what if you could go back?

[felix]

What if you could go back, with the same knowledge you have now , would you do differently?

Holy shit. Hello, Bare_Head, long time no see.

Nothing.

Bad or good everything I have done has led me to this moment and who I am. I am happy with me and I am happy with who I shall be because of my choices in life.

Oor Sadie just said what I would have said, word for word.

I have many regrets and have made many bad choices, and I'm not gonna list them here. Still quite painful. But I am here right now, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. If I'd made one slightly different random decision 20 years ago , I wouldn't be.

 

[BigG]

I meant I've been nicked a few times and had a few scrapes and that but never actually been sent to the big house!

Yeah I've been knicked a fair few times myself and am more than Familiar with spending the night in the the spartanly furnished concrete floored hotel. Mainly from my doorman days for "forcibly ejecting "people...then forcibly removing their front teath (please don't view me too badly for that...this was in both Newcastle and Manchester in the mid 90s which at the time were.more.violent that Helmand Province).

Anyway I've not got a criminal record for anything (yet) so I was obviously completely innocent

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Fuck that for a barrel of laughs, no way through a job like that without having to deal with a few people. Mine are all just your usual possesion/drunk and disorderly cautions but I do have a record because three drug arrests = trip to court irrespective of size.

 

[BigG]

Fuck that for a barrel of laughs, no way through a job like that without having to deal with a few people. Mine are all just your usual possesion/drunk and disorderly cautions but I do have a record because three drug arrests = trip to court irrespective of size.

I fucking loved it it was only on the odd occasion when the bullets started to fly that things got a bit out of my comfort zone but thankfully that wasn't that often (although in Manchester it's was getting much worse just before I left when the Gooch, Longsite crew , Moss Side boys war started but thankfully I went back home around then). Although being just my luck that's when the Sayers /Harrisons battles started in Newcastle.... Damned where ever you go really. By this time though I'd been doing it for nearly 10 years and was bored of it.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Right that's what I'm talking about. Few fists flying is one thing but it's the weapons around those times in the big cities...

Having had my very own front teeth removed I am now relatively immune to such punishment along the top of my mouth. Lost another tooth on top to a cavity the other day, just trying to work out whether it's possible to have a gold tooth without coming across as a complete scumbag.

 

[gardenlane]

I would've stayed and not strayed when it mattered the most. I would've kept the sturdy arms instead of deciding I needed more.

I would've tried harder at uni.

I would never have left home but I did meet one of the most important people to me a few years after which I may not of.

 

[BigG]

I would've stayed and not strayed when it mattered the most. I would've kept the sturdy arms instead of deciding I needed more.

I would've tried harder at uni.

I would never have left home but I did meet one of the most important people to me a few years after which I may not of.

It's so difficult isn't it to look back and see how we could have done thinks a little differently. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say, can't turn the clock back and all that....

Above everything else I regret not telling my mum how much I loved her before she passed away and would have tried to have been a better son and made her proud of me.

Im not religious in the least but I still believe her spirit is still with me and watching over me....

RIP mum... Miss you loads

 

[blondin]

I have been lucky with the law one night for D&D then cautioned, walked out of a shop wearing a jacket i 'forgot' to take off and was released without charge and pocession of a 'small bag of heroin' which was what they put on the sheet (it was a balloon with a teenth) but the law were actually really good to me as i was saying how my whole life would fall to bits - lose my family, job etc and as i was in a really shitty part of town where they were use to scummy runts and i was polite and remorseful they felt sorry for me - so got a cautioned that was spent 3 months later.... they even drove me back to my motor where i was caught havin a smoke.

 

[SummerSerenade]

I could say that I'd stop the thing happening to me that triggered me getting massively into drugs in the first place, but really... maybe not. Because maybe if I hadn't got into drugs around that time, I wouldn't be with who I'm with, or in the position I am now. Same thing with going to uni, I've hated it mostly but it's ended up with me here. If I hadn't gone who knows where I'd be now, or if I'd be as happy.

Ultimately, maybe even the worst things happen for a reason and it takes something very bad to happen for you to end up somewhere very good. Or maybe that's just how it's worked out for me. Either way, I think I can see now that it's pointless dwelling on the past, because without the past, you wouldnt be the person you are today. For better or for worse.

 

[Sadie]

It's so difficult isn't it to look back and see how we could have done thinks a little differently. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say, can't turn the clock back and all that....

Above everything else I regret not telling my mum how much I loved her before she passed away and would have tried to have been a better son and made her proud of me.

Im not religious in the least but I still believe her spirit is still with me and watching over me....

RIP mum... Miss you loads

Those who have lost a loved one will know I am quite lucky.

I was living in Germany at the time but went back to the states for 5 months. Within the first month my mother passed away. She went down hill rapidly after myself and her grandchildren arrived. She told me she waited. I am grateful for that time. I would never forgive myself not being there for her when she went. I held her hand. It was so hard. She was my best friend.

 

[Eveleivibe]

^^^^awh.... Sorry for your loss x

Evey

 

[trutexan]

1977/78/79 The Pistols were the talk among the raging and fast punk scenes if you weren't in a band you were putting one together ,I was about 20 years old .everyone was getting high on whatever, I had done just about every drug except shooting up.I had broken up with my drummer boyfriend of 4 years. we had a gig that night and after the gig I met this guitarist from another band .he had just gotten back from Chicago.He kept trying to get me to shoot dope.I was trying to fight it.I fell in love with him and eventually H. by 28 I was a full blown junkie .Those years went very fast and what a great time we had ,but as we all know nothing lasts forever.He eventually left for L.A. and I was left with a monkey. eventually I moved back to my moms and got on methadone. I would have changed my choice to accept shooting up.I wish I would have never tried it!
I still have a baby monkey that I manage pretty good just a couple of hydros a day and I'm good.I can still smell black Tar in some neighborhoods when I drive through the city,but I stay away from it .


I do think about all the people that OD'D many days . and now many of us have Hep C. my dear friend TerryJo has died from Hep C.

 

[spudgun]

Ultimately, maybe even the worst things happen for a reason and it takes something very bad to happen for you to end up somewhere very good. Or maybe that's just how it's worked out for me. Either way, I think I can see now that it's pointless dwelling on the past, because without the past, you wouldnt be the person you are today. For better or for worse.

Absolutely spot on. I wouldn't exactly say I'm in the best of places right now, but I've a (perhaps naive) feeling things will pan out ok in the end, and every regrettable thing that's happened before now will just make up the road that leads me there.

 

[GarageFlower]

Not stepped over the smack/crack line ..... Like I always said I wouldn't!

I'm nearly 25 now been on it about 4 years need to clean my act up.

 

[skinuppinup]

always kicked myself for the years I 'wasted' relationships that didn't work out, I'm starting to see they were part of the journey.

 

[moshforjesus]

Not have spent so much time unsure of myself and switching identities from childhood up until the age of 18/19
Wouldn't have been so cruel to my parents between the ages of about 14/19.
Wouldn't have started smoking weed at 14 and taking drugs at 15. Would've still started doing these things, but wish I'd allowed myself a bit more time to be a child. Seems all my friends who started to indulge at uni or a bit later in life can 'take it or leave it' a bit easier than I can.
Also wish I'd never started smoking cigs, it never suited me and I'm glad I only smoke tobacco when it's mixed with green these days.
Wouldn't have been such a scumbag to pretty much every woman I've ever been involved with, my current girlfriend is the first I haven't cheated on and I've generally had 2 or 3 other girls "on the go" when in previous relationships, despite the horrible dirty feeling after the deed is done and knowing that I was betraying my feminist sympathetic morals.
And probably would've stood up for myself a bit more

 

[skinuppinup]

Wouldn't have been so cruel to my parents

if only I could take it back..

 

[moshforjesus]

if only I could take it back..

Reading between the lines of your post a bit, but I'm extremely fortunate that I've had the chance to reverse some damage and build an excellent relationship with my parents. Both of whom I must have exasperated ridiculous amounts of times for a few years

 

[skinuppinup]

so so so lucky we are all still here as 'adults'. it's mad to look back at how your parents dealt with the life you've got now.