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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

What is there to do during lockdown apart from drink?

He used de-icer and put it in chicken. I did the autopsy. I also was able to trace it back to him because he wrapped it in tin foil and his finger prints were on it. He was pretty much chased out of our town as well as caught a criminal record.

I only got to her as she was taking her last few breaths, she must have suffered a lot. I would have been able to euthanise her if I got to her sooner. I was very very angry.

I can’t even imagine what I’d do in this situation. I can confidently say my dogs mean more to me than just about anyone or anything else. I fear the day I ever get into a confrontation with a police officer and they shoot my dog, cuz that man is officially dead upon pulling the trigger.

-GC
 
I really need to stop drinking. I've got it down to like 2-3 nights a week but still not happy.
First off, good job! I have no control at a certain point and I have to always aim for 100% abstinence and that s*** is hard! If you want it though, you will get there. I am an idea guy, so if boredom and loneliness are triggering you to drink I got a list of 100 things to I’m holding ou in giving you rn, but if you pm me I’ll find you one that fits the moment just right
Within a lock down you could be seeing massive benefit if you managed to meditate one hour a day say after 3-4 months.

i have actually been doing this! i was regularly attending my local buddhist centre before lockdown and have continued online. i'm actually starting a pre-mitra foundation course that will have evening sessions 3 weeks a month with study in between so am hoping that will force me to be more disciplined in my practise, my meditation has been, at best, sporadic since lockdown. i need external structure to make me disciplined lol.
I started my practice with the local Nichiren Buddhism sect at their temple, and went twice a week, then I joined a Zen sangha and went once a week, practicing on my own for twenty minutes daily. I wasn’t sure what the fuss was about.

I was being institutionalized frequently, and over a period of about a year I discovered my own technique I call Fat Guy Meditation. It deserves its own thread but it’s origin story is apropos to a quarantine post. I would try to be still and let my mind reach a state of Non-Judgmental Expanding Awareness. I would do it achieve it for just 2-3 minutes at first, but I practiced several times a day. Inside a psych ward or detox there is plenty of downtime, and instead of watching TV I would practice, and it wasn’t a season before I was doing 20-30 minutes a day and my world really seemed to change for the better.

12 years later, I achieve that state of mind quickly, and my practice is 2-3 hours a day. It is usually the best part of my day. I use it for creative tasks, contemplation, and phenomenology. The practice often creates profound insights and manifestations in my life. I can use it to pull out of or minimize discomfort from high-anxiety states, bad trips, comedowns, and I can use it to achieve a restful trance-like state when I cannot sleep from methamp or amp abuse. Keep practicing! This is an opportunity.

- Cook nice meals
These go great together. I love to find a flow state, where everything is getting done just in time. From prep to cook to serve to storage to closing I am two steps ahead of myself cleaning. It is kinda sad to only be cooking for myself all of the time though. Anyone want a home cooked meal?

I occupy my time with:
drawing, painting, collage, sculpture, crochet, sewing, friendship bracelets, letter writing, gardening, indoor cannabis and hot pepper cultivation, reading newspapers or magazines and writing letters to the editor, Facebook stalking long lost friends and lovers
 
I can’t even imagine what I’d do in this situation. I can confidently say my dogs mean more to me than just about anyone or anything else. I fear the day I ever get into a confrontation with a police officer and they shoot my dog, cuz that man is officially dead upon pulling the trigger.

-GC
My lord I would be homicidal if someone did this to my hens. I thought he’d poisoned your chicken at first. I’d petition congress for war if it were my dog. I am so sorry!
 
I started my practice with the local Nichiren Buddhism sect at their temple, and went twice a week, then I joined a Zen sangha and went once a week, practicing on my own for twenty minutes daily. I wasn’t sure what the fuss was about.

oh cool!! i don't know the differences between the types. i go to triratna, not because i have made a survey of types of buddhism and selected that as somehow most interesting.... but because they were offering a mediation course that was convenient for me to get to when i got out of rehab. i wasn't really interested in buddhism at the time but the place felt so good for my soul that i was intrigued.

bit worried as soon i am going to have to declare i am a buddhist rather than 'studying or interested in' buddhism and it seems like a big step.
my practice is 2-3 hours a day. It is usually the best part of my day.
wow!! that is a lot. i am not very disciplined. i try to do all my running mindfully but the brain often wanders.

have been absolutely dead this week which has made not drinking easier.though it is only wednesday i guess. a weird thing happened on monday, i had one beer.

also discovered that quantum tunnelling may be a cause of DNA mutation which has blown my mind, i never expected the two subject areas i've devoted the largest portions of my life to to meet and its exciting.
 
bit worried as soon i am going to have to declare i am a buddhist rather than 'studying or interested in' buddhism and it seems like a big step.
Yeah, I like the philosophies of Buddhism a lot, but each sect to varying degrees is dogmatic, which I am less interested in. When I visited Thailand, their version of Buddhism seemed the most dogmatic. It is a religion, but I am less interested in it as a religion and just want the philosophies. The sangha I sat with ten years ago, after a year I think, had me where you are at. It wasn't mandatory, but to progress I was supposed to be indoctrinated as a Buddhist. I declined. Strange then, that a year ago I found myself living in a Zen Buddhist temple and learning the art of sword fighting, a moving meditation for "cutting thought" which I find very useful in recovery, but thats a long story.

wow!! that is a lot. i am not very disciplined. i try to do all my running mindfully but the brain often wanders.
Don't sell yourself short. If you run regularly, that takes a ton of discipline. I haven't had that kind of physical discipline as an adult. Be proud.

also discovered that quantum tunnelling may be a cause of DNA mutation which has blown my mind, i never expected the two subject areas i've devoted the largest portions of my life to to meet and its exciting.
Are you an oncologist? One beer, that's pretty darn good. Moderation in all things, including moderation.
 
also discovered that quantum tunnelling may be a cause of DNA mutation which has blown my mind, i never expected the two subject areas i've devoted the largest portions of my life to to meet and its exciting.
Um, this is way way way over my head. I tried to comprehend the abstract, skipped to the conclusions, understood zilch, and now I have to ask you, what degrees do you hold? I can read medical journals pretty well without an education in medicine but this looks like a fuckload of disciplines all rammed together!
 
Yeah, I like the philosophies of Buddhism a lot, but each sect to varying degrees is dogmatic, which I am less interested in. When I visited Thailand, their version of Buddhism seemed the most dogmatic. It is a religion, but I am less interested in it as a religion and just want the philosophies. The sangha I sat with ten years ago, after a year I think, had me where you are at. It wasn't mandatory, but to progress I was supposed to be indoctrinated as a Buddhist. I declined. Strange then, that a year ago I found myself living in a Zen Buddhist temple and learning the art of sword fighting, a moving meditation for "cutting thought" which I find very useful in recovery, but thats a long story.
i am not surprised thailand was dogmatic- the forest traditions bear some of the hallmarks of cults, constant deprivation of sleep and food.

i will continue as i'm on the fence. i don't know how much my anti-religious bias is in play. so far i haven't learned anything that i don't agree with, i'll see how the mitra training goes.
Don't sell yourself short. If you run regularly, that takes a ton of discipline. I haven't had that kind of physical discipline as an adult. Be proud.
thank you!! running is something i feel like i need to do now which helps, even today just a quick one before work, despite wind and rain.
Are you an oncologist? One beer, that's pretty darn good. Moderation in all things, including moderation.
i am a bioinformatician so i analyse biological data- i have applied this in a few areas, crop genomics, cancer, and now viruses. in my previous post doc we had a lot of collaborations with CRUK and a big cancer hospital up here, it was really interesting but sadly the boss was a dick so i left. thankfully all those areas study organisms that have super interesting genomes so i'll hopefully always have an interesting job.

Um, this is way way way over my head. I tried to comprehend the abstract, skipped to the conclusions, understood zilch, and now I have to ask you, what degrees do you hold? I can read medical journals pretty well without an education in medicine but this looks like a fuckload of disciplines all rammed together!
i need to start work but can try and summarise after if you're interested?

my cv is pretty mad.... i did physics and philosophy at undergrad, MSc mathematical logic and theory of computation, PhD in quantum information, initially studying quantum biology, but an experiment was performed that disproved the model i'd been working on for the first 2 years so i had to think quick. ended up investigating the types of problems that models of quantum computation that are similar to those we actually already have in the lab can solve and thankfully some cool results dropped out quick.

i left physics cos there is no funding, and it turns out people who are good at maths and computing can easily get jobs in life sciences due to the vast amounts of data being generated by modern DNA sequencing platforms. plus its really nice feeling more tangibly like i might be helping people.

i also took a career break as a crack whore but thankfully got into rehab and have managed to build my life back up.
 
i am not surprised thailand was dogmatic- the forest traditions bear some of the hallmarks of cults, constant deprivation of sleep and food.

i will continue as i'm on the fence. i don't know how much my anti-religious bias is in play. so far i haven't learned anything that i don't agree with, i'll see how the mitra training goes.

thank you!! running is something i feel like i need to do now which helps, even today just a quick one before work, despite wind and rain.

i am a bioinformatician so i analyse biological data- i have applied this in a few areas, crop genomics, cancer, and now viruses. in my previous post doc we had a lot of collaborations with CRUK and a big cancer hospital up here, it was really interesting but sadly the boss was a dick so i left. thankfully all those areas study organisms that have super interesting genomes so i'll hopefully always have an interesting job.


i need to start work but can try and summarise after if you're interested?

my cv is pretty mad.... i did physics and philosophy at undergrad, MSc mathematical logic and theory of computation, PhD in quantum information, initially studying quantum biology, but an experiment was performed that disproved the model i'd been working on for the first 2 years so i had to think quick. ended up investigating the types of problems that models of quantum computation that are similar to those we actually already have in the lab can solve and thankfully some cool results dropped out quick.

i left physics cos there is no funding, and it turns out people who are good at maths and computing can easily get jobs in life sciences due to the vast amounts of data being generated by modern DNA sequencing platforms. plus its really nice feeling more tangibly like i might be helping people.

i also took a career break as a crack whore but thankfully got into rehab and have managed to build my life back up.
I'm jelly! I wanted to study physics or chemistry as an undergrad, instead I got saddled with my mother's other children and had to make money and fast. I was already a deft hand at coding so I took the easy way out and studied computer science. You are right, its super easy for me to get jobs in biotech or life sciences if I weren't killing it in IT.. um that is, when I work.. presently I am disabled and can eat and drink and drug all day if I wanna. Which gives me lots of free time to do all the shit I suggested above.

I guess I am on a career break as a meth head and crack fiend and occasionally when a part of me I do not understand at all breaks, or perhaps when it becomes active, an alcohol addict.

Rehab! I just spent four months in rehab, and learned nothing I did not already know from the fifty rehabs before it. I have spent the last nine days bluelighting day and night and I have learned more about my addictions, and things personal to me (but not unique) then all the stints in rehab combined. I am going to continue my rehab rant a little later. I get steamed up just thinking about it.

Y'all the smartest, best educated, handsomest, and most interesting fish out there and I am grateful to have you as schoolmates, even if y'all as obsessed as me with chemical stimulations and psychic simulations and other stuff them civilians usually pass on. Here's to you <downs shot of imaginary whiskey @ ABV 0%> Have a great Wednesday morning folks, ya hear?

Oh yeah one other thing, I am changing my stupid name to ControlDaddy, as soon as them there admins get around to it. Hey I don't care if you like it or not bub. At least you can pronounce it!
 
GGaaaahhhhh i have set myself a harder task than i expected. I will say now I am not familiar with most of the open quantum systems stuff they discuss but I'm not sure the precise details matter too much. The paper is looking at the phyiscal mechanisms underlying DNA mutations- many sources of mutation are already known, like exposure to radioactivity and oxidative damage. Rather than concerning these, this paper looks at the causes of spontaneuous mutation. It is thought that proton transfer (tautomerisation, though this term can also include electron transfer) contributes to this, and there is evidence that it also confounds the proofreading that cells do when they copy DNA.

When you are considering single particles, then you have to take quantum mechanics into account. But, if you are considering 'hot' (above absolute 0) particles not in a vacuum, like in a cell, you need to take into account trhe environment, even temperature constitutes an environment to a quantum mechanical system. So we are in the realm of open quantum systems, basically shit hard maths and a fuckton of approximations, this is what 'density functional theory,' Lindblad terms, etc etc is being used for. It is important to note that open quantum systems are complicated as fuck and results may not be robust, trying a different computational approach to the same problem may yield contradictory results, as mentioned in the paper. So, there is no consensus in this area (rol of quantum tunneling in this type of DNA mutation), but experimental and theoretical evidence is mounting.

In physics, energy is king. If something is energetically favourable, it will happen. Particles are modelled as travelling through 'energy landscapes'- with valleys that are easy to get into and hills that you need some extra energy to get up. Quantum mechanics muddies this by allowing particles to sometimes 'tunnel' through energy barriers, a bit like you having some finite probability of being able to just walk through a wall you can't climb over. So in general, if something is 'hindered by a substantial energy barrier' a system would generally need to get a lot of energy from elsewhere to be expected to overcome this barrier, but quantum mechanics allows tunnelling through this barrier as an alternative, but very infrequently taken, route.

These guys modelled the energy landscape basically as DNA floating in water, then analysed the expected proton transfer, specifically calculating the probability of tunnelling in this system. I think, and I haven't been through the maths/modelling in detail and am rusty at this, that they are modelling the proton as a Gaussian wave packet, solving the Schrodinger equation (time evolution of a quantum system), and calculating the probability of the wave packet overcoming the energy barrier. They then analyse how stable the system would be in the state where the energy barrier is overcome.

Having obtained all this, they finally compare the probabilities of proton tunnelling-transfer induced mutation for different single or double stranded DNA bases and find that quantum effects may have a significant role in G-C tautomerisation and thus spontaneous point mutations.


------------------------------

i hope that makes sense @jrws ask any questions if you want. as i say, i am rusty and this is hard so take any detail with a pinch of salt.

i hope you are able to start doing something more interesting than crack and meth soon, they get boring as fuck after a while! glad you have a decent career to fall back on, must be so hard for people who don't have that when they get into recovery.
 
GGaaaahhhhh i have set myself a harder task than i expected. I will say now I am not familiar with most of the open quantum systems stuff they discuss but I'm not sure the precise details matter too much. The paper is looking at the phyiscal mechanisms underlying DNA mutations- many sources of mutation are already known, like exposure to radioactivity and oxidative damage. Rather than concerning these, this paper looks at the causes of spontaneuous mutation. It is thought that proton transfer (tautomerisation, though this term can also include electron transfer) contributes to this, and there is evidence that it also confounds the proofreading that cells do when they copy DNA.

When you are considering single particles, then you have to take quantum mechanics into account. But, if you are considering 'hot' (above absolute 0) particles not in a vacuum, like in a cell, you need to take into account trhe environment, even temperature constitutes an environment to a quantum mechanical system. So we are in the realm of open quantum systems, basically shit hard maths and a fuckton of approximations, this is what 'density functional theory,' Lindblad terms, etc etc is being used for. It is important to note that open quantum systems are complicated as fuck and results may not be robust, trying a different computational approach to the same problem may yield contradictory results, as mentioned in the paper. So, there is no consensus in this area (rol of quantum tunneling in this type of DNA mutation), but experimental and theoretical evidence is mounting.

In physics, energy is king. If something is energetically favourable, it will happen. Particles are modelled as travelling through 'energy landscapes'- with valleys that are easy to get into and hills that you need some extra energy to get up. Quantum mechanics muddies this by allowing particles to sometimes 'tunnel' through energy barriers, a bit like you having some finite probability of being able to just walk through a wall you can't climb over. So in general, if something is 'hindered by a substantial energy barrier' a system would generally need to get a lot of energy from elsewhere to be expected to overcome this barrier, but quantum mechanics allows tunnelling through this barrier as an alternative, but very infrequently taken, route.

These guys modelled the energy landscape basically as DNA floating in water, then analysed the expected proton transfer, specifically calculating the probability of tunnelling in this system. I think, and I haven't been through the maths/modelling in detail and am rusty at this, that they are modelling the proton as a Gaussian wave packet, solving the Schrodinger equation (time evolution of a quantum system), and calculating the probability of the wave packet overcoming the energy barrier. They then analyse how stable the system would be in the state where the energy barrier is overcome.

Having obtained all this, they finally compare the probabilities of proton tunnelling-transfer induced mutation for different single or double stranded DNA bases and find that quantum effects may have a significant role in G-C tautomerisation and thus spontaneous point mutations.


------------------------------

i hope that makes sense @jrws ask any questions if you want. as i say, i am rusty and this is hard so take any detail with a pinch of salt.

i hope you are able to start doing something more interesting than crack and meth soon, they get boring as fuck after a while! glad you have a decent career to fall back on, must be so hard for people who don't have that when they get into recovery.
Yes that helps a lot. I don't understand some crucial things but we could at least talk about those things at this point. I could learn about it now.

Yes, crack puts my being into semi-suspended animation where nothing is real or important. Except burning little rocks into oil and inhaling, well that seems important and quite nice, almost blissful, but fleeting. So find another little rock and burn that one! Not much else happens with crack.

Meth is an utter waste of time and the most inefficient energy system you can conceive of. The real world damage you cant escape from you will pay in terms of years you would have lived but instead will probably be dead so its not due now. The opportunity cost losses, on the other hand, pile up every night that goes by without sleep. I don't get anything important or productive done on meth. I think i do, but it is an illusion

Yeah, I got some other things that are worth doing. Just about there. Will start one of them on Friday.
 
Yes that helps a lot. I don't understand some crucial things but we could at least talk about those things at this point. I could learn about it now.
glad it was useful and not completely garbled!!
Yes, crack puts my being into semi-suspended animation where nothing is real or important. Except burning little rocks into oil and inhaling, well that seems important and quite nice, almost blissful, but fleeting. So find another little rock and burn that one! Not much else happens with crack.
yep that's pretty much what happened to me. made my world very small very fast. but the desperation was nuts. i'd honestly take going to bed with no heroin knowing i'd wake up sick over that any day. i only tried meth once but glad i didn't get fucked by it, its not big over here really.
 
Whew so glad I'm over Crack

I'm on probation so I stick to NBOMe and a little ket, very risky businesses though considering I'm still in a clinic.

Apart from that chess and painting oh and apex legends
 
Get high? Seriously, what is there EVER to do besides drink and get high?
But my fav things to do WHILE drinking and/or getting high during lockdown:

Binge-watch comedy box sets
Watch my favourite movies (especially comedies that go well with being intoxicated: White Chicks and the Scary Movie series are awesome while drunk; there's a whole thread on here of great movies while high)
Read! Even when I'm drunk I still love it.
Nintendo Switch.
Youtube, BL, general internetty shit.
 
i have a follow up question that i don't think deserves its own thread.

now i have a list of things to do.... how do i make myself wanna do them instead of drinking?

if i cave tonight it'll be 7 nights in a row, though most of those nights i've managed this weird 'moderate drinking' thing and only had one blackout night.

most of the stuff would be more fun with a beer anyway. had massive anhedonia for quite a long time and booze cheers me up.
 
i have a follow up question that i don't think deserves its own thread.

now i have a list of things to do.... how do i make myself wanna do them instead of drinking?

if i cave tonight it'll be 7 nights in a row, though most of those nights i've managed this weird 'moderate drinking' thing and only had one blackout night.

most of the stuff would be more fun with a beer anyway. had massive anhedonia for quite a long time and booze cheers me up.

The only way to make you want to do something instead of drinking is to get suitably inebriated first.

Welcome to another addiction... :D
 
Don't buy any/keep it in the house the nights you don't wanna drink, fill your fridge up with loads of tasty juice chocolate milk anything u like etc smoke some weed if u like it and have a nice big dinner so that even if you are craving you couldn't put anything more in your belly anyway lol just like what Bella figura said ^
That'll maybe encourage you to have more energy to deal with your stuff but maybe don't kick yourself too much either I know when I do that I end up drinking more and getting nothing done.
 
Welcome to another addiction... :D
yeah pretty much....


I just eat to the point where drinking stops being a concern and all I can do is lay around thinking what a pig I am.

Edit- must be offset with exercise though to avoid further self loathing.
yep as soon as i've had dinner so know i wouldn't get drunk its easy not to drink. i have actually ran 5k this morning, did a walk at lunch, and a joe wicks 20 minute HIIT after work,

@iTry91 thanks- i don't keep any in the house cos it just goes. but there's like one shop 30 seconds away, a better one 2 mins away, a better one again 5 mins away and one that sells strong beer and single cigarettes 24/7 about 7 minutes away so its easy to replace.

will hopefully eat soon then can get it off my mind!!
 
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