Hopeless when it's time

[anonymouse77]

I feel it's time to check out. I just want to get my will organised and make sure it is used instead of a home will kit I did years ago and is with my mother. I have a feeling she will try to push that will as it favours her grandkids rather than my current wishes.

Also I can't really afford to get a new will done until some money I have matures next April. Last quote I got was about $400 for a will to be professionally done. I don't even have that much so I wonder if it's worth it. I'd rather just do drugs with my money and die that way.

Thank you for reading.

 

[anonymouse77]

I don't want to encourage you to commit suicide, but i'll leave it to the others to try and talk you out of it. I suffer from suicidal depression myself and hate hearing pep talks when i'm in that state of mind.

I do wanna encourage you to get your will done before you do it though. Who knows, things might take a turn for the better in the meantime, and at least you'll get to go on your own terms.

Thank you. I cannot stop crying today. Six stupid months until this money matures. I could end it now and lost six months of waiting.

Did I mention that the one brother who talks to me (ie. fake) is trying to either get me to spend my money on a new car when I don't need it (I have a 2017 kia with under 20, 000kms on the clock so barely nothing). The other idea he pitched was if I payed for a "holiday of a lifetime" for me AND him to go overseas to England, Ireland, etc..... He is completely evil and manipulative towards me and my mother has shunned me and won't talk to me.

 

[kiely]

Awe don't be sad or let your family bring you down so terribly. They just need better life skills and to try to work on being better than they are.

Don't let them bring you down too much like that.

There will be better days and days that you will do much better. You just have to figure them all out !! It gets better it really does.

Yes ! Please try to stay calm and figure this all out !! Okay ??

 

[yubacity]

Dont spend your money coming to England its a shithole but I love it . I know it can be bad with families do whats best for you and thats sticking about

 

[Asclepius]

Thank you. I cannot stop crying today. Six stupid months until this money matures. I could end it now and lost six months of waiting.

Did I mention that the one brother who talks to me (ie. fake) is trying to either get me to spend my money on a new car when I don't need it (I have a 2017 kia with under 20, 000kms on the clock so barely nothing). The other idea he pitched was if I payed for a "holiday of a lifetime" for me AND him to go overseas to England, Ireland, etc..... He is completely evil and manipulative towards me and my mother has shunned me and won't talk to me.

Why, would someone who so conscientiously, thinks forward, want to destroy themselves to perpetuate their legacy? ...phone a friend?

... depression. You won the answer
You feel like such a waste of oxygen that the only, useful thing you can do, is leave something, to others - because 'obviously' you're a piece of shit that needs to be destroyed, right?!

Totally, relatable. Am sure you're just sick of all the shit of dealing with your family, lecturing you on what to do, what plans to make...everyone controlling the narrative - awful stuff. Dignity, being slowly eroded.

So. Death, before dishonour - Nah!

You're depressed, you're in the worst position you can be in but you, are you ( stop being a cruel fuck to yourself). You, sound to me to be a fucking, hero!
You take your self destructive shite & tell it to fuck off & get back to you, when/until you get your mind & pieces together & get a space to deal - then, you can decide on ending your life.
Not until, you got the mind to treat yourself straight, face yourself honestly, with decent people around you & make that decision.

 

[kiely]

You can do this !!!! . . .

 

[kiely]

Hi. This is our new kitty cat. Do you have a lot of kitty cat pics?

They sure are tough to find, post, and take, though.

He was so little when we first got him. He got so big already. I have some little ones of him. Somewhere.

So we didn't know what he was at first so his name was yup spirit/ghostie. Now we know it's a boy !!!!

Now his formal name is TeeHee. Because he makes us laugh so much. It's soo cute and so funny.

I never thought I would be able to laugh like that again !!!

I was in denial but having a new little kitty around was the best thing ever in a while.

It's a big step but it is so much fun. And when you get them young enough they just blend in with all of the other pets and animals.

Because who just wouldn't want to have a little meow meow around !!!

It is a lot of work and patients but he makes up for it when he makes us all laugh and smile. They know.

Happiness really is a new puppy or kitty. NOT those nagging family members. !!!!!

Please be well. And well you should get a meow meow. Then tell them you can't go to EU because you have to take care of the little one. !!!!

Chances are they will just forget about the trip after a while and might just get some kitty toys instead !!! teehee.

Share and love the good times and better times to spare.

 

[anonymouse77]

Hi. This is our new kitty cat. Do you have a lot of kitty cat pics?

They sure are tough to find, post, and take, though.

He was so little when we first got him. He got so big already. I have some little ones of him. Somewhere.

So we didn't know what he was at first so his name was yup spirit/ghostie. Now we know it's a boy !!!!

Now his formal name is TeeHee. Because he makes us laugh so much. It's soo cute and so funny.

I never thought I would be able to laugh like that again !!!

I was in denial but having a new little kitty around was the best thing ever in a while.

It's a big step but it is so much fun. And when you get them young enough they just blend in with all of the other pets and animals.

Because who just wouldn't want to have a little meow meow around !!!

It is a lot of work and patients but he makes up for it when he makes us all laugh and smile. They know.

Happiness really is a new puppy or kitty. NOT those nagging family members. !!!!!

Please be well. And well you should get a meow meow. Then tell them you can't go to EU because you have to take care of the little one. !!!!

Chances are they will just forget about the trip after a while and might just get some kitty toys instead !!! teehee.

Share and love the good times and better times to spare.

Thank you so much for your reply, kind words and pic of your cute kitty. I love it very much! I tried to work out how to post a picture on here but it just opens with a http prompt thing and I don't know beyond that. I don't post pics on instagram or anywhere online but I do have some photos of my cat I would love to share with anyone who's interested if I can figure out how to do it.

I went to my GP yesterday and just felt like a waste of space. He kind of smirked when I walked in and asked what my list is for today. He even said how he can't fix my life for me.... He spent more time and I got a prescription for Nuvigil which I wanted to try but will cost a bit as they are on a private script. I also got a script for diazepam but it's a staggered script thing again where they only give me 16 a month (until the 50 runs out) and I have to go to the same pharmacy.

AND I told him I just quit the nicotine lozenge thing as of literally saturday as they were now making me cough uncontrollably and badly. I also mentioned the tooth decay and how I need fillings the next week but it was the coughing which made me quit. Very unpleasant and since I stopped the coughing has stopped. I could tell it was an irritant and it flared up when I had a lozenge. So now if I get these tooth fillings (the first dental work in my life) I am worried I will need a strong pain killer like opioid for the pain. Also I am worried the tooth may crumble if they drill at it as my teeth hurt overall and feel crumbly. Would it be better if they were left alone now that I have quit the lozenges and see if they heal a bit on their own without drilling potentially good tooth away? It's in a week so I need to decide. I could go the appointment and tell them of the lozenge addiction and that I want to wait before fillings. Surely I have that control over my body? If it's feeling better of course.


I haven't spoke to that brother in a couple of days. He hasn't mentioned the trip in a while. I would be on edge or eggshells with him I feel. I don't think he would even go as he has a wife who can't really look after herself. He is a lot older than me - I'm 46 and he's in his 60's. He snaps if things don't go his way or he doesn't like something so I can't imagine being stuck away with him and all he does is complain and snap. It wouldn't be pleasant. Our father was the same but I tolerated more with him given he's our father but this brother is exactly the same in a lot of ways.

Thank you for listening. I sometimes with there was a "service" where I could hire someone to stab me to death.

 

[kiely]

Your heart is a stabbing of Empathy. I don't even know how you do it. I sure could learn from you ?
I don't even know how you even managed to grow and be so good. You are so much better than that. And your kindness, no wonder they feed off of you.
You're so sweet and intelligent and compassionate. . . ect
But . .
It's a lot. Bbl.

Keep up the good work. You just became my new Idol. Just kidding. Kind of.

But thank you for helping me realize how important it is to be able find happiness.


Thank you for sharing the happiness you have in your heart, Not theirs.

 

[kiely]

Oh gawd. Did you figure out out to add attachments (pics) ! You have to find an app. that will download the picture for you on to your post. The app has to grab the pic and download it here into the square. It really sounds more complicated than it is. It's just finding a photo uploader or something free like imgure. Its nice to have and you can grab it somewhere.

Oh I hope you are doing well and I am so happy that your are interested in a healthy lifestyle in other threads too.

Erbs and tea really are interesting. And I really do wish I did know more about both tea and different herbs. Blends.

Hope you are doing well. Oh, I don't get out much. ( on board ) Or slow about it.

Take Care.

 

[anonymouse77]

Oh gawd. Did you figure out out to add attachments (pics) ! You have to find an app. that will download the picture for you on to your post. The app has to grab the pic and download it here into the square. It really sounds more complicated than it is. It's just finding a photo uploader or something free like imgure. Its nice to have and you can grab it somewhere.

Oh I hope you are doing well and I am so happy that your are interested in a healthy lifestyle in other threads too.

Erbs and tea really are interesting. And I really do wish I did know more about both tea and different herbs. Blends.

Hope you are doing well. Oh, I don't get out much. ( on board ) Or slow about it.

Take Care.

Thank you so much. I tried it with one picture so will see how this goes. This is the adoption photo I stole from the adoption place as it was so cute and it's hard for me to get a good photo of her myself. She is a tortoiseshell named Holly.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

Many families have their problems. I’m sorry you were dealt such a hand. If I had what sounded like such intense harassment, I don’t know how I could cope either if I wouldn’t be able to move away and reduce or cut contact. My problems seem small all of a sudden.
I hope you come to the right answers.

 

[anonymouse77]

Many families have their problems. I’m sorry you were dealt such a hand. If I had what sounded like such intense harassment, I don’t know how I could cope either if I wouldn’t be able to move away and reduce or cut contact. My problems seem small all of a sudden.
I hope you come to the right answers.

Thank you for your reply. That's the thing that makes it hard to talk to others about it because most people just say and believe that most or all families are like it and I understand they can be to a degree but I do honestly believe that this family I was born into is very toxic and dysfunctional to a severe degree and I seem to be their scapegoat. I phoned my elderly mother yesterday for the first time in months and she was as cool as ice. The radio silence where she barely answers back and yet with others she is outgoing and talkative and people think she is this wonderful person. But it's not how she is with me. I told her I loved her and she just said nothing except asked how my cat was. Then when I asked her if she loved me she barely answered. I got lectures of "...when you're *nice*!" That she likes me when I'm nice, etc. Always a condition and if I speak up for myself in any way then I'm abusive and nasty and she wants nothing more to do with me. She barely wants anything to do with me as it is. Her coldness towards me has just gotten worse in her older age.

 

[kiely]

Thank you so much. I tried it with one picture so will see how this goes. This is the adoption photo I stole from the adoption place as it was so cute and it's hard for me to get a good photo of her myself. She is a tortoiseshell named Holly.

That is a cool photo !!! We have a hallway like that over here at the humane society shelter. There are so many pic's. One of my co workers asked me if I saw a picture of her dog. And I said where. There seems like there are thousands of them. lol. Really.

I got a t-shirt there too. For free for some reason. It was nice. But I got the long sleeve shirt. I try to get the 3/4 jerseys or long sleeves because they are harder to find.

There are many different cat breeds too. It is cool. I love having pets. That is so cool that you found her and you have each other. They really are aware. And know a lot.

They can't talk. But really they can, if you listen. Our new kitty purrrs too.

I have many pet stories I am sure. But it is really great to have them around too.
--------------
I got an allergy flare up from something. Maybe I need to clean my Britta water filter. I don't know. But I had to use some nasal spray and I couldn't sleep all night and I am doing not so well at this time.

Maybe it's anxiety though. But talk to you soon or when I can sometime. I am glad that you found your kitty. She is perfect. You are real Pro.

Best wishes and for the gifts that are precious. Like Holly. She looks very Regal. Take care. Hey write or post anytime. I will keep in touch with my prayers or positive thoughts and as much as possible. Sorry I have such anxiety today. It could be the nasal spray making me jittery. My dog is doing okay. But she keeps eating too muck.

Thank you for your posts. And for making me smile. See. Life is better with CATS. And you.

Oh Holly is Awesome. Thnxxx Much.

 

[phall]

I'm not happy that these cat images are being photo shopped leaving my cat unfairly high standards to live upto

 

[kiely]

Thank you for your reply. I got lectures of "...when you're *nice*!" That she likes me when I'm nice, etc. Always a condition and if I speak up for myself in any way then I'm abusive and nasty and she wants nothing more to do with me. She barely wants anything to do with me as it is. Her coldness towards me has just gotten worse in her older age.

That's terrible. I could never talk that way to a daughter.

That's bringing tears to my eyes somehow.

It is weird how her thought process is though. She couldn't have thought of any other way to say something. That was very sad.

She shouldn't be so bitter. She should try to think in a more happier perspective to set a better example . . . even for herself. lol. So sorry.

Wow I hope you feel better. YOU'RE her daughter ffs.

I am glad you have your cat and are a gift for each other. Omg sometimes people are just too hateful for me. I am sorry she is being Dumb. Really.

At least she isn't as ornery to your brother. It's awful that you have to suffer. Try not to. Sometimes it won't be worth the trouble

but you have to try to stay calm

and get through it I guess.

You can.

Okay.

Say hi to Holly for me. teehee.

Take Care. You're Good. k

 

[kiely]

 

[kiely]

edit: I am sure that she has been through a lot. But what about you !!

She might be miserable too so she is trying to bring you down with her cause that's all she knows with how to be able to resolve. She is just making things worse really.

She shouldn't be so negative and should try something different.

Too bad that she is so sad. You'll be fine but you have to be better than that. somehow.

YOu can. ha

but she won't .

Okay goodnite !!!! Ttyl ??

or I will pray ha

for her





i pray for her to not see everything in such a negative way ! and to be more positive !!. amen.

 

[anonymouse77]

I'm not happy that these cat images are being photo shopped leaving my cat unfairly high standards to live upto

Thank you for your reply - that made me laugh! It could be photoshopped as I didn't take it so I don't really know. I refer to it as being like one of those glamor shots from the 80's with the Vaseline lens and bouffant hair. It's like a glamor shot of her I love.

 

[jasperkent]

I'm not happy that these cat images are being photo shopped leaving my cat unfairly high standards to live upto

I wouldn't stress over it.
Cats don't give a shit what we think.