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Opioids Want To Get Back To Social Opiate Use!! -- Hating Life Without

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Chim721

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 4, 2009
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29
Location
Central/North Jersey
The last time I did opiates was the last week of July 2011. I started back in October 2009 taking instant release oxycodone 15mgs every few hours at night time using about 45mgs a night total. By January I was taking 60mgs a day every day at 4pm like clockwork (costing me a FORTUNE at this point). Some days I would have 120mgs, but for the most part 60mgs a day. Around June that same year I was needing at least 90mgs to feel ANYTHING. Then I came across Opana. I remember this lady basically handed me a bag of like 30 40mg ones and I was like interesting. Took one and felt nothing. Then I read you have to snort it to feel anything. I crushed one and a half at her house and railed it and OMG was nodding my balls off. So I did that for 2 weeks straight. Went back to my 90mgs at a time routine. This time I felt totally nothing at all. I was like shit. The Opana drove my tolerance through the roof. I took 6 60mgs and still nothing. Had 2 more and finally felt something. For about a month, I was taking 120mgs once a day of the oxycodone to stay out of withdrawal. Then, my guy got busted that July 2010 and I was dying sick. I live close to Newark, NJ so I called around and got a few hookups and started snorting heroin.. the REALLY good china white. My one friend snorted two bag (he was taking 30mgs oxy at the time once a day) and was almost puking it was so strong. It took me 5 bags to get out of withdrawal and then another 4 to feel good. So I was doing 5-10 bags a day up until July 2011 this year. Money ran out finally. Did some suboxone, but my habit was so bad that didn't really help even at high doses. Got through it and was totally fine by August 10th 2011. I had one minor slipup August 20th when I got into an accident and the hospital Rxed me 12 perc 5mgs. I dropped them all the same time. Felt absolutely nothing. So since August 20th 2011 I haven't had any opiates. I have been literally hating life as I'm a monster of a drinker too. I scrape change here and there and get 2 Steel Reserve 40ozs and feel somewhat not shitty. So that's my history.


My 2 questions are:

1. How much do you think I will need to feel high again?

2. If I do opiates for 2-3 days straight will my body have cell memory and throw me into the same withdrawals as before?


I plan on using 2 times a week. Once on the weekend as a treat and once during the week as something to look forward to.
Before opiates, I used to have so much fun just drinkin at the bars and hangin out doing things with friends. Now I get absolutely 0 pleasure from those activities I once loved. All of the joy is gone in my life. I tried antidepressants, but they did nothing. I'm not depressed, just unable to get any joy out of life. The only other thing that I get pleasure out of is Adderall. LOVE that stuff, but have no connect anymore. I have no insurance right now which sucks. Right this second I have $0 until next week when I start a new job. It pays horrible, but in this economy I have to take it. What a waste of college.. lol.

Any answers would greatly be appreciated as I want to be my old fun joking all the time self again.

Thanks!!
 
Well I'd like to start off by saying congratulations on getting clean from such a heavy habit. Couldn't have been easy, that's for sure. Now, that being said, I think you're making a huge mistake by attempting to use occasionally again. You couldn't do it back then, so what makes you think you can do it now when you're even MORE susceptible to addiction? I really only see this ending one of two ways. You'll either immediately fall back into it, or you'll maintain a semi-often habit for a couple months (at the most) and then you'll fall back in. "Once in a while" is not a phrase in the addicts dictionary I'm afraid. Believe me, I know. What you're experiencing right now is something ALL recovering addicts must go through called PAWS, or Post Acute Withdraw Syndrome. It's totally normal to be depressed right now. It's totally normal to not get any joy out of your old hobbies and interests and most importantly, it's totally normal to think that you can possibly go back to using occasionally. But the cold hard truth is, you can't man. It's not going to happen. It's your endorphin deprived brain crying out for help, trying to get those synthetic goodies back. So please, I urge you to reconsider. You need to take up new hobbies, find new interests and get your brain on a new track.
 
shady4091 said:
Well I'd like to start off by saying congratulations on getting clean from such a heavy habit. Couldn't have been easy, that's for sure. Now, that being said, I think you're making a huge mistake by attempting to use occasionally again. You couldn't do it back then, so what makes you think you can do it now when you're even MORE susceptible to addiction? I really only see this ending one of two ways. You'll either immediately fall back into it, or you'll maintain a semi-often habit for a couple months (at the most) and then you'll fall back in. "Once in a while" is not a phrase in the addicts dictionary I'm afraid. Believe me, I know. What you're experiencing right now is something ALL recovering addicts must go through called PAWS, or Post Acute Withdraw Syndrome. It's totally normal to be depressed right now. It's totally normal to not get any joy out of your old hobbies and interests and most importantly, it's totally normal to think that you can possibly go back to using occasionally. But the cold hard truth is, you can't man. It's not going to happen. It's your endorphin deprived brain crying out for help, trying to get those synthetic goodies back. So please, I urge you to reconsider. You need to take up new hobbies, find new interests and get your brain on a new track.
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couldnt put it better myself, instead of remembering how good you used to feel, think about the times you were struggling for money, think of how hard it was to get off and think how shitty the withdraals made you feel. Your life might not seem rosey just now but infact you have came so far foward you should be proud. is it worth bringing all these problems back. Your body and mind is trying to justify it but i think deep down you know how it will end!

Its not worth it my friend. Stay strong and as said try to find domething else that will make you feel good. Also read a few pges about people going through withdrawals to jog your memory of how bad it felt.

hope you manage to ward of your cravings i really do. o havent managed to be as strong as you, i wish i could

ST
 
I am in total agreement with the above posts. Have lost 3'friends in 5'mos to overdose of opiates.my husband is a recovering heroin addict, the hardest thing he has ever done in his life is getting clean. You are there, Please don't gO back. You can do this...
I know u can't cOmpare the 2, but I recently severed a 20 year addiction to pot (like so addicted I smoked every day during my pregnancy). I know what you mean about feeling like life is boring and sort of worthless...I am determined to find some inner Peace, and hopin to spread some love.
Best wishes...
 
if you dont mind me asking did this affect your pregnancy at all, i have a really close friend whos boyfriend is a heroin addict and she smokes a few lines every few days with him, i think im going to be the godfather it worries me, infact im going to ask that in a thread
 
Honestly, there is absolutely no way you will be able to "recreationally" use heroin. I have gotten off the stuff, then back on it, more times than I can count. And every single time I got back onto it, It started with me telling myself "Well, i'm just gonna do it on weekends or every once in a while".

The next thing you know, you accidentally did it three or four days in a row and wake up sick. Then the cycle begins again.

Have you tried using suboxone? I know its just a replacement, but I've found i've had the most sucess with it, and I love the new films. It helped me distance myself from that "lifestyle" if you will, and also helps greatly with cravings and depression. You will eventually have to kick the suboxone, but hopefully by then you will have built up some support and confidence that your life really is better without the dope. If i could use without consequences i'd do it 24/7. But it doesn't work that way.

Anyway, what i'm saying, is there is NO SUCH THING as recreational heroin use if you are an addict like me, and you sound like you are. Stay away. FAR away.
 
And if you DO decide to use again, use MUCH LESS than you think you will need to get high. The majority of the overdoses I have experienced have been users who were clean for a while then went back to using and over-estimated their tolerance to the drug. you can always do more. it sucks to wake up to paramedics above you after a shot of narcan. TRUST!
 
Soccertrendy said:
if you dont mind me asking did this affect your pregnancy at all, i have a really close friend whos boyfriend is a heroin addict and she smokes a few lines every few days with him, i think im going to be the godfather it worries me, infact im going to ask that in a thread
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Hey there... It is good to be concerned about a friend. I have never tried heroin (thank God) but have known plenty who have. I would never even try to compare h to weed-ever...totally different drug. I know it was wrong to smoke pot during pregnancy, and not to sound hypocritical, but I think herion and pregnancy is a BIG no no.
If there is one thing I learned from hindsight, now that I know my babies and love them so much, if I had to do it all over again, there is NO way in hell I would ever risk hurting them. Neonates are so fragile. I wish your friend the best, hopefully shell realize that a babies life is so precious, why risk it?
 
Your tolerance probably did go down some, opiate tolerance does that, but I bet you still have a good deal of it left. Try using opiates 2 x weekly for recreation, and wd's will almost inevitably begin to occur, and full relapse is right around the corner. But, if you really feel so shitty, look into buprenorphine (Subutex/Suboxone) for daily use. It is a good drug IMO, and sounds like you could benefit from it.
 
josie summed this thread up. These type of threads ("I was addicted to opiates in the past - can I use now?") all turn out the same. Most people will relapse if they're given opiates, but if your environment has changed significantly you might stand a chance at using them responsibly.

If you do want to start opiate use again, start low. There's no way to tell how low your tolerance is because it varies between people.

Comments usually boil down to -You'll never be anle to use again. Don't open an old wound if you dont want to end up dopesick.
 
i hear you. i posted a while back about going from being an addict to a chipper, and i think it is absolutely possible as long as you set up guidelines for yourself and NO MATTER WHAT, you don't break those guidelines.

i spent from 2008-april 2011 addicted to opiates, and started using in 2006. it wasn't until 2008 that it caught up to me. i know exactly what you mean when you say you used to get pleasure from activities such as hanging out with friends, etc.

the guidelines i use are as follows:

i can only use 1x per week, no more than 2 weeks in a row. it also has to be at least a week apart, like i can't use on friday, then again on monday - ya dig? if i use on friday, i have to wait until at least next friday to use again.

i will NOT touch dope again, only pharmaceutical opiods so i can monitor my dosage.

i have no limit on the amount i do on the day i get high, BUT i only get high at night after my day is over.

after starting to use again, about a 1-2 months ago, this set of rules has kept me in check. and believe me, it was very hard at first to wait. but oddly enough, started to feel good because you will feel a sense of control over your use.

i absolutely think it is possible to start using again recreationally: you just have to take an extremely honest look at yourself and your previously addictive behavior and set up the safegaurds that will prevent you from returning to the addictive behavior. based on what you said i think 2 times per week is way too much, and your just asking for trouble.

good luck! remember, it is all about practicing self discipline.
 
Don't do it

Notice that the only person on here who says has been successful in controlling their use has been clean for all of 2 months before starting chipping. And now has been chipping for a few months and thinks he has it under control. I have seen this happen so many times, it's not even funny. As someone else stated, you are now in the delicate state of PAWS. It will go away after 6-12 months clean. You will feel better. Something that has helped many people gigantically is to work out. When your endorphins go up, you feel less shitty.

Good luck!
 
aminos acids and very HIGH protein diet help a lot! you need the extra neurotransmitters. and pick up a tub of l-theanine, it can come in handy. Don't underestimate this supplement, it can be very effective.
 
If you think you are sucessfully "recreationally shooting dope" that is your brain fooling you. Eventually it will turn into an addiction again, each and every time. because the way life goes, eventually something horrible will happen, or you'll party too many days in a row.. eventually is a VERY long time. Stay away. even from things like hydrocodon.. thats how I got back on H the last time, i broke my collarbone and thought I could handle taking hydrocodon as perscribed. Haha... its funny how easily I forget I'm an addict!!!

Suboxone is a wonder-drug. Im nervous about how bad kicking the stuff is though.. if anyone can suggest some good threads on what that's like please let me know I cant find anything specific comparing suboxone withdrawl to H withdrawl. Thanks y'all.
 
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