I'm the type to ignore texts and calls and invitations from almost EVERYBODY. almost. I'm also the type who would be totally down to leave all my possessions behind and go live on a pig farm the rest of my life, as long as it kept me busy. Not everybody has such detachment. It comes from being incredibly depressed and bored with my life, in my case. I will get a call from somebody who used to let me live at their house for free, fed me, sat there and listened to my bullshit lecturing, and I don't answer it, and don't return it. The only outbound calls I make are to mom and dad when I need money. I always see phone conversations with friends going like this: (them) "hey how are you doing?" (me) "good" (them) "whats going on in your life?" (me) "not much" (them) "well I havent talked to you for a while" (me) "yup". I have nothing to say to anybody, especially if there was some point in the past when they didnt back me up 100%, or didnt give me their full trust, or wouldn't help me accomplish something, or even if it was just their friends or family did any of that. Or we just never became very good friends.
I expect a true friend to protect, defend and kill for me if necessary, but I do not expect that if I am getting what I had coming. My senior year of high school, I was trying to become a pharmacy technician. My mom had moved out of the house and had no contact with us. Money was not an issue. But my dad let some spoiled rich girl live at our house and blast music at all hours of the night and day, because she got kicked out of her parents house. So I couldnt get to sleep on time. So I couldnt do homework at my house. So I couldnt wake up early enough to go to school. My dad is a lackluster melancholy wet blanket and did nothing about it. Back then, I was too mild to start telling the bitch to turn it down, or punch the bitch in the face, pop her tires, bust her windshield, and drive her the fuck out of my home. I was the only person living in that house who had a job, and high school, and pharmacy tech school. Nobody else had any responsibilities at all, and nobody gave a flying fuck, least of all my mom, who lived a thousand miles away and was either at work or fucked up on drugs, 24/7. So I quit school, quit my job, quit everything and picked up smoking pot. I am a bitter, angry, rude, and generally hateful person today because of it.
And I never answer the phone when my dad calls, unless it is for some specific purpose, like I need money, but I don't answer the phone just to talk. You want to make people love you, then DEFEND THEM AT ALL COSTS, defend their honor, defend their health, defend their money, defend their goals and ambitions, dont let anybody fuck with them, and otherwise be a mother bear to them. I have yet to find somebody worth defending like that. Hopefully someday there will be a person who's calls I will answer EVERY time. Sometimes, you just want to feel truly appreciated loved and respected, words mean ZERO, actions mean EVERYTHING.
I need a friend who Operates LOCKSTEP, no less, and who expects the same from me.
