Meth.
I tried to keep it quiet, because my friends seemed kinda shady. I suspected it wouldn't be a good drug for them. I knew they'd tried it before.
But freaking dammit, somehow the word got out and I was surrounded by fucking fiending demons. They told everyone they could think of, begged and lied and tried to force me into hooking them up. Suddenly every time I declined to shop lift with them, it was because I was betraying them. Whereas before when I declined, it was because I didn't frickin' shop lift. When they got so drunk that they couldn't do anything but fight, I would leave, like usual. But now I wasn't ditching their dumb asses before they wrecked the place or got the cops called. It must have been because I needed to feed my "addiction!"
Eventually I just started telling them I couldn't hang out 'cuz I had to do meth. It was the easiest and quickest excuse to get them to leave me alone. I don't buy booze to drink with them anymore. I had to take a break from drinking. Like I'd done about 4 times since I met them. But they took it personally. They'll call me while they're near anyone who knows me. They'll call me when they have a car full of pretty girls. And they try to do an intervention style phone call, saying the word 'meth' as much as possible.
They were always like that, I guess. I was too drunk to notice, and I was getting them drunk so they never turned their rage and manipulation towards me. Hit of meth woke me up. And rewoke the beasts in them. I was always totally honest with my "best friend." We kept each other secrets, right? Now he talks about my "addiction" to anyone who listens.
I thought I was the one who was suppose to betray them...
Meth made me a target of my former friends' trouble. But thank god, because it forced me away from them. I've stolen 11 times in my life. Never before I started drinking. Most of the times while drinking. I decided to quit stealing. And they decided that if I wasn't one of their thugs, I would be an outcast addict.
Probably most of the people who read this will suspect I'm really just a paranoid, self-absorbed, lieing tweaker. Most of the people I used to party with now think that.
But it was worth the trade. Even getting addicted was worth the trade. I've only betrayed one person before, and that was under the influence of alcohol... The people I used to love make a career of betrayal. The crystal gave me self-confidence, even if it was drug induced and temporary. But that was all I needed to see my values and honor again.
And damn, I can't really argue against them, 'cuz meth did make me end up choosing myself over them. They say I'm a bitch now. Nah, I'm less of a bitch than ever. I chose to walk my own direction rather than theirs.
I kinda enjoy the pariah reputation, anyway. So I told this story to the internet. 'Cuz it was hella long and if I just said all that to a person they'd think I was hella tweaked. I love the ironies. I promised myself I would no longer cause malice or hurt society for my own greed. Just keep a job and keep high. I've broken less than 10 promises in my life.. maybe less than 5. and none since that first puff of vapor.
the future used to depress me. now it excites me. I'll be strong or I'll be weak and evil. I get to find out who I really am.
I don't know how to put my post behind one of those button things. A mod is welcome to shove this whole post behind one.