Cool poll. At first i was like "Fuck... gonna be impossible to choose one" But then i realized that it is a multi choice. Nice. Having morning coffee now at 5 AM. That is usual behavior for me. Was gonna vote "other drugs" for that but it is not a drug in my books. And caffeine as such was not a voting option. These are not in any order of importance, but here are the whats and the whys:
1. Alcohol. To numb the pain, mental kind. Sometimes i have to choose between pain and numbness, and the choice is so very easy. If i drink alcohol, it is always beer, insane amounts. Then i listen to music, browse forums, sometimes playstation 4 sessions. Then the pain is gone for several hours, and i pay the price next morning. Willing to pay it just like that for the hours i get, hours of easy breathing without mental pain. I actually partied when the last millennium was here. Then the millennium changed and i changed. I forgot how to party. I forgot how to smile. Kept drinking anyway, to suppress the occasional flames of hell which burn inside my head. I think maybe 2 out of 10 times i drink, it is social. With one or more friends. Other times, it is pantsdrunk. The Guardian explains it here:
How the Finnish lifestyle of getting drunk while wearing pants became the new hygge
2. Nicotine. I can't live, if living is without nicotine *Awful Whitney Houston impersonation by a male here* I roll my own cigarettes. I like them better than factory made, and i can't even afford factory made. Negative aspects of tobacco: costs money... smells bad... ruins health. Positive aspects: A cigarette every now and then, or when craving for one, keeps the cravings away or makes them go away. I go fucking ape-shit crazy if i can't smoke.
3. Benzos. As doctor prescribed. Medicinal use, quite rarely. To make anxiety disappear and to be able to sleep.
4. Cannabis. Now we are talking! Loving it. But the intoxication has changed form. During the weed honeymoon, i got red eyes, spontaneous laughing for no reason, paranormal munchies and really strange but interesting thought patterns. I still like it, but it is very different. These days, the thing i love most about weed, is that it helps me to drink significantly lesser amounts of beer, or no beer at all. Cannabis is God's gift to an alcoholic loser like me.
5. Coffee. Dark roasted, 100% Arabica beans. 2 mugs every morning (unless i have a raging hangover) and 2 mugs every afternoon.
There. Used to do much more different drugs when i was younger, but it has been these for years and years and years now.