What's on your chest.

[Warped Reality]

Let's hear it. What's on your chest right now?
I feel like listening to people. I'm in that mood.

 

[Alex000]

I feel positive at the moment. Things have settled in my life a little bit, especially as of today. I am feeling pretty content, not ecstatic, but content. My life is always a little whacked, so I am just taking it one day at a time, dealing with all the bullshit and finding time just for me and my happiness. When I wake up I hate to get out of bed, but I tell myself I will get through the day and have relaxing alone time later. I did something moderately risky today (not actually dangerous), and was feeling nervous and out of sorts earlier, but well settled since. Whenever I feel off I take a warm shower, when I get out and get going I always feel better.

 

[mgmt&mdma]

i just want my mom to go get my celexa and lamictal script filled out. everyday is a fucking battle for me, and she cant get that through her head. my physch gave me the prescription yesterday and my mom told me shed probably get it by next week

the only thing keeping me happy is food to be honest hahahah but ive been doing cardio every night so i guess its not too bad

sorry to hear about your problem with rolling too (i saw ur thread in ED), warped

 

[theartofwar]

I feel amazingly overwhelmed with every aspect from healh insurance to a 48hour deadline finding a roof over my head !!! BUT - although my PTSD is makng this all so hard and draining, I can't believe the friends and those who i love... the ones who have stuck by me, I love you guys more than words. The only way i can do this is with full disclosure and team help - thats who i am and thats what i need - they offered and I'm so grateful.

 

[laCster]

fuck last night i took oxy w/ tramadol, diphenhydramine, weed and xanax and i passed out AGAIN and basically wiped my ass with 60 dollars, but that's the lure for me...the first time i got that one amazing fucking high and now ill be high and be like oh im not high enough let me chomp some more fucking xanax and smoke some more weed, but i never get that high and end up falling a sleep or blacking out. and then the cycle continues because i am like shit i passed out but next time, next time is going to amazing...

oxy is an expensive habit, especially for me because i dont have any good connects; all are middlemen... and if i have to chose between just weed or only oxy, i would chose weed, and that is what im going to do in addition to benzos and lyrica... i can get those pretty cheap....but i stayed completely sober throuhgout the whole day without my daily lyrica i slept all day and craved like a mother fucker. with prevail however, i did not cave in, but i felt like shit...but i guess i can't complain at the end of the day, i deserve being poor.. after working all day from 8am-8pm, i spent all i got for drugs on weed which wasnt much. hahaha as you can probably tell im baked and this definitely helped..

 

[DroneLore]

I hate that I can't smoke, I hate it I hate it I hate it. I feel like I'm wasting my time not smoking now, like if I get put on probation then this is my chance right?! *sigh*

 

[VanWeyden]

i'm so unsure what to do to get better. talked to a doctor friend of mine, who did a questionnaire and a test with me an diagnosed me with add, also gave me a script for concerta. somehow i feel that this isn't enough diagnostics. as add in adults is a rather new diagnosis in germany, there are only a few medical centers specialised on this, one of it is fortunately in my city, but you have to wait about half a year to get an appointment. also tried to get an appointment for psychotherapy, but i'd have to wait at least 8 weeks too. i often think about taking the concerta, but if i'm misdiagnosed that would become another drug i'd have to deal with and i want to quit them! My significant other is also opposed to taking it, and she was the person who helped me to go through all of this shit and never left me alone.

 

[alwaysblazed]

I don't know if I'm going to graduate in time. Right now I'm un-enrolled because I missed too many days from depression. Now I can re-enroll and start homebound. The thing is I won't be able to walk if I don't finish in time and have to continue into the summer... I will get my diploma still but it sucks.

 

[MyWayIsTheHighWay]

fuck last night i took oxy w/ tramadol, diphenhydramine, weed and xanax and i passed out AGAIN and basically wiped my ass with 60 dollars

Dude Oxy tram and weed is an amazing combo. I can understand the benadryl if you don't enjoy the opiate itch like i do, but I really dont get why people mix opiates with xanax.

Xanax is like time travel to me. I swallow some and all of the sudden its tomorrow and I have no idea what happend for the last 8-12 hours

I hear that mixing xanax with methadone gives a heroin like high, but if ur not at the point of methadone then I really dont see the point of taking a benzo with opiates. Why risk not remembering the bliss that is oxy. And Tram + Bud only adds to that bliss. benzo only enhances the tiredness in my opinion.

 

[laCster]

Dude Oxy tram and weed is an amazing combo. I can understand the benadryl if you don't enjoy the opiate itch like i do, but I really dont get why people mix opiates with xanax.

Xanax is like time travel to me. I swallow some and all of the sudden its tomorrow and I have no idea what happend for the last 8-12 hours

I hear that mixing xanax with methadone gives a heroin like high, but if ur not at the point of methadone then I really dont see the point of taking a benzo with opiates. Why risk not remembering the bliss that is oxy. And Tram + Bud only adds to that bliss. benzo only enhances the tiredness in my opinion.

i dont know, the first time i tried oxy was on xaanx and klononpn and tramadol so i am always trying to get that feeling backj i was at that point where i was like im feeling good, but not completely smashed and i just kept popping more dph, tram and xanax until i was like i want to try and get a good nod going on, and then i just blacked out it wsa really dissapointing and makexs it that much more addicting..god fuck this fucking drug i wish i never would have started, the only thing that i look foward to is popping pills now and if im not high im looking to get hig.and its like all fucking day all i can think about is how i wasted my shit and how good will it be next time; that i really want some now and i want to feel fucked up and i can definitely feel the psychological addiction the first time i tried it and now its even worse...fuckkkk!! at first, it was like i am only doing this once, then its like once a year, then it was once a month, then it was once a week, now its 2-3 times a week and its getting to much im done with this fuckin shit for a while, though its going to be hard to stop forever...

 

[Warped Reality]

I hate that I cant even get a minimum wage job because I 'm addicted to doing anything that will send me into oblivian. I live 100% off
my fiance and would not be where I am without her. Not saying id be sober and in a better place, but that Id be dead and crossed the line way too many times. I'm f'ed up now if you couldn't tell.

That's no good... I understand exactly what you're going through. I say just try your hardest to get a job, it takes some effort but after a while you'll most likely end up getting one.

I feel positive at the moment. Things have settled in my life a little bit, especially as of today. I am feeling pretty content, not ecstatic, but content. My life is always a little whacked, so I am just taking it one day at a time, dealing with all the bullshit and finding time just for me and my happiness. When I wake up I hate to get out of bed, but I tell myself I will get through the day and have relaxing alone time later. I did something moderately risky today (not actually dangerous), and was feeling nervous and out of sorts earlier, but well settled since. Whenever I feel off I take a warm shower, when I get out and get going I always feel better.

That's awesome man, it's good that you know how to make yourself feel better when you're not feeling too well.

i just want my mom to go get my celexa and lamictal script filled out. everyday is a fucking battle for me, and she cant get that through her head. my physch gave me the prescription yesterday and my mom told me shed probably get it by next week

the only thing keeping me happy is food to be honest hahahah but ive been doing cardio every night so i guess its not too bad

sorry to hear about your problem with rolling too (i saw ur thread in ED), warped

What do you need the prescrips for? If you're just starting them, I'm sure you can wait a week if you're patient. It may feel like a while but at least it's coming, that's all you need to think about. And haha food does seem to make me happy too...

I feel amazingly overwhelmed with every aspect from healh insurance to a 48hour deadline finding a roof over my head !!! BUT - although my PTSD is makng this all so hard and draining, I can't believe the friends and those who i love... the ones who have stuck by me, I love you guys more than words. The only way i can do this is with full disclosure and team help - thats who i am and thats what i need - they offered and I'm so grateful.

In the end, everything really does come down to friends in my opinion. You need them the most in your life I don't know where I'd be without friends.

fuck last night i took oxy w/ tramadol, diphenhydramine, weed and xanax and i passed out AGAIN and basically wiped my ass with 60 dollars, but that's the lure for me...the first time i got that one amazing fucking high and now ill be high and be like oh im not high enough let me chomp some more fucking xanax and smoke some more weed, but i never get that high and end up falling a sleep or blacking out. and then the cycle continues because i am like shit i passed out but next time, next time is going to amazing...

oxy is an expensive habit, especially for me because i dont have any good connects; all are middlemen... and if i have to chose between just weed or only oxy, i would chose weed, and that is what im going to do in addition to benzos and lyrica... i can get those pretty cheap....but i stayed completely sober throuhgout the whole day without my daily lyrica i slept all day and craved like a mother fucker. with prevail however, i did not cave in, but i felt like shit...but i guess i can't complain at the end of the day, i deserve being poor.. after working all day from 8am-8pm, i spent all i got for drugs on weed which wasnt much. hahaha as you can probably tell im baked and this definitely helped..

God I completely hear you on that one, I hate it when I spend a fuck-ton of money on a night out with my buddies and I end up getting so fucked up that I just pass out. It really is a piss-off in the morning when you realize how much money you wasted.

I hate that I can't smoke, I hate it I hate it I hate it. I feel like I'm wasting my time not smoking now, like if I get put on probation then this is my chance right?! *sigh*

That sucks man, but you just need to find other things to pass the time while you can't smoke haha, (I'm guessing you mean smoking weed, right?)

I don't know if I'm going to graduate in time. Right now I'm un-enrolled because I missed too many days from depression. Now I can re-enroll and start homebound. The thing is I won't be able to walk if I don't finish in time and have to continue into the summer... I will get my diploma still but it sucks.

Yeah I did really bad when I was in school, I was kicked out twice because of my absences, but sooner or later I got out of the habit of skipping and I ended up doing really good, once I noticed that my education will determine the rest of my life, and sitting around doing nothing is going to take me no wheres.

 

[mgmt&mdma]

What do you need the prescrips for? If you're just starting them, I'm sure you can wait a week if you're patient. It may feel like a while but at least it's coming, that's all you need to think about. And haha food does seem to make me happy too...

my mood swings are getting worse/less frequent. im getting more of the "valleys" now. i look like a gaddam zombie at school. but summer is in like a month so im trying to keep my head high...

 

[Warped Reality]

my mood swings are getting worse/less frequent. im getting more of the "valleys" now. i look like a gaddam zombie at school. but summer is in like a month so im trying to keep my head high...

That's unfortunate, I completely see where you're coming from. I used to have terrible depression(i still do sometimes, but not as bad)/mood swings/random flashes of anger, and sadly I picked up smoking from it all haha. But really dude just try to do things that will keep you occupied, like playing sports, or doing something fun. That usually helped me a lot.

 

[mgmt&mdma]

That's unfortunate, I completely see where you're coming from. I used to have terrible depression(i still do sometimes, but not as bad)/mood swings/random flashes of anger, and sadly I picked up smoking from it all haha. But really dude just try to do things that will keep you occupied, like playing sports, or doing something fun. That usually helped me a lot.

i started long-distance running which helps alot

i wanna look for a job but im soooo fucking scared that ill just freak out and break down in the middle of work

 

[Bojangles69]

Raw unadulterated lust is whats on my chest now. For the last 2 weeks since I switched to sub I have wanted to fuck everything and anything that I possibly can. I wound up getting laid like the second day I was on sub and now I can stop thinking about sex (I hadn't gotten laid for 2 years prior to that). I'm a major fucking pervert right now. I flirt with EVERYONE. The girl at the quicki mart, she weighed like 85lbs and I wanted to throw her over the register with my pinky and fuck her till my heart stopped. The hot social worker at my internship, girls at school, girls walking down the sidewalk with ultrahigh shorts and ultratight shirts, girls at the supermarket, cashiers, milfs doing their daily shopping, the brunette teller at the bank today, girls on here, girls girls girls girls girls I can't take it anymore lol.

Getting laid was just a tease. I feel like I need to lock myself in a room for a week with no food and no sleep and just fuck till I go into a coma. I can't keep my mouth shut and if this doesn't stop soon I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean shit I got a boner they other day talking to my brothers gf. I've known this girl 9 years and see her almost like a sister. She told me my brother has been making fun of her weight (shes 103lbs for christsake) and that he wants her to lose 10 more pounds. I asked to see her stomach, she lifts her shirt up then faces me sideways and I see this perfectly round ass exploding from these tight little work out shorts. I'm 5 seconds from fucking a hole in the wall thats how bad its getting.

 

[SideOrderOfOpiates]

What's on my chest? Obviously not tits—I'm still waiting for those.
In all actuality, I'm a bit 'stuck' feeling. I am mostly confident in regards to where my life is headed, but the amount of time allocated to utter self-destruction was (and sometimes still is) so intense that it is a bit tough to get out of my fantasy world. Reality is waiting for me; reality has been waiting for me. My birthday is in a few months and honestly I am not looking forward to it. It's time for me to grow the fuck up, and with every new candle on that cake, comes a lack of forgiveness for failure(s), and the expectation of more and more responsibility. I don't want responsibility, goddamnit. I have peter pan syndrome and I am having a bit of an existential crisis. That is what is on my chest.

 

[rangrz]

one of my friends is being held on an involuntary mental health hold. I went to visit them, I've never really been inside such a facility til now.

I am fucking PISSED. It's the most abjectly FUCKED thing I've ever seen in Canada. The people have less rights then someone being held in a maximum security detention center. It has more arbitrary rules and bullshit then one does while in recruit school..hell, it violates even the basic rights afforded to a prisoner of war under the various international treaties. The law enabling this to exist is a bullshit piece of provincial law that conflicts with key federal law such as the Constitution act, The charter of rights and freedoms and the Criminal Code of Canada.

tl;dr: its fucking wrong and retarded and I'm ready to punch a brick wall.

 

[hobhead]

i have a pair of worthless tiny nips on my chest and so much hair that it sticks through a tee shirt and hangs over the collar.
fucking hair bag i am.

 

[Krowsnose]

Not looking forward to starting up school again next semester. Can't relate to the people there. I think of them as pussies but in reality I'm the only one who's life is still fear-oriented. Hate the women there, hate the classes.

Of course this is all just attitude but staying high just makes me more and more comfortable with my aimless life in richmond.

 

[KiwiQflyer]

Every day is getting progressively worse and I'm not sure how doctors will help. I don't expect to find answers from my therapist so I've been putting my hope in prescriptions...but that process has been long and unfruitful....makes the sense of urgency to fix this...more urgent. I can't even go on a run without stopping to sit and cry. Every night driving home late after work I end up feeling shittier and shittier. And it used to feel a little better in the morning...but not now. Now it just feels worse knowing I have to make it through a whole 'nother day.