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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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^^

Quitting smoking is next on my list. I didn't wanna rush into it while I was still kicking dope.. but now I think it's time. I used e-cigs last time to quit and it worked well. Might give that another shot.
 
I was amazed after I kinked the methadone how little physical withdrawal there is to nicotine.. in my memories of when I had tried to quit smoking I thought it had all this physical withdrawals.. shit either my three month acute bezo methadone withdrawl put a new meaning to physical dependence or nicotine just doesn't have much.. one things for certain though.. it has one hell of an addiction. I have now been able to make it five months twice... and then the addiction fools me into starting again or into chewing this time.. and when i have relapsed on other drugs it not always the same.. some it takes a little while to become a problem, some it doesn't but with the nicotine.. its for sure with the nicotine its like boom and of to the races. smoking or chewing full bore with in three or four day from breaking down and having one. yeah im going to work this out.. this is a good time too.. never will be a better time really..
 
I bet you're glad for the 'laziness' lol hope you're able to get sleeping soon. Sorry wish I could advise of some meds but not sure of the meds in the US. Have yoj tried a warm bath before bed with a camomile tea? Not sure if that would work but it should at least relax you xxxx
 
Can someone clear my (work) Inbox it's full of inane drivel that the world could well do without...please
 
Dealer lets me drive all the way across town to his place, without telling me he ate the drugs I had asked him to save for me. Then I need *SOMETHING* so I'm stuck in a bind buying his filthy unspecified dirt... drugs/types I didnt even want. (usually get pharmaceuticals of known quality/etc)
 
all I wanted was an escape from reality and I get none.

I can only suffer
 
I love a lot about my job, but I hate having to work under management. I cannot stand being managed, criticised, made to do things in uniform ways with an entire team, and so on. It drives me absolutely insane when things have to be done a certain way, when communication has to be so fake and STUPID, when management won't admit to you that your way is better than the way it is handed down from corporate, and so on. Terrible day at work today, where I get blamed for mismanaging my time and projects, but in reality things only panned out that way because forces external to me made the situation disorganised and inefficient. Managers say smug things about needing to work better to get more hours, making you panic and feel like your job is on the line, like this will somehow motivate you. All it does it make me extremely anxious and prone to actually messing up on my own. It is extremely hard to work in a job that demands rigorous interpersonal and communication skills when you are an awkward introvert. I cannot seem to find any "recovery job" that I could do well in with my personality type.

If only someone would give me like 10k-20k to start up my own business, or at least some type of income-generating project. I have more than a couple ideas. I am well-educated. I know how to make money. The problem is that I need money to make money, and nobody - no friends, family, banks, etc - will invest in me because I am an addict with destroyed credit and tons of debt. And all of these ignorant people who say that "hard work pays off!" ...try living paycheck-to-paycheck, literally counting individual dollars, and tell me how I am supposed to save up to finance my ideas in an honest way. This is so very depressing, because I want to work on my own and do something that I like, but I just cannot seem to get anything jumpstarted, as addiction and collateral/legal/financial damage has really put me in a deep hole.

Can anyone relate to this?
 
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RedLeader said:
I love a lot about my job, but I hate having to work under management. I cannot stand being managed, criticised, made to do things in uniform ways with an entire team, and so on. It drives me absolutely insane when things have to be done a certain way, when communication has to be so fake and STUPID, when management won't admit to you that your way is better than the way it is handed down from corporate, and so on. Terrible day at work today, where I get blamed for mismanaging my time and projects, but in reality things only panned out that way because forces external to me made the situation disorganised and inefficient. Managers say smug things about needing to work better to get more hours, making you panic and feel like your job is on the line, like this will somehow motivate you. All it does it make me extremely anxious and prone to actually messing up on my own. It is extremely hard to work in a job that demands rigorous interpersonal and communication skills when you are an awkward introvert. I cannot seem to find any "recovery job" that I could do well in with my personality type.

If only someone would give me like 10k-20k to start up my own business, or at least some type of income-generating project. I have more than a couple ideas. I am well-educated. I know how to make money. The problem is that I need money to make money, and nobody - no friends, family, banks, etc - will invest in me because I am an addict with destroyed credit and tons of debt. And all of these ignorant people who say that "hard work pays off!" ...try living paycheck-to-paycheck, literally counting individual dollars, and tell me how I am supposed to save up to finance my ideas in an honest way. This is so very depressing, because I want to work on my own and do something that I like, but I just cannot seem to get anything jumpstarted, as addiction and collateral/legal/financial damage has really put me in a deep hole.

Can anyone relate to this?
Click to expand...

Yes, it fucking completely sucks.
I wasn't entirely in your situation but I feel you. :X
 
^Definitely can relate! Ok well I love my coworkers but the management sometimes is just crappy:!

Today, me and my coworker got a talking because management thought that we were the loud ones talking while working when it weren't us but the factory on the other side of the office. Yes blame it on two hardworking ladies who tries to get everything done/deadlines handed in time!

It's so pathetic that some of their relatives work in the same office (family owned business so that's a given) when most of them don't really work. The other aunt just watches videos on the computer all day and is probably getting paid more than I do.
 
neversickanymore said:
Good lord I have misplaced my phone and its outta juice and I have been looking for it for days. I get irritated at the amount of stuff I need to have on me at all times.. keys, phone, tester, insulin, wallet, glasses, change, source of sugar.. its just to much to stuff into pockets and I'm constantly looking for something.. and then I loose something while im tracking something else down.. it never ending.
Click to expand...

Time to get a man-purse?=D
 
I just found out that the sober living I'm at is closing down. I have until March 7th to find somewhere to live. Life on life's terms.
 
caseface99 said:
I just found out that the sober living I'm at is closing down. I have until March 7th to find somewhere to live. Life on life's terms.
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nooooo! Why? :(((((


Are there any other sober living places around? I know where I am at, there are lots of different houses, but it does take a while to get in, and IDK how they do it there, but there is interview process involved and so forth.

I hope this situation works out for you.. you are doing so well.. no matter what tho, don't let this knock you off your square!
 
^^ There's no other licensed SLE's in Berkeley, there are others in the east bay area but not close enough to my school to get to 8AM class on time without a car.

No idea what I'm going to do. Got a month to figure it out. Well, technically less then a month to figure it out because I need time to move and get everything set up and whatnot too, so I basically have to find somewhere within two weeks. 3 weeks at the absolute most. This is fucked. The owner has "decided its time to move on in his life." If he is shutting it down simply because he feels like it, as a personal choice, and isn't being forced into this, why the FUCK did he only give us 1 months notice????? Seriously, one month?!?!?

Fuck. Alright, I need to not get stressed over this. I got enough shit to stress about. I'll figure this out... I spoke with a couple of the other people who live here who have some clean time, that I trust, discussed possibly finding a place to all throw in and continue our own sober environment together. I really hope that works out, otherwise I don't know what I'll do. The only places I could afford without splitting rent with people will be in shitty/ghetto drug filled neighborhoods, and I don't want temptation outside my front door. :(

I suppose I'll need to start looking tomorrow. My dad also told me via email today that if I don't get a job in the very near future then I'm/he's fucked because he financially can't support me anymore. I knew the financial situation was coming, and thats my fault for not looking harder for a job - but now with the stress of needing to find somewhere to live on top of that... fuck. Not to mention the costs associated with moving... I don't have a car so I don't know how this is all going to work out. I'm having really bad thoughts about how to "deal" with the situation. I know how incredibly stupid acting out on any negative thoughts would be but I really don't like where my mind is going with this. Things were going really fucking well for me here, but now a ton of different aspects of my life are totally changing around and stressing me the hell out.

I'm still adjusting to being single and having nobody else I'm close to that I can talk to anymore, my dad is broke and I have to find a job within the month, I need to find somewhere to live get everything set up and figure out the logistics of moving all my shit within the month, I just started school and have to keep up with my classes during all this, and the last month has already been the most craving intense since I got sober 8.5 months ago and it's already been tough enough stay sober as it is lately,(I haven't really told anyone either) Now all this REALLY isn't going to help. :(
 
Omg case this is awful, so sorry that this is happpening. I think that if you all/most of you could get a place together that would be acr because you're in similar positions n will understand the importance of staying clean. I sincerely hope things work out for you xxxx


I'm glad I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I don't want to feel like this no more. It's nothing major but its bothering me. I havent had the hot/cold flushes in a week but my head feels heavy especially when i drink coffee (I love coffee n don't have no more than 3 a day). My homostais doesn't feel right at all. My moods seem to be everywhere.

Someone told me to hurry up out of the changing room today n i also burst into tears. And yesterday I felt slight sicky feeling (like you get when coming off a fast ride). I can't seem to lose weight NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY.

Sorry for whinging but this is getting me down now :(
 
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Wow Case that sounds like a bump in the road that can;t be avoided, I hope you get things sorted out, money worries are a drain.

I would think that being clean is going to help in getting some of these more practical things sorted though, best of luck to you.

Sounds like tough time for you Evel, hope you don't mind me asking but are subs the only meds you're taking ? apart from fatigue and a touch of nausea I haven't really had problems with the opiate pain killers I take but various ADs have caused no end of unwanted side effects.
 
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