what's wrong with me?

[dcdrycell]

hopefully the title will pique someone's interest enough to look.

so.. i've been in a blah mood for awhile now. i'm not talkative, i don't care what other people have to say.. basically, i'm not myself.

but tonight i took some meow and *poof* i'm myself again. i'm friendly, i enjoy talking to people, i have interesting things to say, i ask interesting questions, and so on and so forth. most important i can keep a conversation going, which is something i've been UNABLE to do lately.

the problem is i know i won't be me (i'm hoping the real "me" is the friendly person) when i wake up in the morning. i obviously can't do meow everyday for the rest of my life. what can i do? talk to a doctor? but i don't see how i can explain this well. "so, doc.. i'm in a depression 99% of the time. but when i do drugs i'm an ordinary, normal person. prescribe me something and fix me please."

advice.. anything.. is welcome. sorry if this post is all over the place, because i kind of am right now. =)

 

[jwestlock]

Drugs do that, temporarily. The first year or two I started taking opiates every single day, life was a fucking dream. You take the substance and instantly you just see beauty in everything. But it's all fake. All these things do is just head straight for your pleasure receptors and start pounding on them. I think real happiness can only occur when you earn the opportunities to have those receptors stimulated.

Anytime we start taking drugs regularly, all we're doing is borrowing pleasure today that will have to be paid back at an extremely high, loan shark level, interest rate down the line.

What's your daily routine like?

Do you have long term goals you're working towards? I think that's the most important thing. It's been studied a lot and I think it's pretty clear in general terms what the basic ingredients to a happy life are - good health, intimate relationships, a career you enjoy and are able to make a decent living at, and interests you pursue, learning new things all the time.

I'm kicking my habit and am putting a lot of thought into these things, visualizing the person I want to be, the life I want to have, abstractly, and then thinking about it concretely and coming up with a plan for my time to start polishing things up. First I need to get the point where I can say without any lying, this is a good life, and then just always working towards making it better.

But shit man, nobody who has gotten deep into a drug habit is glad they did. You're probably just in a rut and you need to shake up your life. You have to figure out the way to that yourself, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that you're not going to improve things with drugs.

 

[prayersfor.rain]

I think you need to get used to being the non-drugged you in a social setting.
Learn how to enjoy the world sober again, ya know?
For a while it was really weird to see people I'd been hammered drunk with, when I was sober. It's like when you're not drunk, what are ya gonna talk about? It's like seeing a friend you haven't seen in years and realizing that they're different from the person you used to know, and really caring about how their family is doing (or whatever you're having a convo about). It's like you have to deliberately try to keep a conversation going. I made myself interact with people sober because I knew I'd be seeing these people when I wasn't drunk too (small town) and I can't just be rude and not talk to them. And eventually I got used to it and now it's ok.

Also, I do some coke and all of a sudden everything looks shiny and beautiful and it's just THE BEST and I AM SO AWESOME!!!!! But it's not really like that irl, it's just the drugs. Find beauty in what's real life. Because after the drugs are gone you're left with this real life you have to deal with. Find the REAL awesome you (because it's there, just takes effort to reach), because you can't rely on other stuff and fake feelings for forever.

 

[Georgie25]

What is 'meow'?

 

[Ixchellian]

5meo-Mi/or/DiPT.
meow is a *potent* RC, similar in effect to MDMA.
for me, it's a more.... visceral... rather than cerebral experience.

however, it being an RC means that it hasn't been scientifically tested on humans. they don't know what the long-term effects are. I suggest none of ya'll try 'em. that includes crap like mephedrone and bromos. in fact, read the horror stories here about mephedrone... or look up what's happened with bromo-dragonFLY.

the reason I'm making the hypocritical advice there is because I've been a psychonaut for a long time, and have sampled innumerable, unknown/unnamed psychotropics. I know where my boundary layers are, how to isolate/delete bad root sectors, and have generally paid *close* attention to things.... rather than just getting high/tripping. what is like water-off-the-back to me, may make most everyone else's eyes melt outta their ears. permanently. but for all I know, I might be genetically mutated so I grow another head when I hit 50.

I'd say yeh got what a lot of us here got.... tend to live in our heads, etc. an (a)typical antidepressant might work, but.... first yeh gotta figure out if your kryptonite is internal or external.