What Do You Blame For Your Addiction?

[MsPilly]

Something that I've been thinking about today. I blame myself and only myself for my addiction to opiates. I know that with any drug that u get high on, there is always a comedown or aftermath. I knew exactly what I was doing the entire step of the way and I take responsibility. I've heard other users in the past say oh my bf/gf got me hooked on (fill in the blank). Or i didn't know what it was going to do to me. You can research anything on the internet these days (and in the past decade) so I can't see being uneducated about a particular drug as a reason for ur addiction. In the 90s there wasn't so much info out on the long term use of prescription pain killers but with every high, comes the price. I knew very well what i was doing and i'm not surprised i'm an addict today. What do YOU think? Who or What do u blame for ur current addiction?

 

[SirTophamHat]

Myself, otherwise I'd have to consider myself plain stupid (even more stupid than I already am).

 

[MsPilly]

Both thumbs up to that Sir

 

[BeachBum4u]

I blame two car accidents and one motorcycle accident! Between the three of them, I live with chronic neck pain. I've been on narcotics for over 25 years and I'm sure I'll be on them until the day I die. Occasionally I enjoy them more than I should but with the pain I live with, I feel like all in all, I could do a lot worse.

 

[Bob Loblaw]

I blame myself. My logic for trying heroin was literally this: If people have thrown their entire lives away over this drug, if has to be fucking awesome. I want to try.


Anyone who doesn't blame themselves is being weak & immature. We're all responsible for the choices we make.

 

[treezy z]

myself first and foremost, with influence from a shitty childhood.

 

[MsPilly]

I blame two car accidents and one motorcycle accident! Between the three of them, I live with chronic neck pain. I've been on narcotics for over 25 years and I'm sure I'll be on them until the day I die. Occasionally I enjoy them more than I should but with the pain I live with, I feel like all in all, I could do a lot worse.

I'm glad u posted cuz that never crossed my mind. Some ppl are actually put on pain meds for legit reasons. You've had 3 accidents? Damn. Wreckless driving or no fault?

I blame myself. My logic for trying heroin was literally this: If people have thrown their entire lives away over this drug, if has to be fucking awesome. I want to try.


Anyone who doesn't blame themselves is being weak & immature. We're all responsible for the choices we make.

I've had the same thought in relation to crack. Ppl do the most fucked up things to get that high I imagine it has to be THE best feeling in the world. For some lucky reason I have managed to stay away from it.

myself first and foremost, with influence from a shitty childhood.

A person(s) or event(s) from ur shitty childhood?

 

[adder]

I blame myself, because, with all respect to the inner pain I went through before touching opioids and benzodiazepines, I could have really thought what I was doing. I was well aware of addiction liability, but I kept lying to myself ("it's just codeine", "I can taper it down with methadone", "it's not like I take clonazepam", "I will use clonazepam instead of lorazepam, so I control the dose"). It progressed towards needles and syringes in no time and I had never even considered myself capable of shooting up. This is long gone now, but as opioids didn't push me to other drugs, they definitely moved the borderline, so snorting or smoking was no big deal. As for the pain that pushed me to such radical actions, now I know whom I can at least partially blame, and before I kept defending other people even if they didn't deserve it, chastening myself all the time. Codeine, morphine, heroin etc. substituted for that chilled out state just after the orgasm and benzodiazepines suppressed my overly emotional behaviour and loosened my tongue. Damn it, I put so much energy into drugs that I metabolised and excreted long time ago.

 

[MsPilly]

I blame myself, because, with all respect to the inner pain I went through before touching opioids and benzodiazepines, I could have really thought what I was doing. I was well aware of addiction liability, but I kept lying to myself ("it's just codeine", "I can taper it down with methadone", "it's not like I take clonazepam", "I will use clonazepam instead of lorazepam, so I control the dose"). It progressed towards needles and syringes in no time and I had never even considered myself capable of shooting up. This is long gone now, but as opioids didn't push me to other drugs, they definitely moved the borderline, so snorting or smoking was no big deal. As for the pain that pushed me to such radical actions, now I know whom I can at least partially blame, and before I kept defending other people even if they didn't deserve it, chastening myself all the time. Codeine, morphine, heroin etc. substituted for that chilled out state just after the orgasm and benzodiazepines suppressed my overly emotional behaviour and loosened my tongue. Damn it, I put so much energy into drugs that I metabolised and excreted long time ago.

It's always one drug instead of another one. It's like we're all doctors or chemists that are tryna experience our perfect state of mind. I found Extasy to be my gateway drug into prescription opiates. There's jus something about pills...

 

[dopemaster]

I blamed horrible parenting on my fathers part for alcholism and a life long panic disorder and the need to take an ungodly amount of benzos just to not have a seizure.

I blame getting dropped on my head by mum for a lot of things. I have a huge scar and you just dont drop infants on their head. I mean if anyone ask "did you get dropped on your head as a kid or something" I can just turn around and point to the scar.

As for opiates I blame mainly my horrific injuries that put me in chronic pain management. Im sure hypodermic needles have part in things. Id say most IV drug users dont shoot up with 25 gauge vacination needles that are an inch long. When I shoot dope I FIND a vein one way or another.

I blame people who have beat me within an inch of my life for having to inject opiates as soon as I wake up. I even wake up in the middle of the night puking and sneezing from withdrawal.

When other junkies, drug dealers, and partners in crime/mischeif/sex all tell you that you have a problem with drugs...

Ive had an ex gf refer to me as a "violent sleeper". When I fell asleep she got in another bed at night. We had a great relationship. Anyways I wake up coverd in sweat and sore from these nightmares. She said I trash about and punch and kick the bed and she could not ever wake me up.

Really anyone but myself. Ive had a rough go at it and Im not even 30.

 

[MsPilly]

Damn. I feel for u. Sounds like u been thru enough bullshit already. And ur not even 30 yet?? SMH. I see why u get high, have u thought about stopping? It sounds like u have a serious poly-drug habit. I can't imagine waking up in the middle of the night every night like that. That's too much. I can't...

Do u still enjoy getting high or do u do it as preventative measures so u don't get sick?

 

[dopemaster]

A bit of both. Ive self detoxed cold turkey many times. Ive done subs and done. I usually get so suicidal I just end up using. I started huffing gas and glue in the first grade and never looked back. Ive pulled six months clean time when it was forced upon me as in I was looking at serious prison time or a bit of probation. I still got legal scrips and booze.

I get high on my first injection of the day or if I am in wds. Ive been calling treatment centers, doctors, and social workers trying to get on methadone for pain, to prevent death, and my general wellbeing. You would be surprised how hard it is to get on methadone for pain and keep your anxiety medication. Id go tonight if I was to be put on methadone to control my pain and allowed to take my benzo script so I dont have seziure.

 

[southseattle]

Having that same issue dopemaster they made me sign a benzodiazepine agreement before I went on the methadone program even though I've been prescribed benzodiazepines for nine solid years and I have enough anxiety, panic attacks, SAD to be considered disabled in the state of Washington yet they still said no well I lasted two weeks and following the rules of the program, I had to bounce from the methadone program for a week and go through withdrawals just so I could take my anxiety medicine to deal with a major problem was happening now I had to start back over and who knows the they still might kick me off the program even though I didn't combine. You think they might understand that it's pretty serious for me the bounce from the program to use my anxiety medication because I was having a damn breakdown but I doubt it

 

[MsPilly]

Yeah unfortunately methadone and benzos work very well together to get u high. A lot of docs are slow to give methadone if u have a script for any benzo. Many of them won't fuck with it. They don't want to be responsible for ur continued addiction. I wish u luck tho. I know there's a doc out there that will help u. That first high of the day is best isn't it? It's usually the only high I get, the rest of the day is spent maintaining.

I wish u love and luck if when u want to get better.

 

[dopemaster]

Im on disablility for anxiety disorder.

I wouldnt call it a high so much as relief. I just shot 30 mgs of opana in one shot and Im still in pain and not even feeling a buzz. I think something is seriously wrong with me. Ive got alot of potential. I have 3 years of college education. Im a physical and emotinal cripple now. Im going to keep calling doctors and ask a doc to put me on done and keep me on benzos and bust out the disability paperwork.

My other thing is that guns are my life. I like to work on guns. I know more about guns than gunsmiths. I wanted to get a gunsmith certificate and a business degree. I want to open my own shop. Im walking on thin ice if I get info into the wrong hands to say the least because drug addiction is grounds for me never to buy another handgun. Im already not able to get a CCW because when I applied they found out I was on pain meds and well since I had never even met my pain doctor I decided not to push the issue. I open carry from time to time and well if I have to conceal a gun I risk it. The thing is everyone in the gun community has a CCW and thats a big deal among these people. It would be downright embarassing to admit to gun people I dont have a CCW. I know that sounds nutty but gun people sometimes are. Im not that way but its a business and Id need a CCW to be taken seriously.

I used to date perfect 10s or dimes only. The only women that want me now are drug addicts.

I dont see my life going anywhere unless Im on a stable medicine that actually helps with my pain and keeps me from resorting to IV drug use. Its not like I enjoy shooting dope or anything else anymore for that matter.

My main goal each day is to stay alive and suffer as little as possible. My sincerest apologies to the OP for going off on a tangent about my problems.

 

[bluespeed]

My laziness.

 

[Tryptamino]

I blame my addiction on myself. I'm not scared to face reality, I'm just too lazy to, which is probably why I smoke so much fucking pot.

 

[aibreann]

Myself, my curiosity.

 

[MsPilly]

Im on disablility for anxiety disorder.

I wouldnt call it a high so much as relief. I just shot 30 mgs of opana in one shot and Im still in pain and not even feeling a buzz. I think something is seriously wrong with me. Ive got alot of potential. I have 3 years of college education. Im a physical and emotinal cripple now. Im going to keep calling doctors and ask a doc to put me on done and keep me on benzos and bust out the disability paperwork.

My other thing is that guns are my life. I like to work on guns. I know more about guns than gunsmiths. I wanted to get a gunsmith certificate and a business degree. I want to open my own shop. Im walking on thin ice if I get info into the wrong hands to say the least because drug addiction is grounds for me never to buy another handgun. Im already not able to get a CCW because when I applied they found out I was on pain meds and well since I had never even met my pain doctor I decided not to push the issue. I open carry from time to time and well if I have to conceal a gun I risk it. The thing is everyone in the gun community has a CCW and thats a big deal among these people. It would be downright embarassing to admit to gun people I dont have a CCW. I know that sounds nutty but gun people sometimes are. Im not that way but its a business and Id need a CCW to be taken seriously.

I used to date perfect 10s or dimes only. The only women that want me now are drug addicts.

I dont see my life going anywhere unless Im on a stable medicine that actually helps with my pain and keeps me from resorting to IV drug use. Its not like I enjoy shooting dope or anything else anymore for that matter.

My main goal each day is to stay alive and suffer as little as possible. My sincerest apologies to the OP for going off on a tangent about my problems.

I had to google CCW. I know nothing about guns. You can still get your certificate and open up your own shop can't u? Your life is not over. If you have legitimate reasons for being on a certain meds, I don't know how they can deny u a certain right if you are qualified.

Unfortunately my dating life is the same as yours. Minus them being drug addicts. I've gone from men who wine and dine me and spoil me to men that ignore me and treat me like shit. Yay. Drug addiction touches on everything I do and the people I meet.

It sounds like u are leaning towards the end of your addiction. Honestly, if u don't enjoy the high or can't even get high ... it's about that time. I hope u get the methadone that u need. It sounds like u know what u need to get better, it's a matter of getting it.

 

[dopemaster]

My mum and I are working very hard to find a doctor who will get me a methadone scrip for pain. That way I can travel and not be labeled as an addict. I was a business major and those jobs require you to be able to hop on a plane and meet clients sometimes. I was on the track to sucess and a straight A student before shit hit the fan. My girlfriend (who I was planning on asking to marry me) left me because she felt I could never support a life with her. There are other women and she is the one who lost out IMO. Also if I get on maintainance it wont touch my pain especially with the dose cap that comes along with being on benzos at a clinic. Around here you cannot get a ccw if you are or have ever been an addict. It doesnt matter if medication caused it or not. An addict is an addict here and thats that. I feel like less than a second class citizen. I spend the better part of my day trying to find help and information when Im not too sick to do it. I have a doctors apt next week which I just made this morning so this guy may help me out.