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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

WD blues, anyone?

but you went downtown, right?
hope you get the courage to get rid of the monkey on your back quickly!
i really do!
 
I did, man. I'm not going to lie. I decided to do a slow taper instead of a cold turkey. At this poit, I am down to $10 worth a day.. which really isn't that much. It's enough to feel a buzz once and move on for the day. Although the withdrawals themselves are not killing me, at most, the insomnia makes me quite bat-shit.
 
i have nasty anxiety - generalized/social/panic attacks since i was a wee little fucker. last 4 yrs been on and off morphine and oxy. last 2 months sober off opiates but last 1 month been alcohol binge cuz im in college. im tired of shaking and fucking freaking out. im tired of a minute lasting a year. im tired of not being able to not feel sorry for myself and think about my other issues and bad habits n shit.

feelsbadman
 
@smackncheese: take it easy, your tolerance will drop fast when tapering.
Just take as lil as possible, just to keep wd in check.
You'll get there eventually.
I'm one week opiate free now and feel good again!
But it took tapering and gettiing used to not getting any drugs.
Hang in there.<3
 
Way to go, Sleepwalker! One week opiate-free can feel like a fucking lifetime and a half.

I think the cause of my overdose last night was mainly that I'd been drinking beforehand. I didn't think I'd had that much to drink, but apparently I underestimated myself there. I'm just thanking my lucky stars my friend thought to check on me and found me in time!
 
Well, once again the inevitable is coming.. I'm gearing up to face the misery tomorrow, and I'll be the first to admit to everyone but the last to accept within myself.. that I'm scared as hell and I feel I'm about to fall headfirst into a puddle of epic fail. I can't handle being around people when I get sick, but not having a place to call home right now, that's pretty much not an option at all. I pretty much reach the end of my rope every time I hit the end of my dope.
 
im 19. started doing heroin at 16. first time i shot up was after a good friend of mines wake. he ODed. was well addicted by the time i was 17 and when i turned 18 i got acces to my savings account.i had over 10k in there. from march to august i spent over 4500 dollars on heroin. all i did that summer before college was shoot dope all day, didnt go out and chill with my friends except for a few occasions. i planed to stop before goin to eastern illinois univ. but didnt. i brought a few caps with me and some xanax i had to tapper a lil. i ended up takin all the xanax and shooting all my dope in the first 2 days. went to a days in hotel for 3 days to withdraw and the rest i did at my dorm. i was clean for maybe a month.

i made friends with a guy whos friends would love some dope as they were in to vicodin and any opiates they could get. started driving up to chicago anytime i could get em to drive and was only snorting for a while. then i met my now gf who had a car. told her we were smoking crack and if she wanted some. she said sure. i tell her i was jk but we could go to chicago to get sum h. that was the first time she snorted anything. so off we went. i was addicted again snorting 6+ bags at a time. started shooting. me and her started goin out and started selling the dope. started with 200 and in a month were going up to chicago every 2 to 3 days picking up 1000 dollars of smack doin well over a jab a day. we were making such good money we got an apartment there for the summer.

after we worked bonnaroo for clean vibes, we came back and people kinda started running out of money. we had all our rent for the summer saved up, we had to use it to keep pickin up. now we were just barley payin for our habbit. by end of summer we decided we would move go back to chicago, fuck drivin 7 hours round trip every other day to run up to chi. moved back home and went to community college.

back in the chi. fuckin goin great, loving school and bein back in the city i love. back wit my friends getting great dope albeit off the block (lost my old connect cuz i fucked up bad, best guy every, he was like family to me and i fucked him,best dealer anyone could ask for, worst thing i ever done cuz of smack) and on sept 13 2010 we get popped.

gf got her case droped and had to return back to her home 3 hours away. mine will very likely get dropped. but here i am on house arrest. uses 2 times since last being first thursday and fri of this month.

but thing is i aint done yet. i cant fuckin wait till im done with this bullshit so i can get some smack. i hope to not become addicted again but yall no how that goes. but i just aint ready to say goodbye yet. its been almost 3 months and i still think about it all the time. maybe its cuz of how deppressing it is bein on house arrest but idk.

am i crazy that all this has not made me say fuck dope, never again, im clean now and i gotta a great start and i gotta go with it?
 
RidingtheBrownline said:
am i crazy that all this has not made me say fuck dope, never again, im clean now and i gotta a great start and i gotta go with it?
Click to expand...

No, you can still go deeper before you hit rock bottom, that is if you choose to.
I remeber one horrible withdrawl in Switserland, i got hospitalized there for becoming psychotic from WD, combined with taking to much anti-depressants.
They knocked me out with Nozinan for 2 weeks, and it was a terrible nightmare.
After 3 weeks i was clean, and wouldt be transported to my own country again.
I was out of money, but...found another 100bucks in my wallet....
I just made up my mind, i'd spent it on Heroin, the day i got back.:X

Opiates will haunt you, until you make a permanent decision to quit.
The cravings will still come, but will lessen in time, after you made a decision.
If you leave the door open only a lil bit, you will do it again.

But hear me, the cravings may be bad now, but will be far worst when you did some H again....
Please rethink you plan, better things await you if you hang in there.
Or you may loose more, then you could ever imagine.
Stay strong, don't do it.
Remeber one time is too much and a 1000 times will not be enough.
It's an endless road that will destroy you in the end.

btw Smackncheese, how are you doing now?
Sleepwalker still opiate free.
Wanted to get some H yesterday, drove round a bit, but just couldn't do it..:)
Today I'm glad i didn't!!!!!
 
Thanks for asking, Sleepwalker. :) I'm doing ok, for the most part. I broke down and copped a bag today 'cause I didn't want to be puking all over my parents' turkey. Considering my court date is tomorrow though, and I don't know what's going to happen and if I am going to be able to get down for a while depending on what the judge slaps me with, I figured I'd get one last good one in me.
 
Considering I've been ripped/burned the last 4 times I've tried to get H, I've been clean of opiates now for a good two weeks, a record for me this year. Thats mainly due to having no fucking choice though, as Dublin's completely dry.

My habit was mild enough I suppose; 3/4 bags a week at most, though only ever smoked. The physical withdrawals were over and done with within a week of stopping, and with the aid of some valium this week I've been able to get some much needed sleep in at last.

But yeah...WD Blues...I'm in the soul crushing depression stages now; anyone any idea on how long this PAWs is likely to last with my 1+1/2 year habit @ 3-4 bags/week? 10 valium and a joint helps heaps, gets me talking, laughing, thinking about the future and present issues...but I still dont have the motivation to even wash my face. I can manage a shave, however...

No idea how long this drought is going to last over here, some say six weeks, others 3 months...its no use hitting the streets, wasted €80 on manatol/crushed up fuckin tylex tabs doing that shit in the first week. So few Irish users on here too to get any ups on the situation...
 
You know, I've grown rather attached to my thread, and I can't let it die!
*Pats thread on the head and grins maternally* ^__^

How are all you opiophiles doing on your journey at the moment? Anyone hurting and need a hug? 'Cause I can't mail you any dope, but I can certainly spare a hug or two.
 
smackncheese said:
IV heroin.

Unfortunately I caved tonight and found myself a balloon. Tonight's been wonderful, but I know I'll be hating myself in the morning.
Click to expand...

I feel you on that man...In the past two weeks I have made it 3 days and 4 days without before caving and getting a balloon, only to have to start the process over at the expense of one night of feeling good and actually sleeping. Now I am on day 2 again and only have (1) .5mg xanax left since I used the rest up and I HAVE to work the next 3 days.

Working through WDs sure sucks but I almost like it better that way as opposed to laying on the couch flopping from side to side every couple minutes because I cant get comfortable. Sucks laying on the couch because you dont have the energy or drive to do anything but damn it sure makes the day go by slow and then tossing and turning in bed throughout the night not being able to sleep. Makes for loooooooong days....

On the plus side I find WDing from heroin much easier than oxy...its more violent but sure is over much quicker
 
DazedforDays said:
I feel you on that man...In the past two weeks I have made it 3 days and 4 days without before caving and getting a balloon, only to have to start the process over at the expense of one night of feeling good and actually sleeping. Now I am on day 2 again and only have (1) .5mg xanax left since I used the rest up and I HAVE to work the next 3 days.

Working through WDs sure sucks but I almost like it better that way as opposed to laying on the couch flopping from side to side every couple minutes because I cant get comfortable. Sucks laying on the couch because you dont have the energy or drive to do anything but damn it sure makes the day go by slow and then tossing and turning in bed throughout the night not being able to sleep. Makes for loooooooong days....

On the plus side I find WDing from heroin much easier than oxy...its more violent but sure is over much quicker
Click to expand...

I had a desk job with a lot of phone action. I made stupid money for what I did. Way overpaid but didn't complain. A desk job sucks sick. Now construction or something where your arms and legs can't get restless might be good while sick. My friend is in construction and says when he is sick the hardest part is getting to work but once he's there he dreads going home if he is still sick.
 
I got clean not long ago and started using again.. not heavily until last week.. and really not nearly as heavily before. I was sick the past two days but took a 2mg sub last night and felt better... hmm. :\
 
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