What do you do to stay in recovery?

[JessFR]

Wow, it's been about 3 and a half years since I started a thread like this. All my threads until then had been drug support. But after getting serious about stopping my daily heroin habit and getting off the street then this is the first time I've felt the need to start one.

I'm sure as probably most are aware. Many of us have lost a good friend from this forum.

It's easy to get into recovery (relative to what I'm about to say). It's hard to stay in recovery.

And it's brutal to stay in recovery at those inevitable points in life when everything has gone to shit. Either suffering a major loss, a major depression.

So this is what I'm asking. How do you guys try and stay from completely falling off the edge when the rollercoaster that is life takes a sharp dip?

I have been on methadone for about 3 and a half years. I dunno how people manage to stay completely clean, it's always impressed me. I've never been able to do it for especially long.

Even on methadone though, it's remained difficult. With repeated drug dreams. My addiction whispering in my ear, trying to make me remember the past as better than it was.

But this is the first major set back for me since I entered serious prolonged recovery from heroin.

For the people who perhaps have much more time away from there drug than I, how do you do it? How do you stay focused on what matters and not wind up giving up? Not letting how terrible the present is ruin the future?

 

[Zephyn]

For me it was a combination of proper timing to make the present a little less shit, though I did throw away even better circumstances five times over, so maybe that's not it. Eventually you get sick of slamming your head into the wall over and over again. What do I do to stay sober? I haven't really thought about it, but I've managed somewhat, and seem to be taking it more seriously as time goes on. Maybe it is divine intervention but I just got to a point in my life where nearly all drugs were doing more damage than good. Psychedelics also seem to help.

 

[SteeleyJ]

^^ I like psychedelics once in awhile for a healthy dose of ego dissolution and introspection

Nowadays I try to stay busy and I like working out. Nothing beats the feeling of leaving a gym after blasting legs back or chest. Keeps me sane and I'm a basketcase.... part of why I go balls to the wall with the hard shit.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I just look around at everything that is important to me. Home, loving pets, good food, a warm bed. All the little things.

I remember all the bad choices I made and what the outcome was. ( Usually all bad )

I have extra money now and I'm FINALLY caught up on my back due property taxes. I could list 10 things I have money for now. My bills aren't late anymore.

I feel really fuckin' good now. I mean it. I wasted SOOOOO many years feeling like shit.

I could go on and on but you get the picture. I absolutely have to keep my eye on the prize or I won't have a life. And I want one.

I really hope that you can find some relief from the sadness and the cravings and the doubts and just take it easy. Let the shit pass and then reconsider. Do you REALLY want to relapse?

 

[G_Chem]

For me it’s a combination of things too..

First off I wouldn’t be where I am without maintenance, in my case Suboxone/Buprenorphine. I can sit here all day talking this n that but without a doubt this drug has saved my life. Sure I’m not “clean clean” but I’m functioning and the cost of my fix is penny’s to the dollar compared to heroin.

But many people say staying clean even on maintenance is still hard, if that’s the case then I feel I’ve done a pretty good job. Besides using some full agonist opiates for pain last winter which I stopped once the pain ceased, I haven’t touched heroin or oxy in 12-13yrs.

The basics are obvious, exercise and diet are huge or you’ll go right back. For me, I used opiates mainly to help me function and kill anxiety. Poor diet and exercise made my anxiety much worse than it needed to be, especially sugar.

Over the years I’ve progressively gotten better at both, and am very happy with where I’m at.

That’s not enough for the addict mind. I need a carrot on a stick, something to get me through the monotonous days. That carrot is often MDMA and/or psychedelic experiences, usually at festivals or shows. These drugs I have no problem controlling and they seem to have a long lasting antidepressant type effect on me. MDMA especially...

My carrot on a stick method doesn’t work for a lot of people though, most folks seem to have this drive to consume everything they have any time they get any. I’m a long term thinker and cherish my experiences too much to waste them.

I’ve tried to teach using substances in this way to other former drug addicts and very few seem to be able to do it besides my brother, genetics maybe?..

And the final thing that keeps me clean.. Knowing I’ll never get heroin of the purity I used to get it ever again. Fucked up I know but it works. Once you get accustomed to nearly pure diacetylmorphine and unlimited quantity of many pharmaceutical opiates it’s really hard to ever go back if you no longer have those connections.

-GC

 

[Zephyn]

For me it’s a combination of things too..

First off I wouldn’t be where I am without maintenance, in my case Suboxone/Buprenorphine. I can sit here all day talking this n that but without a doubt this drug has saved my life. Sure I’m not “clean clean” but I’m functioning and the cost of my fix is penny’s to the dollar compared to heroin.

But many people say staying clean even on maintenance is still hard, if that’s the case then I feel I’ve done a pretty good job. Besides using some full agonist opiates for pain last winter which I stopped once the pain ceased, I haven’t touched heroin or oxy in 12-13yrs.

The basics are obvious, exercise and diet are huge or you’ll go right back. For me, I used opiates mainly to help me function and kill anxiety. Poor diet and exercise made my anxiety much worse than it needed to be, especially sugar.

Over the years I’ve progressively gotten better at both, and am very happy with where I’m at.

That’s not enough for the addict mind. I need a carrot on a stick, something to get me through the monotonous days. That carrot is often MDMA and/or psychedelic experiences, usually at festivals or shows. These drugs I have no problem controlling and they seem to have a long lasting antidepressant type effect on me. MDMA especially...

My carrot on a stick method doesn’t work for a lot of people though, most folks seem to have this drive to consume everything they have any time they get any. I’m a long term thinker and cherish my experiences too much to waste them.

I’ve tried to teach using substances in this way to other former drug addicts and very few seem to be able to do it besides my brother, genetics maybe?..

And the final thing that keeps me clean.. Knowing I’ll never get heroin of the purity I used to get it ever again. Fucked up I know but it works. Once you get accustomed to nearly pure diacetylmorphine and unlimited quantity of many pharmaceutical opiates it’s really hard to ever go back if you no longer have those connections.

-GC

Very true, I've seen some people on here, but other than myself I've never known anyone to abuse psychedelics, and that was mostly lsd, probably do to its dopaminergic action thats pretty unique to it. But they are pretty much the only drug I am able to control, and I have an extreme addictive personality.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Being real honest with myself the main thing keeping me some from things like heroin are the 3 crutches I use. Alcohol, kratom and cannabis.

I can control these drugs more than they can control me, alcohol maybe not so much, but still relatively easy.

But if you took them away from me I would get relapsey very quick.

With that being said I never want to go back to my ways of hurting people. Its simply not an option in my life anymore.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I completely, totally, 100% agree with what all of you have said so far.

In particular, as Zephyn said, the timing in my life just happened to be perfect for me to get clean and sober, and to remain that way. I spent many many years trying every single method you can think of to try and get sober, and I kept relapsing and hitting all-time lower rock bottoms.
Then all of a sudden the stars aligned perfectly and I've managed to stay clean and sober.

Exercise is HUGE for me. And sticking to a daily routine, making sure I'm keeping busy and always have a purpose.

 

[Zephyn]

I completely, totally, 100% agree with what all of you have said so far.

In particular, as Zephyn said, the timing in my life just happened to be perfect for me to get clean and sober, and to remain that way. I spent many many years trying every single method you can think of to try and get sober, and I kept relapsing and hitting all-time lower rock bottoms.
Then all of a sudden the stars aligned perfectly and I've managed to stay clean and sober.

Exercise is HUGE for me. And sticking to a daily routine, making sure I'm keeping busy and always have a purpose.

I was provided with that multiple times, other times even better situation to go into the light with, yet persistently threw it away. Things aren't as perfect this time, but I think its enough to get by.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I dunno Jess. I can’t seem to do it. I’ve done it for a year or two here and there. Maybe a bit longer. Sometimes just for a week or two. Probably on average just for a month or two. No matter how good all the external stuff in my life is there is something inside me that needs to be overwhelmed with drugs from time to time. Occasionally endorphins alone will be enough to keep it at bay. Some responsibilities, like kids, as just so big and important they can overpower it, but since I don’t have them 24/7 there is always a chink that that need can creep back through. I think it might be loneliness but I can’t connect to people for very long.

But my point is, all the stuff mentioned in this thread is part of what helps but nothing sticks if you can’t understand yourself and your relationships with people. Maybe that wisdom comes with age and experience (probably not, given how old I’m getting) but most likely it requires a really really good therapist and some genuine introspection. Whatever, I’m asking the same question as you and I wish you luck.

 

[Zephyn]

I dunno Jess. I can’t seem to do it. I’ve done it for a year or two here and there. Maybe a bit longer. Sometimes just for a week or two. Probably on average just for a month or two. No matter how good all the external stuff in my life is there is something inside me that needs to be overwhelmed with drugs from time to time. Occasionally endorphins alone will be enough to keep it at bay. Some responsibilities, like kids, as just so big and important they can overpower it, but since I don’t have them 24/7 there is always a chink that that need can creep back through. I think it might be loneliness but I can’t connect to people for very long.

But my point is, all the stuff mentioned in this thread is part of what helps but nothing sticks if you can’t understand yourself and your relationships with people. Maybe that wisdom comes with age and experience (probably not, given how old I’m getting) but most likely it requires a really really good therapist and some genuine introspection. Whatever, I’m asking the same question as you and I wish you luck.

I haven't managed to make it longer than a few months since I started dabbling in hard drugs. This is the longest I've gone without crack or meth in 3 years, and im at 6+ months, though I've fucked up with other stuff, almost got into alcohol, benzos are a constant temptation, thankfully don't have access to any heroin

 

[negrogesic]

Methadone saved my life (although I probably shouldn't have been allowed to get to 380mg/day but perhaps I needed that much). Of course I was still injecting heroin and fentanyl patches on top of it for a while but I suppose one day I just got sick of it.

Fanatical heavy exercise (weightlifting) is what helped me get off methadone and stay off heavy duty opioids (particularly intravenous). It gave me something to obsess over and also physiologically sort of scratched that opioid itch (when you are constantly sore from tearing your muscles in the gym your endogenous opioids are surely more plentiful).

Essentially i found something that scratched that itch slightly and was in conflict with drug usage (ie, i didn't want to take opioids because they would slow down my progress and muscle gain). Didn't work perfectly but it got me off of an enormous amount of methadone. (That said, i realize you don't plan on getting off methadone.)

Recovery is easier though when you are distracted and occupied.

I'll never be sober exactly but i never intend to be a slave of that magnitude to chemical compounds. Nor do i plan to be cramming things down my veins ever again. Its nice to be free, but ill always be haunted.

 

[RedRum OG]

Methadone, weight lifting, weed, healthy sleep, healthy diet, plenty to do with my time- work, hobbies, relationship. Mostly the lifting and weed, especially long term. Repressing your physical side wont do you any good, just like repressing your sexuality. People are not meant to be sedentary. It's a very uncomfortable lifestyle people just see as normal because they've done it for so long.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Repressing your physical side wont do you any good, just like repressing your sexuality. People are not meant to be sedentary. It's a very uncomfortable lifestyle people just see as normal because they've done it for so long.

100% agree

 

[Tubbs]

Threw myself back into old hobbies I'd basically abandoned while on drugs, became an adrenaline junky for a while, then a workaholic later.... the hobbies are a big part, distraction is your greatest tool.

 

[G_Chem]

Yea also should mention having a good job is important too. Something you enjoy, make ok money at, and fills up your time. (Going from most important to least)

For instance I have a really hard time not using caffeine when I’m at home bored, but when I’m working I don’t need it and if anything it slows me down. I know it’s just caffeine but these days the common drugs are the ones I have the most issues with.

If I was to say the drug I’ve been “battling” the most the past couple years, that’s coffee. I can say no to crack but put a cup of premium aromatic coffee in my hands and I’ll probably drink it. I just got the addiction under control FINALLY this last month and can confidently say it’s back to “recreational” use.

I put a lot of gratitude into the Whole 30 diet I just finished. I’m not a fan of fad diets but this diet is truly legit, it’s the only structured diet I’ve ever seen that I can agree with the science behind.

For some reason whole 30 made all addictive things in my life easier to handle, including certain foods as well as dropping my bupe dosage with minimal withdrawal.

I highly recommend Whole 30 to anyone looking to step up their health game. I ate good before but now it’s to a whole new level, every time I buy groceries I get all sorts of comments lol. You’ll try foods you haven’t before and learn new cooking skills that will stick with you after the fact.

-GC

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Work the meetings. You don't have to believe everything they say, and there are free donuts!

 

[JessFR]

Work the meetings. You don't have to believe everything they say, and there are free donuts!

Hah!

When I was dirt poor because I spent every last dollar I had on drugs, that's actually what I did. Go to meetings to listen and also cause they had some free food :D.

I had practiced the 7th tradition a pile of times when I had money so I figure I was just taking a little of what I'd previously given.

Thank you everyone who replied to this thread.
I'm still feeling very on the edge after everything that's happened. It's been hard not to totally fall apart and/or fall back on heroin.

Everything that was said, whether it's advice I intend to take or think is appropriate for my circumstances, know that all of it was greatly appreciated.

 

[Zephyn]

I'm thinking of starting my own HR recovery group for people who have decided to moderate, though when I went to SMART and refuge/dharma they seemed way less judgemental than the Aa/na cult

To stay in recovery, sometimes I pop Xanax, chug beer, and snort bromo-mescaline. Na doesn't jive. But it keeps me off the crack, heroin, and meth.

 

[Zephyn]

Therea a cool group of dead head sober ppl nearby, I believe they they by "wharf rats", maybe they are elsewhere as well, well they are but I dunno about as an NA group