Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
this is my first post in words so be gentle
walking
i walk at night when christian goes to bed walking for hours in the dark poorly lit backstreeets of hillcrest...trying to find something i guess...maybe myself maybe a memory...
voices always voices, they never stop, never let me sleep, never let me stop walking. Telling me im worthless, ugly. If i walk, i tell myself, they will go away they have to...
Im tired have been for days. Tired of living tired of thinking, tired of walking. my self deprication does not allow for any leway. if i stop i will go crazy, stay crazy...
I dream sometimes when i walk, dream of better places, golden feilds and smiles for days, the kiss from a dogs wet nose, a test of manhood down by the creek. did i ever know happyness like this?
I awaken still plauged by the emptyness but now there is more, im somewhere new......
White walls flood over my senses like finger nails on a chalkboard. how many days had i been here. i try to move but cant, im restrained. I know violence and stuggle will not release me from my shackles. ive been here to many times...i know the rules. Looking around i see the familiar faces, haunted, fading signs of humanity in their eyes. they will always be here, they are me.
next comes sleep....
a warmth smooths away the tears from my cheek. an image of a smile, the sound of her laughter and a sense of hunger for life washes over me. Im disoriented im living two second away from reality, away from lunicy. i smile contently because here is the only place i can be with her. the only place i want to be

walking
i walk at night when christian goes to bed walking for hours in the dark poorly lit backstreeets of hillcrest...trying to find something i guess...maybe myself maybe a memory...
voices always voices, they never stop, never let me sleep, never let me stop walking. Telling me im worthless, ugly. If i walk, i tell myself, they will go away they have to...
Im tired have been for days. Tired of living tired of thinking, tired of walking. my self deprication does not allow for any leway. if i stop i will go crazy, stay crazy...
I dream sometimes when i walk, dream of better places, golden feilds and smiles for days, the kiss from a dogs wet nose, a test of manhood down by the creek. did i ever know happyness like this?
I awaken still plauged by the emptyness but now there is more, im somewhere new......
White walls flood over my senses like finger nails on a chalkboard. how many days had i been here. i try to move but cant, im restrained. I know violence and stuggle will not release me from my shackles. ive been here to many times...i know the rules. Looking around i see the familiar faces, haunted, fading signs of humanity in their eyes. they will always be here, they are me.
next comes sleep....
a warmth smooths away the tears from my cheek. an image of a smile, the sound of her laughter and a sense of hunger for life washes over me. Im disoriented im living two second away from reality, away from lunicy. i smile contently because here is the only place i can be with her. the only place i want to be