Hi Bluelight
I've been trapped in a living hell and Im trying to figure out what on earth happened to me, I started to use amphetamine sulphate daily in small doses and since then I've not been quite right, note: I used MDMA 5 times in the 6 months prior to starting on amphetamine.
It began when I had finals coming up and knew I was doomed to fail, so I planned an Adderall-esque routine of dosing amphetamine sulphate 3 times a day at 10mg doses. Initially I experienced mild euphoria, but that subsided fast.
Things were fine for 3 weeks, until I redosed too early one day, I was sweating uncomfortably and feeling like I may pass out on top of feeling very edgy. Another week passed with no negative effects until one morning I took my usual dose and suffered what I can only assume was a horrible panic attack, my heart rate went through the roof, my chest hurt and I felt like I might die. Something very strange happened after the attack had passed - I started shivering violently, I could barely control my muscles, it was as close to a seizure as you can imagine. I brushed it off as a panic attack and went to bed.
Did I call it a day? Nope, I switched to Ritalin. I felt edgy on them and after 4 days I had another episode of violent shivering but this time with no accompanying anxiety. Around this time I felt like I lost sensation in my right arm (which I still have to this day). I took a 2 week break from everything and actually felt great - zero day to day anxiety. That lasted until my gf cheated on me, I went straight back to the speed. It was actually euphoric again at first but after a few days it started to feel edgy. I decided one more dose and if it goes bad I'm out for good. Within 20 mins of dosing my heart had accelerated to 180 BPM, I thought I was going to die and started walking to ER only for it to pass and the violent shivering to return. I slept it off and vowed not to touch the stuff again.
I felt strangely on edge in the days after despite being totally sober, I notice at any kind of mild anxiety my body will start violently shivering again. 2 weeks later I rolled with some tested MDMA and was fine.
Then things got really bad. I'm lying in bed 3 days after rolling and my heart skips a beat, followed by another "panic attack" and violent shivering. The next morning I woke up and this nightmare had started. I couldn't breathe properly and felt horribly anxious. Then over the next 5 months:
Month 1: I try to pretend nothing is wrong and go on with life but I'm having crippling adrenaline rushes out of the blue that scare me to death. Psychologically I'm not worried and think "just a bad comedown". My doctor sends me to a cardiologist who runs all the tests which are clear apart from skipped beats detected.
Month 2: I feel like I'm experiencing psychosis, every day is a living hell of random adrenaline rushes. My breathing is so bad I am manually breathing 24/7. My heart skips beats 2-3 times a day. I end up in ER a couple of times but am sent home every time.
Month 3: I start to feel a bit better, the adrenaline rushes are limited to about 1 a day. Life gets somewhat back to normal.
Month 4: The adrenaline rushes go but I have random unexplainable sharp pains in my chest that extend to my left shoulder and arm. My heart pounds so hard for no reason. My doc reassures me I'm fine and it's just anxiety. The skipped heartbeats just suddenly stop.
Month 5 - Present day: I'm back to normal except I have strange attacks where my muscles will start to spasm all over, my right hand goes somewhat numb, my breathing feels strained and I feel very light as if I'm on speed but also mildy unstable and dizzy. These attacks do not correlate with anxiety, my blood pressure and heart rate remain low indicating that I'm relaxed. I get bad sinus pressure and headaches too.
Can anyone speculate at all on any of this?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I feel like I need to understand this to move past it so any input is really appreciated.
I've been trapped in a living hell and Im trying to figure out what on earth happened to me, I started to use amphetamine sulphate daily in small doses and since then I've not been quite right, note: I used MDMA 5 times in the 6 months prior to starting on amphetamine.
It began when I had finals coming up and knew I was doomed to fail, so I planned an Adderall-esque routine of dosing amphetamine sulphate 3 times a day at 10mg doses. Initially I experienced mild euphoria, but that subsided fast.
Things were fine for 3 weeks, until I redosed too early one day, I was sweating uncomfortably and feeling like I may pass out on top of feeling very edgy. Another week passed with no negative effects until one morning I took my usual dose and suffered what I can only assume was a horrible panic attack, my heart rate went through the roof, my chest hurt and I felt like I might die. Something very strange happened after the attack had passed - I started shivering violently, I could barely control my muscles, it was as close to a seizure as you can imagine. I brushed it off as a panic attack and went to bed.
Did I call it a day? Nope, I switched to Ritalin. I felt edgy on them and after 4 days I had another episode of violent shivering but this time with no accompanying anxiety. Around this time I felt like I lost sensation in my right arm (which I still have to this day). I took a 2 week break from everything and actually felt great - zero day to day anxiety. That lasted until my gf cheated on me, I went straight back to the speed. It was actually euphoric again at first but after a few days it started to feel edgy. I decided one more dose and if it goes bad I'm out for good. Within 20 mins of dosing my heart had accelerated to 180 BPM, I thought I was going to die and started walking to ER only for it to pass and the violent shivering to return. I slept it off and vowed not to touch the stuff again.
I felt strangely on edge in the days after despite being totally sober, I notice at any kind of mild anxiety my body will start violently shivering again. 2 weeks later I rolled with some tested MDMA and was fine.
Then things got really bad. I'm lying in bed 3 days after rolling and my heart skips a beat, followed by another "panic attack" and violent shivering. The next morning I woke up and this nightmare had started. I couldn't breathe properly and felt horribly anxious. Then over the next 5 months:
Month 1: I try to pretend nothing is wrong and go on with life but I'm having crippling adrenaline rushes out of the blue that scare me to death. Psychologically I'm not worried and think "just a bad comedown". My doctor sends me to a cardiologist who runs all the tests which are clear apart from skipped beats detected.
Month 2: I feel like I'm experiencing psychosis, every day is a living hell of random adrenaline rushes. My breathing is so bad I am manually breathing 24/7. My heart skips beats 2-3 times a day. I end up in ER a couple of times but am sent home every time.
Month 3: I start to feel a bit better, the adrenaline rushes are limited to about 1 a day. Life gets somewhat back to normal.
Month 4: The adrenaline rushes go but I have random unexplainable sharp pains in my chest that extend to my left shoulder and arm. My heart pounds so hard for no reason. My doc reassures me I'm fine and it's just anxiety. The skipped heartbeats just suddenly stop.
Month 5 - Present day: I'm back to normal except I have strange attacks where my muscles will start to spasm all over, my right hand goes somewhat numb, my breathing feels strained and I feel very light as if I'm on speed but also mildy unstable and dizzy. These attacks do not correlate with anxiety, my blood pressure and heart rate remain low indicating that I'm relaxed. I get bad sinus pressure and headaches too.
Can anyone speculate at all on any of this?
- I exhibit many similar symptoms to people with serotonin problems following just MDMA use but why did the amp affect me so much - I thought it was only mildly serotonergic?
- I never experienced classic serotonergic problems like others i.e brain zaps, insomnia, depression - is that a sign serotonin is not a problem?
- How ever, similarly, I never experienced symptoms of dosing the amphetamine too high - I never had gurning, insomnia or trouble eating - would small amounts of amp really do this?
- My symptoms are very neurological in nature, is it possible that I could have suffered a mini stroke or something similar (I was also chain smoking during this period)?
- Panic / anxiety disorder explains most of it, but can that really cause skipped heartbeats and a loss of sensation in a single arm?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I feel like I need to understand this to move past it so any input is really appreciated.
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