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What's going on in your life?

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Hey everyone! Im fairly new here and none of you people know me so i might as well do one of these posts.
Im 26 years old and i live in sweden. As i got laid off from my job as a computer security engineer i am now unemployed and have been so for the last 6 month.
My life is basically at a standstill and im having a hard time getting a job. The unemployment office told me that they would be willing to pay for my tuition if i where to attend a school for electrichians which doesnt sound all that bad.
Im doing way more drugs now that i dont have any resposebilities but ill do what it takes to combat the constant boredom.
Fortunately i made a killer when selling of my reelestate in downtown stockholm so im set financially for a few years. Unfortunately i get bored easilly and require constant mental and physical stimulation so im getting kind of frustrated here.
Thats all for me atm.
 
i was talking to a grrl friend of mine, and she told me that her and her ex got into the other night. he finally told her the reason he wasn't "in love with her" anymore was b/c she was a slum with no money. i high-fived b/c that's why my ex dumped me. but, now- i am NOTHING LIKE THAT! well, a little...but making serious progress!
i moved in with the boi i've been dating for about a year. we've lived together (with his good friend) since late october. i love it. i still don't pay as much rent as i should...but damn!
i asked this boi what progress i've made (how am i not a slum, in other words). i help out and do tons of household chores in place of money, i have a car( ! ), i am FINALLY back in school, and i think (?) i am becoming more responsible.
christmas break didn't help any of this, though. i had the most intoxicating 4 weeks of my life- and loved it. get this- NONE of it was with bluelighters though. heh. thought i was gonna settle down as soon as school started, but then i stayed up until 5am with some new friends. whoops! good thing he doesn't really mind too much.
i've discovered that i have one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for...and she said this same thing to me!
work sux (but, i think anyone who waits tables would say that). after 2.5 years of school i might actually have picked a major- the incredibly useful philosophy.
i actually really miss all my bluelight friends dearly, and i'm having my brother build me a computer, so i hope to solve that problem.
it's so good to see OLD faces in the lounge =) .
*kiss*kiss*kiss*
 
If I was to just look at all the tangibles aspects of my life the picture painted would quite clear say I’m doing better then ever before.
My career is on track. I’m trusted with large responsibilities, my ideas are valued and I’m given a great deal of respect (especially considering my age). At the start of the year another salary increase kicked in so finically my woes have become a lot smaller as well. I’m starting to deal with a larger client base and am getting to travel more and have picked up a few smaller projects outside of the States.
On a personal level I probably look and feel better then I have in years though I still really need to work on quitting smoking. I’ve been extremely sober for the most part of late 2002 and it’s carrying through 2003. This wasn’t really anything I planned it kind of just evolved one day at a time. Maybe I’ve just grown past that stage of my life.
Anyways like I said those are the tangible things...
Outside of them I still find myself extremely frustrated lately. It’s kind of funny but I think the closer you move to having all the things you thought you wanted the more you realize they are far from everything you really need.
Times are changing I think and I still feel a bit stuck between two worlds.
I went to the mall this weekend and found myself looking at small children alot. I’ve known for sometime that I’d want a family one day but I think what was once a far off thought is now an idea starting to push itself forward. Not saying anything will come of this in the next couple years but its something that I think is defiantly influencing my lifestyle.
I’m moving towards ending another relationship. I’ll give a person everything I can and then one morning wake up and feel empty. Feel as though I’ve given everything I can and been given little in return. Maybe the problem is me and maybe I need to start being more selfish... but at the end of the day I don’t want to be selfish. I mean if you’re going to care about someone and give them your time you should do it right.
Ce la vie...
Sometimes I miss apathy.
I always get overly critical about my life around this time of year (between new year & my bday). Tis the season of beating yourself up for all the things you’re not...
 
^^^ And the things that you are still leave me a little breathless. I miss you, baby.
Okay, a lot's been happening I guess, but I don't know how much of it I'm ready to talk about. Seems I always reach a point where I'm living too much to write anything, and luckily I'm in a spot like that now.
Been in San Diego for about two weeks now. I applied for a job the day after I got here (a job that I really want!) and just had my second interview for it today. I'm 95% sure that it's mine, now I just wait for the phone call. Been spending a lot of time with my friends, who are my family now cause they're the ones I come home to and plan dinner with and talk to when I'm worried or happy... how did I manage to get to know some of the coolest people ever? Oh yeah, this board had a little something to do with it.
Beginnings defy explanation for me, so I can't think of how to express the excitement I feel just driving down the road here, or how fast I jump out of bed in the morning just to see what the day will bring. The world, my life, me, is whatever I want them to be right now, and I am enjoying the challenge of it all. Different aspects of my life have all changed instantly when I decided to get in that car and make the change. And the dynamics of the different worlds I find myself crashing through right now are fascinating and beautiful, and a bit scary sometimes. But they're mine to maneuver through, so I'll keep doing that until I find a spot to settle in. Not till I have some more adventures though - now is definitely the time in my life for adventures.
 
I feel really good about where I am right now. As I am getting older many of the complexities of life have been showing themselves to be more simple than I thought. I am remembering thought's I had about life when I was younger and I've come to many realizations and have refined my thinking and ideas about life. This has prompted me to accept faults of my own and others around me and not fight things in a pool of self righteousness or indignity. I am learning to listen and help even people I feel have fucked me over too many time's to deserve my help, but they show respect, curiosity, and distance so I am always willing to help another seeking soul out as long as they show me some respect.
Damn, just observing and listening to others has helped me so much in being open minded and excited about all the mysteries the universe begs for you to answer. More people are approaching me now and I really like that. I have noticed that my mind is attuning itself to patterns in my ideas, mathematics, and feelings about consciousness and that, that attunement is really helping me out.
I am out of the rutt I was in after getting kicked out of my boyfriend's mom's apt. and have been really making a lot of ground with my family and the one truly amazing friend I have who I've gotten such a deep connection to. My family is very proud of me and I am so greatful to them for seeing me through some really tough times.
The connection with my beau is great and I feel really good about our future together, it seems we've been through enough in the 4 years we've been supporting each other to move in a different direction and find a bigger truth, a better connection and ground together. I am struggling and it feels real, it feels really good to know that I am struggling and getting somewhere for all my hard work, tears, and loneliness. I am starting to realize how strong I am and how I have potential to help other people to be strong in looking within and dealing with the perplexities that life presents you when you search and seek.
I haven't been ingesting anything for quite a while and the grounding I lost while over using drugs has come back and I feel better than ever. After taking ayahuasca myself and watching my beau fuck himself up to the point of astonishment then watching my life fall apart my life has changed in way's I am greatful for. It is true that chrisis can turn you upside down, shake you until you cry blood, turn you right side up again and leave you feeling peaceful, content and happier than when tou first started out.
I feel I need to keep that grounding well into my 20's in order to make something of myself. I am going to try and stay as clean as possible for the next few years and then take it from there.
I am taking a big risk by leaving my family in two weeks to move to the bay area with some great friends and my beau who are on the recieving end getting the place ready. They seem so prepared and I am so thankful for them for doing more than expected. I am so excited and wonder if I'll even know what I am doing half the time! I feel I have a real enough basis and ground in reality to make my way on my own though and I'll have so much support from my family and friends that I feel very secure and happy about moving out so early. I am ready for the challenges and I know it will be an uphill battle for a while before I can feel sure enough of my place in a new city.
It feels as if i'm on an urban vision quest this new year.
Peace7
[ 23 January 2003: Message edited by: jaymie ]
 
Haven't been online much lately. School was getting a bit stressfull so I desided to take a little break. Afew days after I had givin up all hope of finding a good job, on fell into my lap. I was a bit nervous about it at first, because I had never had what I would call a serious job. Once I started work though, I love it. It's definately not something I would want to do the rest of my life, but for right now, it great. I work outside, get a company truck to drive, and get everything paid for(gas,food, and lodging). It also lets me travel alot, so I get to go to new places every few weeks. Work has been taking up most of my time, so a relationship is a bit out of the question for the time being, which kinda sucks. And going to bars after work with my crew has become part of my everyday routine, so I have been drinking a bit more than is probable good for me. I don't have any bills anymore because I don't really have a home (other than going to my parents place) so I can finally afford a new car and still have money to play.
Life is good right now. Hope everyone else is doing well.
 
ohmigod.. i bought a new car today!!!! its sooo exciting... scary and exhilarating at the same time... i am HELLA exhausted though, so ima knock out.. ill post the entire traumatic story tomorrow when i have time... its been a looooong dday ;)
and i hate when people have to be such fucking cunts and rain on your parade... see thread in lounge for certain asshoeles.... why? does it make them feel better about themnselves? at least im happy.. fuck everyone else.. if they dont like it too goddamned bad.
[ 25 January 2003: Message edited by: KaNdEbUtTaHfLy ]
 
Well, I have moved to NC, I am here to help a friend out who's husband got sent to iraq. It works out good because my boyfriend is soon to be leaving himself. I am enjoying being here for I get to spend time with my babey before he leaves. He is leaving on Tuesday (tommorow), but might be leaving from there to go overseas but may be back in a week, and then leaving at the end of March. I am not a religious person, but really pray that he comes back to me until then.
I get to go to the doctor's today, I am a lil' over 2 months late, so pregnancy test here i come! I am not quite sure if I am happy about this or not. Don't get me wrong it would be great especially ince I have so many internal problems. The timing right now really isn't the best though. Geoff is leaving soon, nad gonna be gone for 6 months to a year.
I have quit all my energetic extracurricular activities ( meth, ice, coke ) whatever I could get my hands on. Moving to NC did me really good when it came to that. I actually pretty much quit right after my last post.
Besides that i guess life is okay!
I have been really emotional lately, crying, just wanting to be by myself, and have noticed myself puishng my boyfriend away slightly, but pointed this out to him ( he noticed ) but that helped that said something. Falling in love again scares the hell out of me! But that is exactly where I am right now ..... I am again in love, and yet it also feels great!
Christmas, I got a 3 karat bracelet from Cartie' in NYC, damn, for me that is just WOW!
But, it is 5 am, I just had to drop my boy off on base, and now I am gonna actually try to go to bed for the night!
So night to all!
Oh yeah, and LittlePrincess, my lil' sister, called me and informed me that she is pregnant, I thought I was gonna pass out!
 
Well my life is still shaken to the core but in a good way. Earlier this month I had to say goodbye (more like, till our paths cross again) to two speical friends in my life. It was the weekend my gf also moved in with me. So friends got to meet her and we started a new life together. It's a lot all at once (duh), but I'm up for it and things have been going well since. I got my wisdom teeth taken out last friday so I've been out of it the last four days. My mom was up to take care of me but as usuall she overstayed and left way to late. It's not that I don't love her but we are just two different people. She left today and I'm home from work because my mouth is still swollen. It sucks but Amanda is back at my place (she stayed with friends while mom was here) and I missed having her here. It's not like anything in particular she does...nothing special, nothing romantic...I like her because she makes me feel so comfortable with life. Just looking at her. I gave her a copy of "the crow" for her birthday and after reading it she now has a better understanding of me. I told her it would and she agreed.
Work has been work. I've been pretty busy and just blah with the repetitiveness of it all. I REALLY need to start working out again. But I'm procrastinating as usual (current excuse: it's too cold out there).
In Feb I'm headed off to NY with my gf to see Chrissie and buzzy. Boy do I miss those two.
(((hugs to all)))
 
^^^ I miss you so much already. I'm glad three months is already one month gone....
 
On Saturday, I had to put my 2 year old dog, Chase, to sleep. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I had had him since he was 4 months old when I adopted him from a pet rescue center. From the time I brought him home he became a huge part of my life. I looked forward to coming home (for any excuse) just to see his happy face and rub his soft little ears. As he got older, he became more and more aggressive to everyone except me and a few of my family members. The woman I adopted him from told me he had been an abused stray and never socialized with other dogs before I got him. I spent thousand of dollars I didn't have to get him special training and try to work through his problems. Sadly, he was only getting worse. Since I live in an apartment, he was a danger to the children that lived close to me. On several occasions he would lunge and growl at them. I was worried that he would hurt someone. I consulted everyone, several vets, a specialist, his trainer and they all agreed that nothing else could be done for him and that it was best to have him put down. So, I made an appointment with his vet. The 2 nights before his appointment, I was looking online trying to find a group that adopts dogs with emotional/aggression problems, but there are none. However, I did come across several healers that offer free distant healing for animals. I must have written about 100 of them trying to get a miracle for my puppy. The night before he was scheduled to be put down, I was praying that a miracle would happen and he would be magically ok in the morning. My heart broke when I woke up and took him out and he went insane when he saw another dog, gnarling and growling and just vicious. When we got to the Vet he had the same reaction to a cat and another dog. Dr. Cohen, the vet, told me I was doing the right thing and told me not to feel guilty and even encouraged me not to stay in the room while he went to sleep. But, I felt I owed it to Chase to comfort him in his last hours. I'll never forget the image of how fast Chase slipped away. One second he was looking at me and the next he was gone. All I could do was sob uncontrollably and hug my boyfriend while we both cried in each others arms. The rest of the weekend was a blur of pain, tears and anger that I had to go through all this. Three days later, I am feeling a little better (at least I can get through a day at work now). I still cry and feel bad but at least I can look at Chase's picture without breaking down. Several of the healers wrote me back and offered me sympathy. One told me that Chase loved me and is happy now and visits me often. I like to believe that.
[ 28 January 2003: Message edited by: honEbee ]
 
It's only been 2003 for a few weeks, but this year already looks much more promising than the last. 2002 was such an emotional rollercoaster for me...I was struggling in school, I was lonely, and I had no idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I did a lot of soul-searching to see what changes I needed to make so I could be happy, and now I'm finally starting to point myself in the right direction.
I quit college after 3 semesters. Now I'm living at home and am much happier. I had no friends at school, and I hated studying and going to class. Basically I would just sit in my room all day and sometimes drive off campus to party. College life just wasn't for me.
Now I've been home for a month, and pretty much every night has been spent with my friends. I have an amazing group of friends here, some old and some new, and we've all gotten very close lately. A few of them have left for school in the past few days, and I'll miss them a lot, but I'm also anticipating some crazy weekends involving road trips to different colleges in the near future!! :)
Since I've been home I've had almost no responsibilities, but that's about to change. I decided that a career in cosmetology would be a good match for me, and Monday will be my first day of beauty school. I'm also training to start working for my mother, who owns a medical transcription business. I have school 9-4:30 every day, and it's a 45-minute commute, so I won't be around much. But by working for her I'll be able to earn some money doing the work at home, and my schedule will be flexible enough.
As for the love life, right now I guess it's safe to say that I'm single. I had been seeing a guy I met at a party, but he lives 4 hours away and he isn't quite my type, although he is a sweetheart. We still talk a couple times a week, but we hardly ever get to see each other so I doubt anything will work out. I would love to have a boyfriend, but I'm really picky when it comes to relationships. In order for me to commit to someone there has to be a strong emotional AND physical connection, which is very rare for me to find. If the right person comes along it'll be great, but for now I'd rather concentrate on my own happiness.
I'll only be in school for 8 months, which means I'm done at the end of August. As soon as I graduate I can get a real job and move out of my house into my own place! It's so exciting--and a little scary--to know that a year from now I'll be living a different life, completely independent. I have no idea where I'm going to end up...but I kind of like that feeling.
 
It's a definite.....I am pregnant! Had my doctor's appointment today!
Looks like I will be a having a little one in August!
 
In order for me to commit to someone there has to be a strong emotional AND physical connection, which is very rare for me to find. If the right person comes along it'll be great, but for now I'd rather concentrate on my own happiness.
That's my ideal too. It gets rough, though... the weather here is so beautiful at the moment and even though my friends are incredible and supportive, I really wish I had someone to barbecue and fool around on the beach with. ;) I know I am finally emotionally ready to get involved again, I have healed from my breakup last summer, which considering we lived together 3 years was more like a divorce.
I met two guys recently who may have potential. One is a nice 29 yr old adorable Jewish lawyer (!) who I met when he came to take depositions here. He is an EXACT cross of David Schwimmer (Ross from Friends) and Jerry Seinfeld (it's eerie) so when I look at him I always think about celebrities. The problem is, though, when I hung out with him the other night, he just seemed a tad too needy and doesn't really party at all or approve of it. He also practices a field of law that some people would call ambulance chasing, and told me some stories that made me not respect him very much, i.e. he has "connections" in some of the ghetto parts of Miami who funnel him clients. Not cool!
The other guy is I think more promising. He has the same birthday as me but is 3 yrs older... which I think is perfect. He is a commodities broker- very ambitious, career-oriented and determined, much like myself. He also parties and is pretty damn cute- another nice Jewish boy! I look forward to getting to know him better.
There's also someone special who lives on the West Coast... hopefully someday I'll get to see him, I think he has more promise than the other 2 combined. ;)
School has been moderately demanding and I am soooo bored with it, but the alternative is working here full time and the pressure is just too great. I'm trying to look forward to law school, but I know it's only going to make things even more overwhelming.
The one place in my life I have noticed major improvement, besides the fact that my workouts are paying off and I look pretty damn good in a bathing suit, is that my depression and anxiety seem to have lifted significantly, although I won't say either is in remission. I haven't cut down my drinking as much as I would like to, but as of the moment the only substances I am using other than alcohol are benzos (prescription) and of course the almighty ganja. I do plan to go on a bit of a bender over spring break though, I took a week and a half off work and don't know where I am traveling yet, but definitely plan to.
I am trying to take good care of myself and do the right thing across the board... while having fun along the way.
It seems like a lot of people in this thread are making real progress in their lives. Congratulations and much luck to all. <3
Click to expand...
 
*update*
the problem that i was having before has been taken care of and everything is good again.
i am happy and in love and my job is going well.
:D
 
I just got engaged this weekend. :) My boyfriend proposed in the middle of Logan Square in Philly.
Hopefully, we'll get married sometime around June this year. It all depends on when he can get permission to come over to live in the US (he's Australian). I'm looking forward to trying to whip up a small but eloquent wedding in only a couple of months. It will keep my mind occupied while he returns home for the next couple of months and I don't have to think about how much I'll miss him until he returns.
 
Heh, it's not MY life that seems to be interesting these days, but the people around me. ;) Being right is the best.
Lately everything is the same... work, daddy-time, and play. Actually, a lot less work lately, but hopefully that's going to change soon, just got a call from the Home Depot, might be getting a new job.
I've been travelling a lot lately, just got back from a weekend in PA, chillin in Wilkes-Barre with Cpt_Howdy, Xplore, Squeaks and frostyangel. Strange little town,... kinda caught in time, though it's difficult to tell what era they are in. Had a fine time with these people. :) The drive was a bitch though... it's about 5 hours from VA to W-B... won't be making that trip too often, I can tell ya that. Planning on another road trip closer to the end of the month... Springfield Mass, for the Freshie event. I just can't get enough of you freakin bluelighter people...
Other than that, it's business as usual. No great changes at the moment, but I suppose there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not sure that any big changes would be welcomed at the moment anyway.
 
I feel so happy. I'm exposed, vulnerable, on a new kick
Everything else in life has improved for me. Still working 2 jobs, Been in Santa Monica the past few weekends, enjoying exploring new things with Jake. Please mom can I keep him? :D
 
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