Recovery was your heroin recovery this slow, too?

[blackCat5]

been 10 months without H (yes, real heroin) after 9 years of daily use
1st month without it i took methadone, tapered down so quick because the side effects were rough on me
2nd to 4th month i smoked alot of weed,
5th to 6th month i took very very little lyricas for random lingering body pains, etc.
then 2 weeks of a random horrible psychosis (???) where i wanted to unalive myself, and had violent thoughts all day long,
none of the 3 suicide hotlines answered when i called.... lol
now i just take vitamins and supplements, sometimes a lil weed, but the whole time i been without heroin i have felt like shit, my goal is not using anything that's even remotely addictive, because i am very tired, feel so weak and depressed, i am so angry, on edge and hight alert all the time, i get very overstimulated and overwhelmed when i go outside, or even hanging out with whoever
doing everyday stuff like showering or riding the subway, bus, etc. feels like torture, i feel pathetic and alone, and i dare not ask for help, because what's the point, it's not like anyone will come to my house and help me, lol, or maybe i am stubborn and prideful, idk, i'd rather be alone than ask for help from someone who supposedly loves me, just to be ignored again
i immediately feel like sleeping after i eat, so i try not to eat at work and stuff... that is so annoying, cus i am so hungry, but i need to be awake
and after 7PM i absolutely need to go home because when it gets dark i feel either scared, tired, depressed, overwhelmed, or all of those together
maybe because i used to be awake all night shooting up, idk
i wish i had someone that would keep me company while i start feeling okayish again, my family are not an option until like February, but that is bad, because of all things, being so alone is what is hurting me the most, i get random suicidal thoughts, and sudden cravings (muuuuuch less severe than on the 1st couple of months) but
maybe i will get a roommate, even tho i also feel so alone around people, i don't understand that
the one person who helped me stay sober for so long i stopped talking to like 3 or 4 weeks ago, he was who i went to whenever i needed to vent, so
thanks for reading

 

[RedRum OG]

It can take a long time for the body to heal

Living healthily is your best option. And so will learning to tolerate discomfort. Exercise and sleep will heal your brain and they will also help heal your emotional state, especially if you confront the voids that left you vulnerable to addiction in the first place

Good luck. It's not easy even with a support system. It's really hard alone. You will have to be good a becoming your own support system, which takes a lot of character.

Life is filled with scary things and scary feelings, and there are times to take action against those things, but so much anxiety comes from trying to control more than we are able, and learning not to react to every feeling, no matter how intense or sensitive, is valuable and will take you far.

 

[LakeGuyNE]

10 months off a 9-year daily habit is massive. The overstimulation, fear at night, and exhaustion are classic PAWS, your brain is still healing and it takes time. You aren't pathetic, you're just in the thick of it.

 

[Jen X]

I've been off IV fentanyl for almost a month and I find exercise and eating healthy has helped quite a bit. I dont crave it thankfully. I dont ever want to be that sick again.
Find something that interests you. I found a local astronomy club and we go outside of the city and help each other using our telescopes on nice weekends. I didn't know anyone but I've met 2 people that I talk with every day.
Video games help.
It gets better. Maybe you need an antidepressant for a short time. I started taking 15mg of mirtazipine for sleep but my mood seems to be improving as well.
I hope you feel better and don't go back to dope. It's a shitty existence