Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

[gr33n3y3z]

^ Sorry that was me, next time I will take your order correctly! I'm a bad order taker just playing!, that sucks though I hate it when dumb shit just happens in sequence erghh.

 

[herbavore]

How fucking hard is it to take an order for two cheeseburgers, one normal and one with just cheese and lettuce, one soda, and one med fri. Since my kido only likes lettuce on his burger.. out of the last eight times I have ordered this it has only been presented correctly once. three times it has come out with no cheese.. If I wanted a fucking hamburger with just lettuce thats what I would order.. I wouldn't order a cheese burger with only lettuce as thats a hamburger with lettuce. In this particular instance the drink was not rung up and my double cheese burger came out with only lettuce as well. In a few others the burgers came out with everything and no lettuce or everything and lettuce. This was at eight different locations. How incompetent and unintelligent people can you get.

So I make this haircut appointment.. rush around to get there on time skipping a good dinner at my favorite pizza joint and end up eating a Mcdonalds Cheeseburger with just their paper like shredded lettuce in the parking lot of your salon. Then enter and you inform me that someone else is getting their hair cut at my appointment time. when I ask whats going on you tell me that the five o'clock appointment was really late.. and that you tried to call me, but never actually talked to me or left a message. Call me crazy but why the fuck isn't the clown who didn't make their appointment time asked to return tomorrow afternoon. Whey has there problem now become my fucking problem.. Why so many idiots in a row?

They forgot to tell you the Annual Idiots Convention was in town and a few of them escaped the idiotic conference and got hired at McDonalds?

 

[kace]

So sick of this, I wish I was normal, healthy and drug free. I am such a wreck. I hate you, benzos, for fooling me and I hate myself for becoming addicted to you and stupidly trying heroin to end my life and instead becoming addicted to that as well.
I wish my lungs weren't fucked, that I wasn't in constant pain and being so breatheless and fluey. Arghhhh fuckkkkk sake I just want this to disappear. I think death is far preferable to living like this. I have made myself a prisoner of my own room. I have fucked up my arms from burning and cutting myself from the benzo withdrawals. I suck so much for not being able to leave my house and get to the pharmacy, automatically ruining my subutex script and now I have nothing for the opiate wds.
Ugh, sorry I hate to vent this shit out of me. It won't get rid of the physical pain but helps my head a bit. I am sick of staring at a wall.
How do I make this stop?

Sorry, I know. Taper off. I am. It's not working. I just want to be happy. How long will that take after being clean off benzos and heroin? I am down to 10mgs a day of Valium- down from about 150mgs or something stupid. I smoke about 3 bags of heroin a dayish to get rid of the wds.

I searched for help with the benzos on google, and the first thread from Bluelight which popped up was my own, from 2012. Triggering much? Fuck man. I feel so stuck.

 

[Allein]

Hi kace, I'd wondered where you'd been

When I've tapered from Benzos, ( 3 X from daily intakes much like yours if not worse) I tended to jump ship after a week or 2 a 5mgs,. I never suffered anything close to s seizure during any of those tapers and they were all done in less than half the Ashton schedules. I just hated the
daily dosing, knowing it would give me nothing, I printed put the schedule and marked the days.

I think the Ashton schedule and a doctor would suggest going down as low a splitting the 2mg tabs, in my case I couldn't have gone on for much longer and just had to jump off the train of give in and end U)p back at the beginning of the line.

I've never had a serious problem with opiates so my advice would be pretty weak, from what friends and people here have told me subs as a replacement therapy seems a much better option than methadone, which is a substance seems worse than Heroin. Have you seen a drug abuse advice service recently ? I've been visiting one on and off for a bit, the original counsellor they gave me was pretty poor but a chance hour with another guy has really helped me start getting my drug use under some kind of control .

Hang on in there kace, you can make it and build a life where you have some comfort and contentment without having to rely on chemicals to simuate them for you.

All my best wishes, I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Kace, you really need to go back to your drug services and have another talk with you drug worker. You are using heroin again ergo there is no reason you cannot be given another chance at a subutex script.

Your situation seems not so far away from mine. At the end of last year I relapsed on benzos and in January translated this in to a smack habit as well. I was using around 200mg diazepam a day and a gram of smack IV (as well as drinking 8 cans of brew and smoking loads of crack). When I contacted my services I was put on 24mg subutex a day but told they wouldn't script me any more than 40mg diazepam a day. So ok, I went with it. Now, let's get this right, for most people turning up to a pharmacy to take subbies everyday is really easy, so just do it. We all know that the average able bodied person would walk barefoot through a mile of broken glass for a bag of gear when clucking, so just do it to get to the pharmacy. Honestly, after a week or so of doing it you will have settled in and it will just become second nature.

I wouldn't even bother trying to lower your benzo dose until you're stable on buprenorphine, for me getting stable on meds and away from street drugs was a really important step. Trying to fuck around with a benzo taper whilst you're using street heroin just doesn't make any sense. Get everything nice and stable and then start moving from there.

Anyway, I got myself down from 200mg diazepam a day down to 40mg really easily, I had only been using at that level for a few months so it was really easy to just lop big chunks off every day with some self control, I can't remember how long it took but we're talking weeks not months. I got put on a set benzo reduction of 5mg every fortnight down to 20mg then 2mg every fortnight down to zero. I got to 25mg of diazepam beffore some complicating factors came in to play and I actually decided to detox from my subutex so I was put on a freeze on my benzo script.

So, I've been on 25mg for maybe a couple of months or more now, but it's just a totally stable feeling now. Doesn't matter what time of day I take the benzos, whether I split them up or all in one go it has no noticeable effect other than to stop me being unwell. Three and a half weeks from coming off the bupe I'm just about approaching the other end, I woke up this morning and I don't feel great but I don't feel too bad either. Hopefully in a couple more sleeps, maybe even one if I'm lucky I'll be waking up feeling good. I'll be pushing for Ashton manual detox from the benzos when I see my key worker on Monday.

Anyway I guess the moral of the story is that you need (IMO) to introduce stability before fucking around with reductions and tapers and coming off substances. I'm not saying it can't be done, but getting that stability on the opiates was what allowed me to start moving forward with my problem. It's going to be really hard to do anything in a controlled manner whilst running around after smack. Don't be embarrassed to turn up at your drug services again. Be proud and say look I want to give this a proper go.

Good luck

 

[plmar]

Fucking pissed off annoyed and frustrated.
I hate socializing, hate parties, hate talking to people and despise being asked to do shit.
Leave me the fuck alone stop ruining my fucking day and emotionally assfucking me.

 

[The Chemist]

I wish my life would go back to how it was about a month ago.
I wish I knew where I was going to go on july first.

I just dont know what to do.
Or where to go.

I know I want to feel and be useful.
Right now I just feel useless though, and I do not understand why I am having a hard time.

Its outrageous, really.


I would just like to have a job and a place to stay.

 

[The Chemist]

Who cares?
Goodnight.

 

[Corazon]

I still can't enjoy the "journey".
I have managed to have some good patches of life in between the horrible patches. Completely beasted this month and got so much done and functioned at such a high level. Not a lot to show for it other than some progress and sharpened skills. I'm obsessed with reaching my goals and every time I think about the present, I think "this is fucking horrible!". I go from being engrossed in working at a high level until I am exhausted (like right now). Then I stop working and the horrible thoughts come in, during the time before bed.

I am trying very hard to think "rationally". I am working hard on my path. Great for me. Yay. What a productive day, etc...

 

[Eveleivibe]

Hiya people

I hope you don't mind but I've a few petty vents here LOL... Well first I checked the TV and due to the World Cup I can't watch Hollyoaks because it's clashed with another programme on my record list waaaaa not happy, anyho Sky Plus has Goodness knows how many +1 channels so I've found a recording of it for tomorrow, so all's good LOL...

Other is, well there was bin collecting day today and so I put out my bottle bin (for plastics, glass and mental) and I saw a man in orange looking at my bin and doing something with the contents of it - I only found that a load of my bloody coat hangers have been left there. I've always put my coat hangers in that recycle bin. How ANNOYING!!!!

Today has been one of those days where everyone has either P****D off or something has happened arggggg....

Well hope you're all doing good.

Evey

 

[phatass]

my youtube isn't working

 

[aq.]

How fucking hard is it to take an order for two cheeseburgers, one normal and one with just cheese and lettuce, one soda, and one med fri. Since my kido only likes lettuce on his burger.. out of the last eight times I have ordered this it has only been presented correctly once. three times it has come out with no cheese.. If I wanted a fucking hamburger with just lettuce thats what I would order.. I wouldn't order a cheese burger with only lettuce as thats a hamburger with lettuce. In this particular instance the drink was not rung up and my double cheese burger came out with only lettuce as well. In a few others the burgers came out with everything and no lettuce or everything and lettuce. This was at eight different locations. How incompetent and unintelligent people can you get.

now I want McDonalds #6, medium, NO PICKLE.

my ex, mr cookoo clock, ordered a burger with no lettuce once and all he got was a piece of lettuce between 2 buns :D

 

[BlueIV]

I feel like I'm failing at learning to take care of myself. There are so many areas of support for others, but I am getting totally shafted. Diabetics have so many fucking workshops and stuff available to them out there, and treating with insulin is no where as near as difficult as doing an IV, yet other than my appointments there doesn't seem to be any resources out there for me. My nurses are awesome, but most of the other staff and the system is a waste. I got one person in admitting to understand that having a hospital bracelet (for an outpatient clinic anyway) makes things more difficult, but now she doesn't seem to be around and every time I now have to have this conversation with a new person. WTF is the point of admitting anyway? My nurses work in a different area and don't know I'm there. I guess in reception one person used to page them when I got there. Lately it's been someone else and so I wait for over an hour because without that page the nurses don't realize I'm waiting.

The selfishness of the other nurses for those not in the training program is ridiculous. I couldn't get my own fucking table to mix up my drugs because they needed it for a timer and a chart for someone who didn't have to start her own IV and it was going. Forget about the fact that it took me 3 tries and I failed, that I have to mix up my med, that I have a chart and a log book. Her shit needs to be TIMED even though she has a pump and mine is a push.

I came here just looking to read some IV stuff hoping I could get some ideas to try next time or have a clue why I'm failing at this. I'm not finding anything today, just threads that are pissing me off. I know what people mean, but when I read that shooting up myself when not sharing is like having food and not sharing - fuck off and get over your health privilege. Maybe you shouldn't be rubbing your fucking health in my face. If I didn't have to do this to try to reach a moderate level of health I wouldn't.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

now I want McDonalds #6, medium, NO PICKLE.

my ex, mr cookoo clock, ordered a burger with no lettuce once and all he got was a piece of lettuce between 2 buns :D

That is because they know you make the baby jesus cry with your no pickle requests.

 

[Maya]

Just when I think that im going to have a happy week work kills the mood. Damn you work! Everything just went downhill thanks for all the stress you have given me this year now I am really certain that I will leave you next year.

 

[weekend addiction]

^It sucks too hate your job but that just means you have to have more fun on your off time!

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

^IME happiness with work positively correlates with contentment in life. unfortunately.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah I enjoy my job and the lack of job stress is a huge boon on my life.

 

[Maya]

^It sucks too hate your job but that just means you have to have more fun on your off time!

I would love to see my friends every weekend but that also means spending some money which I am trying to prevent due to my goal of paying off my debt by the end of this year.

^IME happiness with work positively correlates with contentment in life. unfortunately.

Absolutely agree with you, I was happier years ago doing this job but that's when I had support from coworkers who are now not certain to come back due to them giving birth. It is quite frustrating that there's so much on my plate and that I am the only one who can do most of the work because I am the last one who knows the computer program, and it is building so much stress on me because you have to always meet the owner's standards "you gotta finish this deadline this and that and oh you have to to this I need this by 2:00 pm"

Yeah I enjoy my job and the lack of job stress is a huge boon on my life.

When I met up with some of my friends last Sunday, I was so jealous of how they look so happy without having to vent about their work I realized that even if they do not have a high paying job, the important thing is that they can spend time with each other (they are a couple) and just enjoy every weekend which I am supposed to be doing, but work just ruins my mood every single time and I feel exhausted and anti-social because I am always having a bad mood.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Ahhhh I'm gutted. I've literally just spent an hour writing a PM to a member, full of thoughts, explanations, examples - and apart from a few paragraphed I had copied it just deleted. Bloody annoyed at myself for not saving it as I really put a lot of thought into that PM now I'm half hour late for my voluntarily work.
Will have to write the PM later but probably wont have everything I put n it was very important I wrote it.

Ahhhh ffs. Wish this bus would hurry up. And no im not texting to say im late. I texted her last week to say my daughter was in AnE with an ear infection that i couldnt come in reply

Evey