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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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Kace,
I hope you are alright by now. Please check in so we can know if you are safe and ok or if you need help. <3
 
took some of this tramadol i fucking hate for a headache, fell asleep of course and of course had nightmares. this time the old past traumas notch was really turned up as high as it could be, mixing a few things together. there's this fucking buzzing insect noise coming from somewhere off and on and it's driving me fucking insane and when i went to investigate i flipped over the fucking ashtray with my foot. all over the carpet. i just want to chain smoke before i can fall asleep again (to more nightmares? oh boy!) but i CAN'T FIND THE FUCKING NEW PACK and it's too late to go anywhere

i'm pretty sure i mostly only feel rage, resentment, terror, jealousy, and shame

WHAT IS THAT FUCKING NOISE
 
Ran into my dealers at the bus stop yesterday, yes dealerS. I've been trying to avoid them but its not working. They just keep reminding me that I can hit them up whenever and to call them cause they got me. Ugh, no shit. If I needed heroin I would of hit you up. I know you cut my price by a lot because I'm your "friend" or one of your "people" but I'm still a broke college kid. I need to be saving all the money I get. Not blowing money on bundles... However its getting hard to say no. Maybe I'll text you soon.
 
I am pregnant and i stopped getting high/drunk/partying and my boyfriend/the baby's father has slowed down alot on the drinking and partying but occasionally he still comes home really drunk and it really really upsets me!
 
Damn my nephew is a terror.. My sister doesn't do anything.. Other peoples kids are gr8 birth control..
 
Once a woman goes through menopause they no longer have periods or that time of the month right?
Meaning no PMS? I just had an hour long pseudo fight with my mom via text message. We spoke last night everything was fine. She's just really high strung but damn
I told her it ain't right for her to start shit with me at 7 am on the day of the lord lol. I've done nothing recently to piss her off. She worries constantly about me getting high rightfully so but she goes a little overboard sometimes. It wasn't right dammit. Not how i wanted my sunday to start.
I'm determined and confident right now i told her she's fucking with my chi. I have to be a little comical with her cause i think she just needed someone to bitch at and my disfunctional ass is an easy target.
I love her to death we talk every day it was just mildly annoying and out of left field today.

Sorry needed to vent somewhere about it
 
Ladies and Mothers don't take that as me disrespecting my moms.
I'm a total mommas boy lol I'll admit it.
I respect her and women in general it was just an odd little fight we had this morning.
 
SineWaveSoldier said:
Once a woman goes through menopause they no longer have periods or that time of the month right?
Meaning no PMS? I just had an hour long pseudo fight with my mom via text message. We spoke last night everything was fine. She's just really high strung but damn
I told her it ain't right for her to start shit with me at 7 am on the day of the lord lol. I've done nothing recently to piss her off. She worries constantly about me getting high rightfully so but she goes a little overboard sometimes. It wasn't right dammit. Not how i wanted my sunday to start.
I'm determined and confident right now i told her she's fucking with my chi. I have to be a little comical with her cause i think she just needed someone to bitch at and my disfunctional ass is an easy target.
I love her to death we talk every day it was just mildly annoying and out of left field today.

Sorry needed to vent somewhere about it
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Given I'm way to young for menopause, but I'm pretty sure the mood swings still come w/ the territory.
Then again, I've never looked in2 it either.
 
Still no heroin.
But I'm chilling with my dealer on Tuesday.
Please self control, don't fail me now.
 
sick of drunken histrionics. alcohol is no way for me to try to "relax." sick of every gross coping mechanism, for the matter. i'm counting on something i don't know the outcome of to stop this horrendous cycle and save the rest of my twenties. surely they must realize medication is better than this.
 
I need people in my life who don't get high. I need to start going to meetings again. I need to stop trying to be halfway in and halfway out of an addicts lifestyle. Why the fuck is it so hard for us to stop doing what we know is hurting us.
I know i can talk to people who don't use but the lifestyle is so attractive... despite me knowing the true depths of this disease
I'm just a lil sad and starting to loathe myself. And I'm keeping in contact with my connects. Trying to tell myself it could benefit me financially...yeah right
 
Seriously, fuck my life.

I'm sick of this god damn insomnia. I've been trying for almost a whole week, every single day, to get some bud. I use it to help me sleep, to calm me down when I get my anger fits. Every single day has been a complete failure. I'm sitting here, beyond frustrated. I want to break something. I have to be up for work in less than 8 hours and I'm nowhere near close to being able to fall asleep. Exhausted? Absolutely. Can I sleep? Nope!

Fuck! I'm so god damn pissed. I need a fucking steady reliable connect, I'm sick and tired of going through "Friends". Are these people even my friends? It all feels so...fake, like I have to chit chat and try to act nice and what not just so I can get what I want, Pot. I care for these people of course, but fucking hell they infuriate me because I'd help them out in a second yet it takes them hours, sometimes days just to get back to me.

This is no way to live...angry, frustrated, cracked out from sleep deprivation. Not even melatonin or sleeping pills can help. It's not fair.
 
J.Wallace said:
Seriously, fuck my life.

I'm sick of this god damn insomnia. I've been trying for almost a whole week, every single day, to get some bud. I use it to help me sleep, to calm me down when I get my anger fits. Every single day has been a complete failure. I'm sitting here, beyond frustrated. I want to break something. I have to be up for work in less than 8 hours and I'm nowhere near close to being able to fall asleep. Exhausted? Absolutely. Can I sleep? Nope!

Fuck! I'm so god damn pissed. I need a fucking steady reliable connect, I'm sick and tired of going through "Friends". Are these people even my friends? It all feels so...fake, like I have to chit chat and try to act nice and what not just so I can get what I want, Pot. I care for these people of course, but fucking hell they infuriate me because I'd help them out in a second yet it takes them hours, sometimes days just to get back to me.

This is no way to live...angry, frustrated, cracked out from sleep deprivation. Not even melatonin or sleeping pills can help. It's not fair.
Click to expand...
have you tried working out?

if I cant smoke, running and pumping iron until I pass out is the best way to sleep. if the mind keeps you asleep, try yoga and other mediation.
 
My mother seriously managed to put a hole into our apartment wall. I so fucking wanted to choke her... ugh but I didn't and that's why Im venting.... or else I would be choking her. It looks like this spot was however busted in before as well but just re-plastered and painted.... either way I'm still annoyed. Every little thing she does is getting to me.... I almost yelled at her that she is the reason I do heroin and I hate her. The thing is neither are true but I wanted to say that.
 
J.Wallace said:
Seriously, fuck my life.

I'm sick of this god damn insomnia. I've been trying for almost a whole week, every single day, to get some bud. I use it to help me sleep, to calm me down when I get my anger fits. Every single day has been a complete failure. I'm sitting here, beyond frustrated. I want to break something. I have to be up for work in less than 8 hours and I'm nowhere near close to being able to fall asleep. Exhausted? Absolutely. Can I sleep? Nope!

Fuck! I'm so god damn pissed. I need a fucking steady reliable connect, I'm sick and tired of going through "Friends". Are these people even my friends? It all feels so...fake, like I have to chit chat and try to act nice and what not just so I can get what I want, Pot. I care for these people of course, but fucking hell they infuriate me because I'd help them out in a second yet it takes them hours, sometimes days just to get back to me.

This is no way to live...angry, frustrated, cracked out from sleep deprivation. Not even melatonin or sleeping pills can help. It's not fair.
Click to expand...

I'm in the same position at the moment. I can't sleep no matter what I try when I'm sober. Exercise, (prescribed) sleeping pills, nothing works. The only option I have is seroquel. Which I'm not supposed to take at all, but it knocks me out for about 12 hours. I just hate the feeling the next 3 days I get form it.

Day 7 1/2, no sleep, starting to go a bit fucking loopy. I need someone to come through and get me a little green so I can just sleep. Urgh.
 
All I'm going to say is significant others!! They know how to ruin a good weekend that's for sure..it shakes my faith in ever finding some1 who knows something about unconditional love. Does the shit even exist for others who aren't ur own children? If it's out there I sure hope it finds me someday.. I miss feeling really and truly loved..
 
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