Hey I am new here and struggling and don’t even know what I am. I think of myself as an addict, but have only been taking the same small dose of hydrocodone for nearly 20 years (20mg a day). I know that is nothing compared to most people, but to me I can’t live without it. I can, but I don’t like or want to. I very rarely have to do without and also very rarely have my own prescription. I have an appt coming up in a couple of hours and am planning on telling my life long Dr for the first time ever that I’ve been taking these without a script ever since we discovered my chiari malformation years ago. He gave them to me for a while, but eventually stopped. I was still in extreme pain then. Something changed and I no longer have the awful headaches near as often and the nerves in my neck don’t act up as much, but I am still dependent on the meds to get by and be happy. I rarely take less than 2 a day, and also rarely take more than 2. I have never stole or robbed or done anything immoral and never would and don’t get wd bad enough to ever consider anything like that and have detoxed many times over the years when I knew I was a screwed for a while. I feel like there are no negatives to my “meds” and pray the dr isn’t going to slap a label on me but I’m sick and tired of feeling dirty and feel I am responsible and want my own long term monthly prescription. Am I an addict? Do I just need my meds and am not an addict? I have a good doctor and just fear he’s going to be disappointed and let down more than I fear I won’t get what I can already get anyway. Like I said I’m just tired of the bs and feel I “deserve” to have my own legal script. I am 38 and farm and manual labor my entire life. Seems kinda bs I’m having to type this out but here we are..