It is possible to get psychologically addicted to medicinal doses of opioids rather quickly, so if you start taking more than is required to catch a mild buzz then things might spiral out of control really fast and you'll end up losing the positive effects and taking it simply out of an obsession / compulsive cravings to ward of dope sickness. At that point one would most likely regret having ever started using opioids.
I started earlier this year, my first wonderful experience was with 1mg of dilaudid insufflated. I went to an art gallery and was mesmerized, it was a wonderful experience which I obviously wanted to repeat. I had tried heroin prior to this, but it took me a while to "get" the opioid high, to me it is such a subtle but deeply profound experience. Ever since I came to realize what it is that low doses of opioids do to me I have been taking low doses daily, for over 6 months at this point - low doses as in 2.5mg oxyodone IR twice a day, with the odd little bump of china white heroin from time to time which I quite enjoy.
I also suffer from excruciating chronic pain in my spine from a sports injury so I get very nice medicinal effects, helps me get out riding my bike. I'm getting fit again (I was an exercise maniac before my injury) so it's really nice to get some light exercise while medicated. I can even do a little yoga (I used to practice for hours every day and had to give it up completely for a couple years... I'm starting back at square one and it's really nice. I'm still so limited in what I can do compared to before, but I have long ago accepted that). For a couple years of my life, I was pretty much bedridden, I couldn't cook myself food, I lost a really good career job, I encountered great suffering due to this. I lost all my muscle mass which really sucked, the gym was my religion for so many years and I had to watch all that hard work wither away. I was even getting a bit of a belly (totally unacceptable for me) because I was abusing alcohol to control the pain but since starting opioids I'm looking nice and fit again. I also haven't had a single alcoholic drink in 6 months.
Opioids to me are in a class of their own. Cannabis used to get me way more fucked up, psychedelically I would be living in a wholly different experience of my conscious mind, and the euphoria was less real. It was more goofy, spaced out... smoking weed although I used to love it was never a constructive part of my life so I let it go. I could not concentrate very well as a pothead, it caused me anxiety issues while high and I had poor decision making skills back then. I was also very lazy, but I have recovered from all of those weed-induced problems. There were drastic personality changes, I wasn't myself back then and it was always a love/hate relationship. I'm not the type of person who desires getting really high on substances like booze, acid, mdma, cocaine, or even my good old mushrooms anymore. I see those as a threat to my already quite unstable mental health. I just want to be me, which isn't possible unless I medicate my chronic pain and panic disorder. I don't want those issues that I picked up along my journey through life to hinder my progress through life, because I cannot function that way and I want to contribute to the greater good.
I'm not having any trouble keeping it to 5mg of oxy a day. I'm still totally psychologically addicted, as I get drug cravings if I go a day without them, but so long as I don't up my dose I will consider myself a medicinal user, even though I get some pleasant effects apart from chronic pain relief such as a greater tolerance for other humans, improved social skills, increased energy and ability to focus, generally happier too.
I have been doing this all year, so if I am one of those people who winds up on the needle eventually, it is going to be a slow, drawn out process for me of at least a few years. But I think I have this under control, unlike my benzo use haha. As bad as my chronic pain is, my chronic panic attacks are 100 billion times more unbearable and crippling.
Lots of people are capable of using opioids for medicinal purposes, they wouldn't be prescribed if everyone became a fiend. Now if only I could control my benzo use haha, but there's a fat chance of that happening anytime soon. I'm such an anxious wreck, and I got hit with that problem straight out of the blue. Triggered by heavy weed smoking.
Man, 25 mg in the morning and 25mg in the after noon is quite a lot though! At least for me. You're talking dilaudid? I could self medicate my chronic pain with 1mg of hydropmorphone twice a day - insufflated of course, because the bioavailability is so much higher (one reason why I prefer taking oxycodone, which is absorbed a lot better when taken orally and I dislike sniffing pills). I found it a waste to take hydromorphone orally, but if I were to do that I would probably need a bit over 5mg total per day.
No judgement though man I'm in pretty deep with the benzos - it sucks, it's very dangerous but I don't see any way out. I've got super insane chronic anxiety / panic disorder that cripples me. It's much worse to take benzos every day but I do what needs to be done to feel normal. Life is short and I'm sick of being held back by depression and anxiety and chronic pain. I have finally found the right drugs, at least for me. I was most likely only smoking so much weed as it was the only thing available to me at the time, it never did me any good since day 1.
