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Where do you guys stand in terms of your partner going on vacation alone/with friends

Great post ZayKayWill, completely agreed.

There should be no issue at all with an SO doing something without you, whether somewhere with one person of the opposite sex or not. If there is, that'd indicative of trust issues and insecurities. Which, are signs of bigger issues in both the relationship and in the individual partner's psyches.

Relationships are only true if founded on trust, acceptance, and unconditional love.


Durzo, it is 100% not naive to believe without a doubt that something won't happen in the kinds of situations you speak of. That's called trust. If you've lost yours in other human beings and are yet to have regained it, fine, but that doesn't mean that every other human being who rightly trusts one of the people closest to them in their lives, their SO, is naive and stupid. Anything can happen, yes, but I can trust. Without trust and faith there is nothing. Whether in a relationship or in life.
 
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I'm not going to argue, I never had much trust or faith in people and have even less now. If you can trust someone unconditionally all the better for you. If you want loyalty. Get a dog.

Also I'm not saying that they will without a doubt cheat on you in that scenario, I'm saying that for me the odds of that happening are not acceptable.
 
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If they want to go let them go, who are you to deny them fun? If they are the type of person who would like to sleep with someone else while on vacation, whether alcohol/drug induced 'mistake' or otherwise, then more power to them. Sure it will hurt, if they led you to believe it was a monogomaus serious relationship, but that is something that must be discussed... who is one adult to try to control another and who they sleep with, whether it be guy/girl or whatever other dichotomy... and perhaps being okay with them doing that will make them realize how awesome you truely are, for accepting them and at same time wanting a truely monogamous relationship with them. Because that is a very special thing.

Love and light
 
You guys are awesome. Every other forum I asked this question on people said absolutely not it would be a dealbreaker. Kinda depressing honestly. It's almost as if the majority of the world population has trust/insecurity issues. :/
 
ZayKayWill said:
You guys are awesome. Every other forum I asked this question on people said absolutely not it would be a dealbreaker. Kinda depressing honestly. It's almost as if the majority of the world population has trust/insecurity issues. :/
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It/they do. One of the saddest realizations is finding out that the majority of the world is steeped in neuroses, lies, and unhealthy thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors :\

That being said, I'm glad you're here and able to find reassurance and confirmation of your intuitions in us :)
 
The sexism in this thread is remarkable. Guys - you do not "let" your girlfriends do things. They are free to do as they please. You do not control them! If your girlfriends are only doing specific things because you allow them to and don't "let" them do other things, you need some feminism 101 lessons.
 
My gf is getting ready to go on a vacation without me. She's an adult, not my slave, she can do whatever the fuck she wants and certainly doesn't need my permission or anything ridiculous like that. Am i concerned? Only about how much I'm going to miss her while she's gone.

flyingpertyhigh said:
If your girlfriends are only doing specific things because you allow them to and don't "let" them do other things, you need some feminism 101 lessons.
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More like human rights 101
 
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Just so we're all clear do you guys feel the same say if your partner were to go on vacation with someone of the opposite sex as your partner? Most people say that it's naive and that the chances of your partner getting feelings for that person are high and just too risky...I mean idk I don't think that's always the case Ive vacationed with a couple girls and 1 guy and nothing happened same with another girl who had a bf we went to California together for a concert and even shared a bed and nothing happened and her bf was okay with it. Didn't get feelings for either of them...I think it's very possible to not always fall in love with opposite gender friends. Yet most people in this world just don't think its possible and that it's naive to even believe that its possible to stay platonic. Really hate this world sometimes. :/
 
ZayKayWill said:
Just so we're all clear do you guys feel the same say if your partner were to go on vacation with someone of the opposite sex as your partner? Most people say that it's naive and that the chances of your partner getting feelings for that person are high and just too risky...I mean idk I don't think that's always the case Ive vacationed with a couple girls and 1 guy and nothing happened same with another girl who had a bf we went to California together for a concert and even shared a bed and nothing happened and her bf was okay with it. Didn't get feelings for either of them...I think it's very possible to not always fall in love with opposite gender friends. Yet most people in this world just don't think its possible and that it's naive to even believe that its possible to stay platonic. Really hate this world sometimes. :/
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I've known people that believe it's ok and some that dont. It doesn't really matter in the end as nothing you do or say will prevent the inevitable if the inevitable is inevitably going to happen.
 
gmlifer said:
I've known people that believe it's ok and some that dont. It doesn't really matter in the end as nothing you do or say will prevent the inevitable if the inevitable is inevitably going to happen.
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That's exactly how I feel. If they're gonna cheat on you trying to control what they do isn't gonna stop it. Cmon people.
 
Durzo1258 said:
I learned from that experience that you can't fully trust someone. Drugs and alcohol have made many reliable people "make a mistake". I wouldn't mind my woman going with a group of friends I know. I'd take that risk, but I'm not going to give my consent for her to go on her own or worse yet with a male "friend". You say it's unfair to assume they will end up cheating, maybe, but it's naive to assume that they 100% will not.
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I understand why you'd feel this way if you've burned badly in the past, especially if you've been burned repeatedly. But not everyone is shitty enough to do that. Not trusting someone who is trustworthy just because other people have proven untrustworthy is a great way to never be able to have a stable relationship. Because if someone has given you no reason to distrust them, and you put jealousy on them, they will rightfully be upset and feel controlled. And they wouldn't be wrong.

It can be scary to let yourself trust, but it's the only way to have a stable long-term relationship.
 
After 30 years, I LIVE for the 1 time each year we go on separate vacations. I go to Vegas or LA to play poker. She goes to visit family or old high school friends. And it's a coin toss as to which week I enjoy more. Even if I'm working that week she's gone, every day is like Friday. It's as close to freedom as I am otherwise allowed to approach!
 
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