What's your biggest stumbling block to escaping addiction?

[Submarine]

Mine is boredom, I'm a heroin addict but my funds are limited enough so the physical withdrawals aren't nearly as bad as they used to be, but whenever I feel like I can get off of it, I just think "then what the fuck am I gonna do." Getting heroin is exciting, but being unemployed and not really interested in any other pursuits makes me feel bored as hell like there's nothing else to do. My girlfriend's the same way, it's like we can either watch TV or find a way to cop. Today is one of the days where I feel like I can get off of it, and I better because I have court-ordered probation coming up very soon but then that nagging voice comes back and reminds me that I've forgotten how to live without getting high everyday.

 

[Binge Artist]

Me personally, I've been (and still am, at the moment) physically dependant on opiates several times. This means, I will suffer WD's even after a two day mini-binder, unless I taper. But ironically enough, my attempts to taper are what prevents me from getting clean. For example, I might go clean for a month, and then decide to celebrate with some heroin. And I'll buy a bunch of percs or vikes to taper with. But then I end up abusing the pills, making my problem even worse!

 

[djsim]

Man, I fucked up big time... got fucked up on meth for the last 12 hours. Quit that shit years ago, but for some reason whenever I know i'm gaining some extra weight (ie fat), I tend to get onto some sort of stimulants. Urgghh... meth though. Ack, the guilt, that's all I can say right now.

 

[snowman203]

Boredom usually leads to drug use for me.

 

[brutus]

Paws.

 

[JimJonesBallin]

the fact that heroin and meth arent available in my area is my stumbling block to getting addicted in the first place. just move here. lol

 

[belfort]

well ive been clean foer several years and the biggest obstacle i face is dullness or boredom...i can deal with everything else rather easily but when i get bored, thats when i start thinking about getting high...i can have the worst day at work, my back can be killing me, everyone mad at me, that is nothing compared to a few hours of boredom to me..

 

[Miss Hollywood]

I too am a heroin addict, but in recovery. 13 days clean, on suboxone.

And boredom has become my worst ememy.

And every night in my dreams, I see heroin, do it, buy it, whatever.

I wake up sweating,nausous,and craving.

Sigh.

I lost my car due to my addiction, so I have no way to really leave my house.

And I live with my parents.

I want to fucking kill myself right now, I swear...I hate this shit.

All I can think about is how I want to get high. I have a lil bit of money to score too, just no way to get there.

Plus I'm on bupe, and i already dosed today so even if I did get the dope it wouldn't do shit to me.

ugh.

i fucking hate being a drug addict sometimes.

help me, please!??!!bluelighters!!! fellow addicts!!!

How do you deal in my situation?

I read.

I watch tv.

I listen to my house phone ring endlessly with all the creditors I owe thousands upon thousands of dollars to leave messages on the answering machine.

I'm about to file for bankruptcy.

In the past 4 months,(been hooked 10 months), I lost my apartment that I had for two years, all of my money, some friends, my xbox 360, wii, all my cds, dvds, games, and most recently my car because I couldnt afford the high payment on it anymore and cuz all my money went to getting heroin.

I have no job.

I'm facing a trial for some trouble i got into.

The list goes on.

My life sucks a big one right now.

I fucked up. Man, I fucked my whole life up....

And lost EVERYTHING I worked for.

To heroin.

And even though I'm in recovery right now, I still feel like its not gonna work in the end.

That nobody can "fix me."

Sigh.

Advice?

I need to feel better.

 

[auto238367]

Boredom and the mental instability associated with withdrawals.

 

[Contemporarium]

Man, I fucked up big time... got fucked up on meth for the last 12 hours. Quit that shit years ago, but for some reason whenever I know i'm gaining some extra weight (ie fat), I tend to get onto some sort of stimulants. Urgghh... meth though. Ack, the guilt, that's all I can say right now.

Daaaaaaaaaamn. I'd quit that shit if I were you. A friend of mine got some free shit last night and I'm really afraid of her turning into a tweaker again.

Best of luck dude. Don't let it take over your life. It's not worth it.

 

[Contemporarium]

I too am a heroin addict, but in recovery. 13 days clean, on suboxone.

And boredom has become my worst ememy.

And every night in my dreams, I see heroin, do it, buy it, whatever.

I wake up sweating,nausous,and craving.

Sigh.

I lost my car due to my addiction, so I have no way to really leave my house.

And I live with my parents.

I want to fucking kill myself right now, I swear...I hate this shit.

All I can think about is how I want to get high. I have a lil bit of money to score too, just no way to get there.

Plus I'm on bupe, and i already dosed today so even if I did get the dope it wouldn't do shit to me.

ugh.

i fucking hate being a drug addict sometimes.

help me, please!??!!bluelighters!!! fellow addicts!!!

How do you deal in my situation?

I read.

I watch tv.

I listen to my house phone ring endlessly with all the creditors I owe thousands upon thousands of dollars to leave messages on the answering machine.

I'm about to file for bankruptcy.

In the past 4 months,(been hooked 10 months), I lost my apartment that I had for two years, all of my money, some friends, my xbox 360, wii, all my cds, dvds, games, and most recently my car because I couldnt afford the high payment on it anymore and cuz all my money went to getting heroin.

I have no job.

I'm facing a trial for some trouble i got into.

The list goes on.

My life sucks a big one right now.

I fucked up. Man, I fucked my whole life up....

And lost EVERYTHING I worked for.

To heroin.

And even though I'm in recovery right now, I still feel like its not gonna work in the end.

That nobody can "fix me."

Sigh.

Advice?

I need to feel better.

Oh and sorry I didn't read your post. I'm not a heroin addict, but I know plenty (recovered) and I can tell you one thing-DON'T GIVE UP. You just said how much heroin totally fucked your life up, yet you want to get some? NO. It will all be worth it one day. You'll look back on these days and just realize how fucked up everything was yet you made it through. Tell yourself you're strong. Don't think of ANYTHING other than your recovery right now. Not about your bills, not about how you need to be "fixed" (because that will never happen. You will always be a recovering drug addict) or anything like that. Focus on you. Realize you fucked up big time, and you're paying for it. The only thing that will happen if you go out again is you'll get fucked even more. Then what? Do you really want to die for a fucking drug? I really hope the answer is no.

You can do it.

 

[wakeborder556]

Why don't you get a job holllywood?

 

[QuasiStoned]

PAWS and after I get over the first hump I miss the high.

I'm also in a great deal of pain and have trouble dealing with it when I have chronically low endorphin levels when I try to live sober.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

Why don't you get a job holllywood?

Because I'm just now getting sober, its only been 12 days. I am also just trying to finish up with some court stuff I got goin on. I can't exactly be taking a bunch of time off of work for court time, I'll get fired. So, I gotta wait this shit out until its over and then work on getting a car again and a job. Can't get to a job everyday without the proper transportation either. Right now I'm overwhelemed with a ton in my life, the biggest thing has been trying to detox and get clean this past week.

One thing at a time, my friend. I'm not trying to overwhelm myself with too much at once.

That makes it that much more easy for me to slip back into addiction.

Never put too much on your plate when you are in your first step in your recovery. They will even tell you that in rehab and in NA.

I need to get a grip on myself before I take on anymore shit.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

Oh and sorry I didn't read your post. I'm not a heroin addict, but I know plenty (recovered) and I can tell you one thing-DON'T GIVE UP. You just said how much heroin totally fucked your life up, yet you want to get some? NO. It will all be worth it one day. You'll look back on these days and just realize how fucked up everything was yet you made it through. Tell yourself you're strong. Don't think of ANYTHING other than your recovery right now. Not about your bills, not about how you need to be "fixed" (because that will never happen. You will always be a recovering drug addict) or anything like that. Focus on you. Realize you fucked up big time, and you're paying for it. The only thing that will happen if you go out again is you'll get fucked even more. Then what? Do you really want to die for a fucking drug? I really hope the answer is no.

You can do it.

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. But, since you aren't a heroin addict and aren't walking in my shoes, I don't think you are really completely capable of understanding what I'm going through and what I been through being a heroin addict. Drug addiction is much bigger than logic, or common sense, like "Gee, it ruined my life, so i'm gonna stop now." If it were that easy, people wouldn't be in and out of treatment all the time. It's a progressive disease. Getting clean and STAYING clean, are completely two different things. Getting clean and learning how to live your life in a completely different way is hard. It's like being a newborn child and learning how to walk and talk, again. Being a drug addict is just a small part of the entire LIFESTYLE that it is, and what it takes to be a full on drug addict and afford your habit. Your life is getting money to go get drugs, and then getting them, doing them, and repeat. Even driving to go get the heroin, is some sort of high itself. It's all the process of getting drugs that can be exciting to the addict. You get used to living that way, and when you get clean you have to learn a whole new way to live and that is a huge adjustment in and of itself. I could go on and on about what I'm going through and what thousands of other addicts just like myself are going through. And i'm not doing it in a rehab facility, or anything like that. I'm doing it ON MY OWN. Going to a suboxone doctor and taking my medicine as I should, and talking to people at NA meetings, and being honest with my parents. All things that go against my "drug addict" principles. Heroin was my life....my greatest lover, my best friend, the devil, my worst enemy...everything all wrapped into one. And saying goodbye to it has been the hardest thing i've ever hard to do in my life.

But unless you are going through it, you will never completely understand the compulsion and the sickness that addiction is.

Cancer goes into remission....and addiction does the same thing.

You can get clean and stay that way for awhile...

But all it takes is for life to throw you a curve ball and your right back out there using and runnin around again.

Because you spent most of your life a drug addicted fuck up and you don't really know any other way to live.

It's fucked up, but its really true.

But like I said, I appreshiate your encouragement and kind words honey.

It's been a long way to happy for me....and i'm not even close to being happy yet.

I've been off drugs for 12 days. Shrugs.

This is just the beninning of try number 3, to get clean.

Some people struggle for a lifetime.

 

[Gryzer]

depression, insomnia and anxiety

 

[belfort]

well, when i said boredom, i basically meant PAWS because i think that is responsible for the nastyh dullness that haunts people after they get clean...

 

[Contemporarium]

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. But, since you aren't a heroin addict and aren't walking in my shoes, I don't think you are really completely capable of understanding what I'm going through and what I been through being a heroin addict. Drug addiction is much bigger than logic, or common sense, like "Gee, it ruined my life, so i'm gonna stop now." If it were that easy, people wouldn't be in and out of treatment all the time. It's a progressive disease. Getting clean and STAYING clean, are completely two different things. Getting clean and learning how to live your life in a completely different way is hard. It's like being a newborn child and learning how to walk and talk, again. Being a drug addict is just a small part of the entire LIFESTYLE that it is, and what it takes to be a full on drug addict and afford your habit. Your life is getting money to go get drugs, and then getting them, doing them, and repeat. Even driving to go get the heroin, is some sort of high itself. It's all the process of getting drugs that can be exciting to the addict. You get used to living that way, and when you get clean you have to learn a whole new way to live and that is a huge adjustment in and of itself. I could go on and on about what I'm going through and what thousands of other addicts just like myself are going through. And i'm not doing it in a rehab facility, or anything like that. I'm doing it ON MY OWN. Going to a suboxone doctor and taking my medicine as I should, and talking to people at NA meetings, and being honest with my parents. All things that go against my "drug addict" principles. Heroin was my life....my greatest lover, my best friend, the devil, my worst enemy...everything all wrapped into one. And saying goodbye to it has been the hardest thing i've ever hard to do in my life.

But unless you are going through it, you will never completely understand the compulsion and the sickness that addiction is.

Cancer goes into remission....and addiction does the same thing.

You can get clean and stay that way for awhile...

But all it takes is for life to throw you a curve ball and your right back out there using and runnin around again.

Because you spent most of your life a drug addicted fuck up and you don't really know any other way to live.

It's fucked up, but its really true.

But like I said, I appreshiate your encouragement and kind words honey.

It's been a long way to happy for me....and i'm not even close to being happy yet.

I've been off drugs for 12 days. Shrugs.

This is just the beninning of try number 3, to get clean.

Some people struggle for a lifetime.

I'm not a heroin addict but I've been doing hydrocodone/oxycodone for about 6 months. I don't do like exaggerated amounts and my addiction isn't out of control, but I do know what you're feeling in a small way.

 

[RJW]

Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. But, since you aren't a heroin addict and aren't walking in my shoes, I don't think you are really completely capable of understanding what I'm going through and what I been through being a heroin addict. Drug addiction is much bigger than logic, or common sense, like "Gee, it ruined my life, so i'm gonna stop now." If it were that easy, people wouldn't be in and out of treatment all the time. It's a progressive disease. Getting clean and STAYING clean, are completely two different things. Getting clean and learning how to live your life in a completely different way is hard. It's like being a newborn child and learning how to walk and talk, again. Being a drug addict is just a small part of the entire LIFESTYLE that it is, and what it takes to be a full on drug addict and afford your habit. Your life is getting money to go get drugs, and then getting them, doing them, and repeat. Even driving to go get the heroin, is some sort of high itself. It's all the process of getting drugs that can be exciting to the addict. You get used to living that way, and when you get clean you have to learn a whole new way to live and that is a huge adjustment in and of itself. I could go on and on about what I'm going through and what thousands of other addicts just like myself are going through. And i'm not doing it in a rehab facility, or anything like that. I'm doing it ON MY OWN. Going to a suboxone doctor and taking my medicine as I should, and talking to people at NA meetings, and being honest with my parents. All things that go against my "drug addict" principles. Heroin was my life....my greatest lover, my best friend, the devil, my worst enemy...everything all wrapped into one. And saying goodbye to it has been the hardest thing i've ever hard to do in my life.

But unless you are going through it, you will never completely understand the compulsion and the sickness that addiction is.

Cancer goes into remission....and addiction does the same thing.

You can get clean and stay that way for awhile...

But all it takes is for life to throw you a curve ball and your right back out there using and runnin around again.

Because you spent most of your life a drug addicted fuck up and you don't really know any other way to live.

It's fucked up, but its really true.

But like I said, I appreshiate your encouragement and kind words honey.

It's been a long way to happy for me....and i'm not even close to being happy yet.

I've been off drugs for 12 days. Shrugs.

This is just the beninning of try number 3, to get clean.

Some people struggle for a lifetime.

Boredom is a killer. Get a job and find something to do with all the time on your hands. There is some old religious saying about idle hands are the work of the devil or something and it is true. You have to find stuff to do to stay occuppied or you will fall back into old habits.
Oh, yeah...stop make excuses and work on helping yourself get better. We drug addicts are great at excuses...always some reason not to get better or some reason we get high. Blah, blah. Stop focusing on what you have lost and start planning on what you will do to do better with your life.
It's hard....I know. But, what's the alternative?

 

[mmmCHRISx]

My biggest block, is knowing there is a buffet of opiates in my house