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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

What is your greatest regret?

Not going back to college once I got my life straightened out. I had a seizure unrelated to drugs and my psychiatrist at the time said he could no longer prescribe me my adhd meds because they lowered the seizure threshold too much. I tried as hard as I could without them (I have severe adhd) but I just couldn’t and ended up dropping out. I was so depressed after that my drug and alcohol use went up exponentially. I regret not going back a few years later once I was able to get a prescription from a different doctor. I’m planning to go back since I finally found a doctor that would prescribe me them again.
 
I’d give anything to be able to go back to when I brought my children into this world. I’d make sure that the man that got me pregnant was someone that would be a good father to them. I’d make sure that I already had a stable home environment that they could thrive in. I’d not be in such a hurry and I’d enjoy more moments with them. I’d spend more time with them…listen to them and focus more on making them feel safe and secure.
 
s-l960.webp


If anyone has watched this film, I am talking about the press conference scene and the interaction in between Brad Pitt's Sonny Hayes, a professional racing driver and Simon Kunz's Don Cavendish, a fairly typical cardboard cutout of a reporter representing one of the Red tops or even the Fail. His exchange with Hayes over regret's is similar to how mine would play out in respect to insight, response and any subsequent progressive elements....
 
It's hard to pin-point one. Since a lot of bad things led to meeting people that I loved (most of which are dead now). There was the time I turned down being thumbprinted because I didn't trust the vibe of the people I was around (probably decent idea at the time, but I'd love to have access to crystal LSD again). There was the time I didn't pick up the phone because I was busy then found out the person that was calling died a week later. There was the moving out of state to support my wife+child only to find out a month later it was aborted behind my back (second time that happened).

But looking back at my life I can trace most of my problems in day-to-day life back to one stupid decision I made when I was 13 years old. The day I decided to show off for a friend while riding ATVs with my Dad. Which led to me pushing him too hard because I was trying to force him into making a mistake so I could get an opening to pass him.

I did force that mistake by riding inches off his rear end for 3 laps in a row. He finally made it on the third lap. He took a corner too wide. But I got sucked in to running the same line and took it too wide and fast myself. When he corrected everything went into slow motion for me and I saw a tree approaching fast. I didn't have time to correct because I had a split second less to do it than he did. I hit it so hard I bent a foot peg+cage into the rear tire of the ATV, which bent the rear axle over like a pretzel and spun the ATV around. It sent me flying through the woods backwards/head first. I remember hitting the ground multiple times and somehow missing a bunch of trees on the way through. I remember yelling "I'm okay!" and standing up. I remember taking my helmet off. Then the next month is a blur.

My Dad never rode with me again after that which was my main joy in life at the time. He still won't ride with me today.

Most of the problems I suffer with today and have had since then in my life all go back to that one day. It ruined my education. It ruined my sleep cycle. It ruined my friendship with multiple people. It ruined my personality for a long time. I had to teach myself how to speak correctly again. I got zero real medical care other than a CT scan and a script of benzos. Got told to sleep it off.

Would end up cracking my skull open two more times after that in the span of a couple of years. Which made all the problems worse. I don't remember most of the things that happened in my life from age 13-18. I don't remember a good chunk of my childhood before 13 either. It's what led to my opioid addiction in time. Since I was willing to try anything in an attempt to become a normal person again.
 
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HeadphonesandLSD said:
But looking back at my life I can trace most of my problems in day-to-day life back to one stupid decision I made when I was 13 years old. The day I decided to show off for a friend while riding ATVs with my Dad. Which led to me pushing him too hard because I was trying to force him into making a mistake so I could get an opening to pass him.
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that's some real heavy shit, I feel for you.

I've kids of that age now, and I remember what I was like myself as a kid.

For me regret has a major element of choice about it, I was an idiot as a kid, my kids are basically functioning morons.

There's a reason why legal culpability doesn't exist in the UK before a certain age, kids minds are simply not equipped to make decisions and then be held accountable for the outcomes.

I know you're living with the consequences of that day, imho you're not culpable for it though because you were a child. I know that doesn't make it easier, but hopefully you don't blame yourself for things ❤️
 
In that case I gotta say yup same here.

I always would have tried and basically made it a life dedication -- but I would have failed horribly most likely. I could only imagine worrying about my kid in public school as a ward of the state -- or trying to feed a kid when I could only microwave things myself basically lmao
 
Selling Bruce Springsteen tickets 20 years ago cos I was to lazy to travel to Glasgow ,which is like 3 hours away
 
Shambles said:
For me it’s never having children of my own. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my two stepchildren and to me they are absolutely the kids I never sired (whilst obviously remaining respectful of their biological father who died some years ago).
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I wouldn't be a good father, but getting to spoil other people's kids is one of life's greatest delights. You're a great guy and I'm glad you have them. I tried to get into the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program but I have a criminal record so it wouldn't work. There are a lot of ways to be a father figure even if you can't be necessarily a father. I'm hoping to make some inroads into changing some kids lives someday.
 
^Sorry to hear that sincerely.

That a medical diag/prognosis or just the old "I hope I dont live past 40" attitude we all had at one point?

Feel free to not answer that I suppose but I can't help be curious
 
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