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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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I feel incredibly full of guilt and shame. On my second day of acute withdrawals and just seeing my little boys face in a picture causes me to start blubbering. I almost lost him completely to DCFS and the adoption process 2 years ago due to my addiction. I managed to pull my shit together last minute and with the help of friends and family and my parents retirement fund got him back into my custody. Yet Lo and Behold as soon as I acquire some real self sufficiency I fuck up again and put my poor baby's reality into jeopardy again. I can go into his room and hold him close right now but I've spent the last two days showing him away and feeding him crap and putting him in front of the TV because I cant handle it. He isn't in danger and he isn't being neglected because ive been able to manage the bare minimum I just cant believe id endanger his physical and emotional security all over again. Wtf is wrong with me
 
^ just remember that what you are doing to get sober is the most important thing right now. He is not going to remember being sat in front of a TV or even being rebuffed for a couple of days when you were sick if in fact you get well and this is just a blip in his life and not a pattern. The stakes are high and you don't need to beat yourself up--you already know that. Just reassure him that you love him and try to explain when you need him to let you rest that it is because you feel sick, not because you don't love him. Nothing is "wrong" with you. You have an addiction and you are trying to deal with it. Just get support wherever you can--meetings, counseling, online. Don't think you can do it all alone--that is dangerous trap. hang in there.<3
 
Okay my lazy "brother" took things too far tonight. All I ask from him is to do some house chores and find a JOB! Is that too much to ask for? Ha all he does is sits around and plays online games, ignoring the whole world. He is a fucking squatter a moocher, he lives like a pig. And he had the nerve to push me from behind because I told him instead of playing games online to look for a JOB, what an asshole. I'm ready to disconnect the internet and go Wi Fi on my laptop. Maybe then he will get the point. Why did he have to move back to my parents house? I'm the only person with a stable job and I pay rent swing more than half the bill plus I take care of my 4 year old. I'm ready to move. / rant.
 
annachronism said:
I feel incredibly full of guilt and shame. On my second day of acute withdrawals and just seeing my little boys face in a picture causes me to start blubbering. I almost lost him completely to DCFS and the adoption process 2 years ago due to my addiction. I managed to pull my shit together last minute and with the help of friends and family and my parents retirement fund got him back into my custody. Yet Lo and Behold as soon as I acquire some real self sufficiency I fuck up again and put my poor baby's reality into jeopardy again. I can go into his room and hold him close right now but I've spent the last two days showing him away and feeding him crap and putting him in front of the TV because I cant handle it. He isn't in danger and he isn't being neglected because ive been able to manage the bare minimum I just cant believe id endanger his physical and emotional security all over again. Wtf is wrong with me
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You're doing the best thing for him by quitting. And you're teaching him that anyone can make mistakes it's what we do aboutbthose mistakes that matters. You can explain this to him some day when your life is sorted n he'll admire n respect you for changing your life around n for fighting for him, a lot of people so easily give up their child - you didn't. I know how it feels to have the threat of people taking away your child. I know that hurt n the stress that comes with that.
You're on day 2 - well done you.

Hiya Magic, long time no see - hope you're doing ok. How's your taper going? I keep meaning to drop into the thread to see how you n crampz are doing with your tapers n things xxxx


Evey xxxx
 
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I get so freakin' annoyed with retail upselling/marketing.

Employee: Do you have a store card?
Me: No thanks, I am not interested.
Employee: It will save you money.
Me: No thanks, I am not interested.
Employee: It really makes no sense not to sign up, you even get some coupons.
Me: I am in a hurry. Please ring me up.
Employee: Want to add some candy on for a dollar?

And then the cashier's tone changes and there's this mutual unspoken resentment because I am annoyed at the company policies and the employee is annoyed that the percentage just went down a bit. This stuff drives me absolutely insane, life should not be like this. JUST LET ME BUY MY STUFF AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE AND GO ABOUT MY DAY.
 
^^ Haha I remember when I used to work in retail I would have to make sure my cashiers were saying all the stupid crap that corporate required us to or else I had to snitch. The worst was the "secret shoppers" when someone would go around and pretend to be a regular customer and have basically a check list to make sure you're saying everything you need to, and if you don't they discretely fail the person then turn them into management. This one girl got fired because of a secret shopper. So stupid!!
 
RedLeader said:
I get so freakin' annoyed with retail upselling/marketing.

Employee: Do you have a store card?
Me: No thanks, I am not interested.
Employee: It will save you money.
Me: No thanks, I am not interested.
Employee: It really makes no sense not to sign up, you even get some coupons.
Me: I am in a hurry. Please ring me up.
Employee: Want to add some candy on for a dollar?

And then the cashier's tone changes and there's this mutual unspoken resentment because I am annoyed at the company policies and the employee is annoyed that the percentage just went down a bit. This stuff drives me absolutely insane, life should not be like this. JUST LET ME BUY MY STUFF AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE AND GO ABOUT MY DAY.
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Oh I hate that type of thing. I also hate being iut on the high street n having these people come up to me bothering me to buy this, that n the other. I'm very rude with them n just ignore them as I shouldn't have to be harrassed like that.
Then I was on holiday once in a place called Blackpool (horrible, horrible VILE place) n because I would play this stupid game the sales people were very derogratory with
Me. But Gawwwwd I was on HOLIDAY - not there to spend money on their stupid games to make them money trying to win a large teddy bear.
 
RedLeader said:
I once accidentally got into a conversation about genital piercings with a secret shopper. Was not fired, my boss laughed at the write-up.

But ya, employees hate doing it, customers hate hearing it, managers hate forcing it. And yet it continues on. It's an exercise in insanity.
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Lmao that's awesome.
 
People in harm reduction and recovery would be doing you an ill favor if they fed into you pity parties. addicts throw these parties looking for attention and codling. You a strong woman and need neither. Throwing a big self pity party Is you standard MO that always gives you an "justification" to drink heavy. Evel I have more than one DOC and so do you. You consume alcohol at times like this at a level that causes you to behave in a negative way you would not normally do and this has negative consequences for you but you continue to use it. People who consume alcohol for enjoyment do not behave in the manor that it causes you to behave like at times. I wold stop the denial game and add alcohol as a second DOC.

If you need suport for suicidal ideation then you already know there is a strong thread to post in so consider utilizing that thread when you need it. <3


Also your post should be in the vent rant thread so Im moving bothe these over there.. Just because you are upset does not mean you should just let vent rant post fly in inappropriate threads. ;)
 
Bad mouthing other sections of BL is really not acceptable.

If you need to vent say you're pissed, don't call out names/sections. It's just opening a door for members of those sections you are bad mouthing to come in and attempt to defend themselves leading to further derailment.

Everyone needs to take a step back.

Here, everyone have a look through this and calm down: 22 Adorable Before And After Pictures Of Animals Growing Up
 
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stardust.hero said:
This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Bad mouthing other sections of BL is really not acceptable. Eveli, please refrain from badmouthing other sections of the forum.

If you need to vent say you're pissed, don't call out names/sections. It's just opening a door for members of those sections you are bad mouthing to come in and attempt to defend themselves leading to further derailment.

Everyone needs to take a step back.

Here, everyone have a look through this a calm down: 22 Adorable Before And After Pictures Of Animals Growing Up
Click to expand...

Ok sorry
 
Oh man, listen to this...

I meant to stop by somewhere today and drop off a paper job application (I didn't research anything about them, as I am turning in many applications these days). So I went in and handed it off, but was immediately asked to sit down and meet with two people. Impromptu interview and whatnot, totally caught me off-guard. Anyway, I blew it out of the water. Both people seemed to really like me, I had a good few minutes with my handling of the English language. They told me that I should come back early tomorrow to meet with the big guy. Anyway, I found out after this interview that this company actually recently acquired an old company I used to work for. I had absolutely no clue that this had happened since I left. But the problem is that I was forced to resign from that company due to some bad decisions I made on the job. It was ugly. The good news is that I actually wrote on the application that I had resigned, but the bad new is that I'm now worried that if my name is passed to the corporate office of the acquiring company for some type of pre-employment screening, there will be a resounding HELL NO because of my bad standing with the acquired company. This sucks because this job would complement my current job with regard to schedule, and it's also very close by. It would be the break I need to gain some real financial traction.
 
I'm so exhausted, I'm loathing everything right now even my body is stressed out. As much as I love my coworkers man they shouldn't have gotten pregnant at almost the same time.
 
RedLeader said:
I once accidentally got into a conversation about genital piercings with a secret shopper. Was not fired, my boss laughed at the write-up.
But ya, employees hate doing it, customers hate hearing it, managers hate forcing it. And yet it continues on. It's an exercise in insanity.
Click to expand...

That made me laugh out loud.=D
 
stardust.hero said:
Bad mouthing other sections of BL is really not acceptable.

If you need to vent say you're pissed, don't call out names/sections. It's just opening a door for members of those sections you are bad mouthing to come in and attempt to defend themselves leading to further derailment.

Everyone needs to take a step back.

Here, everyone have a look through this and calm down: 22 Adorable Before And After Pictures Of Animals Growing Up
Click to expand...


Did I miss something?

None the less I'm tired, hungry and stressed.

Food...meh I just need to force it down my throat *gag*, I hate my eating habits:(

I love that link Stardust!!!
 
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this was the dream from what I can remember

it's triggering; potentially

NSFW:
I saw my ex. She wasn't doing well mentally. She was physically injured in a way that she explained (and I couldn't understand/fathom). But it all looked and felt so real.

All I wanted to do was to use in the dream and feel better and that part never came

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to want to comfort people you love including yourself and being totally unable to

It was incredibly depressing. All I wanted to do was to use. This time in my dream I had meth. I don't know why I keep dreaming of meth. It seems to be less infuriatng than suboxone to dream about. But anyways...

Part of me really does want to make sure that they are OK. And part of me realizes that situations like what I dreamed about are possible outcomes and I need to prepare to be able to deal with things like that, if I'm going to at least make contact.

Now that I know this it STILL does not make me feel any better.

All I am doing is grieving, and crying, and feeling awful. I hate this.
 
Awh CH, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to PM you?
Of course we can't tell you what to do and I am not really sure of your situation. So all I can suggest is that you look after yourself first. You've not long come off maintenance yourself so it's important you take care of you first. From what I have read off others who have recently withdrawal from maintenance / opiates, using dreams are quite normal and should become less frequent.
However with PTSD I don't know what best to advise and I would not want to suggest anything that may hurt / re-traumatise you in any way.
So what I'll say is I wish you all the very best and hope you are better soon.
I'm sorry that you are grieving.
And if you need someone to listen you're more than welcome to PM me anytime, ok?!

Evey xxxx
 
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