Harm Reduction When is enough enough?

[clarkey1984]

I'm aware this may not be the place for this topic, but I feel like its easier to be open with people who don't know me, so...

How do you get away from cocaine? as it has quite a grip on me these days.

I'm not on it all the time or anything, it's a weekend thing, it started in lockdown, initially once a month, then it slowly crept up habitually until we're here, every Friday and Saturday without fail, plus the occasional Sunday fun day.

Apart from it's not really all that much fun anymore, my nose is in a constant state of unease, to the point where I discovered that i have a septum perforation back in January, ive literally burnt my nose out, luckily that's the only physical issue, although mentally it's a hard cycle to break, I have begun to cut down, but be it a quarter or an eighth every weekend it's still too much, last month I had to pay around half of my monthly wage to my guy to settle up.

I need out of this and I don't know how, I'm only just 40 years old, and I feel like this shit could actually kill me unless I sort it out.

 

[manicmiracles]

For me, eliminating a particular substance takes a certain scare, pain, or motivation. Cocaine is a hell of a drug so I think it's important to ask what it is taking from you. Clearly finances, but with a habit of that magnitude that doesn't seem to be a problem. Have you damaged relationships, had a change in mental wellbeing, does your brain feel irrevocably different off comparatively to prior? Are you mixing with alcohol and having heavy organ damage or with other substances that can do the same? What do the next few years look like? Are you going to become an IV user or start speed balling and inevitably find the same fate as many others?

I believe in you buddy but clean breaks are hard especially when easily accessible or in the environment regularly. May need to make some changes and try to change thinking to keep things at the forefront.

 

[Nas47]

When the times come

 

[SunriseChampion]

With my meth problem, what kicked me over the edge into eliminating it was the inability to be financially responsible as well as the realisation of the negative health effects it was having. To each their own. I have friends for whom rock bottom wasn't even enough to turn things around, in spite of them having had support.

I think that if you're aware enough to realise that it's a problem, then you're in a very good position to do something about it. Some of the aforementioned friends never realised it was a problem and are at the point now, unfortunately, where they never will because their brains don't function as they once did.

Do you have anything in your life that you can focus on to take your mind of it? Sport perhaps?

I think you'll be able to figure it out and wish you well in doing so.

 

[skipjames]

Man , I m at a stage in which I WISH I was using as "little" as you are, almost daily user here and just recently I ve started thinking that maybe there s a problem here and planning some serious strategy. So, congrats on opening your eyes sooner rather than later.
Here s a list of things that I wish were possible for me, but maybe are possible for you :

1) if u use in company, avoid the company. Hang out with not using friends-date a non using person, surround yourself with non using people. If you use alone, try to do something "social" during your week end. Or whatever, knock yourself with benzos during the week end, .

2) IS therapy an option ? If so, go to a therapist and don t be like my wife, that was ashamed to admit how much she was using, received a prescription of Ritalin that lasted a couple of days, and then was back on the blow. Be honest with your therapist and get something like Ritalin or Adderall as a replacement or as a deterrent, as mixing blow with these meds is a big no no.

3) Money matters. Blow is probably very expensive where you live, spend that money on something else you like. Or dunno, save it for a trip to a country where you can buy real blow at reasonable prices, if you have to do the thing at least do it properly and in places where no matter what your sexual orientation is, you are likely to have a lot of fun

4) If you drink, try to avoid drinking for a while, cravings are a bitch especially when drinking.

Seriously man, it costs a lot, it does not last long, it s never enough and it never satisfies you, you are not even having fun anymore, as you have noticed it s a very insidious drug, if it s a problem now ( and it is) it can only get worse and trust me, it a hell of a shitshow ....good luck and keep us posted!

 

[OceansState]

If you can go the week without it then only use it Friday and Saturday maybe find something to do those days so you wont want to take it. What do you usually do those days? Sounds like you realize its a problem and motivated to stop it. The perforation would be a strong motivator for me personally.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Well it's not meth, but that doesn't mean it's easy to quit. Financially, cocaine is much more costly, too. Glad you're not shooting or smoking it (right?).

But I'd still treat it very seriously. Can you go to rehab? Maybe save up 50% of the money that you'd spend on it and then buy something nice. Cocaine really can screw people over quick, as a hard stimulant.

Do you feel like you're self-medicating at all? Maybe proper medication would help. At least NA groups are there for you. You should be able to see a therapist too. Even talk to friends and loved ones who don't use about it. Get some support. We're pulling for you!

 

[Keif' Richards]

First and foremost, the only thing that breaks those feelings of compulsion is time. The only way you ever get stronger with this shit is by getting through those moments of craving. In the very beginning, this is all you have. You have to say no to the Cocaine, feel a small amount of pride and strength in yourself, then use that motivation to get past that next moment of weakness.

Once you're able to get past those first few tense moments, you can start to build something more meaningful to keep you sober in the long-term. I was not a Cocaine addict, but I was a severe Heroin addict. You need to keep adding to your portfolio to build strength and happiness great enough that you don't need to use Cocaine to feel okay. This is a pretty big hurdle, but it's possible.

I found a lot of benefit in 12-step meetings. I'm definitely not a "one size fits all" recovery guy. Everyone is different. However, I feel the 12-steps are so ubiquitous in our modern world, that it makes sense to try it. You can go to a meeting downtown, on your phone, on your laptop. You don't even need to wash your face to go to your first meeting. Use the same device you're looking at now and talk to people. There are a lot of great aspects of the 12-steps that I love, but in the end, I feel it's a simple equation.

- Stop isolating. Talk to other people.
- Realize you're not alone
- Realize you're not a monster
- Live a completely honest existence. Don't lie to anyone including yourself about anything, no matter how small.

You can work the steps, but a lot of people find their lives revolutionized simply by attending the meetings and listening. I only started doing the steps when I had been sober for almost a year.

In short, you have to have something to take the place of your Cocaine. Life is about connection to others, love and doing what makes you happy. I know I wouldn't be sober today if I hadn't sought these things out. When I'm feeling like I want to go back to using drugs, I have the love of my friends and family, I know my Mom will die happy, knowing she was a great Mother, I know there are people out in that world with literal, actual respect for me (crazy shit).

My life isn't perfection, but I found things that were able to make me happier than when I was using Heroin. You have to find those things. I feel like going to meetings is the best way of kickstarting this process.

I know Cocaine is a drug people use to "party" and have a good time. I know people often use Cocaine in groups and that Alcohol is often involved in the process. You can't really hang out with people who spend their time this way, not do Cocaine and also enjoy yourself. It just doesn't work. I'm also not saying you have to cut everyone off and act like your friends are dead. You can still be their friends and care for them, but you can't go to the bar with them.

TL;DR you need to find meaning. Be honest, be kind and do the right thing. Life will always throw shit at you, but there is always the option to keep going. You have what you need to get through that shit. The Cocaine is just heaping more shit on you every time you do it.

Please let me know if you ever want to chat.

 

[garygroundwork]

I'm aware this may not be the place for this topic, but I feel like its easier to be open with people who don't know me, so...

How do you get away from cocaine? as it has quite a grip on me these days.

I'm not on it all the time or anything, it's a weekend thing, it started in lockdown, initially once a month, then it slowly crept up habitually until we're here, every Friday and Saturday without fail, plus the occasional Sunday fun day.

Apart from it's not really all that much fun anymore, my nose is in a constant state of unease, to the point where I discovered that i have a septum perforation back in January, ive literally burnt my nose out, luckily that's the only physical issue, although mentally it's a hard cycle to break, I have begun to cut down, but be it a quarter or an eighth every weekend it's still too much, last month I had to pay around half of my monthly wage to my guy to settle up.

I need out of this and I don't know how, I'm only just 40 years old, and I feel like this shit could actually kill me unless I sort it out.

yeah same as you I ended up with daily habit.

Enough is enough when... you snort it and you feel depressed instead of euphoric.

Thats when you know. You have to say I'm done.

 

[RustyCrackleford]

A process that helped me a lot with smoking and dope was realizing that i couldnt break the habit all at once, i had to break it piece by piece. With smoking for instance it was like im smoking two packs a day, i smoke while i do everything, its even automatic at times. So i started trying to replace those instances of having to smoke with anything else that could be repeatable. So like first thing in the morning id light up a cigarette and go take a piss, instead of doing that i forced myself to brush my teeth first thing and then wait for the next thing that i would light up for and smoke then. I kept doing that until my first drive when i woke up was "Yo go brush your teeth" then kept moving on until i cut as much of that out as possible. Then it got easier to just stop fully because i had constant other habits i needed to attend to/replaced from smoking. Getting in the truck? Check my emails, then drive, etc.

So if its really the weekend that gets you, and you get out of work on friday and you go to the bar and then get a bag and keep going all weekend. Dont go to that bar, find anythin else you can force into that spot, reading, the movies, jerkin off, whatever, eventually when friday night comes around you'll be having the urge "Works over, gotta go to the gym", but im not you so i dont know, just a thing to try.

Or you could pull the joey diaz and go to sleep before "Coke time" hits

 

[Keif' Richards]

A process that helped me a lot with smoking and dope was realizing that i couldnt break the habit all at once, i had to break it piece by piece. With smoking for instance it was like im smoking two packs a day, i smoke while i do everything, its even automatic at times. So i started trying to replace those instances of having to smoke with anything else that could be repeatable. So like first thing in the morning id light up a cigarette and go take a piss, instead of doing that i forced myself to brush my teeth first thing and then wait for the next thing that i would light up for and smoke then. I kept doing that until my first drive when i woke up was "Yo go brush your teeth" then kept moving on until i cut as much of that out as possible. Then it got easier to just stop fully because i had constant other habits i needed to attend to/replaced from smoking. Getting in the truck? Check my emails, then drive, etc.

So if its really the weekend that gets you, and you get out of work on friday and you go to the bar and then get a bag and keep going all weekend. Dont go to that bar, find anythin else you can force into that spot, reading, the movies, jerkin off, whatever, eventually when friday night comes around you'll be having the urge "Works over, gotta go to the gym", but im not you so i dont know, just a thing to try.

Or you could pull the joey diaz and go to sleep before "Coke time" hits

Don't be pretending like the term "pull the joey diaz" is something anyone ever actually uses in real life

 

[clarkey1984]

Believe it or not, I'm actually a semi successful rave MC in the UK, one of my biggest bookings I've ever had came in just after COVID lockdown rules ended, and it all started there, being used to smaller events with maybe 100 people max, to that night with 750 in was a huge jump for me and I was absolutely shitting it, had a few Dutch courage drinks and realised I was way more alcohol impaired than I needed to be for someone who is due on stage in front of by far his biggest audience in about 20 minutes, a mate offered me a line and said it would sober me up, it did, and then some, I'd never walked out feeling so energetic and confident before, there lies the beginning of my slippery slope.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Enough's enough when you start asking yourself that question.

 

[tryptakid]

Enough's enough when you start asking yourself that question.

Reminds me of the often repeated pearl of wisdom in the 12-step world - no one tries to control their substance use unless they're out of control.

I'll add this - we are all capable of change. There's no checkbox that says 'you're this way and you'll always be'. That's only for you to decide.

To OP - You have a few choices:

1) Do nothing - stay the course you're on. Play that tape out yourself and see where it's going.

2) Set strict rules for yourself and see if you are capable of following them. I would highly recommend doing this is honest collaboration with a trained professional or other wise-counsel. If you are incapable of following these predetermined rules, maybe this isn't the right choice for you. You can always readjust down the road, carefully and thoughtfully, but this is process that should be approached thoughtfully and collaboratively.

3) Abstain and explore recovery supports in doing so (Cocaine Anonymous, SMART recovery, Narcotics Anonymous) are all well established peer-lead fellowships which have been life-saving and life-changing for some people. The choice to abstain is seperate from the choice to get support while abstaining.

Good luck @clarkey1984

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

PS regarding point 2 made by @tryptakid, you can re-learn moderation.

You're not even a daily user so that's good for a starting point. In your place I would take a complete break of several months during which I'd figure out what exactly I was getting out of cocaine, whether or not I still think I could get the same out of it, what led to more frequent use (just habituation or trying to chase a feeling?), if the potential costs are worth the perceived value. If you can see it as an occasional / Saturday night treat that's just the proverbial icing on the cake of a good night it's miles removed from seeing it as an essential element without which you cannot HAVE a good night. You got to figure out where you stand on this matter before deciding on how to proceed.