my girlfriend made me watch uptown girls the day she died, and I must say before the anorexia and i assume she wasn't a huge addict at the time, but damn she was sexy as hell. I'm almost 21 years old, and I have a picture from when I was 17. (when I started severe opiate use and benzo abuse daily never stopping until 6 months ago)
^ right as I started using drugs, very clean looking no circles underneath my eyes..
and this is recent after 6 months clean of severe abuse but taking prescriptions.
^
Not only do I have a deviated septum from snorting oxys and I used to even snort endless hydros and percs with all the filler, and adderall on a daily basis for 3+ years, my nose now has a redmark that ever goes away on the upper side, it bends down a little bit due to having not much cartilidge and everyday I will always have dark circles, sometimes even worse than that.
Drug abuse takes a serious toll on your body... while I love my benzo's, my subutex and my adderall I take daily prescribed, i wish I never started and wonder how I would lookright now without all the drug abuse... I still get girls chasing after me, but back then it was EVERY girl chased after me....now I look like a destroyed drug addict who is hanging on for dear life (even though I really am clean from the bad stuff) the effects it did to my face will never change. I used to be a model, and Im sure with make-up I still could model as I have the body for it. I am signed to atlantic records and I am a musician, if you don't recognize me from my face I am not giving out my name for safety purposes but all i can say is, it was the signed at 16 rockstar status gold album huge crowd syndrome that dove me into drugs, before rehab I finished my second cd (which went gold in europe) and I seriously thought I was going to die of an overdose before I saw any response to the album, I thought I'd go out like kurt cobain A rock star dead before he should have been and be remembered for all the great music I created, and at that time I was so fucked up in the head that I actually WANTED THAT. The second to last track is a song of me explaining if I don't take benzos I would get electric shocks and convulse violently along with everything else, it explains how I wish I could stop but Ican't and in the end of the song it says "this will be the last song I ever wrote, and you'll ever hear from me, to you" and ends with "its a sad life that i've lived, but I learned so much to give, to you, through my music... goodbye"
I really thought I was going to die an addict... but I am stable in out patient taking my meds with some minor relapses and working on my third album.. so it didn't turn out the way it could have, but then again i did die in rehab for a few seconds due to a benzo seizure so it very well could have happened.... I am just giving you a celebrity twist on all of this. the fame, money, media pressure, and fans really get to you, and while I always want to be artistic and unique, I feel endless pressure that the only way I can be artist and unique now is through a huge amount of drugs.. (my first two albums I was drugged up worse than all three rehabs said they've ever seen someone dosage wise)... it was a weird stage of my life. I'm working on the third album and finally after 5 months of not being able to even create a riff, or piano part, drum part ANYTHING I've finally been able to be stable and I've been 4 songs for the new CD including the single that Atlantic is already radio-editing for me... so all in all its tough being a celebrity, and then again its tough just being a person with a regular job outside of the fame.... its all so complex.
This makes me really sad.... but atleast I didn't become bulimic or anorexic like Brit. haha! I weight lift as much as possible to keep my spirits up.