Sweetpea
Bluelighter
^He looks like a cherub angel. 
-
Life Advice & Visual Arts
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What's going on in your life?
- Thread starter Sweetpea
- Start date
- Status
Last Tuesday I got into my first major car wreck. I skidded off the road at 65 mph, rolled the car down a forty foot embankment, and jumped a creek. The car was totalled... front window smashed, left shock sprung all the way out from the body, passenger side wheels twisted on their sides. BUT I was wearing my seatbelt!!! The police said this saved my life. It was terrifying. I spent the next day in shock, sleeping for almost 16 hours. I missed some shifts at work, but my manager and owner were awesome to me, and my coworkers made me feel like I belonged there for the first time since I started...
Which proabably calls for an update from my last post... For a month I bartended at a roadside biker bar. It was certainly an experience, definately not one to be repeated. I then got hired on at the most upscale bar/club in the area. Which isn't saying much, but it's actually a nice place and a lot of the people who work there are around my age. I bartend on the weekends and cocktail on the weeknights. I got the cute little apartment I wanted and was able to furnish it through the help of my extended family. Living alone is a little strange, especially because I just keep getting wierder and weirder
. I don't even have a goldfish! After the the wreck I bought a '92 Ford station wagon (aka roadtripper), which I have big plans for! :D
Anyway, that about sums it up... I'll be getting an application in the mail any day for U of Illinois - Champaign. They have one of the top journalism programs in the country. Other than that... not much else. Except I really don't suggest any of you move to central Illinois, unless you like raging meth addicts, dedicated drunks, haughty rich kids with no sense of the real world, corn, church picnics, and grain elevators. If you do, drop me an email, I'll tell you where to find them all!
Dagny, hey sweets, I knew you'd like those books. I chose them specially to lend them to you. Don't worry about getting them back too soon, just keep 'em safe. When I eventually get a computer, I'll be in better touch.
Which proabably calls for an update from my last post... For a month I bartended at a roadside biker bar. It was certainly an experience, definately not one to be repeated. I then got hired on at the most upscale bar/club in the area. Which isn't saying much, but it's actually a nice place and a lot of the people who work there are around my age. I bartend on the weekends and cocktail on the weeknights. I got the cute little apartment I wanted and was able to furnish it through the help of my extended family. Living alone is a little strange, especially because I just keep getting wierder and weirder
. I don't even have a goldfish! After the the wreck I bought a '92 Ford station wagon (aka roadtripper), which I have big plans for! :DAnyway, that about sums it up... I'll be getting an application in the mail any day for U of Illinois - Champaign. They have one of the top journalism programs in the country. Other than that... not much else. Except I really don't suggest any of you move to central Illinois, unless you like raging meth addicts, dedicated drunks, haughty rich kids with no sense of the real world, corn, church picnics, and grain elevators. If you do, drop me an email, I'll tell you where to find them all!
Dagny, hey sweets, I knew you'd like those books. I chose them specially to lend them to you. Don't worry about getting them back too soon, just keep 'em safe. When I eventually get a computer, I'll be in better touch.
me, well...i'm moving interstate. getting my ass over the tasman sea to melbourne to go live with my boyfriend (Sllip). have to finish school, that'll be at the start of november. i've applied to do Communication Design at RMIT...hopefully i get in.
i'm at the uni of tas and i need a change of scene. been in tasmania for 6 years now and its getting to me. i'm 19 and i should be enjoying life. all the things i want to do, u cant do here. there are no good clubs, terrible drugs and i really dont belong here.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
the art school i'm at here is apparently one of the best in the world, but i dont need to be taught how to be a "famous artist" and live off government grants, i want to make money out of what i do best.
the past year i've felt that things where changing...that i was standing at the edge of something big...and now things are all neatly falling into place. my whole life ive felt restless and its always been like something is at my back, hounding me. now i can finally settle down and take it easy and concentrate on my art and everything else.
i'm at the uni of tas and i need a change of scene. been in tasmania for 6 years now and its getting to me. i'm 19 and i should be enjoying life. all the things i want to do, u cant do here. there are no good clubs, terrible drugs and i really dont belong here.
the art school i'm at here is apparently one of the best in the world, but i dont need to be taught how to be a "famous artist" and live off government grants, i want to make money out of what i do best.
the past year i've felt that things where changing...that i was standing at the edge of something big...and now things are all neatly falling into place. my whole life ive felt restless and its always been like something is at my back, hounding me. now i can finally settle down and take it easy and concentrate on my art and everything else.
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
oh dear
heh despite the drama (totally accidentally) taking WAY, WAY, WAY too much acid (resulting in a trip that kicked my ass beyond description or memory and a lot of uncomfortable revelations) this weekend and not sleeping for 2 days... I'm doing quite well.
No more acid for me though for a very long time and probably ever. Despite the fact I'm experienced with psychedelics (especially acid) and this was the first trip I've ever had that was at all unpleasant... too many doors were thrown wide open in my mind, and some of them have been shut but I still have unfinished business in this regard... time heals all wounds and I'm just thankful I was with wonderful people who made sure I was safe despite my being one hell of a handful. I'll pay back the karma by being the sober sister sometime soon.
I have my first full day of my new job tomorrow as an executive assistant. It's so far beyond the menial work I did as a legal assistant- I have actual responsibility in helping my boss running her already very successful business. The pay is awesome, full benefits and my boss and I have hit it off beautifully.
I've met a couple guys recently, but I'm still not ready for any sort of heavy involvement. These last few months have been the longest time in my adult life that I've been single... and to be honest it's hard not to have that sort of support at the end of the day, but I settled for less than what I wanted way too many times just for that (false) sense of security. I think I will know when the right thing comes along.
The shit's really hitting the fan in my family. My aunt had an alcohol-induced seizure at my cousin's (her niece's) wedding over the weekend. Evidently she has been quite the closet lush for years now, and it's taking a huge toll on her marriage and kids. She lives in Connecticut and if we don't go to Europe for the holidays, my dad and I will probably head out there to be with her. Also, my uncle's pancreatic cancer is back with a vengeance and he's probably not got much time. My family went to the 49ers game yesterday with him (regrettably, I was still fucked out of my mind so I didn't). It's important to make as many memories as we can with the people that matter to us. We never know when they will be taken.
It's over 100 degrees here today, ugh. We seem to get our summer in September and October, and I hope I don't have to deal with another month of this.
With a few exceptions, things seem to be falling into place.
heh despite the drama (totally accidentally) taking WAY, WAY, WAY too much acid (resulting in a trip that kicked my ass beyond description or memory and a lot of uncomfortable revelations) this weekend and not sleeping for 2 days... I'm doing quite well.
No more acid for me though for a very long time and probably ever. Despite the fact I'm experienced with psychedelics (especially acid) and this was the first trip I've ever had that was at all unpleasant... too many doors were thrown wide open in my mind, and some of them have been shut but I still have unfinished business in this regard... time heals all wounds and I'm just thankful I was with wonderful people who made sure I was safe despite my being one hell of a handful. I'll pay back the karma by being the sober sister sometime soon.
I have my first full day of my new job tomorrow as an executive assistant. It's so far beyond the menial work I did as a legal assistant- I have actual responsibility in helping my boss running her already very successful business. The pay is awesome, full benefits and my boss and I have hit it off beautifully.
I've met a couple guys recently, but I'm still not ready for any sort of heavy involvement. These last few months have been the longest time in my adult life that I've been single... and to be honest it's hard not to have that sort of support at the end of the day, but I settled for less than what I wanted way too many times just for that (false) sense of security. I think I will know when the right thing comes along.
The shit's really hitting the fan in my family. My aunt had an alcohol-induced seizure at my cousin's (her niece's) wedding over the weekend. Evidently she has been quite the closet lush for years now, and it's taking a huge toll on her marriage and kids. She lives in Connecticut and if we don't go to Europe for the holidays, my dad and I will probably head out there to be with her. Also, my uncle's pancreatic cancer is back with a vengeance and he's probably not got much time. My family went to the 49ers game yesterday with him (regrettably, I was still fucked out of my mind so I didn't). It's important to make as many memories as we can with the people that matter to us. We never know when they will be taken.
It's over 100 degrees here today, ugh.
We seem to get our summer in September and October, and I hope I don't have to deal with another month of this.With a few exceptions, things seem to be falling into place.
Spinal
Bluelighter
I finally, FINALLY, got my car all fixed up today. It still needs some work and a stereo, but I can now safely drive down the street without worrying about killing myself. I feel so much more free to just go and do things now. If only I wasn't in credit card debit8)
Also, I feel a great wealth of gratitude to still have Jaymie in my life after everything we've recently been through. It's so nice to actually be able to work something out with someone and get somewhere in a relationship. Not to mention buying me party tickets after I spent all my money on my car. Ahhhhh, I can't wait to return the favor
All and all things are good. I'm finally meeting friends since landing a job here in the city. Not folks like my old high school friends, (Whom I still care about dearly in their old and interesting ways) but people with common interests. I'm looking foward to getting to know them better.
I just want to close with a big ol'e YHEY!!!!!! Peace, Spinal
Also, I feel a great wealth of gratitude to still have Jaymie in my life after everything we've recently been through. It's so nice to actually be able to work something out with someone and get somewhere in a relationship. Not to mention buying me party tickets after I spent all my money on my car. Ahhhhh, I can't wait to return the favor
All and all things are good. I'm finally meeting friends since landing a job here in the city. Not folks like my old high school friends, (Whom I still care about dearly in their old and interesting ways) but people with common interests. I'm looking foward to getting to know them better.
I just want to close with a big ol'e YHEY!!!!!! Peace, Spinal
Sweetpea
Bluelighter
Okay...so things aren't perfect but somehow I'm really okay. I feel a balance between the high and lows where I see them but I feel detached from them- I think this is good. My car is dead so Im driving the company car until I start working on buying a brand new car My job is helping me with this. They've been the biggest blessing. I want a VW Golf.
For the first time in my life I have a company gas and credit card. They got it for me yesterday. bling bling
I have been doing all kinds of things, partying, working, meeting people, spending time alone, trying to balance it out. I ignored the fact that I had to pay bills and shopped, I did it knowingly and now I'm paying for it. Live and learn hopefully.
Mariposa I can completely understand the guy situation-same with me. The guys I am meeting have been so much more impressive and more on the lines of what I think I want. It's raining new people for me right now not only romantically but in general I'm making new friends and hanging out with a variety of people-Im having fun.
I'm very independent right now and looking to move outside of my family (sister is my roommate). I want to be completely free of "have tos" or "shoulds" etc.
My money situation pretty much sucks as always..things are getting old being the same way all the time. Somehow I always get by, but I want to be ahead. I'm 26 not 16. I want to save.
Congrats Spinal
My job is helping me with this. They've been the biggest blessing. I want a VW Golf.For the first time in my life I have a company gas and credit card. They got it for me yesterday. bling bling
I have been doing all kinds of things, partying, working, meeting people, spending time alone, trying to balance it out. I ignored the fact that I had to pay bills and shopped, I did it knowingly and now I'm paying for it. Live and learn hopefully.
Mariposa I can completely understand the guy situation-same with me. The guys I am meeting have been so much more impressive and more on the lines of what I think I want. It's raining new people for me right now not only romantically but in general I'm making new friends and hanging out with a variety of people-Im having fun.
I'm very independent right now and looking to move outside of my family (sister is my roommate). I want to be completely free of "have tos" or "shoulds" etc.
My money situation pretty much sucks as always..things are getting old being the same way all the time. Somehow I always get by, but I want to be ahead. I'm 26 not 16. I want to save.
Congrats Spinal
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onlysweetpea
Bluelighter
Re: oh dear
Welcome to SF Indian Summer. %)
Thankfully, the weather has let up and it feels like fall again.
These days I feel so highly romantic, and yet so jaded at the same time. Recent dissappointments: Met guy at bar and ended up in bed with him. It seemed like a good idea since the conversation was going so well. ("You like the Pixies? I loooooove the pixies!!" "You're cute, and I hope you don't think I'm psycho." "Look at you and your two-tone wingtips, you're probably the coolest person in the place!!" and lots more excited drunken banter).
It's like I ask for trouble. It's like I know better than to give people the benefit of the doubt. I work in the complete opposite way that most urban dwellers work. I meet someone and give them all the credit in the world until they start doing things to make me doubt them. The ex said I was "too willing to believe in the goodness of the world." He was so bitter I didn't believe him really.
But it's true. Most people build trust slowly. I'll trust the next guy who compliments my shoes.
And I guess because of wanting something new, so badly. Something exciting and something good...something that sings and something that puts my heart in my throat...
Well, the night was good. The following get together 2 days later? Not so much.
I've been made to feel cheap before, but because I thought we were so much alike (Cancers-unite!! We're both crabs and horribly romantic) that I wasn't prepared for him to bail an hour after sex.
He came back from the bathroom around 10PM that night, got into my bed, but not under the covers and handed over some lame ass excuse about how he had to go and find his brother, who was upset earlier, and make sure he was ok.
I guess my face did something, twitched or my lip may have quivered because he immeadiately was like, "No, no, no, don't do that."
I gave myself away before I could control it. I was so comfortable with him there were no defensive mechanisms up, and I guess when he said he had to go, my face said: Don't go or I'll cry.
I ultimately felt lame for being sad and not being able to hide it. I felt like such a girl. I've been bailed on before and used to just rollover in bed like "Great, now I can have the whole bed to myself! Smell ya later!!"
I then made the solemn promise to not give up the booty till I was sure that the person I was giving it to was worthy of it.
That is,unless, I'm just looking for a booty call and nothing more.
But lately, the booty call isn't worth it. And somedays you wish that maybe some guy would want more than your booty anyway.
My booty has been feeling so cheap as of late. I've been very outgoing and very daring in meeting new people and I thought it was all because the bed's been cold and empty lately...when in reality, the heart's been cold and empty for a much longer time...
Need to rectify that. Need to...need to... too many things to need these days.
mariposa420 said:
It's over 100 degrees here today, ugh.
Welcome to SF Indian Summer. %)
Thankfully, the weather has let up and it feels like fall again.
These days I feel so highly romantic, and yet so jaded at the same time. Recent dissappointments: Met guy at bar and ended up in bed with him. It seemed like a good idea since the conversation was going so well. ("You like the Pixies? I loooooove the pixies!!" "You're cute, and I hope you don't think I'm psycho." "Look at you and your two-tone wingtips, you're probably the coolest person in the place!!" and lots more excited drunken banter).
It's like I ask for trouble. It's like I know better than to give people the benefit of the doubt. I work in the complete opposite way that most urban dwellers work. I meet someone and give them all the credit in the world until they start doing things to make me doubt them. The ex said I was "too willing to believe in the goodness of the world." He was so bitter I didn't believe him really.
But it's true. Most people build trust slowly. I'll trust the next guy who compliments my shoes.
And I guess because of wanting something new, so badly. Something exciting and something good...something that sings and something that puts my heart in my throat...
Well, the night was good. The following get together 2 days later? Not so much.
I've been made to feel cheap before, but because I thought we were so much alike (Cancers-unite!! We're both crabs and horribly romantic) that I wasn't prepared for him to bail an hour after sex.
He came back from the bathroom around 10PM that night, got into my bed, but not under the covers and handed over some lame ass excuse about how he had to go and find his brother, who was upset earlier, and make sure he was ok.
I guess my face did something, twitched or my lip may have quivered because he immeadiately was like, "No, no, no, don't do that."
I gave myself away before I could control it. I was so comfortable with him there were no defensive mechanisms up, and I guess when he said he had to go, my face said: Don't go or I'll cry.
I ultimately felt lame for being sad and not being able to hide it. I felt like such a girl. I've been bailed on before and used to just rollover in bed like "Great, now I can have the whole bed to myself! Smell ya later!!"
I then made the solemn promise to not give up the booty till I was sure that the person I was giving it to was worthy of it.
That is,unless, I'm just looking for a booty call and nothing more.
But lately, the booty call isn't worth it. And somedays you wish that maybe some guy would want more than your booty anyway.
My booty has been feeling so cheap as of late. I've been very outgoing and very daring in meeting new people and I thought it was all because the bed's been cold and empty lately...when in reality, the heart's been cold and empty for a much longer time...
Need to rectify that. Need to...need to... too many things to need these days.
Sometimes i keep feeling like i am the loneliest person in the world.
I am 19 years old. I am the only child. Everyone i know have brothers and/or sisters. I would so much want a sister or brother but it's too late now. My mom is too old and has lived alone for many years.
My dad left her when i was still a baby and he lives in some different country.
The only relatives i have is my very old grandparents that could die of old age at any day.
I don't wanna think about that but it's true.
I dont have a job , not much of an education. I dont have a girlfriend and i've never had one. No girls has seemed interested in me and i'm too shy to make contact myself.
I dont have so many friends and the ones i have are usually busy spending time with their girlfriends and working alot.
I really dont have any good reason for even getting up in the morning...
I am 19 years old. I am the only child. Everyone i know have brothers and/or sisters. I would so much want a sister or brother but it's too late now. My mom is too old and has lived alone for many years.
My dad left her when i was still a baby and he lives in some different country.
The only relatives i have is my very old grandparents that could die of old age at any day.
I don't wanna think about that but it's true.
I dont have a job , not much of an education. I dont have a girlfriend and i've never had one. No girls has seemed interested in me and i'm too shy to make contact myself.
I dont have so many friends and the ones i have are usually busy spending time with their girlfriends and working alot.
I really dont have any good reason for even getting up in the morning...
MissTwitch
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2001
- Messages
- 1,769
*Sweetpea* Glad to hear that work is helping you out with the whole transportation issue. That must be a major relief. Got my vote on the VW, I really like the golf's. Over-all it sounds as though things are doing well for you. You always seem to have such a positive outlook on things. I really admire that.
*Mariposa* My last time I tripped was quite the experience for myself. I had/have the same feeligns of ever doing it again also. Especially won't now because I have my little one. Glad to hear your job is doing well, adn things seem to be "falling into place" for you! As for your family life, I really wish you the best. As you said, spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, or else you may regret it in the future! Your family will definitely be in my thoughts. Good Luck!
As for me...
September 13, 2003, at 1:38 a.m. I gave birth to my beautiful son.
Kaiden James Vincent -------
Weighing 7 lbs. 14 oz. 20 1/2 inches long
I was lucky and had a rather easy labor. Thank the lord for epidurals
Started pushing at 1 a.m., and 38 minutes later...whalla
I have beyond been blessed
My little boy is absolutely amazing. I can't believe that tomorow he will be 2 weeks old already. He is such a good baby. He rarely cries, and only wakes on average of 2 times a night. He actually let's me get quite a bit of rest. He is such an angel
His daddy will be back in the states in a matter of days. 9 to be exact. As long as they don't change it again
I am so excited to have Geoffrey back here. I can't wait to finally be reunited, and to see his face when he first lays his eyes on our beautiful son
Being a new Mommy is all that is new in my life really, and definitely enough to keep me smiling
*Mariposa* My last time I tripped was quite the experience for myself. I had/have the same feeligns of ever doing it again also. Especially won't now because I have my little one. Glad to hear your job is doing well, adn things seem to be "falling into place" for you! As for your family life, I really wish you the best. As you said, spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, or else you may regret it in the future! Your family will definitely be in my thoughts. Good Luck!
As for me...
September 13, 2003, at 1:38 a.m. I gave birth to my beautiful son.
Kaiden James Vincent -------
Weighing 7 lbs. 14 oz. 20 1/2 inches long
I was lucky and had a rather easy labor. Thank the lord for epidurals
Started pushing at 1 a.m., and 38 minutes later...whalla
I have beyond been blessed
My little boy is absolutely amazing. I can't believe that tomorow he will be 2 weeks old already. He is such a good baby. He rarely cries, and only wakes on average of 2 times a night. He actually let's me get quite a bit of rest. He is such an angel
His daddy will be back in the states in a matter of days. 9 to be exact. As long as they don't change it again
I am so excited to have Geoffrey back here. I can't wait to finally be reunited, and to see his face when he first lays his eyes on our beautiful son
Being a new Mommy is all that is new in my life really, and definitely enough to keep me smiling
MissTwitch
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2001
- Messages
- 1,769
^^^Thanks sweetie
chupa chup queen
Bluelighter
*Miss Twitch* you are definatelly blessed...seeing that pic has put a smile on my face he is gorgeous...he's got the face to make any parent proud...i got a feeling you will have a little heartbreaker on your hands when he grows up :D he also has that whole flexing muscles look in that pic...so cute :D
well what can i say i'm new to this BL business.
at the age of 19 my life is a mix of everything. i have 2 really depressed mates, family life is stressful as is uni...
on the other hand i have an amazing loving boyfriend (nearly 3months now YAY) who i can truely say i am in love with...i know it sounds bit weird sayin you love some one after only 3months but it's true...we have an amazing relationship and talk very often and are always honest with each other... even with all the bad stuff i been through with him and all the little fights and each others flaws i say we're perfect...he actually told me today he thinks we're perfect...i see the beginning of something that will last for a long time
i also managed to get over a very long period of depression and anxiety...9months of not eating properly, being suicidal and feeling lost... i used to be very positive and happy...few bad relationships later i was a nervous reck and felt used, aboused, worthless and helpless...since meeting my boyfriend things have changed i can handle life i'm back to being happy and positive and i dont freak out when things go wrong... because of all this depression i also realised who my real mates are...they were the ones that stuck by me no matter what...
these days I'm back to being there for others when they need me like I used to be...I been through a hell of a lot in a very short lifetime...i'm 19 but in the past 2 years i've seen more pain and suffering then most would in like 50 years my counsellor went into shock when i told her some of the stuff i had to go through in the past year...if anything i can say i've learnt alot...i respect and adore the little things in life others take for granted. I overlook the boundaries some people place on others and i must admit that in past few months i have made the closest mates out of the least likely people and i couldnt be happier...
that's it from me...for now
stay happy and be good people :D
barbs
xxx
well what can i say i'm new to this BL business.
at the age of 19 my life is a mix of everything. i have 2 really depressed mates, family life is stressful as is uni...
on the other hand i have an amazing loving boyfriend (nearly 3months now YAY) who i can truely say i am in love with...i know it sounds bit weird sayin you love some one after only 3months but it's true...we have an amazing relationship and talk very often and are always honest with each other... even with all the bad stuff i been through with him and all the little fights and each others flaws i say we're perfect...he actually told me today he thinks we're perfect...i see the beginning of something that will last for a long time
i also managed to get over a very long period of depression and anxiety...9months of not eating properly, being suicidal and feeling lost... i used to be very positive and happy...few bad relationships later i was a nervous reck and felt used, aboused, worthless and helpless...since meeting my boyfriend things have changed i can handle life i'm back to being happy and positive and i dont freak out when things go wrong... because of all this depression i also realised who my real mates are...they were the ones that stuck by me no matter what...
these days I'm back to being there for others when they need me like I used to be...I been through a hell of a lot in a very short lifetime...i'm 19 but in the past 2 years i've seen more pain and suffering then most would in like 50 years my counsellor went into shock when i told her some of the stuff i had to go through in the past year...if anything i can say i've learnt alot...i respect and adore the little things in life others take for granted. I overlook the boundaries some people place on others and i must admit that in past few months i have made the closest mates out of the least likely people and i couldnt be happier...
that's it from me...for now
stay happy and be good people :D
barbs
xxx
MissTwitch
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2001
- Messages
- 1,769
chupa chup queen...Thank you, I think he is pretty darn adorable myself You seem to have a really good outlook on life, and a strong head on your shoulders.
Welcome to BL, and best of luck with your boyfriend
You seem to have a really good outlook on life, and a strong head on your shoulders.Welcome to BL, and best of luck with your boyfriend
chupa chup queen
Bluelighter
today's not been too good
at 7am i got a sms from my boy tellin me he had to go to see his family this weekend and there was no way out of it...considerin it's a long weekend and our 3month on monday i was heaps unhappy bout it...
i been lookin forward to this weekend for the past month and we were supposed to have a nice chiled evening today...basically i would've seen him everyday for the next 4 days but now there is a big doubt cast on the idea...i dunno when he'll be back...i havent heard from him since 3pm so i dunno how he's doing or when he plans to come back to sydney...i saw him for lunch today but it just wasnt the same...i already miss him like crazy
so since tonight was cancelled i got stuck at home with my parents...i fell asleep in my room round 5.30 and when i woke up i could hear them goin off at each other for no reason yet again...by the time i decided to get out of bed n leave my room at 7pm you could seriously hear a pin drop in my house...the air is still filled with tension and it's nearly 11pm...
i dunno why but for some reason i am feeling really really down...i was postin a reply to one of the other threads and i had tears in my eyes...just seem to be very emotional since this afternoon n i really hope this feeling goes away...last thing i need is to have the next 3days off and feeling down for no reason and having to miss the person i love and wondering if he misses me...
at 7am i got a sms from my boy tellin me he had to go to see his family this weekend and there was no way out of it...considerin it's a long weekend and our 3month on monday i was heaps unhappy bout it...
i been lookin forward to this weekend for the past month and we were supposed to have a nice chiled evening today...basically i would've seen him everyday for the next 4 days but now there is a big doubt cast on the idea...i dunno when he'll be back...i havent heard from him since 3pm so i dunno how he's doing or when he plans to come back to sydney...i saw him for lunch today but it just wasnt the same...i already miss him like crazy
so since tonight was cancelled i got stuck at home with my parents...i fell asleep in my room round 5.30 and when i woke up i could hear them goin off at each other for no reason yet again...by the time i decided to get out of bed n leave my room at 7pm you could seriously hear a pin drop in my house...the air is still filled with tension and it's nearly 11pm...
i dunno why but for some reason i am feeling really really down...i was postin a reply to one of the other threads and i had tears in my eyes...just seem to be very emotional since this afternoon n i really hope this feeling goes away...last thing i need is to have the next 3days off and feeling down for no reason and having to miss the person i love and wondering if he misses me...
MissTwitch
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2001
- Messages
- 1,769
HAPPINESS
Tomorrow I am headed to North Carolina to pick up Geoffrey!
He got deployed March 5th, and is now finally coming back home.
I am so unbelievably happy.
My life is wondeful...
Besides Geoffrey...
This is my life:
Tomorrow I am headed to North Carolina to pick up Geoffrey!
He got deployed March 5th, and is now finally coming back home.
I am so unbelievably happy.
My life is wondeful...
Besides Geoffrey...
This is my life:
onlysweetpea
Bluelighter
I'm heading to a funeral this weekend that I wasn't prepared for.
When someone in your own relatively young age range dies...it gives you a reality check like you wouldn't believe.
till then, my body is claiming mutiny and getting sicker with each passing day...sore throat, fever...someone told me that i'm so sensitive to stress that when things come crashing down I tend to catch some sort of virus or cold...
i thought i already had my bout of strep throat for the year. argh. sigh. sob.
the city is grey and i'm feeling grey-er....
When someone in your own relatively young age range dies...it gives you a reality check like you wouldn't believe.
till then, my body is claiming mutiny and getting sicker with each passing day...sore throat, fever...someone told me that i'm so sensitive to stress that when things come crashing down I tend to catch some sort of virus or cold...
i thought i already had my bout of strep throat for the year. argh. sigh. sob.
the city is grey and i'm feeling grey-er....
chupa chup queen
Bluelighter
onlysweetpea i can totally relate to you...at the start of the year i lost a friend through pretty bad circumstances...less then a week after his 18th bday...we only graduated from high school last year and our first reunion was my mates funeral...
i definately also relate to the gettin sick bit...I was already pretty depressed as things were and my mates death just tipped the scale in the following 3 months i lost 1/5 my body weight and 6months later still havent got much of it bak...i feel better but things aren't the same...
just be strong...dont let anyone give you crap bout you reacting this way...let it all out and either talk to good mates or a counsellor whatever you do don't keep it bottled up inside
and don't lose hope...things will get better
i definately also relate to the gettin sick bit...I was already pretty depressed as things were and my mates death just tipped the scale in the following 3 months i lost 1/5 my body weight and 6months later still havent got much of it bak...i feel better but things aren't the same...
just be strong...dont let anyone give you crap bout you reacting this way...let it all out and either talk to good mates or a counsellor whatever you do don't keep it bottled up inside
and don't lose hope...things will get better
I am new to this site, and just found this thread, so i'll share my feelings with you all. I have certainly been better, that's for sure....I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The crazy thing about that is........I live with her........I am trying to do everything in my power to get her back, although I have absolutely no clue how that is going, since I can't get inside her head.....
Plus we live about 10 minutes driving time from civilization, and I don't have a car Also, she recently got a car, so needless to say, she is rarely here...and there is only so much you can do on the internet.....I have been mixing records a lot more lately though, so i guess that is a good thing.....that and smoking pot are the only two things that I can do to keep my mind off of my troubles...
Oh well, I suppose I will get over this eventually, I hope.
Either that or hopefully we get back together, but like I said b4, who knows how that is going....Thanks for listening...Peace
Plus we live about 10 minutes driving time from civilization, and I don't have a car
Also, she recently got a car, so needless to say, she is rarely here...and there is only so much you can do on the internet.....I have been mixing records a lot more lately though, so i guess that is a good thing.....that and smoking pot are the only two things that I can do to keep my mind off of my troubles...Oh well, I suppose I will get over this eventually, I hope.
Either that or hopefully we get back together, but like I said b4, who knows how that is going....Thanks for listening...Peace
chupa chup queen
Bluelighter
wish this nightmare would end (bit long)
past few days have been the worst and most painful days of my life...
even as i'm writing this tears are running down my face and my whole body is shaking...
yesterday i had my heart torn out by the one person i trusted and loved beyond belief...my bf of 3months...out of nowhere he broke up with me over sms with the cruelest words...there was no discussing the issue
on thursday i read a thread on BL posted by him...it was supposedly bout his mate "Jack"...reading it the situation sounded a bit familiar...this Jack was fallin for his new housemate. It sorta hurt so i sent him a sms askin who jack was...of course he switched off his phone and didnt wana talk to me...the one call i managed to get thru to him he rejected...
the next day things went from bad to worse...i sms him during the nite and got no replies...then i sent him another sms in the morning asking him to please message me...and he did saying he didnt have time for this relationship and that he wasnt happy...
i questioned why and the messages got worse and worse i mentioned bout his BL thread n he said it was just a question nothing happened...then sayin stuff like he's sorry and it's over and i should just accept things
i couldnt understand it...on wednesday we met up for lunch and things were so good...i believed he did love me then and 2days later it was all over...i sent him a few messages tellin him how i felt bout him and that i dont wana lose him and he just got worse and worse...the final message i got from him ripped my heart apart. i asked him why we had to end it and he replied "i'm not happy. i dont want it. you are too obsessed.i dont feel in love. ok. im not writing anymore...leave me alone. i dont want to change my number cos of this. its over. accept it.." those words were like a knife being thrust in my heart.
i havent stopped cryin since yesterday morning...i stayed with my sister last night she hated seeing me this way...
i feel a void in my heart...i hate myself for being naive and thinking some one could actually love me this way...i feel angry at myself for letting some one get so close to me...i feel such pain and sorrow and hurt words cant describe it...and the worst thing is that i cant bring myself to hate him or be mad at him...if anything i still love him
he was my best mate and my boyfriend now i feel like i've completely lost him...I just wish i knew what had happened and i wish i knew if he lied to me or not...he always promised me that he would never hurt me like guys in the past did. He always said he would be here for me and we'd remain friends. He always said that honesty is important and that saying i love you shouldnt be said lightly...
I was truely in love with him...my first true love...my heart my body and my soul felt it...he said he was in love with me, that i was his amazing gf but now i wonder if any of it was true. I want to believe that he didnt mean anything he said to me, that he never loved me...that way i could at least hate him. I REALLY want to believe that he didnt mean those sweet little things but i know I would just be fooling myself...
As the hours pass i realise that bein back with him seems more like a mission impossible but the one thing i really want is his friendship...i always said to him even before we went out that i would be there for him no matter what...it hurts having him push me away so much that it feels like i'm nothing to him...
I dunno what to do anymore...I never felt such love and i never felt such pain...my friends tell me i'll find some one else...they try to say he isnt worth it...but after all i been through with him it's hard to think of not having him in my life...
so now i'm just confused and in a hell of a lot of pain...some of my mates are worried i'll try to kill myself. i must admit if this happened 3 months ago i probably would but being with my boy taught me strength and gave me confidence and i loved being alive...so i dont think i'll be doin too many stupid things...and now i lost trust in guys and faith in love
wish something would take away this love and this pain...
i'm losing hope and strength...least i know there's people out there that do care bout me...
for now i'll leave u guys...
and hopefully stop crying
*mwah*
barbs
past few days have been the worst and most painful days of my life...
even as i'm writing this tears are running down my face and my whole body is shaking...
yesterday i had my heart torn out by the one person i trusted and loved beyond belief...my bf of 3months...out of nowhere he broke up with me over sms with the cruelest words...there was no discussing the issue
on thursday i read a thread on BL posted by him...it was supposedly bout his mate "Jack"...reading it the situation sounded a bit familiar...this Jack was fallin for his new housemate. It sorta hurt so i sent him a sms askin who jack was...of course he switched off his phone and didnt wana talk to me...the one call i managed to get thru to him he rejected...
the next day things went from bad to worse...i sms him during the nite and got no replies...then i sent him another sms in the morning asking him to please message me...and he did saying he didnt have time for this relationship and that he wasnt happy...
i questioned why and the messages got worse and worse i mentioned bout his BL thread n he said it was just a question nothing happened...then sayin stuff like he's sorry and it's over and i should just accept things
i couldnt understand it...on wednesday we met up for lunch and things were so good...i believed he did love me then and 2days later it was all over...i sent him a few messages tellin him how i felt bout him and that i dont wana lose him and he just got worse and worse...the final message i got from him ripped my heart apart. i asked him why we had to end it and he replied "i'm not happy. i dont want it. you are too obsessed.i dont feel in love. ok. im not writing anymore...leave me alone. i dont want to change my number cos of this. its over. accept it.." those words were like a knife being thrust in my heart.
i havent stopped cryin since yesterday morning...i stayed with my sister last night she hated seeing me this way...
i feel a void in my heart...i hate myself for being naive and thinking some one could actually love me this way...i feel angry at myself for letting some one get so close to me...i feel such pain and sorrow and hurt words cant describe it...and the worst thing is that i cant bring myself to hate him or be mad at him...if anything i still love him
he was my best mate and my boyfriend now i feel like i've completely lost him...I just wish i knew what had happened and i wish i knew if he lied to me or not...he always promised me that he would never hurt me like guys in the past did. He always said he would be here for me and we'd remain friends. He always said that honesty is important and that saying i love you shouldnt be said lightly...
I was truely in love with him...my first true love...my heart my body and my soul felt it...he said he was in love with me, that i was his amazing gf but now i wonder if any of it was true. I want to believe that he didnt mean anything he said to me, that he never loved me...that way i could at least hate him. I REALLY want to believe that he didnt mean those sweet little things but i know I would just be fooling myself...
As the hours pass i realise that bein back with him seems more like a mission impossible but the one thing i really want is his friendship...i always said to him even before we went out that i would be there for him no matter what...it hurts having him push me away so much that it feels like i'm nothing to him...
I dunno what to do anymore...I never felt such love and i never felt such pain...my friends tell me i'll find some one else...they try to say he isnt worth it...but after all i been through with him it's hard to think of not having him in my life...
so now i'm just confused and in a hell of a lot of pain...some of my mates are worried i'll try to kill myself. i must admit if this happened 3 months ago i probably would but being with my boy taught me strength and gave me confidence and i loved being alive...so i dont think i'll be doin too many stupid things...and now i lost trust in guys and faith in love
wish something would take away this love and this pain...
i'm losing hope and strength...least i know there's people out there that do care bout me...
for now i'll leave u guys...
and hopefully stop crying
*mwah*
barbs
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