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What do you guys think of this situation? (involves gays and MDMA)

CalmG

CalmG

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 9, 2004
Messages
105
Location
United Kingdom
OK cool so I made a new friend recently. Had met him three times before. He's really funny, a real character. He's the kind of person who everyone is like 'meet my friend ..... he's a legend!''

I go to his house the other day just to go see him but it's his birthday so we end up getting some MDMA. At this point I presume he is straight, he knows I;m gay. He starts saying things like '''you're so attractive! and sweet!'' then a few seconds later ''I wouldn't go near you with a barge pole'... then '''You're so lovely!' a little while later like saying he's attracted to me then saying the opposite.

One thing leads to the next we end up in bed together. It's abit weird in the sense that it's totally unexpected but it just feels really natural and good. I kiss him on the neck near the mouth ect but each time I go for lips he does it for like 3 seconds then pulls away and shakes his head and goes 'nooooo'. We end up fooling around abit more full on than that too.


The next day he doesn't really say anything and we just have fun for the next 3 days drinking.

He brings it up twice more he says ''Did I try it on with you the other night? Yeah I'm bisexual, but I have to totally loose my inhibitions to do that, some of my friends wouldn't be cool with it, and I just really really like girls. Otherwise you're 100% the kind of guy I would go for you're just so so nice. I wish it was easier than that I'm sorry'.

But then a bit later on we're watching music on his PC and he looks like he's about to start crying and he goes ''I can't tell you why I'm crying... it's nothing to do with me and you... but I just cooked you dinner!'' don't really get this bit it's strange, he said ''I just cooked you dinner' as the part of the reason he was emotional, perhaps what that signifys?. Don't understand.

In the three days he told me lots and lots of really personal stuff about his life like about his really awful childhood, time homeless on the streets, about his past relationships.

He's 32 and I'm 24 he is 100% the kind of guy I would go for I would absoultly fall for him he is like a loveable Labrador or something so so nice.

Anyway I'm thinking this is dead in the water and at most would probably just end up in bed with him again once or twice but it was the kind of things he was saying... obviously he isn't comfortable with it. But yeah was just wondering what outsiders thought about this whole situation because it's all new to me. His longest relationship was 7 years with a woman but it's strange because we did the fooling around on the first night and then spent three more nights together after that and it wasn;t at all awkward we got on so well.

I really want other people's perception of the dinner comment don't really get that bit. He is abit mental btw but it's in a harmless funny way really.



Thanks for any advice/comments.
 
Maybe because he was on MDMA he lost his inhibitions? Dunno mate. If you don't wana be strung along just ask him straight up, no messing, "What do you want from this?"

I'd give it a couple weeks and see where it goes. You said yourself he's a looney so the dinner comment isn't here nor there.
 
It sounds to me like, as he said, he just isn't entirely comfortable with being bisexual and with the potential feelings or attraction he's got for you. And MDMA would have made him get over that barrier. I agree with StrutterGear, I'd ask him straight up what exactly he wants/expects from you - it's not fair for you to be left in that sort of limbo. I'm sure it's unintentional but he is sort of playing with your emotions.
No idea what the dinner comment means.
 
CalmG said:
OK cool so I made a new friend recently. Had met him three times before. He's really funny, a real character. He's the kind of person who everyone is like 'meet my friend ..... he's a legend!''

I go to his house the other day just to go see him but it's his birthday so we end up getting some MDMA. At this point I presume he is straight, he knows I;m gay. He starts saying things like '''you're so attractive! and sweet!'' then a few seconds later ''I wouldn't go near you with a barge pole'... then '''You're so lovely!' a little while later like saying he's attracted to me then saying the opposite.

One thing leads to the next we end up in bed together. It's abit weird in the sense that it's totally unexpected but it just feels really natural and good. I kiss him on the neck near the mouth ect but each time I go for lips he does it for like 3 seconds then pulls away and shakes his head and goes 'nooooo'. We end up fooling around abit more full on than that too.


The next day he doesn't really say anything and we just have fun for the next 3 days drinking.

He brings it up twice more he says ''Did I try it on with you the other night? Yeah I'm bisexual, but I have to totally loose my inhibitions to do that, some of my friends wouldn't be cool with it, and I just really really like girls. Otherwise you're 100% the kind of guy I would go for you're just so so nice. I wish it was easier than that I'm sorry'.

But then a bit later on we're watching music on his PC and he looks like he's about to start crying and he goes ''I can't tell you why I'm crying... it's nothing to do with me and you... but I just cooked you dinner!'' don't really get this bit it's strange, he said ''I just cooked you dinner' as the part of the reason he was emotional, perhaps what that signifys?. Don't understand.

In the three days he told me lots and lots of really personal stuff about his life like about his really awful childhood, time homeless on the streets, about his past relationships.

He's 32 and I'm 24 he is 100% the kind of guy I would go for I would absoultly fall for him he is like a loveable Labrador or something so so nice.

Anyway I'm thinking this is dead in the water and at most would probably just end up in bed with him again once or twice but it was the kind of things he was saying... obviously he isn't comfortable with it. But yeah was just wondering what outsiders thought about this whole situation because it's all new to me. His longest relationship was 7 years with a woman but it's strange because we did the fooling around on the first night and then spent three more nights together after that and it wasn;t at all awkward we got on so well.

I really want other people's perception of the dinner comment don't really get that bit. He is abit mental btw but it's in a harmless funny way really.



Thanks for any advice/comments.
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I realize that is the type of dude you like Bro, but I would just keep it moving. I think he liked messing around with you, but I think there are other issues going on with him that are in the way for yall to have anything serious. Give him time to work them out himself. If he asks for help then fine help him, but if he really wants you he wouldnt be saying the "No no no" stuff. Pretty much the ball is in his court so I would act as if nothing serious will happen between the two of you. In any situation just stay friends and if he comes around then great but I wouldnt be counting on him right now very much at all.
 
I would steer clear of this dude (romance/sex-wise)...he sounds like he needs to work his shit out, and being a friend is one thing but I reckon you're just asking for trouble if you get in deeper than that. Fucking a random guy who can't deal with his sexuality is one thing, being friends with a guy who can't deal with his sexuality is one thing, but once you mix the "fucking" with the "friend" part, I think it can only go downhill from there...
 
men who are not fully gay are what i call time wasters.

they will experiment with you, then get annoyed/ditch you for a woman

but what they have never done in my experience is provide anything more than short term sex based fun.

i avoided two relationships with attractive men who both had a thing for me (excessively touching me, boners when play fighting, longing looks, etc.) now they both have kids. and that desire to procreate and the need to have a "normal" family will overtake their need to be with a man in a relationship because if you have two options and one causes you less grief from society and you can have a baby too what are you gonna pick. ah the luxury of having that choice.

time wasters
 
IMO, if you will fool around with another guy on MDMA, you definitely have those thoughts, but I've heard gay dudes speak about other "not fully gay" or "not sure if their gay" guys before, and they've said the same thing: they are a waste of time. I used to hang with the gays a few years ago (maybe I was a fag hag..not sure, but a lot of my drinking buddies were gay) and that was one thing they all agreed on.
 
pofacedhoe said:
men who are not fully gay are what i call time wasters.

they will experiment with you, then get annoyed/ditch you for a woman

but what they have never done in my experience is provide anything more than short term sex based fun.

i avoided two relationships with attractive men who both had a thing for me (excessively touching me, boners when play fighting, longing looks, etc.) now they both have kids. and that desire to procreate and the need to have a "normal" family will overtake their need to be with a man in a relationship because if you have two options and one causes you less grief from society and you can have a baby too what are you gonna pick. ah the luxury of having that choice.

time wasters
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What? No.

You've literally just judged the whole bisexual population based on 2 personal experiences.. which aren't even really evidence of them being "time wasters".. that's like calling every relationship / fling until marriage and kids, time wasting.. and anybody that's ever had a failed relationship / fling a time waster.

Well done.

Edit - I guess not, Lysis. I'm a bit crabby today :\
 
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Is it really necessary to pull out the "and you're a mod? OMFG WOW" crap when he's just posting his experience and opinion?
 
rickolasnice said:
What? No.

You've literally just judged the whole bisexual population based on 2 personal experiences.. which aren't even really evidence of them being "time wasters".. that's like calling every relationship / fling until marriage and kids, time wasting.. and anybody that's ever had a failed relationship / fling a time waster.

Well done.

Edit- And you're a mod in SLR.. shit son.
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+1

There is a world of difference between someone not being comfortable with their sexuality and someone legitimately being attracted to both genders. I can think of two bisexual guys off the top of my head who have had exclusively male relationships for the past 10+ years. I think the OP's case is sketchy because the guy in question can't kiss him and obviously is having problems dealing with fucking. If it were just that the guy was bi, I wouldn't see that as being an issue in the slightest...
 
OP: All you can really do is ask him how he feels and what he wants.. then judge whether or not you trust his answer..

But i'd recommend backing off / taking things super slow if you do decide to go ahead with this.
 
i've had more than two. the first relationship i had was with a bisexual guy (when i was 19) and it ended because he wouldn't come out. now he's with some woman. the two other guys that i fancied for long periods of time who both now have babies were also what i would call true bisexuals.

anyhoo i've done it once as a relationship, then i've avoided those kind of relationships since as it was a waste of time. the desire to procreate is very strong. even i am broody and its not like thats going to be easy to achieve.

i have had sex with at least 4 of my friends (3before i was 18 and one when i was 22) who were straight and i got a situation where they wanted to fuck me but there was no real depth to any of it. it ended with me fancying them but them being like "yeah i dont think i'm that into men". so you can end up used as an experiment and it does your self esteem no favours. a lot of these situations occurred on drugs/drink. my relationship at 19 was not alcohol/drugs.

so its more than 2 experiences.

i'm done wasting my time on people who aren't into the same thing as me, because to have a relationship you have to be on the same page with what you want out of it. especially where long term goals are concerned.

OP-go ahead if you want at no point was i telling anyone what to do i was merely giving an opinion- take from that what you want:)

there is a wide spectrum from gay to bisexual to straight but curious. where i'm coming from is wasting years being into men where it wasn't going to work out (including a straight best friend where my obsessive love of him kind of ruined any chance of maintaining the friendship). this situation may be different but i've been there too many times with guys trying to kiss me when they are drunk and on speed and then i try to talk to them about it sober and it goes nowhere, heartbreaking to say the least.

dont waste your youth and beauty cos if i knew then what i know now i would have gone for men who were emotionally available.

the whole " kiss me" one minute and "no no no" the next cant be making you feel very good.

you're better than someone who isn't really sure what they want

maybe to some other posters i have seemed arrogant and spoken with some kind of know it all attitude, that was not my intention. i speak as someone who has wasted too much of my heart on straight/bisexual men. its just not worth it.

these days i'm simply getting internet hookups with gay men but they are into me and i can tell. its a boost to be with someone who really wants you with no doubt in their mind, from there you have the difficulty of finding a relationship which isn't easy. but at least that's one issue out of the way.
 
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My main concern here is the age difference between you two and that he's pulling some kind of emotional bullshit on you even though you are more than 10 yrs younger than him.
As somebody else here said, he doesn't seem comfortable with his sexuality.
Perhaps he's envious that you are able to accept your gayness, while he still has doubts.
It's almost impossible to conceal your sexuality on E so I think what happened is that he let go and fell a bit in love with you.
Cooking your dinner means that he thinks that this is a big deal and that cooking for you shows that he wants to care for and cherish you.
I wonder. Did you top him?
He's probably a bit neurotic.
What are your feelings for him?
Probably not so great as his for you heh?
It's really up to you if you want to take this further. But don't let yourself in for emotional blackmail..
 
I would either go with:
a) He is leading you on.
b) He's gay but is saying he is "bi" because he's more comfortable with that idea.
I wish I could say which one but I really don't know. You can keep hanging around with him (and possibly fooling around with him) but keep in mind that there could be some heartache in the end. Hope not though, for your sake! :)
 
I agree with Raz. Gay life is full of almost maybes. He will be one .
 
Is 32 and 24 a bit weird then? Hmmm.


I think I'm going to back off this one for now. I posted on his facebook wall twice and he liked both posts and wished my happy Christmas, BUT I've rang him twice and texted twice and no response either time so will leave it a month or so then try and get in contact again. We have mutual friends and if anything we could be really good friends but yeah will back off for now. Have written his number down somewhere and deleted it off my phone so I don't drunk call! Pretty positive he does like me just a shame he has issues with the whole thing.

Thanks everyone for your responses. Insightful and useful :)
 
At age 32 and 24, I don't see that as too weird. If the age difference was 22 and 14 - yes. But I guess at age 24, if you're a mature enough 24 year old, why not? I'm 22 and I have tons of friends who are much older than me - my friends are mostly between 25 and 35.
But yeah, your plan sounds good :) :)
 
That's pretty insulting.

It's all part of the learning curve.

I f we say we are bi, and wanna fuck but aren't interested in anything more, we mean it.

If we aren't sure and are still working things out, then it's hardly wasting time - it's a mutually beneficial situation even if it ends in heartbreak or hurt feeling at the very least - it's all experience and part of learning what is right for you.
pofacedhoe said:
men who are not fully gay are what i call time wasters.

they will experiment with you, then get annoyed/ditch you for a woman

but what they have never done in my experience is provide anything more than short term sex based fun.

i avoided two relationships with attractive men who both had a thing for me (excessively touching me, boners when play fighting, longing looks, etc.) now they both have kids. and that desire to procreate and the need to have a "normal" family will overtake their need to be with a man in a relationship because if you have two options and one causes you less grief from society and you can have a baby too what are you gonna pick. ah the luxury of having that choice.

time wasters
Click to expand...
 
look i'm open minded but as a gay its hard enough to find someone thats into the same kind of sex that you are.

i'm not wasting my time on cul-de-sacs. good luck to the op and i hope he gets what he wants.

having been there myself (too many times) forgive me for my cynicism
 
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