Watching two people in love

[smoothchili]

Lonely View

As they walked in affection was seen,
Two love birds in a make-out scene.

Their all wrapped in each other's self,
And they got something like no one else.

Wishing that I had someone like you,
Cause sitting by myself it's a lonely view.

Memories fill my mind with what I saw,
Two familiar faces with a love thats raw.

Wanting to go back and hold you dear,
I Forgot missing love was my biggest fear.

Wishing that I had someone like you,
Cause sitting by myself it's a lonely view.

By: Josh [Smoothchili]

 

[yakksoho]

The repetition in the last couplet really stands out as one of the defining features of the poem.
Also the first two couplets are really strong.
It's hard to make a couplet poem work, but you have really done it!
You can really touch the sight of two lovers, through your words.
Thank you for the poem!

 

[yakksoho]

Oh! Dude I forgot to add something about couplet poems...
Expanding on what I said, usually couplet poems have a very repetetive metre that is consistent throuout the poem, but the uneven metre in this poem is what keeps it interesting and flowing. For example a typical iambic couplet (usually used for long or descriptive poems, or monologues) would provide a very languid energy to a poem like this, but your phrasing really allows the poem to pick up well and hit some interesting notes.
Good work %)

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

Wishing that I had someone like you,
Cause sitting by myself it's a lonely view.

 

[RareForm]

beautiful.

 

[DeirdreScott]

This is touching...

 

[jus blaze]

definately can relate

 

[smoothchili]

thanks yall

 

[cherub]

very sweetly done...