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What Do You Blame For Your Addiction?

I was being facetious hence the :P

;)

and good on you for making the move yourself to take a break, that takes some guts being a CPP. I have no quality of life without my meds. I spent 6 months clean ladt year and was on agony the whole time despite working out almost daily. I was lucky to get one night a week getting a max sleep of 5 hours. The rest of nights were spent tossing n turning in agony, able to get a maximum of 2hrs sleep max at a time. I would ocassionally get a few quick 20-30mon naps throughout the day. I was extremely depressed and was suicidal as a result of gping through sleep deprived psychoses :|
 
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Oh Im in pain but now I can go get physical therapy as in steroids. Also Im go for sugery which will totally up my end result dosage and well surgery gets you hella-fied scrips. Also Id like to get my crucial track scars tattoed over before a doctor that is ethical sees them and rights that shit down.
Im totally trying to have surgery to a) try to get some relief b) have scars to justify my track marks c) have scars to justify how much worse the surgery is bound to make me feel even if it makes me feel better cuz they never give you enough pills (is their ever really enough?).
They wanted me to detox for the testa before sugery in terms of sticking needles in my nerves and injecting me with radioactive dye. I was like yall gotta be out your god damn mind, get that narcan needle away from me. But if I go in off opies than I wont be narcanned and spend a week in hospital hell torture and merely a day with a promised fat IV and IM injection of pretty much whatever I want. They said it hurts. These guys had me hurting quick knowing where my pain was better than me. Good god almighty these dudes are smart. Too smart to trust completly. Narcan sounds like a bit of a shitstorm so to speak.
 
I saw someone post 'the drug itself'; in my caze that's probably true since I'm currently addicted to GHB and it makes you care so much less about doing it... living pretty much in my (addicted) boyfriends house isn't quite heling either but I can't blame him for my own mistakes, no one else deserves any blame but me really.
 
For chronic pain sufferers, I have a question: once you become hooked on narcotic pain meds, how do you get off of them? If it is the only thing that will relieve your pain and help you to function day to day, how in the hell do you stop? Why would you? Wouldn't you always be on them til you die? Let's say you have tried everything (i.e. physical therapy, acupuncture, natural meds...), are you in a cycle of never-ending drug use because this is the only thing that actually works??
 
MsPilly said:
For chronic pain sufferers, I have a question: once you become hooked on narcotic pain meds, how do you get off of them? If it is the only thing that will relieve your pain and help you to function day to day, how in the hell do you stop? Why would you? Wouldn't you always be on them til you die? Let's say you have tried everything (i.e. physical therapy, acupuncture, natural meds...), are you in a cycle of never-ending drug use because this is the only thing that actually works??
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Its a tough one. I suppose people usually live in misery on the meds or its a compromise with yourself and for those that stay its usually better on the meds. I just got off my meds and to say its very difficult is an understatement. I had gone to my physician and asked for detox meds for the 24 hours I needed to get on suboxone. Most people take that stuff for months to years to get off but I use it for a couple weeks max and a fraction of the recomended dosage. Hopitalization and opiate antagonists such as suboxone and methadone are the usual methods to remove someone fom CPM.

I myself have tried physical therapy and will give it another go. Ive hit up 3 prestigious universities and 2 bone doctors and only one place wanted to even consider surgery. Its very risky as I might lose the use of a limb. Id like to have some pieces of bone that are floating around removed and I may need a pinched nerve to be moved but its a mess inside the area.

I had to detox to have the tests and was rather complacent on CPM so I opted out at the time. Since I just detoxed I should go soon.

I think the biggest part of CPM are the extended release medications which keep opiates in your system 24 7 and absolutly sky rocket your tolerance. I personally will only take one of the medications that I was on before. Its rather irelevant to say what medication Im choosing to stay on in the long run as Im not trying to give medical advice.

I did give accupuncture a go in my own "special" way repeatedly every day for several years at ever increasing frequencies and amounts of "therapy". This is me alluding to seriously risky behaviour which I dont have the right to say I dont condone but I sure as hell recomend against. It takes peoples live and often times the pain of withdrawals lead to suicides which are often masked in the form of ODs. IV drug use can lead people to the deepest desperation a human can experience.

Id say most people on CPM abuse their medication in some way or another. It is a nasty cycle, but its also a quality of life issue. The rules, regulations, and medication tamper resistant formulations meant to curb illicit abuse my street drug addicts mostly affects legit pain patients who have turned to taking extra pills on bad days or administering it through different routes to increase potency.

Im in alot of pain at the moment, but I actually feel alot better. The hell of wds has subsided a great deal and Im just glad not to feel so out of control and desperate. I dont know what to do long term as it has destroyed my liveliehood and made one degree useless to me and one Im almost thru with not yet finished and I still doubt my ability to work that field without medication.

I suppose its a bit of the old "sometimes the cure is worse than the disease" thing because pain medication can cause a whole new set of problems to someone who is already in agony.

Things like therapy, accupuncture, and surgery dont always work and are not accesible to everyone. The sad thing is that even with the government footing the bill doctors are reluctant to perform surgery on people who are receiving aid. But once you become unable to manage and have outrageous medical bills...

For some reason accupuncture is not covered either. I was offered the chance to have a tiny hole drilled in my skull to have a device attached to send shocks to my brain to release endorphins and I could look like a biomechanical person from comic books but alas I choose not to be a guineau pig as far as drilling holes in my skull.

I think at least for me I need to only take medications I can handle and to take them properlly and sparingly. Im hoping surgery will work, but I have to have needles jammed in my nerves and get injected with radioactive dye which I was told by the doctors themselves would be one of the worst days of my life. Im going to do it. Its time for me to man up, as this might really solve some things.

I took the first step and detoxed and once my health is up for it I will go in for the tests.

I should add that some people do not have the fortitude or health to detox off of some of the medications. I can honestly say some of them are stronger than heroin at least in terms of addiction.
 
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I blame my self-destructive behavior and lack of impulse control once I'm under the influence. I feel psychologically weak sometimes for giving in so easily.
 
Myself, I'm the one who chose to do it. I guess I could put part of the blame on my self-destructiveness & depression, but still, that's apart of me.
 
I blame my unhappy childhood...


Ok I blame myself too, but I can't bring myself to put the blame entirely on my shoulders. When I first started experimenting with drugs, I was so miserable and broken I didn't expect to live a whole lot longer anyway. I didn't care, I wanted to destroy myself. That doesn't change that I did it to myself, it doesn't mean I don't feel guilty for bad things I did at my worst, money I stole, what I put my mother through, how I abused by body. All it means is I think a lot of people once made to suffer enough and desperate enough, start self destructing and can't evaluate risk with the same perspective as someone else. Plus I thought it was cool and all my friends were doing it.:\
 
I blame myself and my brain chemistry. I cannot control my anxiety/insomnia/depression, but I should have had the courage to try to cope with it at a younger age through behavioral therapy before addicting myself to opiates and eventually benzos aswell.
 
dopemaster said:
Im on disablility for anxiety disorder.

I wouldnt call it a high so much as relief. I just shot 30 mgs of opana in one shot and Im still in pain and not even feeling a buzz. I think something is seriously wrong with me. Ive got alot of potential. I have 3 years of college education. Im a physical and emotinal cripple now. Im going to keep calling doctors and ask a doc to put me on done and keep me on benzos and bust out the disability paperwork.

My other thing is that guns are my life. I like to work on guns. I know more about guns than gunsmiths. I wanted to get a gunsmith certificate and a business degree. I want to open my own shop. Im walking on thin ice if I get info into the wrong hands to say the least because drug addiction is grounds for me never to buy another handgun. Im already not able to get a CCW because when I applied they found out I was on pain meds and well since I had never even met my pain doctor I decided not to push the issue. I open carry from time to time and well if I have to conceal a gun I risk it. The thing is everyone in the gun community has a CCW and thats a big deal among these people. It would be downright embarassing to admit to gun people I dont have a CCW. I know that sounds nutty but gun people sometimes are. Im not that way but its a business and Id need a CCW to be taken seriously.

I used to date perfect 10s or dimes only. The only women that want me now are drug addicts.

I dont see my life going anywhere unless Im on a stable medicine that actually helps with my pain and keeps me from resorting to IV drug use. Its not like I enjoy shooting dope or anything else anymore for that matter.

My main goal each day is to stay alive and suffer as little as possible. My sincerest apologies to the OP for going off on a tangent about my problems.
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I love guns :) I hope you get to follow your dream and open your own shop.


I don't blame anyone for my addiction but myself. At 14 I was reading about heroin and wanting to try it - I always knew I would. After using for a while, one day i felt kind of weird and off. I KNEW this was withdrawals. I knew that it was either stop now, or hop on the train for who knows how long. I made a conscious choice to hop on the train.
 
bluesaffron said:
i love guns :) i hope you get to follow your dream and open your own shop.


I don't blame anyone for my addiction but myself. At 14 i was reading about heroin and wanting to try it - i always knew i would. After using for a while, one day i felt kind of weird and off. I knew this was withdrawals. I knew that it was either stop now, or hop on the train for who knows how long. I made a conscious choice to hop on the train.
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^ so do i! :)
 
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