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What are you craving? v "Let's get an eightball! It'll last us all weekend!"

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Heroin or any opiate really. Kratom isn't cutting it but fuck it i'm tired of the opiate addict lifestyle tbh (not the high obviously). I have sources and some cash but i'm not going to cave for once. It's crazy how addictive this shit is...I had a dream about doing lines of dope. Then I woke up and felt like complete shit. I do feel better each day but the cravings won't leave me alone. Seems like every few hours I feel like saying "fuck this boring sober life shit, just get some fucking heroin and feel good again". I guess the only real way to get out of this is just quit for good, long-term (like for years because a few weeks aint going to do shit). Anyway, I just felt like ranting and i'm too lazy to write a blog.
 
^i had a crazy dream last night about my childhood sweetheart who developed breast cancer and i stole her hydromorphone. i've never had that, but any strong opioid pretty much = h right? and i just watched drugstore cowboy.
 
Went to NA Meeting today.

It was... not exactly what I was expecting... Some guy there had 20 years sober and said he still feels suicidal every fucking day. Really? Is that really what I want? To work so hard to keep myself sober for 20 years and still want to kill myself every fucking day? It was so fucking depressing and not really helpful at all and I feel kind of dirty.

Maybe I will find another meeting. The only chick my age was fucking waaaasted and made me crave dope. I thought it was supposed to do the opposite. Maybe I'll try a different meeting next time. That was a bad fucking scene.
 
I would really like some salvia right now it is a very interesting drug. I havent had it in 4 years since it got banned here. I would also love some mda, ketamine, mushrooms, and cannabis.
 
Dear santa,
This year I want the following: an ounce of ketamine, a quad of mushrooms, a sheet of acid, 4 grams of mescaline a jar of mollies, a gram of DMT, and enough heroin and cocaine to make Lou Reed put his hand to his mouth.
 
I have my heroin right now so I'm craving alcohol but I'm buying bottles tomorrow. I can't believe I hangout with a 51 year old lady. I obviously only use her to get me alcohol though and various of other drugs but she is mad chill.
 
Omg I'm on Oxy, MXE & weed right now but I'm really craving a hit of nitrous oxide right now for some strange reason!!! I have a whipped cream can and whippits and a cracker but I dont have any balloons and I'm too lazy to clean the whipped cream can!!! Waaaahhh!!! LoL the woes of being a stoner...

EDIT:

MMMM coffee frozen yogurt and chocolate pudding and ice cold filtered tap water!!!! This is the best!!!! And so is Warioware INC for the Gameboy Advance and the TV show Figure it Out and iCarly and menthol cigarettes!!! Hahahaha.... SENSATIONS.

God I am such an amazing, unrepentant loser stoner!!!
 
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highhooked said:
I always wished I would have messed around with salvia more when it was legal...

I want heroin really badly!
Click to expand...

It's not legal anymore?

And I'm not craving anything but I'm trying to decide whether to take a half eighth of mushrooms right now.
 
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Sleep. Well, not right now. But 8 hours from now I'll be tired as fuck and yet unable to close eyes, let alone sleep.
 
LSD, Cannabis, Lyrica

It's not a craving, but rather an intense curiosity from not feeling these highs for months now. They're my favorite drugs <3
 
fourty thick shot of meth.
thick as honey.
it's on it's way.
but not for approx. twelve to sixteen hours.
keepin' me on edge.
 
God damnit. Over the past two days I've been smelling DMT everywhere. Everywhere. In my laundry, in my garage, on my desk, it just comes randomly damnit.

I have 4ACODMT but it's just not the same. I want a ride to Pluto that'll have me back home in 10 minutes or less. Dat vibration... :(


I miss college. Extractions done wherever, whenever...
 
Damn man i'm craving heroin bad tonight. But 11 days clean now i'm feeling better everyday but not tonight man. It's been raining all day and all night, it's friday night and I don't have shit to do (actually all I did today was cut the fucking grass in the morning). No weed or MXE either all I got is kratom which i'm starting to tire of really quickly. I'm not going to cave in but fuck what a depressing night. In the past few months I would always either chill with my friends or have an opiate on Friday night (then on saturday we would usually trip balls or do a bunch of coke but I can't really do any of that shit going through PAWS...plus my friends are triggers, I always end up with an opiate after hanging out with them to be honest).

It's been a long fucking week mentally but I think it's worth getting clean. I feel so much more clear-headed and I got emotions again (don't know if that's a good thing tho sometimes haha). Plus it's good for the self-esteem I guess, feels good not having a drug run my life. Other then that tho the sober life kinda sucks even after the w/d's are over. I'm not quitting everything fuck that...only opiates. I figure that I can handle other shit without getting addicted to it.

Oh and on the plus side I got a gram of MXE coming tomorrow so that should keep me busy for a few weeks :D

Rabidrabbit said:
Went to NA Meeting today.

It was... not exactly what I was expecting... Some guy there had 20 years sober and said he still feels suicidal every fucking day. Really? Is that really what I want? To work so hard to keep myself sober for 20 years and still want to kill myself every fucking day? It was so fucking depressing and not really helpful at all and I feel kind of dirty.

Maybe I will find another meeting. The only chick my age was fucking waaaasted and made me crave dope. I thought it was supposed to do the opposite. Maybe I'll try a different meeting next time. That was a bad fucking scene.
Click to expand...

Fuck those meetings just get a few suboxone or some kratom and just slowly come off the opiates if you really want to quit. The suicidal guy probably just has a depression disorder anyway, which sucks but there's treatment for that I hear. If you don't have that then the depression of going sober should only last for a few weeks. You're w/d's shouldn't be too bad honestly...it's not like you've been shooting dope 3 times a day for years you know? I'm pretty sure your habit is similar to mine right (only a few months of everyday use)? The worst part will be over in a few days and after that you just have to deal with increased depression/anxiety which sucks but from what i've read that goes away eventually. Each day is better then the next and you can just smoke a bunch of weed (or take kratom like me) to make things easier. I just feel like we gotta quit before things get worse. I really don't want to end up like one of my friends who over the years transformed into a heavy IV dope addict (which is probably where I would've ended up eventually had I not one day just said fuck it i'm done). Things just got worse and worse for him until he had to get on methadone, and now he's probably going to be on it for the rest of his life.

Now with all that said I still crave opiates almost everyday but if you ignore them they eventually go away. I mean it seems like a few times a day I say fuck it just get one bag it'll be cool, then I just exercise or play my guitar and the craving is gone. Oh and kratom is fucking great for cravings too. Being clean isn't so bad.
 
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