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What do you see when you look in the mirror?

AutoTripper said:
I'm pretty damn shameless really lol.

I stick things up my butt.

I talk openly about the wildest, often most unpopular conspiracysocalled ideas.

I will literally tell anybody anything about my life as long as it wont A, get me arrested, B, result in another type of infliction, myself or others.

I think that's the way to be though. I don't do hiding or shame.
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I knew i knew you from somewhere AutoTripper!
 
Salad dressing i think . . but for some reason i dont want to eat it.

In all seriousness, i see beauty. But i try to avoid looking at myself. My life is a sham.
 
blue kringle said:
Salad dressing i think . . but for some reason i dont want to eat it.

In all seriousness, i see beauty. But i try to avoid looking at myself. My life is a sham.
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No life is a shame. But people naturally can imagine a self imposed imaginary prison of selr doubt in one's own mind.

Like, how did young, sensitive nothing wrong about me at all, allow the negative nasty energy controlled poeple (kids) of the world to deceive me into believing inntheir wicked unconscious, jealousy based spiteful projections.

I grew up, thinking I was ugly, because I trusted the crowd, being impressionable, works both ways.

I realised in time I had gotten it entirely the opposite way round,

In a way provably a good thing, as I developed inside more as a person maybe, but it amazes me to look back with clear visual and emotional view through all time, and see how I lacked any confidence in myself at all.

That was my only hurdle in life. It long held me back.

Doing things again, all I need is a renewed body, or no body. And I would be sure to correct every mistaken, base fear and insecurity driven child who tried to knock me down, and point out clearly no you are wrong my boy. Therefore nothing wrong with me.

I've nothing to be ashamed of. There's simply nothing you can do or say to alter my view of and love for myself.

To start with! Boy I'd have some fun with the bullies.

I got there in the end, but I missed out on my incredible head start.

My head though, needed a jump,start.

We all spin illusions, unwarranted shame and self doubt.

Identical psychology to the veil through which the critically underweight Anorexic girl canvinces herself still, despite all clear evidence, that she is overweight.

Often too, and I'm no creep or perv, but I make observations.

I see a societal massive trend for very young girls fighting anirexic tecovery.

In almost all cases, they appear to have a loving family, parents and upbringing.

And they often startle me with how lovely and mature young people they are, often exceptionally beautiful too.

Like, outwardly they have everything, like I did myself, including a highly sensitive nature, but they somehow so bizarrely fail to see it.

I do my best to encourage people to love themselves. Drop that veil.

If you are doing wrong and choose to and you know it, be ashamed! (I mean that generally not pointed).

The most wicked people on this plane, don't doubt themselves, but they know they are wicked,

If only all the good, great people had fuller self confidence, accepted themselves, and allowed them the love from oneself, simply for oneself, which is so deserved, but too frequently denied.

I was lucky to develop, overcome all levels and type of personal esteem issues, self condfidence, verbal communication and generally being fully free and set, accepting, forgiving and loving of my yes imperfect but beautiful self.

I just didn't really need to waste 36% of my life convinced otherwise.

I can't get that back now, but I'm who I am anyway, and now is now, I had an incredible childhood and life in many ways, and I can try and help others accept themselves.

Physically. There I need a magic wand. In a real shape atm, catch 22. Fire or a frying pan lol.

Very sticky enduring situation currently.
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Well maybe not literally a cunt, I'm not that good looking.

But I am extremely self deprecating...
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That's what keeps you lean, honest and true, and a better person ironically not that it's necessarily necessary. (To self deprecate I mean, there is always value in my view in being a better person.)

But this is what I'm talking about here.

I really wish all the actual cunts, there are many, and all the truly cool people (ahem..
F.U.B.A.R. for example lol), who I actually only like and look up to...

Would see themselves proportionately for who they really are.

Because we aren't surrounded by Angels here, and IMO some Angels don't even know that they are one.
 
You see I know I'm "tripping" (I'm not right now, as such) because each time I might look in the mirror I see a remarkably cool looking dude, whatever he does and says.

There are worse illusions right?
 
AutoTripper said:
No life is a shame. But people naturally can imagine a self imposed imaginary prison of selr doubt in one's own mind.

Like, how did young, sensitive nothing wrong about me at all, allow the negative nasty energy controlled poeple (kids) of the world to deceive me into believing inntheir wicked unconscious, jealousy based spiteful projections.

I grew up, thinking I was ugly, because I trusted the crowd, being impressionable, works both ways.

I realised in time I had gotten it entirely the opposite way round,

In a way provably a good thing, as I developed inside more as a person maybe, but it amazes me to look back with clear visual and emotional view through all time, and see how I lacked any confidence in myself at all.

That was my only hurdle in life. It long held me back.

Doing things again, all I need is a renewed body, or no body. And I would be sure to correct every mistaken, base fear and insecurity driven child who tried to knock me down, and point out clearly no you are wrong my boy. Therefore nothing wrong with me.

I've nothing to be ashamed of. There's simply nothing you can do or say to alter my view of and love for myself.

To start with! Boy I'd have some fun with the bullies.

I got there in the end, but I missed out on my incredible head start.

My head though, needed a jump,start.

We all spin illusions, unwarranted shame and self doubt.

Identical psychology to the veil through which the critically underweight Anorexic girl canvinces herself still, despite all clear evidence, that she is overweight.

Often too, and I'm no creep or perv, but I make observations.

I see a societal massive trend for very young girls fighting anirexic tecovery.

In almost all cases, they appear to have a loving family, parents and upbringing.

And they often startle me with how lovely and mature young people they are, often exceptionally beautiful too.

Like, outwardly they have everything, like I did myself, including a highly sensitive nature, but they somehow so bizarrely fail to see it.

I do my best to encourage people to love themselves. Drop that veil.

If you are doing wrong and choose to and you know it, be ashamed! (I mean that generally not pointed).

The most wicked people on this plane, don't doubt themselves, but they know they are wicked,

If only all the good, great people had fuller self confidence, accepted themselves, and allowed them the love from oneself, simply for oneself, which is so deserved, but too frequently denied.

I was lucky to develop, overcome all levels and type of personal esteem issues, self condfidence, verbal communication and generally being fully free and set, accepting, forgiving and loving of my yes imperfect but beautiful self.

I just didn't really need to waste 36% of my life convinced otherwise.

I can't get that back now, but I'm who I am anyway, and now is now, I had an incredible childhood and life in many ways, and I can try and help others accept themselves.

Physically. There I need a magic wand. In a real shape atm, catch 22. Fire or a frying pan lol.

Very sticky enduring situation currently.
Click to expand...
> To start with! Boy I'd have some fun with the bullies.

So much of this is quotable though, clear as a mountain stream AT...
 
blue kringle said:
> To start with! Boy I'd have some fun with the bullies.

So much of this is quotable though, clear as a mountain stream AT...
Click to expand...
Yes I'm seeing things as clearly as ever really. It's one hell of a Haze as well, but the writing is on the wall and the spelling is too unmistakeable now, is the perfect analogy in figurative and literal terms.

So I've decided Fuck it keep it simple I'm just going to spell out exactly what I see now.
 
AutoTripper said:
No life is a shame. But people naturally can imagine a self imposed imaginary prison of selr doubt in one's own mind.

Like, how did young, sensitive nothing wrong about me at all, allow the negative nasty energy controlled poeple (kids) of the world to deceive me into believing inntheir wicked unconscious, jealousy based spiteful projections.

I grew up, thinking I was ugly, because I trusted the crowd, being impressionable, works both ways.

I realised in time I had gotten it entirely the opposite way round,

In a way provably a good thing, as I developed inside more as a person maybe, but it amazes me to look back with clear visual and emotional view through all time, and see how I lacked any confidence in myself at all.

That was my only hurdle in life. It long held me back.

Doing things again, all I need is a renewed body, or no body. And I would be sure to correct every mistaken, base fear and insecurity driven child who tried to knock me down, and point out clearly no you are wrong my boy. Therefore nothing wrong with me.

I've nothing to be ashamed of. There's simply nothing you can do or say to alter my view of and love for myself.

To start with! Boy I'd have some fun with the bullies.

I got there in the end, but I missed out on my incredible head start.

My head though, needed a jump,start.

We all spin illusions, unwarranted shame and self doubt.

Identical psychology to the veil through which the critically underweight Anorexic girl canvinces herself still, despite all clear evidence, that she is overweight.

Often too, and I'm no creep or perv, but I make observations.

I see a societal massive trend for very young girls fighting anirexic tecovery.

In almost all cases, they appear to have a loving family, parents and upbringing.

And they often startle me with how lovely and mature young people they are, often exceptionally beautiful too.

Like, outwardly they have everything, like I did myself, including a highly sensitive nature, but they somehow so bizarrely fail to see it.

I do my best to encourage people to love themselves. Drop that veil.

If you are doing wrong and choose to and you know it, be ashamed! (I mean that generally not pointed).

The most wicked people on this plane, don't doubt themselves, but they know they are wicked,

If only all the good, great people had fuller self confidence, accepted themselves, and allowed them the love from oneself, simply for oneself, which is so deserved, but too frequently denied.

I was lucky to develop, overcome all levels and type of personal esteem issues, self condfidence, verbal communication and generally being fully free and set, accepting, forgiving and loving of my yes imperfect but beautiful self.

I just didn't really need to waste 36% of my life convinced otherwise.

I can't get that back now, but I'm who I am anyway, and now is now, I had an incredible childhood and life in many ways, and I can try and help others accept themselves.

Physically. There I need a magic wand. In a real shape atm, catch 22. Fire or a frying pan lol.

Very sticky enduring situation currently.
Click to expand...
You have a knack for the ambiguity, and i mean that in a very complimentary sense. I assume you got a bit of irish in that coffee 'dere. ;)
 
AutoTripper said:
No life is a shame. But people naturally can imagine a self imposed imaginary prison of selr doubt in one's own mind.

Like, how did young, sensitive nothing wrong about me at all, allow the negative nasty energy controlled poeple (kids) of the world to deceive me into believing inntheir wicked unconscious, jealousy based spiteful projections.

I grew up, thinking I was ugly, because I trusted the crowd, being impressionable, works both ways.

I realised in time I had gotten it entirely the opposite way round,

In a way provably a good thing, as I developed inside more as a person maybe, but it amazes me to look back with clear visual and emotional view through all time, and see how I lacked any confidence in myself at all.

That was my only hurdle in life. It long held me back.

Doing things again, all I need is a renewed body, or no body. And I would be sure to correct every mistaken, base fear and insecurity driven child who tried to knock me down, and point out clearly no you are wrong my boy. Therefore nothing wrong with me.

I've nothing to be ashamed of. There's simply nothing you can do or say to alter my view of and love for myself.

To start with! Boy I'd have some fun with the bullies.

I got there in the end, but I missed out on my incredible head start.

My head though, needed a jump,start.

We all spin illusions, unwarranted shame and self doubt.

Identical psychology to the veil through which the critically underweight Anorexic girl canvinces herself still, despite all clear evidence, that she is overweight.

Often too, and I'm no creep or perv, but I make observations.

I see a societal massive trend for very young girls fighting anirexic tecovery.

In almost all cases, they appear to have a loving family, parents and upbringing.

And they often startle me with how lovely and mature young people they are, often exceptionally beautiful too.

Like, outwardly they have everything, like I did myself, including a highly sensitive nature, but they somehow so bizarrely fail to see it.

I do my best to encourage people to love themselves. Drop that veil.

blue kringle said:
You have a knack for the ambiguity, and i mean that in a very complimentary sense. I assume you got a bit of irish in that coffee 'dere. ;)
Click to expand...
Poetry :)

The most wicked people on this plane, don't doubt themselves, but they know they are wicked,

If only all the good, great people had fuller self confidence, accepted themselves, and allowed them the love from oneself, simply for oneself, which is so deserved, but too frequently denied.

I was lucky to develop, overcome all levels and type of personal esteem issues, self condfidence, verbal communication and generally being fully free and set, accepting, forgiving and loving of my yes imperfect but beautiful self.

I just didn't really need to waste 36% of my life convinced otherwise.

I can't get that back now, but I'm who I am anyway, and now is now, I had an incredible childhood and life in many ways, and I can try and help others accept themselves.

Physically. There I need a magic wand. In a real shape atm, catch 22. Fire or a frying pan lol.

Very sticky enduring situation currently.
Click to expand...
 
blue kringle said:
You have a knack for the ambiguity, and i mean that in a very complimentary sense. I assume you got a bit of irish in that coffee 'dere. ;)
Click to expand...
Haha, I never met my Dad beyond age 3 he was ineascapably addicted to heroin, also was a longterm daily LSD user like no other in those times and circles but a thoroughly decent and highly intelligent man with a top class sense of humour by all accounts.

But I do know he was half Irish! "Liverpool Irish" I heard my mum call it.

So I'm quarter Irish...quarter Scouser...the rest Me. Lol.

I think I have flu though. I'm almost sure of it. Early in the seaon. I know true 6 week flu intimately and this feels exactly like it.

I had it in January in addition to a severe casenof Lng Covid in nerves causing nerve damage and PVFS.

It's a very bad virus either way. My mum has it too.

Doesn't feel like Covid, which we only contracted until now one single time, September 2020.

My money is on flu. Which is in past always exactly a 6 week set course life cycle.

I could really do without it atm. But it will force some vital changes and flu does pave the way for change you know.

That apart from killing off the vulnerable, is the chief function of Flu IMO.

I do feel pigsick though but accepting this is probably the reason, helps. It explains the last 3 days and my lack of energy, depression, nausea and more.

So now, I have diagnised the situation. I was getting into a wrap pannicking about why why why, what do I need to do?

I'm still insanely high on LSD from 52 1/2 tabs in 6 days last week.

I have so much running and queued up integration to do.

Like...6 week's worth? Lol.
 
I see a person that i'm supposed to know is me but feels so distant that it could be a stranger looking back at me. Is this the dead-behind-the-eyes person that everyone else sees? Or do they see something else, because what I see I can't connect with at all.
 
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