well i popped my first bean when i was just 15, in fact 15 by only a few hours.
I'll never forget that night.
Green euro's, they were stunning, and i ended up doing 2 and a half and losing my virginity to a gorgeous girl i'd loved for years.
It opened my eyes to the incredible fortuity of simply existing, and the striking beauty of the nature of the universe.
I realised then in those moments of clarity and euphoria how much i had taken everything for granted with the onset of adolescence, and how gloriously complex and wonderful the nature of life is that infintely surrounds us.
That positive and refreshing view of the world stuck with me, it changed my life.
Suddenly i wanted to read, to learn about everything, to welcome all experience with curiosity, and to understand in depth the nature of the human mind.
I grew up.
In one night, over one weekend.
I found the other kids at school underdeveloped, immature and infantile.
I became fascinated in human behaviour and sociology/anthropology.
I realised the futility of violence, war and aggression, the manipulative nature of the media, and the false hopes and happiness that is the material capitalist system of consumerism.
How we are blinkered and fed propaganda, deluded into believing in the illusion of "freedom", kept dumb by the disenfranchised masses, media-fed and led to believe that your clothes or shoes or car "defines" you as an individual and will give you lasting happiness and status.
When it's all just one big distraction.
One big disguise to prevent us from feeling this good. Preventing us from coming together away from the "taxable" and "profitable" controlled "fun" that is your average inner city trendy bar.
How dangerous would it be for the corporate machine if we all began listening to music that was truly underground and against the popular music industry, consuming substances on the blackmarket at no profit to the man, attending free rave parties away from revenue generating nightclubs, unpredictable and unmonitored individuals realising that they have found something better, that they don't need the 9 to 5 gold-plated daily grind and the matching tea-set, they have tasted freedom, they group and mass together unpoliced and unprovoked with dangerous anti-establishmental theologies, a contempt for the pursuit of meaningless monetary wealth, a sudden understanding of the nature of it all, and therefore a threat to national security?
I continued to pop pills almost every weekend or at least every other weekend until i was 18/19 years old.
I pursued the dance music scene, the rave industry, the early 1990s acid techno free-party collective, travelling around europe in old buses and trucks, carting soundsytems, living off the grid, rent-free, learning to dj, doing gigs, meeting other like-minded individuals with fascinating stories to share, and dancing dancing dancing the days away free, poor, and happy.
Eventually i chilled out on the beans long enough to gain some qualifications of use in the music industry.
I built skills in sound engineering, gained experience of promotion and organisation, and passed with distinction as a percussion teacher.
I eventually got bookings, released tracks, and set up my own label.
I booked international artists and they booked me back.
That all began decades ago.
I'm still living the dream.
Sure i'm married now,
20-odd years on from that first pill,
but i'm still partying, producing, and performing.
In pursuit of lasting fulfillment and happiness through experience, knowledge, wisdom, love, freedom, friendship, achievement, self-improvement, dance and the occasional drug induced euphoria.
Still pursuing the ever-evolving dance music scene,
still relatively poor in terms of financial wealth,
but in terms of experience and achievement,
i'm the richest motherfucker i know.
I'll never forget my 15th birthday.
It's been non-stop since then......
But yeah, it was probably too young i guess.
I must be one of the lucky ones.
