Heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Heroin. H-E-R-O-I-N.
It's been ALL i've been able to think about for the past few weeks.(I've been on suboxone for 4 months now)
I'm supposedly going with my cousin Friday to go cop, so today is the "stop taking suboxone and feel like shit so I can get high in 48 hours" day.
And tomorrow is my court sentencing.I know I'm getting probation for at least a year, but I'll find out if it's gonna be active or inactive.
I hate to say this, but I've been getting these thoughts in my head to save most of my subs(and just take like the bare minimum per day, like 2-4 mgs...I already have like 20 extra subs)and use all the time but then a couple days before my doctor or probation test me,just pop the subs and clean my system out. I know its a pain in the ass but honestly i'm over being sober.
I know i'm gonna get a bunch of those "don't give up" type replies to this but you know how it is...when you get to that "point" where your sick of putting all your effort in getting your life back together just to be in the same place you were when you first got clean or hell, even BEFORE you got clean...being nothing and having nothing. No money, no job, no friends, no car, no life....just stuck at home with my lame ass parents everyday.I'm to the point that I can't take it anymore! I'M GONNA EXPLODE IF I DON'T GET A HIT OF DOPE! If my cousin dicks me over friday I'm takin a fuckin bus down to the hood to cop, I don't even care.
Oh, and some weed would be nice but thanks to the pigs/probation I dont get any of that.
God i'm so stressed and nervous. Sentencing tomorrow. The big "judgement day".
Don't tell me you wouldnt want a hit too!8)
Oh, and in group today at my suboxone doctor...all these addicts that have become little "couples" always have some "look on the bright side of life" bullshit to say. All I can say to that is...
IT'S EASY TO BE PHILISOPHICAL WHEN YOUR BALLS DEEP IN PUSSY!WE'LL SEE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE IN YOUR SOBRIETY WHEN THE BITCH DUMPS YOU!I'M DOING THIS ALONE, I DON'T HAVE SOMEBODY DICKIN ME DOWN EVERYDAY TO HELP ME FORGET HOW MUCH MY LIFE SUCKS! KISS MY MOTHER FUCKIN ASS!
So easy to be smug when some other cunts life is shite!
Sorry....rambling...had a bad day.
