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What's going on in your life?

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fizzygirl, what is "practicum"? Discussion/recitation section? I'm not up on the hip Latin slang kids use nowadays...
Hmmm, well I just started graduate school this term; it's been a major life change for me. It's a lot of work: classes and TAing (which takes a shitload of time) and supposedly gearing up for my research, plus all the usual trouble of moving and establishing life in a new place. Luckily my undergrad institution, for all its problems, prepared me very well, so classes are incredibly easy. And I think I easily passed my qualifiers on my first try -- despite the fact that I had barely studied and was operating in very little sleep.
The weather up here is a far cry from SoCal; I'm having to get used to cold and snow again. More annoying is that I have no good friends here, and I'm not exactly meeting a lot of people. Mostly this is my own fault; I'm slow to make friends, and grad school doesn't expose you to nearly the number of people that college does. I also spend way too much time talking to friends from college and posting on Bluelight, instead of working on the (semi-difficult) task of making new friends.
I also have relatively few drug hookups here, but its astonishing how much easier it is to make them now. I remember how hard it was to find anything, even weed, when I was an innocent little straightedge looking for drugs. Now, even being relatively asocial, if I were particularly motivated to get something I know where/how to find it.
All this being said, I'm still for some reason incredibly happy. I was in a good mood just getting here -- I like the atmosphere of this university a lot -- and it's just getting better. A lot of it is the new environment, and the fact that I'm staying on top of things now, as opposed to before, where I had pretty much burnt out and was just doing enought to barely get by. I've also gone on an SSRI (citalopram) as a sort of experiment, and it's done wonders as far as making me happy and playful. Since its' kicked in, I never have bad moods, and I have lots of good moods, where I just laugh at everything.... including cliche things like "the way the sunlight plays off the snow." :) It's great, I love modern psychotherapeutics.
Care all,
Zorn
[ 27 February 2002: Message edited by: zorn ]
 
Right now I am trying to quit herion. I am also trying to decide if I should stick with my significant other of three years, or break it off. I just cannot make up my mind. I also go to school.
 
For me, it hasn't been the greatest, but things are beginning to look up.
I was in a car accident on Thanksgiving that crushed my lower backbone. I had to get surgery to replace it with graphite. They even took out a freakin' rib! My stay at the hospital was about two weeks, but thanks to morphine and valium, I only remember like 3 days. Thank God I was able to come out of it all still walking, but I have never been so scared in my life.
I am doing really well physically, but I am having kind of a hard time dealing with my emotions since it happened. When I wrecked my car, I flipped about 3 or 4 times and clipped two Christmas trees in the process. I landed on all fours, but since it was dark and on a secluded road, no one got to me until morning (about 3 hrs later). I have horrible memories of lying in my car in the freezing cold thinking I might just die. I remember feeling so terrified, crying out for my mama for help, knowing it wouldn't help no matter how loud and long I screamed. Luckily I made it out to the road to flag someone down...don't ask me how I walked! The doctors were all amazed as to how I walked that far with a crushed backbone.
I was living in Gainesville while going to college and working before it all happened. I had to quit both and move home to Live Oak, so my family could take care of me. I can't do much even right now, which leads to A LOT of movie watching, reading, countless hours on the internet. Something like this will show who your true friends are. One of my closest friends was like my sister...we did everything together (she is from my hometown) and I have seen her about 2 or 3 times during this whole ordeal. I have been so hurt by it, but I guess I have to look at it as her doing me a favor. I do not need someone in my life that isn't going to be there for the unfortunate bad times, not just the fun days.
I will hopefully be able to drive soon, so I am in the process of car shopping, which is always exciting! I still get really lonely...I am in the sticks with my family(although my fam has been wonderful!) while all of my friends are in school in Gville, Tally, so on. Ah well, at least I can start with a fresh beginning when I can finally get back to life.
 
I just also wanna say that this is a great thread...I enjoy reading about other peoples and I noticed that most of you are doin pretty good in their lives. So I wanna say YAY for you =) thats great. Then the others who arent doin so good.. just remember that things always get worse before they get better. And there is always the quote "Everything is ok in the end..if its not ok, then its not the end" And I wish the best for you all. For those who are doin good, I hope they stay that way. For those who arent doin good I hope they get better,
Confused. Thats what I am and thats how my life is. Confused and confusing.
Lets start with the boy problems....
I sorrta have this b/f and he lives far, I havent seen him for like 2 months. When I did see him I know I cared about him and wanted to be with him, but now I dont know what I feel for him. I wanna call him and say "lets put this relationship on hold untill we can see each other more" but I am scared to. I just cant do it. But I need to. I like other guys and flirt with other guys all the time. And I really like this one kid. Hes older then me and doesnt have any feelings for me either. He has not said this, but I know he doesnt. I dont even know if he likes me as a friend anymore. The thing that sucks is I really really really like him. A lot. Hes on my mind almost all the time and I cant get him out of it. Then there is this kid who lives miles and miles away from me who is the sweetest thing and I like him too, but he lives MILES AND MILES away, so 'till I can visit him thast hopeless. Then there is this other guy who I like and want to get to know. He is best friends with my best friends b/f and he said that this guy... Jon....has said things about me before, good things. And my best friends b/f wants to hook us up. So those are my guy issues.....
Then there is school, which I have been struggling with and cant get motivation or care to do anything about it. But this week has been very good. I have been payin atttetion in class. and doin my work and gettin good grades. So hopefully this week will be the start of the rest of my good school career for at least the rest of the year. And doin good in school will have its perks with my mom.
And there is home life... which I will not even begin to get into b/c I dont talk about that. Not even to my best friend so why would I go rambling about it to people I dont know? But lets just say it FOCKIN SUCKS MONKEY BALLS. But I do have a careing mom and pets that I love and a roof over my head and food in the fridge.. so I can always be thankfull for that. Ive become pretty much numb to everything that goes around me here. Yea.. I would def. describe it as numbness.
I have many friends. Sometimes I think I have too many. But of course friends are not always what they apear and act to be. I dont really trust anyone anymore. I've been thu too much and seen too much to 100 percent trust anyone. Maybe one day I will be able to, but for now I dont. I do love my friends tho. They do what they can and what they want to. When I am with them, they make me happy. So yea.. social life is good I supose.
but wow did I get into a ramble or what? You dont even haveta read this if you dont want to. But I hope someone does, just for the sake of typin all of this and knowing someone read it and Im not invisible. I tend to feel that way sometimes..
I also sometimes think I want too much. I want too much that I cant have. And I obsess about what I want and can not have. But I guess thats b/c I feel I dont have much. And what I do have always gets taken away from me or lost or whatever. I think too much too. I wish my brain had an on off button or something. I think too much also.
ok.. I should really stop now. There is more I could go on and on about but I shant. You ask and you shall gett. You asked what is goin on in my life...well this is what is goin on...
Compleate and utter confusion.
**much love**
-k-
 
LMAO @ C22!!!
hehehe
zorn:
Practicum, specifically teaching practicum is the class we take to be eligible to teach as a TA at our university. Our TA's are fully in control of the entire class--planning, teaching, testing, etc as opposed to working under a prof. So they offer a class to discuss some of these issues and offer practice with the intro classes (which have like 200 students!) before you have your own class in the fall. You don't have to do it to teach a lab, but to teach Intro or other actual classes it is a prerequisite. Everyone else in my class is 2nd year or beyond and has had teaching experience cept me...so I'm the baby of the class ;P
BUT, my prof just got his grant he was expecting, so I don't actually plan on teaching this fall. So, I'm just taking the class sooner rather than later. :)
[ 02 March 2002: Message edited by: fizzygirl ]
 
I'm a stress-plagued law student currently suffering through what seems to be the worst semester thus far. Even though I have met with some degree of success in law school, I am having difficulty finding a job that I really desire. I sometimes dread the thought of the indentured servitude that awaits me upon graduation, as I am going to be repaying an exorbitant amount of student loans, forced to spend hours in the dark corners of the law firm library helping one corporation or another fight over unseemly amounts of money. Someday, I hope to use my legal knowledge for something more fulfilling...
Even though the intellectual stimulation is wonderful, and I enjoy feeling challenged by my choice of careers, I sometimes wonder if it is worth it. At the same time, I feel the education I have received is invaluable and that I have developed greatly due to the experiences.
[ 02 March 2002: Message edited by: PLURalism ]
 
I'm back in California and umemployed. All I can say is I'm extremely blessed to have the people in my life that I do. I've been eating like a queen, have been surrounded with the nicest of atmospheres, and been given way more than I think I even deserve. I'm broke but I can never tell. I have the most awesome people in my life. Thank you to those that are on this board btw.
I've been interviewing, putting up with some tough circumstances but at the same time I'm completely okay inside. I'm happy with myself and realize it's just a matter of time that things start working out for me I can say my life really sucks if I compared myself to people around me but in all honesty, sometimes I have to remind myself of my situation because I'm happy anyway. I can't say where I would be without my friends and family-the ocean is calming, I go down there a lot and am downtown quite a bit too..like I said I have to remind myself of the bad things that go along with being umemployed :)
I hope I get something soon though-I'm a poor girl
 
oh hum.....
What is going on in my life?
I wish I had the slightest clue as to what my purpose in life is. I have no real direction as to what I want out of life. All I know is that I'm trying to move forward and I'm trying not looking back. Which I find extremely difficult considering the damn past always seems to haunt me in the present.
My family is my family. We're not the closest but we manage to squeeze in family lunches on sundays. Which is kinda cool considering I never had that growning up as a kid.
I've had some serious concerns about my so-called friends. I used to always question our friendships. I guess it's this intuition that I finally realize that I love my friends like my family. Eliminated all the people who brought me down.
Work has been surprisingly good to me, other then the fact I get paid shit. I constantly bitch and moan about how much money I make but it's totally my fault because I don't take the initiative to change.
It's been 4 years since I've been in any kind of serious monogamous relationship. I've dated some kooks here and there but nothing meaningful. Dating for me seems to be over-rated and plain. I don't mind being single at all.
This year was suppose to be the year that I start to "give a fuck". I'm tired of leaving myself high and dry in certain situations because I was irresponsible and didn't "give a fuck". Now that we covered that part, how do I manage to clean my room when I don't "give a fuck" about it?
such is life...
ruffiano
 
^^^^ I love and miss these last two people.
Well, update: Just took midterms this morning. Those are two of the hardest exams that I have ever faced, but I feel pretty good about them really. School is obscenely consuming still - but what else to expect from pre-med!?! It is hitting me more and more that the path I have chosen does truly have this amazing reward at the end. I will spend my life (hopefully) doing what I love and that is priceless. But the sacrifices that it calls for can be a bit much. The last few months have been so difficult at times, and I'm notorious for going through a dark period and getting stuck there for a while. Sometimes I sit and think of how long it's been since I had just a simple hug from someone. And that's when I realize how silly I'm being, and that there are people who love me. And then I ask one of them for a hug, and everything seems okay somehow.
I think one of the hardest balances for me to find is the one between living for the good things in life, and taking the time to worry when it's appropriate. It's easy to become caught up in what you believe to be right and good and important, but if you ignore the bad things too long, they just pile up. It's difficult to stop and be concerned about your bills when you're having a wonderful day and the sun is shining - just as difficult as taking pleasure in a warm breeze when you're having a rotten day. So that's where I've been spending my mental time lately. That and just living my life as Aly's best friend. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her in my life - we can't ever break up!!! ;)
Pea: thanks for the thread, the love, the HUGS, that smile of yours, and for reminding me over and over and over again how beautiful life is.
And Ruffiano: babuh-baby... you are still one of the sexiest men I have ever ridden roller coasters with. ;) Darlin'.
 
Dags...I hope you still know how beautiful and admirable you are..
I think of you when I'm calm and enjoying myself..mostly enjoying myself. Today I was on a patio eating and drinking and couldn't get you off my mind. I always wish you were next to me when I'm content...just so we can look at each other and nod. I'm missing you
 
Right now things in my life have been going really shitty.
First off I quit this perfect job I had making $1100-$1500 a week take home over this stupid pride type thing which was great at the time but now I totally regret. The only good reason I still feel I quit was that I was partying with my co-workers almost every night after work. So even though I was making good money 80% of it went to 8-balls and six packs and club admissions etc etc. I have since been forced to calm down. There was just too damn many of my friends working at the same place(about 20 of em since we all got hired when the resturaunt was brand new)
Who knows maybe the new job will be toned down a bit :-) It'll def be harder to party everyday with my old friends since we will be on different schedules at least :-)
Its been about a month and a half and I just got a new job. Its nowhere near as good but I had to take something.
In between all this mess I ended up getting evicted. I was living with my sister without the landlord knowing and the paranoid neighbor downstairs flipped out over something my sister did and finally ratted on me after a year of living there and I had to basically move out the same exact day.
I am back at my parents house BUT my old room was turned into a computer room 3 years ago so I have to sleep on the living room couch with no privacy for my things etc etc.
My sister was evicted also with her two kids because of what happened and she will be back here in a month.
This house will soon be the crazy house with me, my brother, my sisters two kids and my other nephew and my 'rents.
I dont think I will be able to take it too much longer.
There are also some major changes going on with myself. I have crohns disease and I seem to be getting sicker and sicker each day. All that hardcore partying I did when I was younger(I am 25 now)is catching up to me still at an early age.
I am also facing my sexualtiy. (Yes ladies and gents you have heard it here first) I am Bi and have only begun to tell people so there is more stress on me that I dont need right now. I guess the only good thing is that none of my friends have any problem with it which scared me the most.
I really hope things will work out in the end(they allways seem to do) but right now its extremly hard to live like this.
Sorry for this depressing recap of my life right now. Venting seems to really help me though :-)
 
^^^^ If it helps you hun, write a book. I hate to hear that things aren't going as well for you as you'd like, but it's just good to hear from you, period!!!! Keep smiling dear, and get all this bad stuff over with. Best thing is - that means only good things can come your way next!!!!
{{{{Squeakers}}}}
 
working full time, playing bball, surfing, drinking and going 2 the gym the other times.
I'm saving 2 go on holiday after i go 2 america. im going the to work on a summer camp in june (french woods).
 
*Update*
I got a new job finally. About two weeks ago I started working at a little restaurant. Making next to no money but the important thing is that I am getting out of the house and accomplishing something.
On a sad note. I now am faced with a problem that for one reason or another I cannot discuss here on BL. The community I come to for acceptance and where I can be completely honest. I am unable to do that with this problem, which saddens me :(
Other than the above problem and the fact that I just spent $600 on a phone bill from talking to my man to much. The phone bill is the worst part of a long distance relationship ;)
Anyways, I am also happy to announce that I am finally starting to pay some bills and trying to get my enormous credit card debt taken care of. Once I get all this paid off (which will take me almost a year and a half) I can start school and really start making progress and accomplishing things. This is most important to me right now. I want to better my life. Although I am taking baby steps. I am now confident that I can make something good come out of my life.
I am taking a trip to NC next week to see some BL friends and my BF! It will be good to go home, it has been two months since my last visit. I am very excited about this!
I finally got up enough guts to ask my aunt and uncle *when* they plan on helping me to get a car. To my surprise they both said they had been waiting for me to bring it up as to when I wanted to go look for one. All I had to do was ask, which makes me so happy. They always tell me if I need soemthin g to ask, but I hate to ask people for anything. Guess I should listen to the more often.
Life is much better now with a job. I miss BL :) and I only get online about once a week now. But I am happier to be making a little money and seeing the outside world!
So for the most part happy. And I am finally starting to take steps forward and making plans for the future. That is all I want, knowing I am taking steps forward makes me extremely happy.
~LP
[ 12 March 2002: Message edited by: *LittlePrincess* ]
 
I'm in love with a wonderful and caring man, and spending a lot of my down time with him. I just got my first domain name (www.blueskiez.net) and am working on getting that fully online very soon. I'm on a diet now (excess weight it a biyotch) and starting to think of fun ways to exercise around town.
I am now pre-med as well, going into radiation oncology I hope :) GOing to major in psychology though.. I'm getting closer to leaving my parents every day. They try to rule me like I'm still in high school. I need to cut those strings.
Well, I'm off to my unneeded classes of the day and hope to maybe get a damn job within the next few... Miss you all (you know who you are!)
peace.
me
 
Good thread!
I'm very much a workoholic right now. I've sort of stopped partying and that's what happens...I become a workoholic ;) I'm getting noticed by the big-wigs of the company so it's not a bad thing. I have to remember to let myself rest or I will burn out.
Most of my friends are turning 30 and freaking out about it.I turn 29 in less than two months and I'm ok with it. Actually I feel privledged to have gotten this far and kept my wits about me ;)
I feel like I'm getting ready for something new to happen. I hope my feelings are right.
Recently, I got to be with my aunt while she was in labor and it was amazing. I really had a sense of peace and that everything was going to be fine (in that moment and otherwise). That feeling has stayed with me since and I'm very happy. I needed some hope to carry around with me. I was getting sort of gloomy.
That's how it goes...just when I think I'm hating my life, I get to see something beautiful and it changes my mind :) I love that!
So many things are changing around me but I'm at peace with it, I welcome it.
Hang in there...I know, I know ;)
 
So this is where all the people I care to read about went...
I won't go into much detail about my life right now as I've got classes to go to, but all I need to say are three words.
Life is good. :)
 
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