maybe it's a bad batch" I said to myself, and bought another ounce from a different source... but no... the paranoia was still there.

What caused this: Did my life circumstances change enough that year so that I now had things to lose if I was busted? Or did the brain chemicals, the neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, become depleted and could no longer cause the same chemical reaction to the grass as had happened in the past? Or was it a combination of both things?

And finally, yes I think that the suggestion to exercise regularly is totally valid. I also think that, for some people, doing a 9 - 5 job, punching a time clock, having a very regular routine, is a good thing. I knew many people who were struggling with drug issues, and the only sanity in their lives was their work routine. Unfortunately, in this economy, not everyone can find a job.

 

[It's a baby!]

OK, a lot of things in this discussion disturb me. (1) "I was floridly psychotic and it was a GOOD mushroom trip that set it off."
Really? Can you honestly be certain that the mushrooms were not laced with PCP? (It happened to me once.... totally unpleasant!)
Did other people with you ingest the same batch of mushrooms? What were their reactions?

#2) "fuck drugs".... Come on... you say this and then start talking up nicotine products as tho you worked as a salesman for Philip Morris! Most of the things that you put into your body, especially if they produce pleasure, either are a drug or a drug delivery system. Ex... a crack pipe and chore boy is a drug delivery system for crack cocaine, a cigarette is a drug delivery system for nicotine, Dunkin Donut's coffee is a drug delivery system for caffeine, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream is a drug delivery system for sugar... you can see where I'm going with this, right?

The only way a person can be totally free of drugs is to be dead. If you can believe the VEGANS, whom I try hard to ignore, eating meat on a regular basis alters your brain and affects your behavior one way, while eating only veggies will make you all sweetness and filled with light (like a goddamn Fairy in the Lord of the Rings)

Likewise I have seen people in recovery latch onto that good ole bible-thumping religion. You can shut down your brain then, cause all the answers you'll ever need are in "THE BOOK"... Soon you will shun all other people contact and hang out only with The Followers of THE BOOK.

You know, I'm sorry. I am not going to delete this post but I do understand that you are going thru a rough time. I stopped going to AA and NA ages ago because I couldn't stand to hear war stories anymore. I also came to hate hearing people in early recovery making the "all or nothing" speech.

Everyone's body chemistry is somewhat unique. I loathe opiates. I love psychedelics... but even that has to be taken with a grain of salt... and I don't mean these new fangled synthetics named "bath salts" either! And having said that, I should add this: marijuana turned on me about 25 years ago. Where-as I used to love being high on grass, and loved the belly laughs, one day there was no laughter... just unease.... "Maybe it's a bad batch" I said to myself, and bought another ounce from a different source... but no... the paranoia was still there.

What caused this: Did my life circumstances change enough that year so that I now had things to lose if I was busted? Or did the brain chemicals, the neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, become depleted and could no longer cause the same chemical reaction to the grass as had happened in the past? Or was it a combination of both things?

And finally, yes I think that the suggestion to exercise regularly is totally valid. I also think that, for some people, doing a 9 - 5 job, punching a time clock, having a very regular routine, is a good thing. I knew many people who were struggling with drug issues, and the only sanity in their lives was their work routine. Unfortunately, in this economy, not everyone can find a job.

Yes, I can guarantee the mushrooms were good. I knew the man who grew them. And as far as "no drugs", clearly nicotine is a drug, as is caffeine, and benzatropine, and aripiprazole. But nicotine never put anybody in a mental ward. It might give me cancer but it does not make me insane. Marijuana makes me feel insane, I tried it one time in the middle of the break and it just made me crazier. Mushrooms? Acid? Hell no! As much as I love them I'd be worried the whole trip that this one would be like the last one, that I would not truly come down for weeks. Opiates? I love them to death and they could easily make me a shady person, so I just say "no" to them. I never liked stimulants or benzos. I will go back to social drinking some day but I still crave alcohol too much to do that.

Also yeah I have no interest in NA, they get so wrapped up in their perception as "ADDICTS FOR LIFE!!!" that they'll have some little relapse and use it as an excuse to go all the way back. It's like a weird cult. One of my distant cousins is in it and was actually going to drive down from NYC to take me to a meeting. It worked for him but it's not the path for me. Plus with what little experience I have with members, they like to talk about drugs, they're obsessed with them. They always want to tell you some crazy story about their drug use.

Not ALL of them are like that, not in the least, but the few I have had contact with in one way or another were not helpful.

Basically, I fundamentally accept that some people want to use drugs and should be allowed to. Most people can trip every weekend for years and have nothing worse happen to them than perhaps becoming a bit eccentric. I'm not one of those people. My friends are, and that's okay, I love stoners, I still am a stoner at heart.

 

[CtPaul]

Hey "Its a Baby"
I just got back from Planet Fitness ($100 for an entire year!) I have to tell you something.... I have a very good vocabulary but I messed up in your case. I thought you were simply being a bit grandiose when you said that you were "Floridly psychotic". I did not know, until a few minutes ago, that it is a recognized psychiatric term for one stage of a schizophenic breakdown.

I have been treated at various times since 1985 for clinical depression. The first time it occured, I was so far down the rabbit hole that I did not understand what was wrong with me. Now I can see the signs coming (for myself) a mile away!

Did you know that ripe bananas supposedly contain noticible amounts of dopamine? I wonder if that is simply a sneaky marketing tactic by the Dole Company? Throw out your Prozac and Welbutrin... eat 5 bananas a day and watch your troubles melt away!!!

If I gave you a hard time I apologize... sometimes I think I am responding to another person and really, I am verbalizing an internal debate.
Maybe, someday, you could teach me how to grow mushrooms.... it's all I can do to grow peppers and tomatos!

 

[It's a baby!]

Haha no worries man, I understood what you were saying. That's how internet forums go. We're all basically talking to ourselves, and a lot can get lost in translation. I have no interest in SSRI's, I can safely say. I have a great interest in getting off the abilify because it causes anhedonia and feelings of emptiness. It also causes restlessness and insomnia as common side-effects. So I won't know who the real "me" is until I get off it.

Like I was pacing back and forth incessantly and my muscles were so tense I'd move my arm up and it would stay there, then I finally saw a shrink, he was like "I understand you're partly tense because you're meeting with a psychiatrist and you just got out of a psych ward but let me do some simple tests." He had me rest my arm in his arm and my arm didn't drop when he moved his hand away. He also did something to test my reflexes. And he was like "okay! Good news! That incessant pacing and strange body posture isn't you, it's the meds. Here's something to ease that in the meantime while we work on getting you off of them by the end of August."

And he was right! My mood has improved greatly because I no longer look like someone who just got out a psych ward. I was so bad at fine motor movements I'd have to ask my mother or father to tie my shoes for me.

Also I'd never teach you to grow mushrooms, that'd be conspiracy to commit a felony. It's all good though

 

[Beat It]

I'm so glad to hear how well your doing. Going through this kind of experience I feel so much empathy for anyone who has to go through it. You sound like your doing so much better!! :D I know how it feels to be a little crazy after smoking pot, and all of my friends smoke all the time. I still think it's a nice way to relax. I'll be staying away from those psychedelics as well... I've been to the bottom of the rabbit hole before and it's hard to get back out once your there! God bless.

 

[It's a baby!]

The psychosis is virtually gone now, I think. Granted I am taking psychiatric medication, but I was still having some delusions while on this dose. I don't know if the psychosis itself has faded, or if the medicine has just built up to a stable level in my blood. I'm just going to trust my psychiatrist. He's going to get me off the medication by the end of August and see what "emerges" when we do that. One very encouraging sign is that my anxiety is back to a manageable level, and aripiprazole does not treat anxiety, in fact it can induce it as a side-effect. When I first got home I was having anxiety attacks on a daily basis about the simplest things. Now I still have some anxiety, but it's a neurotic's anxiety, not a psychotic's.

What I'm dealing with now is the BOREDOM any serious druggie is bound to experience. But I'm just going easy on myself. The boredom is partly from the antipsychotic, no doubt about it, but I think a more major component is just that I was psychologically dependent for about five years on using whatever I could get my hands on to alter my consciousness. I'm just going easy on myself. I'm in a safe place, I'm with my family, we're a little dysfunctional (I feel like I get my craziness from my dad and my depression from my mom, while my three siblings are all fairly stable) but we love each other. I have this feeling of "what should I be doing...?" I used to smoke pot and it would make everything fascinating. But I'm just going to ride this out. Same thing with the restlessness. I'm physically and mentally restless. This is partly a medication side-effect which is managed by cogentin, and partly just me psychologically getting used to sitting still the way everyone else does without starting every day with a joint to do that. There's so much time in every day. When I was using drugs, days, weeks would fly by without my really noticing it. Now I am truly aware of just how much time there is in every day between waking and sleeping. It's only 8:30AM! I've been up since 5:30 AM, my sleep schedule these days is basically 11PM-6AM or somewhere in that area.

Also I'm sleeping much better. I just lie down and go to sleep. I used to be so envious of people who could sleep without smoking pot, and now I'm one of those people myself! I even take naps in the afternoon sometimes without trying to (probably because 6-7 hours of sleep isn't quite optimal for me). What worked for me is taking 2.5mg of melatonin at about 9:30PM, and when I go to bed I don't think of it as going to sleep, I think of it as resting. I tell myself, "I'm gonna lie awake in bed with a blinder on and my eyes closed and toss and turn a bit, my bed'll be so comfortable." And I'm asleep before I know it.

Having psychiatric problems is a lot like tripping, in a way. You just have to have faith that your brain will return to normal