When will I feel normal
- Thread starter yubacity
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Today has been a good day. No cravings Its weird how somedays are great no cravings and the next day that all you think about is the gear . Thing is its the first thing I think of when stressed . Spent the whole day listening to bootlegs of zeppelin concerts hour after hour in my 13th hour now. When all your mates are either coke heads or on the gear you end up becoming scared to even go see them unless you wanting a relapse.
Rio Fantastic
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I think that's really smart of you yuba to stay away from your using friends, especially while you feel vulnerable. Did you manage to leave the pregabs alone mate?? I'm on 11 days off the gear & white and found myself drinking for the 2nd time yesterday, but it wasn't great - I've never been much of a drinker, and it's made me feel really unmotivated and lazy today so I'm going to not repeat it till December. I have been pretty craving-free recently, but I always relapse around day 14 so I'm staying aware so that I don't fall prey to it - I really want to spend this winter & Christmas especially sober, I'm so tired of being burdened with this fucking addiction when everyone around me is festive & celebrating & happy, so I'm keeping that in mind for my low points. hows it going yuba?
Sorry, Rio I only came on here because I was on music thread and not heard from you. I normally get alerts but must have missed one. You doing really good brother. I'm only a drinker when I got a couple of packets in my pocket. You are lucky bruv you come to this stage of being sick of the fucking addiction dance while still young. My advice don't count days it makes the cravings worse when you near you relapse day. My normal relapse was six weeks and around that time I would use that to relapse. Do you like smoking weed if you do make some edibles that give that deep buzz we miss from gear never as good but does the trick for me. If you not a big smoker don't try an edible. Christmas is a hard time to be sober everyone of our friends that use be on the coke I used to get fucked this time of year. But the thing is Rio we never stop after the new year we cant because our addiction grabs us by the balls. We got to accept what we are and stay away. I was low yesterday because it was thanksgiving in the states a time for families and im alone in the UK. I just got stoned as fuck me and my mate got a mixed kebab tray he done his heroin and I got stoned and craved some gear. I not done any pregabs for a while it to easy for them to get me so the fear controls how frequently I use them . The days you dont feel good maybe fatigued or lazy dont do fuck all those days. On the worse days just think if i dont do fuck all today as long as i dont use its still a good day . I hate saying things like that make me feel like they drug free slogans but it the truth . Ill cheak this thread every day so wont miss your post . Stay stong ,my brother
Spent three heavy days up north while getting a jimmy page tattoo. I had 3 days booked a day each for me and my pals. One is a coke head so naturally I gave in after my second Jamesons . Even though I got smashed on drink and coke I did not sniff out any gear which is for me a good thing. The tattoo artist said it the worst thing to do before getting a tattoo but I not bleed out too much. Thought fuck it drink enough whiskey that put me to sleep
This fucking insomnia is doing my head in. Not touched any opiates in months got to be at least 6 months I don't count but still can't sleep properly. Was on the gear so long and obviously never had a problem sleeping. I sometimes don't sleep a whole night then carry on with my day and sleep the second night. I tried everything I find out about 5 htp this gotu kola and other natural remedies no luck. Anyone know what non-addictive natural remedy that can help
Captain.Heroin
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To be fair if there's days where it's not all you think about, you're doing something right. If I try to abruptly quit shatter/cannabis it will be the central obsession until I relapse. Been baked a solid 15 years or so, don't think I'll ever be able to quit.
Enjoy the other thoughts your mind can center on, focus on those, enjoy the small joys in life. That's what I had to do to get like, lol maybe 12 hours without cannabis or shatter (keep in mind this is the only drug I'm using daily 8( and it's the last one I cannot quit; I've met people like me who quit heroin but can't quit ____ like oh, I don't know, cigs, alcohol, whatever.... how is pot my bane?) I guess I should feel blessed/lucky since marijuana is largely benign? Ugh.
Definitely going to be a lifelong thing for me.
Captain.Heroin
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The inability to sleep well may be related to life-long genetically inherited diseases that modern science doesn't recognize as a life-long genetically inherited disease, potentially, and I have recognized social anxiety, generalized anxiety, insomnia, agitation, confusion, inability to pay attention and social phobia to be the hallmarks of what I call "the onset of Alzheimer's" or "the life-long diseases that is Alzheimer's and is largely not a big deal until you are much older".
I guess what I have could be worse.... I could have Huntington's, but I'm almost sure I will acquire Alzheimer's if I live to be old enough. My friends are like "you can get a genetic test" so I can confirm what I already know? Nah, that's cool, I'll hope I'm wrong? Ugh. I probably should though.
Natural sleep go-to's:
valerian tea
exercise
warm showers/baths
relaxing music
meditation
important question do you FEAR not sleeping/insomnia? You may want to try deliberately staying up for as long as you want as "sleep deprivation can be a tool to fight against depression" for some of us.... but again, the theory bzd's/opiates are addictive is because we fear insomnia is UTTERLY INSANE, when I read that philosophical point, for myself at least. I know if a doctor tells me "no bzd's, see how many days you can stay up for before you get bored" IT WOULD BE A REALLY TERRIBLE IDEA and would end badly. I have gone up to 7 before, do you really want me to push that personal limit? Really? I don't fear insomnia/not sleeping. I hate my nightmares/dreams. I fear sleep itself, not insomnia. Insomnia is a blessing compared to my chronic nightmares.
if you're like me and it doesn't phase you or might even feel "normal" to go 2 days without sleep, don't for the love of god try that suggestion ok?
You can try more intense exercise if walking/whatever you are used to isn't doing it; many ex-drug users take up exercise to help rebalance many body rhythms.
How you doing my friend. I quit hheroin but dont think I can ever stop weed which not a problem in California. I have never enjoyed a drink without some coke so weed it is. When I'm back in California I can get good edibles that let me sleep but I had to come back to the UK to help my cousin beat his demons and I try to make good weed muffins cake but it not good enough. Weed is ok my brother at least it's a mental addiction not like the physical one of heroin we had that has left us with a life long battle to avoid triggers.
The things you describe I can relate to I can remember the old man coming in my room and giving me a few digs because the tv on and I do not sleep eventually he took tv out of my room then I would just listen to music on my disk man. I had social phobia until I started using crank which made me the opposite fun outgoing not having the anxiety build before going out. I do worry that a couple of decades of hard drug use will give me dementia or some other disease must do how can I fuck my brain chemistry up for so long and it not get its payback. I fear insomnia I spend all night listening to zeppelin bootlegs Joe Rogan podcasts because I need something to listen to while trying to sleep habits from early teens. I do a lot of punch bag work until I'm exhausted but my brain did not shut off when it's about 5 I give up on sleep have a couple of cups of coffee and start my day it is normal for me to sleep a second night now. I think heroin just masked it all those years. Thanks for the advice brother enough about me these nightmares have you ever talked to sleep specialists maybe they can give you ways to get a good night or even a few hours sleep I'm thinking of trying it when I'm back in states this month because for me this insomnia will lead me back to some kind of dependency like today I have grabbed a strip of Lyrica a drug that I have been addicted to on and of since I quit heroin but I know if I take it I will sleep but it leads to addiction and a horrible mental withdrawal that not ease for days and days. I love a lyrica buzz so easy to get on it. It was fun doing drugs in our youth problem was the lucky ones got off the party bus and we stayed on it because it masked our problems a couple of decades later when we finally got off the problems we tried to mask were still there. Keep good bruv and thanks for advice
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Captain.Heroin
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Good to hear you doing better my friendOh it’s a problem in CA when any good job drug tests
I’m doing better my friend.
How is everyone doing hope your all well? I have been back in states for a bit. In the UK for a week still clean cant remember eact date last year i quit but been a long ti me since i been fucked on gear . Can say im back to normal craving hardly ever have them now .
Hey guys,
Im about 5-6 weeks into a oxycontin withdrawl, I was taking 40mg daily for 5years. I still cant seem to find much emotions yet, I have felt anger and sadness but it fades quickly and takes alot. Im yet to feel joy or enthusiastic, all my drive i once had is gone.... rather lost in life..... when do people find this pass?
thanks alot
Im about 5-6 weeks into a oxycontin withdrawl, I was taking 40mg daily for 5years. I still cant seem to find much emotions yet, I have felt anger and sadness but it fades quickly and takes alot. Im yet to feel joy or enthusiastic, all my drive i once had is gone.... rather lost in life..... when do people find this pass?
thanks alot
Shady's Fox
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You just need to find something worth living for. 505 -- It's common, you need to lay low for a while. Take a warm bath, avoid fights, take some immune meds. Exercise, listen chill music ( lo-fi ) but remember one thing, you can't be alone in this, if you have a friend be grateful, call him, laugh/talk. Drive has to be driven.
Jabberwocky
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5 years is a long time for your brain chemsitry to be out of whack so its natural that it would take a while to get back. shady's advice is all good.
i do know, when i was in rehab i was getting angry at these people all being able to laugh. i realised that i had just become a completely joyless individual. then one day, i caught myself laughing. and it felt amazing to know i was even capable of it. so it'll be worth it if you can wait it out.
also are you getting any therapy? you may have some underlying mood problems that drove you to using in the first place.
i do know, when i was in rehab i was getting angry at these people all being able to laugh. i realised that i had just become a completely joyless individual. then one day, i caught myself laughing. and it felt amazing to know i was even capable of it. so it'll be worth it if you can wait it out.
also are you getting any therapy? you may have some underlying mood problems that drove you to using in the first place.
Thankyou for the replys, i got into an argument with my partner and i blurted out i didnt love her but im also very confused with how i feel with everything, almost like i can but cant feel again, im unsure how being "normal" feels.... has anyone else experianced this.. thankyou