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We Worship The Sun- All Hail Dionysius- PD Lodge Ov Kaos

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In a universe where everything has an opposite, I'd like to see the other side of all the unimaginable negativity I'm seeing in my life right now. I'd like to see the trigger. At least then I can marvel at the clockwork of our reality. As of now, I've never felt my optimism die harder. I'm not even going to tell you guys what happened in an effort to not drop an anti-happy bomb.

Things are this bad right now, I can only assume that they will be equally good in the future.
 
^Best wishes sent to you :) Feel free to expand or not, I don't think of PD Social as a place where 'darkness' should not be acknowledged.

Peace <3
 
I'll make this shorter....by linking to a super fucking long thread I made in the dark side forum. It has a TL/DR though.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=440991

My last post in that thread says we broke up, but we're still together so ya know.

Basically after all that shit in that thread, ANOTHER friend of hers (my girlfriends) died in the hospital after stabbing himself in the chest three times trying to let the bugs out of his body (meth). My girlfriend relapsed with alcohol and MDMA and attempted suicide multiple times without my knowledge. She actually has one good friend now, but he was friends with that person too so he's not going to be any help.

This is why it's SO hard to hold on to my beliefs about reality. Karma can have nothing to do with this. She's been punished in many ways her ENTIRE life and wouldn't hurt a fly.
 
Rought nearjat, sending my love your way. <3

UGH alcohol is such a toxic poison. I felt so awful when I woke up and I still feel like crap.

I took a T3 a couple hours ago and feel better. I wish they'd make codeine pills without putting caffeine in them.
 
:( I wish you the best, nearjat, know that this end of the collective unconscious/one is sending positivity your way :)
 
^Nearjat, I read the whole post. Man, I have tears in my eyes....I don't have any words that could help really; I've been through some fucked up shit which only resolved (partially) about three years ago, but nothing like that. I think you are a great person for sticking this through; a lot of people just turn away from damaged souls, I've experienced it and it hurts as much as the damage.

I think its reasonable-r to not consider this as punishment; its just a lot of fucked up shit. The universe is relatively impartial to such as we; doesn't stop the pain, but it may remove any anger; anger which can never be expressed really.

One of my closest friends' brother (severely schizophrenic) killed himself a few years back; my friend 'dealt' with it by drugging himself up, his mother ended up a paranoid schizophrenic too. There is no reasonable way to deal with death except to consider that it is, sadly, part of life. Escaping it is impossible; embracing it is too. However, the latter option is really the only choice. Not worshipping or loving death, but knowing its ever looming prescence and living fully above it.

"Death is certain, life is not". Two meanings in that. Death comes to all, life doesn't. Some people truly live, but they will also surely die. Humans are an odd breed; we feel. We feel so much, that even good feelings can hurt. I've wished for endings so many times, only to realise that I have to go the whole way; at times, thats upsetting and painful, but at others, it makes me think, well, things can only get better. :)

As to karma, I personally don't believe in it. I don't think that anything we do has any actual meaning beyond the action complete; what goes around does not always come around, and what goes up does not always come down. We try and put certainty into an uncertain world and then get angered and sad when the truth is revealed; nothing is certain, besides the fact that we, who live, will die. But that gives a huge amount of freedom in the short period we are alive in. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you; and your lucky to have her. If you can make that fact a living truth, by always holding Love as the Right, then you experience freedom in one of its forms.

Never give up; never give in; yet, don't try to force the world into the shape you desire, but try and assimilate its rough elements into yourself, where they can grow from chaos into Something.

My heart is with you and your girl; whilst I think the universe is chaos-in-matter, I also believe that will and intent are ways to shape the chaos. Your will (love) and intent (love of others) can make all the difference.

Be at peace Nearjat; I don't know what to say really, but be at peace because thats the only place you can ever truly Be. :) <3
 
That's probably one of the most important things I'll ever read, thanks swillow. I am infinitely grateful that you took the time to type all that. I'm especially hit right at home with this:
swilow said:
As to karma, I personally don't believe in it. I don't think that anything we do has any actual meaning beyond the action complete; what goes around does not always come around, and what goes up does not always come down. We try and put certainty into an uncertain world and then get angered and sad when the truth is revealed; nothing is certain, besides the fact that we, who live, will die. But that gives a huge amount of freedom in the short period we are alive in. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you; and your lucky to have her. If you can make that fact a living truth, by always holding Love as the Right, then you experience freedom in one of its forms.
Click to expand...

All my beliefs were formed through observation, testing, and questioning. The concept of Karma has not passed all of my tests, except in the way that giving out positive/negative energy tends to give you a corresponding perspective on the world. It's the reason helping the kid in the hallway pick up his spilled papers gives you a little head high.

Even though Karma wasn't a solid concept I've witnessed I tended to accept it anyway. But you make a fantastic point saying that trying to put certainty into an uncertain world leads to disappointment, I can still output positivity with or without Karma. I was never in it for the "-comes back around" anyway, I just like helping people.
 
Holly fucking shit that is the most intense thing I have ever heard, I felt sick half way through it, you are both amazing people. All the power to you for sticking this out, most people would have ran along time ago.

I really don't know what to say or if I should say anything at all as I am so new here, but it would feel so wrong not to try and help even a small bit.

The earth was never constructed for ever, nothing was planned for eternity, at least not for this universe. Earth is like an egg shell, we are only here to grow, no matter how much we fear the other side that is our destiny. Time on Earth compared to eternity is so small it deserves no mention. The greater picture is so grand and outstanding that the path there makes no sense to us, for at this time we lack the ability to understand it. Pain will build who you are and the love you have inside you for humanity will raise you above many of us. At times the world may seem unfair,sadistic and wholly against you, this is only to put you where you must be to obtain the consciousness you need, in order for you to accomplish what you are here for. When both of you come through this, you will have helped so many more people than you can't care to imagine. Everyone who hears your story will gain strength and use it to help others.

I know that it seems insane to say that some how all this is happening for a good reason, or that some how good will come from this. In times of good fortune to prepare for the tough times and in time of hardship prepare for the good fortune. The universe must balance, life will be horrible at times and at others so beautiful you will cry tears of joy. All I have suffered [and still suffer <--( some kind of mental affliction, with no name so it don't exist to the doctors)] has only served to make me stronger, even though at times I truly just wanted to leave Earth in the belief there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

The sun will rise and fall many times before the pain begins to easy and "WHY ME" may never leave your heart. Grow from this and know that although many off us are physically far away, we are all connected in spirit. I don't know you but I know one thing,I love who you are.
 
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running from cops in that thing ensures a tazer free getaway
it also increases agility by 10%!!


that thing is awesome man



last night i had a dream that i was hanging out at some place with my family and they had a nitrous tank there and it was inside on of those backpacks you can drink from, exept the backpack was made to fit the nitrous tank. and me and my family just passed it around all night long. the cool thing was i actually felt the nitrous effect in the dream!!
 
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The anti-tazer suit gives you +5 armor points. Won't stop bullets though.

I wonder how it would work against mosquitos?
 
Im feeling much better now that I smoked some herb and relaxed a bit. SOme seriously heavily visuals from this stuff , its so beautiful. Its just so hard on the nose , I seriously need to start eating it and stop snorting the stuff.
 
I once snorted 3mg of 2C-E after 12mg oral didn't have me where I wanted and knew right then that I would never snort another 2C. It also made the high feel more dirty and not as euphoric as oral dosing. Everyone's mileage varies obviously.
 
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